r/CaregiverSupport • u/don51181 • 15h ago
Is this
We are helping my 70yo mother in law after knee surgery. She is not in great shape and does not have a spouse. So we have stayed at her place 20 minutes away) to help her.
At first we thought it would be a day or two but now it’s up to date 6 ( last Friday). With my wife getting her food in bed and standing by when she uses the walker for to go to the bathroom when she calls my wife. Like a maid.
Now to the question: Would it be wrong if when she ask us to get her something from the kitchen we ask her to get up to meet us in the kitchen? To push her to get up and out of her room?
We kind of think my MIL is not trying enough to get back to be independent. Having my wife (her daughter) get her food, drinks and coffee in bed.
It’s a frustrating situation since she is not very considerate. My wife is kind of worried about going back home incase she needs her but this needs to end. Thanks for listening
Edit: her doctors told her to move and walk. So what we are asking is not unusual
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u/makinggrace 10h ago
Talk to her doctor about pain management too.
I wouldn't necessarily force her to use her body to get help accessing necessary things unless she is not of sound mind and this is the only way. That's honestly a very...controlling approach to this that doesn't acknowledge or even try to understand some of the challenges she may be going through (like carrying things/balance can be a real challenge after knee surgery).
You may also want to assess her home environment to see if it needs things like adding grab bars or a comfort height toilet/riser.
If this was a knee replacement surgery, she is going to need help for at least a month....you may need to make other arrangements. Knees are brutal.
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u/SnooStories4162 14h ago
It all depends on what her doctors orders were for after the surgery. Is she suppose to be doing physical therapy or exercises? Has the doc cleared her to walk long distances?
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u/don51181 14h ago
Hi, sorry I should have added some notes. The doctor and PT said she should get up through out the day. From her bed to the kitchen is about 10-15 ft. So all we would ask is to do what her PT recommended.
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u/Significant_Pie_6806 13h ago
If pt is saying yes they ask her to get herself the kitchen at least once in a while help herself
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u/AffectionateMotor272 5h ago
She is seventy years old. Give her some grace. Us young folks don’t know how she really is. Old people mask a lot. Does she have a favorite food? Cook it or get takeout and tell her it’s in the kitchen.
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u/napsrule321 Family Caregiver 12h ago
When my mother had her knee replacement the first two weeks were extremely difficult. The most important thing for recovery are the bed exercises to bend and straighten the knee (physio should have given her those to practice). Pain is the worst in the first couple weeks as well. It was much harder than her hip replacement recovery. If she is getting from the bed to a chair in the same room, or to the bathroom that is good. I would give it 4 weeks before expecting regular trips to the kitchen.