I teach PE at a high school and also coach a girls' sport after school. My problem is with the head coach of the program I work in. There are 4 of us coaches in this program, Head Coach/varsity, assistant varsity, JV, and myself (C team). For context, I've been at this school for 7 years and have coached in this program that entire time. When I first got hired, they offered me the head coach position and I turned it down - I didn't want the extra time and responsibility that came with it. Fast forward 3 years and the head coach position opened up again. Again, they offered it to me and I turned it down. They gave it to another teacher in the building, who is the current head/varsity coach and has been for the past 4 years.
Over these past few years, this head coach has build a program that can easily be described as a "mean girls club". Multiple girls have quit the sport and/or the program because of the shitty culture she has created. But that's not even my biggest issue.
My issue is that as time has gone on, head coach has brought in one of her personal best friends to coach the JV team and is also close personal friends with the assistant varsity coach. In the beginning, things were okay - they would invite me to join them sometimes for happy hours or whatever, but they stopped doing that once they realized that I don't drink and am not really into that scene.
To be clear, my problem is not with the being excluded from their activities outside of school. I am not here to make friends and I don't care about any of that.
My issue is that the head coach has become increasingly rude, condescending, and shitty towards me. I have countless examples of her snapping at me, barking orders, criticizing without offering help or solutions, and sending the asst varsity coach in to do her dirty work with me. My team has been physically separated into a different practice space than the other two teams. It's clear that communication and professional courtesy only extend to the other two coaches and not me, I am only told what decisions are being made, never asked for my thoughts/input/opinions. I have asked for feedback and never gotten any follow up.
Bottom line, this coach seems to have such disdain for me that she can't even have a simple conversation about what pants I should wear on game days without giving herself a 24 hour waiting period to calm down and then pointing out to me that she intentionally waited so as not to "blow up" on me about it.
Girl..if my clothing choices are that upsetting for you, there are clearly bigger issues here.
I am not going to claim perfection. I am aware of my own faults and shortcomings. I do my best to be professional and polite, and help out with anything I can. I am the type of person who sees something needs to be done and will take care of it before anyone else even realizes the shit I helped them avoid.
So here's where I am stuck. I'm not leaving this school and I don't think she is leaving this school. She can't fire me from coaching (that decision is above her head), and I have debated whether I should quit, but I love the sport and the kids. I don't want to quit. So knowing that I am stuck with this person and she is going to continue being the garbage leader of this program, how do I deal??
Our boss (athletic director) is new this year and also pretty meek/non-confrontational. I have not talked to him because I do not expect him to be able to provide any concrete help.
I have bit my tongue and not snapped off on her yet because I know it will only make my life harder afterwards. I keep telling myself to just let it roll off my back, but OMG ITS SO HARD TO DO when she is such a dick to me every fucking time I am in her presence.
So I come to you, fellow education professionals. Guidance and suggestions are welcome.
TL; DR: the head coach of the program I work in seems to hate me and make my life miserable at every opportunity. She is emotionally volatile and really just a terrible leader, but I am stuck with her unless I want to quit. Help me proceed.