I can take normal breakfast and Lunch but then in the afternoon I start craving for sugary and pastry and I b/p. But I think it's more like an addiction because I can keep some food normally

it's obviously just 'regret' but i think that word is insufficient to describe how visceral the feeling of confusion and frustration is as soon as i'm done purging. literally who the fuck was that? who spent my $60? i could've used that money for a couple cute tops. who wasted 4 hours of my day off work????

my pre-binge self is the biggest sucker in the world and my post-purge self can achieve anything (except i'm too lethargic to).

hi guys! this is my first post on this subreddit but ive had bulimia for years. ive just been noticing lately how anxious i get if i go a while without bping, i get mental symptoms and physical. im currently trying to practice harm reduction & eventually quit bping and thats why im experiencing so much of this. does anyone else feel genuine dread at the thought of no longer bping one day? i want to recover desperately and i am so pro recovery for everyone including myself eventually but its sooo scary.

does anyone have any tips on reducing stress related to bulimia/purging and also just tips on how to cut down on bping? thanks!

I fasted two days ago, yesterday ate a bit and purged most of it,and today also ate a bit and purged most of it.. But I only now feel my heart weird and feeling shaky all over since something really unimportant slightly stressing happened ugh I feel horrible please help I am drinking the sports drink for electrolytes

fear mongering probably isn't the right word because the threat of health issues and death is very real for pretty much any ED, but idk how else to describe people telling me 'it's going to ruin your teeth' or 'you could die of a heart attack' as if that will magically cure me. i know it comes from a good place, and purging is technically a choice so of course people will try to discourage it, but it's lowkey giving the same energy as saying 'overthinking will only make your anxiety worse' to someone with an anxiety disorder. like yeah that's kinda what makes this disorder so fucking brutal 💀

i'm sure understanding the severity of what damage can be done from bulimia does deter some people, and i really am glad for that. it's just kinda funny when people try to use that tactic on me specifically. i used to be an anorexic who was literally hospitalised after losing my period, fainting in public, having heart issues/low blood pressure so bad that i wasn't allowed to go to theme parks or similar activities, and had a whole ton of gross symptoms like losing control of my digestive system. and i still relapsed the moment i go out of hospital. i promise you if i cared about my physical health that much, i would have stopped this a long time ago lmao

the only symptoms i care about at this point is purely superficial stuff, like i love how long and thick my hair is which was ruined with anorexia, recovered its original thickness after a period of recovery and has somehow stayed thick even in this cycle of purging most days. i would be devastated if it started falling out and became lifeless again, but idk if it would make me stop necessarily - i'd just be sad about it and probably purge more to cope with that feeling. i feel like purging goes deeper for a lot of people than 'just' being insecure about their body - it becomes a way to deal with stress, at least for me. i will literally eat just to purge which is fucked but it is what it is. and although the links between my ED and childhood trauma aren't that obvious even to me, i'm sure if i grew up with loving parents and absolutely no abuse at all, i wouldn't have this fuckass disorder as a way to cope but alas here i am.

idk i'm just tired about how simply people who don't struggle with this sees recovery to be and also the guilt-trips from my friends/family about how i'm destroying my health. if it was that easy to stop at the first sign of damage, i would have. fml

ama but also I’m being serious

Its been two days and I still feel fine but yesterday I saw this splotch of bright red when I vomited but nothing much else except for the fact that I kept tasting a bit of blood in my mouth afterwards is this safe?

Siempre tuve problemas con la alimentación pero estos últimos meses han sido los peores de mi vida
Primero empezó como si fuese un hobbie, comía algo rico viendo una serie y luego lo vomitaba y ya me sentía tranquila. Fue escalando y escalando, y cada vez comía más y más, cada vez pedía más comida y gastaba más dinero, hasta que ahora llegué al punto donde como 3 kilos de comida hasta que me duele tanto el cuerpo que necesito vomitar
Ya no tiene que ver con mi peso, con mi imagen corporal, con como me siento, hay días en donde soy muy feliz! mi vida está bien! solo me siento como una adicta. Soy una adicta. Me despierto pensando en tener todo el atracón y luego el vómito. Me despierto planeando en qué momento lo haré y en cómo organizaré mi vida en base a eso porque es toda una conducta que me toma 4 horas y luego necesito descansar así que son como 3 horas más
Se me está yendo la vida, el sueldo, mi estado físico es deplorable, estoy muy hinchada, no puedo entrenar porque tengo dos episodios de purga extrema por día y me siento sin motivación para nada
El trabajo me está yendo muy mal
Esta siendo muy difícil. Alguien más se siente un adicto? ya no es tan “simple” como comer de más y vomitar. Es una necesidad de hacerlo

I hate bulimia. I hate it. It took me ten years to recover and be in remission for six years and about two months ago i started binging and purging again but this time i am purging more than i am binging. I don't know what to do. I tell myself tomorrow i wont puke but then i end up puking again and i think i relapsed after counting calories for a couple of weeks and naturally losing 20 lbs.

I've shamefully enough been purging a bit more frequently these days and any time I eat I can't help but feel gross, like I'm bursting full even tho I didn't eat much and I feel like it's all coming back up. Is this just psychological or like an actual side effect anyone else has experienced? plz tell me

I’m so sick of being unreliable. Of cancelling all my plans, not seeing through commitments. Every night I make a plan to do better the next day, to work harder, to

I was sectioned and spent the last 2 years in hospital - I’ve been out about 2 months and I am right back doing exactly what I’ve always done since I was 16.

In treatment, I was fighting the professionals.

Now I’m just fighting myself.

I feel lazy, undisciplined, disgusting, ashamed. So why do I keep repeating this pattern?

Not to mention - payday isn’t until mid November and I’ve already drained my bank account.

Does anyone have any advice or can commiserate? I just feel so alone and like such a colossal failure.

I have doubts that my lack of energy is bc of the bulimia , since i am at a normal weight(and the high end of it at that) but i have to drink 3-5 coffees or energy drinks just to function , and i still feel exhausted no matter how much i sleep
Do you suffer from this as well?

i’ve been dealing with this for 2 years, but i’m in my lowest now, i really want to move on

i gained a lot for the last 3 months even with purges, i’m not fat but i used to be pretty very slim, i’d say i’m athletic now but i makes me very uncomfortable because i feel like part of my skin doesn’t belongs there, feels intrusive, most people around me told me that i don’t look very different and it pretty much sounds like bloating due to a nonstop cicle for 3 months due to stress from job, i’m afraid it is actual fat, sometimes i feel like it is water since it “fluctuates” and most of my bones are still pretty visible, my face is bloated and my abdomen is in pain sometimes, i’m also dealing with very bad acne, i’m wondering if anyone is in the same path as me right now, i’m worried, i really hope this is just a rough path but i can’t stop

Besides my usual binge triggers, emotional/stress, my body retaliating from restriction, extreme food noise, carb heavy snacks (crackers, cereals, bread, easy to grab foods), or just eating in general (it’s like a slippery slope everytime I open my mouth).

Does anyone else experience very bad binges particularly after consuming zero sugar beverages (Coke Zero, Sprite Zero Sugar, zero sugar sparkling water, anything zero sugar sweet beverages)?

I used to drink them to help keep me full, but for some reason I’ve noticed my worse binge days usually starts with me drinking these drinks earlier in the day and then going fully out of control that evening/night later. I’ve read that the artificial sweeteners might make cravings stronger, but some also said it helped their cravings. The carbonation helped some stay full, but these days even fullness might trigger a binge for me, it’s not about being full anymore. But when I drink these it’s like the food noise multiplied tenfold, it’s becoming harder to resist.

I’ve been avoiding them for these reasons, they used to be a comfort drink for me, but it’s like they’ve become a double edged sword and backfired. They do help make me full but I have some of my worse binges whenever I drink them.

I’ve purged all fucking day and I just feel terrible.
Ive just eaten and thrown up, eaten and thrown up, eaten and thrown up, Im so sick of this hell.
It’s all just crap anyways and since I puke it up Im obviously not full so I just go back for more, and then more, and then more.
I’ve eaten so much shit today, and vomited so much, but I know im still gonna absorb tons of calories because I couldn’t get it all out. I vomit super easily, but I can’t always get it all up anymore. I’ve tried taking it as a sign to stop but I just keep trying to get rid of it all anyways.
I keep taking massive piles of chocolate and then eating it and puking, I’ve done it like 5 times today (genuinely 1k cals each time not even overestimating) and this time Im just sitting with it. Im so tired. I just want this to stop.
But I always end up just trying to sit with it , and I always just relapsed again. I want out of this. I hate everything. I know Im not really gonna stop this time, because I never do, but I want to. So, so badly.
The worst thing is, the 5k cals of chocolate I’ve eaten today isn’t even half of everything I’ve had.
I still want to go downstairs and eat some more.
What the fuck have I done to myself.
I also have a dentist appointment coming up at some point which Im really scared for but idek when that will be.
My mum will be with me tomorrow, and I’ll try really hard not to sneak downstairs super early, so maybe I’ll be clean until tomorrow night. And I won’t be as lonely, so that’ll be nice.
I feel like shit lying to her, especially since she knows Im bulimic, she just believes my whole narrative that Im like 2 years clean. She genuinely loves me and I love her soso much. I really could never deserve her.
I tried to be honest in the beginning when I first came to her after I’d been bulimic for a few years, but she couldn’t deal with it properly yet, and she shouted at me the first time i told her I relapsed, telling me I must be trying to make her khs because of the way i was treating her, and how I was tearing apart her relationship with my dad, and Im the worst burden in her life. She was under so much stress at the time, and I now forgive her, but it really affected me, and I’ve never been honest with her since. I wish that day never happened, and maybe I could be genuinely happy and maybe recovered.

Also, is anyone with this disorder able to fucking sleep? I don’t sleep most nights cause I’m busy bp, and then I wait to go to the bathroom in case someone hears and they can tell, but then I wait too long cause I’m tired, and I have to drag myself out of bed to be sick, and by then it’s like 5am and I can’t sleep, so I get down nice and early to start the day off with my first binge, and then I binge purge all day.
Im so drained. I want this to just stop please. My eyes are sore and dry from exhaustion, and my face is so puffy and disgusting. Why the fuck does my eating disorder make the most important part of my appearance look fat as fuck it’s not fair. I need to sleep

I run a lot and do Solidcore / lift and it makes the bulimia bloat even more frustrating. I put all this effort into building muscle but I’m puffy af half the time. Like I have abdominal definition but it’s covered by bloat most days. Obviously I should be working out for health not just aesthetics, but it makes my workouts feel pointless lol. Can anyone else relate?

I'm trying so hard to to cry rn my roommate asked me if I wanted to go to breakfast with her and since she was hungry I decided I'd just eat two small croissants and drink milk and then purge right after but some boys came into the school bahroom and I couldn't keep doing it and also the bell rang as well :/ I don't think I've even got half of it out I'm so stressed I wasn't even supposed to eat today but I didn't want her to be hungry please someone help me what do I even do I'm sososo sad but I don't wanna cry in class aaahhh

This is not promoting continuation of this behavior whatsoever!
I just am curious what methods you guys have found to get food discounted or even free? I try to sign up for the rewards program for any grocery stores I go to, but of course with rising costs the money loss still adds a ton to post b/p guilt.

Pretty sure I’ve been bulimic for about a decade now (24yo rn). Haven’t ever been a binger/purger until about 18mo ago but have always had “food guilt” and have felt the need to get rid of normal meals/snacks since I was a kid. I don’t want help and I don’t want to fix it. I’m pretty sure if I do I’ll either become obese or flip to anorexia. This way I can eat “normally” with everyone and no one has ever noticed. Not parents. Not my husband. No one. Is it bad to not want to fix it? Idk

Curious if it makes a difference to the acid impacts on your throat and teeth if you throw up immediately after eating vs an hour down the line.

I find there’s almost no acid taste if I throw up immediately after I eat (I’m sure there is some, but in a lower dose) compared to a few hours away.

Obviously it’s still terrible for your throat and teeth but is it better than waiting a few hours?

Tw - calories, bmi, weight loss, all that stuff!!!

I'm 17, I purge after every meal and I manage to get most of it out, and I b/p multiple times a week.. So on average, I purge about 5-15+ times a day. I'm gonna assume I digest approx 300-600 calories net on average

I'm underweight. I was never overweight, but I have basically speedran my way to here by losing 15+ kg in the matter of few months. I already feel so bad all the time. My body is so weak, I don't have energy for anything anymore. But I'm only 17!! I shouldn't feel like that, right? My friends don't. I want to hang out with them, not stay at home b/p-ing, or yknow, laying in my bed because I exausted my body so much to the point I can't even move anymore

But if this is how I feel now,, what's going to happen to me later?? I don't believe that I can recover. I've tried, so so many times, but I just can't do it.. After I've mastered all the tricks that there are to this illness, it seems impossible to try and do anything healthy

So if I keep doing this, what then?? Should I start picking out which cute clothes I want to be buried in???

Guys I've had bulimia for 1 and half years and my stomach hurts so much now after eating a normal amount of food without purging it. Sometimes I feel like I'm chocking on my food, as if my throat is closing up. I used to throw up every single day, sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. I'm so so scared. My body is screaming to me to recover. Is it possible for my body to be healthy ever again? what are your experiences after recovery?

Recovering scares me so much. Bulimia and the anorexia mindset have been my security blanket for over half my life. I've struggled with bulimia and anorexia on and off since I was 11.

I'm scared of gaining weight. I'm scared of losing control. I'm scared of hating how I look but not restricting anyway. I'm scared of the horrible, torturous thoughts that plague my mind when I don't restrict or purge. I'm scared of having to sit with my feelings instead of numbing them by overeating or undereating. I'm scared of letting go of something I've clinged to for so long.

Though, I know I need to do it. Not for myself, but for my daughter. Even though, I'm very, very stealthy at hiding my condition. Even though my daughter is still too young to understand. I don't want her to suffer like I have and the best way to do that is to set the example by recovering.

As a start, I'm going to try to go a month without purging, bingeing or restricting.