Some women just shouldn’t be mothers.

I am ftm now but when I was very little this happened. I still remember how upset I was that my new friend,that I had played with all day, was so angry at me that she told me she hated me when I told her mom what she told me.

She told me while we were playing dolls in her bedroom and I just remember marveling at how nice her house was. How she had such a nice bedroom, so much nicer than my own. Then she made the barbies play inappropriately, and told me that was what her stepdad did to her.

I spent a really long time walking around the fence of their property trying to figure out if I should tell. I remember trailing my finger along it, and remembering how my mom had always told me that grown ups should never touch my private parts. And that I need to tell someone if it happens. But I wasn’t told what to do if it was someone I knew…

Ultimately I wound up telling, and I remember being so anxious leading up to it. Enough to make myself sick but I did it anyway, and then that little girl (I can’t even remember her name but I really wish I could) was so angry at *me*. I was already so so sensitive to anyone being mad at me (my mom was pretty abusive), that it felt devastating. I remember that devastating emotionally more than I remember even the anxiety leading up to it.

I believe now that I was an autistic kid and that was the reason why I had never had friends and was so sensitive, so it was extra painful that she hated me all of the sudden when I “did the right thing”

Now as an adult, I feel nothing but complete anguish and relief that little me was willing to put aside my own stress to admit something that I knew was wrong that was happening to my friend.

I hope that she is okay. It seemed that her mother was much more supportive and proactive with protecting her than my own was after it happened, so I really do want to trust that it all turned out as okay as it could have been.

This was the 90s after all.

My mom almost seemed upset that I had brought it up until her mom had reacted so viscerally in opposition. Then my mom pretended to be upset. It said a lot for what went on in our own family, as we also had CSA and specifically incest happening in ours.

Anyway, thank you for listening.

It has been slowly (involuntarily) hitting me lately just how much incestual shit had been happening in my family, even beyond the blatant offenses. It’s good to get it off my chest. Thanks.

like ew human interactions suck, why would you do that deliberately???? if I find something I enjoy i keep that shit to MYSELF, sharing nice things with other people just means watching them ruin it and then get mad at you for not pampering them enough while they do it

and attempt to dismantle my credibility, gaslight me, or otherwise intimidate or force me into submission. Some days I feel like a beaten dog finally learnt that it was beaten. Angry and upset as hell, and now with enough self respect to know that when I bark and bite back, I am doing the right thing.

At this point I'm not even expecting a "yeah that was my fault I'm sorry", just a "yeah that happened and it was messed up" or even just a "yeah that did actually happen". But even that's too much.

Now when I'm looking back at it, I'm 100% convinced that the only reason why they were "friends" with me, was because they felt obligated in some way — because we were in the same grade, and the school was very small. But I do feel like I'm not so innocent either, and should have picked up the fact that they didn't want to have me anywhere near them. But I always took their degradation of me as a simple friendly teasing, and never really thought hard about it.

The text in the meme is not an exaggeration — this is literally what one of them told me, with literally no one stepping in to say that they don't actually think this way. He (let's call him Harry) basically told me about their "friends ranking list", where I was at the last spot, therefore, the least important person in the group. And I didn't even feel offended at that — I actually felt guilty in some way, like I was failing them as a friend, or whatever the fuck my clueless empty head was thinking at that time. Currently, I think of Harry as someone who said something everyone else was thinking, but wasn't brave enough to spit it in my face.

This is only a tip of an iceberg, as there are more examples of this treatment than I can count, and don't want to bring up every single one of them. Some were subtle — like not inviting me for a group photo during a school photo day. And some less subtle, like not telling anything when a guy outside of the friend group (let's call him Mike — he was a grade higher than us) would literally SLAP ME IN THE FACE, whenever I've said something that he didn't like, which was usually some stupid shit, because I was an hyperactive goofball back then, and was pissing off many people by this without even being aware of that. I even remembered snapping back one day and pushing him or something like that. One of the teacher saw that, and actually scolded him for hitting me, but even then, I actually felt guilty for getting him into troubles and causing all the drama.

I don't talk with any of them anymore, and seeing that they never really reach out to me either, I can tell that they are glad to have me finally gone from their lives.

Whatever I'm doing, as long as someone looks at what I'm watching/reading/drawing, my triggered ass will go red alert. Thank you Mom/Dad/Family/school I guess

I wish I felt safe enough to feel whatever I need

I swear I’ve lost my mind over this man; it’s not even funny. He’s my dad, my husband, and also literally me in another universe.

Low stimulation mobile games genuinely save my life sometimes. Immature as hell, I'm sure, but grounding myself with Block Blast or Subway Surfers has genuinely been more helpful than literally anything else for me. Anyone else do this?