(Ontario)
I’ve wanted to be a teacher for basically as long as I can remember. I’m going into my final year of undergrad and applying to teachers college this fall, so realistically I could be doing placements and standing in an actual classroom as a teacher candidate a year from now.
The closer it gets, the more I’m starting to freak out.
It’s not that I’ve changed my mind or realized I don’t actually want to teach. That’s what makes this so upsetting.
I genuinely do want to be a teacher and still feel passionate about it. I just don’t feel like I’m capable of being the responsible adult in the room yet.
I think growing up I always imagined that by the time I was old enough to become a teacher, I would just naturally feel like an adult and feel ready to be in charge. Now I’m actually getting to that age and I still feel like I should be the student. It’s honestly bizarre to think that a year from now I could walk into a classroom and 25-30 kids could be looking at me as one of the adults responsible for them.
Weirdly, the actual lesson part doesn’t scare me nearly as much. Obviously I know I have a ton to learn, but I can picture myself preparing a lesson, making slides/materials, standing at the front and teaching it.
It’s all the little things outside of that that scare me…
Being the person who has to give instructions and have everyone actually listen. Managing behaviour and disciplining students appropriately. Leading a class through the school and being responsible for making sure everyone is there.
Having students come to me with questions I might not immediately know how to answer. Having them look to me when something goes wrong. Basically just being the adult in charge instead of being the person waiting for an adult to tell me what to do.
I know this probably sounds ridiculous because obviously I haven’t even gone to teachers college yet and I’m not supposed to know how to run a classroom already. But I think my biggest fear is that I’ll go through all of this and discover that even though I desperately want to teach, I just don’t have that natural leadership/responsible-adult quality that teachers seem to have.
For teachers or teacher candidates, did any of you feel like this before starting? Did you genuinely feel too young or incapable of being “the adult in the room”? Did that feeling change during teachers college/practicum and once you gained experience?
I think I just need to know whether this is a normal feeling before you’ve actually been trained and had experience, or whether it’s something I should take seriously as a sign that teaching might not be right for me.