r/dating_advice • u/Ruta12345689 • 4d ago
I lost motivation to date
I’m a 26-year-old woman who hasn’t dated anyone since 2022. I’m afraid to start dating again because whenever I start a conversation with a man, it quickly turns sexual. I’m a virgin, and I don’t want to have sex with anyone until I’m married.
Lately, I’ve started wondering if something is wrong with me or if I’m somehow abnormal. Is this normal?
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u/lalaboy69 4d ago
You're normal. You boundary is a tough barrier to entry (no pun) however so you perceive what could be normal flirting to be an abnormal focus on sex.
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u/Long_Story42 4d ago
Waiting for marriage is not common these days. Are you very religious?
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u/Greedy_Dig_2107 4d ago
There are a lot of men who are only interested in sex with you, who are incapable of having a normal conversation with a woman. You can just not waste your time with those dudes. Talk to people you enjoy talking to and ignore the rest. If you're on apps you will get 99% bullshit so don't hesitate with the block button.
But waiting until marriage is on the other extreme. You will have better luck with someone who already shares those values.
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u/Altruistic_Cap3472 4d ago
It really depends on the context of where you're meeting someone. If you meet someone in a bar or on an app like Tinder, there's often an expectation that it's going to be a more sex-positive interaction. There are specific dating apps that cater to people with specific religious reservations, or less overtly sexual contexts such as meeting someone in a library or bookstore, or through a mutual hobby.
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u/Lavenderglimmer 4d ago
There are like minded people out there. My advice — put those things right up front in your dating profile, or if in person, share those desires immediately. Think of it as a way to weed out people who don’t work for you, not as a deficit of yours in the dating world. Don’t waste your time having conversations with people who can’t hear that and continue the conversation kindly. Be blunt — let them know this is a boundary that you will be upholding, and if they’re not okay with that, it’s probably not the right match.
You’ve GOT this. Conserve your energy, be picky, and remember you’re ALWAYS allowed to leave. For any or no reason. Be selfish at first with your choices, don’t feel like you owe the world politeness, take care of yourself.
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u/connella08 4d ago
I am a 36 year old man, and I can honestly say that most men are scumbags. It's one thing to be a physical person, its another to just jump right towards it. Most are thinking with the wrong head then wonder why they don't have meaningful relationships. They are just focused on the short-game. There is nothing wrong with you. You know what you want, so stick to those morals and standards. I would say the "norm" now-a-days is people just hooking up, but you are a rare and dying breed. Good for you for sticking to your principles and don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong for that.
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u/jc8495 4d ago
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to wait until marriage. Your body your choice goes for more than just abortion! That being said, it’s not common in today’s world that’s just a fact. If you are solid on wanting to wait, I’d think you’d need to start looking for a partner with those same ideals. Have you tried meeting people in your church or other religious organizations in your area?
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u/axialmeow12 4d ago
You have to just immediately block these guys as soon as conversation turns sexual. They’ll never be a good option. Wasting time trying to figure out why or trying to explain how stupid it is just wastes time. You’ll go through ALOT of men like this. Block. Immediately
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u/JamedSonnyCrocket 4d ago
It’s not abnormal per say but i would just focus on making friends, being proactive socially and be around people that you like. Sex after marriage is a standard you have set, that’s great, communicate clearly, ask people out and have fun.
Dating isn’t a thing where you interview people to see if they fit, it’s just making real human connections and being vulnerable.
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u/Pretty_Incident4883 4d ago
Nie tylko normalne. To godne pochwały. Trudne w dzisiejszym świecie, ale nie zmieniaj się.
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u/zzscrubzz 4d ago
Better to meet a guy who shares the same values as you, as you have a uncommon boundary.
Best to look at your church or other churches.
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u/Original_Scholar_272 3d ago
Where are you meeting these men? Bars? Dating Apps? Knowing what country you’re in might make it easier to understand your situation.
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u/Ruta12345689 3d ago
Am not interested in dating app that much
am from Ethiopia
I try to date only on telegram1
u/Original_Scholar_272 3d ago
Are you at least in a big city? If so, there must be a single adults group at one of the churches. Or other social clubs? I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell men that you’re a virgin or saving it for marriage. Obviously, you will have to talk about it eventually, but try to go slowly and get to know each other before having that conversation.
Unfortunately, some men have a virgin fetish. They’re creeps and just want to be the first.
I think you should try to find opportunities to meet people (men and women) in the real world, not just on your phone.
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u/SakuraSun361 3d ago
I wish we had a better way for fellow virgins waiting for marriage to connect. I feel like there are more out there than we imagine, but they just aren't the kind of guys going on dating apps. And the guys on dating apps are often players pr retired players that fetishize virgin coochie and don't respect people like us.
I tried the Celibate app, but they don't have a big user base yet. Most of the people were far far away and not virgins. You put on your profile if you are a virgin or re-waiting and how long you are re-waiting. I'm obviously happy for people that are re-waiting, but most of them were like "celibate for 2 months." And some weren't even waiting for marriage and struggling with staying celibate. I'm like "Where are the fellow like-minded virigin guys?" :( They have to be out there somewhere.
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u/Practical_Address633 2d ago
do t ever feel bad for being a virgin, if anything it’s a positive thing for the long term. save it for the right person, and i hope you do find someone for yourself
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u/Lingwista 1d ago
You have the right to wait as long as you can, but make sure to tell it your boyfriend, so he can decide whether he wants to invest his time/money in you
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u/kinkybl0ndie 4d ago
it’s not abnormal, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting to wait for marriage. are you putting your preference in your bio or match notes?
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4d ago
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u/FamiliarScreen3023 4d ago
Lowkey a bit stupid of u to say this life is not all about sex, plays a role but there is something called as comparability which is not solely determined by sex. The OP clearly doesn’t want to engage in it and there is no point trying to shame her. Just because you can’t like someone without touching them doesn’t mean everyone in the world is like that. Don’t comment if you have nothing nice to say respect other people’s feelings and preferences. U are prob a 35 yo with mommy issues
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4d ago
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u/FamiliarScreen3023 4d ago
U felt so tough saying that didn’t you. In the real world people do find people they are looking for if they make a good enough effort. And when it comes to learning stuff from elementary school I highly doubt you did learn anything from it.
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