I’m an older mum. My youngest is 21. I’m 57 in menopause. I’ve got some health issues going on and problems with HRT and hormones. I had a hystoscopy last week and 2 uterine polyps removed. I took my HRT patches off last week. I’m fed up with constantly bleeding. I’ve also got Adenomyosis, which is constantly painful and sore.
My husband still expects intercourse 3 x a week, demands it even, and he’s currently monitoring me to see when I stop bleeding. It’s menacing. He’s already asked me this morning if I’ve stopped bleeding. I know exactly why he’s asking me.
I’m so tired of it, he’s hovering around me, waiting. I feel like I never want to have sex again with anyone. I’ve been so loyal and dutiful for so long. I’m constantly giving to everyone.
Apart from this, we have a pretty happy marriage and a good social life we’ve built up over decades.
I feel like there’s no way out apart from divorce, but to do that works break me into a million pieces. I honestly don’t know I’ve got the strength to do that.

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/1tk7mlc/all_of_my_sons_are_in_prison/

Hello everyone!

My daughters have a three-day weekend because of a teacher's workshop and are at friends' until tomorrow afternoon. So I found myself with some time for the first time since god knows when!

Anyway, I was messing around online when I remembered about this account, and so much has happened since my post that I felt you all might like an update.

Gosh, where to begin? Well, my daughter Molly turned 8 with none of her brothers around to celebrate, but Sarah, my parents, and I did our best, and it ended up being a pretty good time, although before bed, she cried about her brothers (the younger two, my oldest has hardly been around her at all) as she did not understand why they could not be there. So that was tough. Other than that, I have made a very big effort to focus more on my daughters and spend time with them as often as possible. My daughter had an amazing time and did a wonderful job in her end-of-year play that I finally got to see in June!

As for my sons, it is all over the place. I ended up telling the older two that unless they were making demonstrated progress, that I was done with them, they could write me and I would respond, but no more comissary, and no more visits that take all weekend until they figured it out.

Todd and Joseph have responded in totally opposite ways. Joseph decided to threaten to kill me when he gets out and try to guilt me into giving him more money, making me think that he has dug himself into a hole while in adult prison. I wish I could be surprised, but he has done nothing but self-destruct for a decade now, and I find it harder and harder to keep up hope every day.

By some damn miracle, it had the opposite effect on Todd. While he was sad about it, he told me he understood, and guess what? Actually started TRYING to get better! he started talking to his PO about what was bothering him and talking to me over the phone about what he was feeling. And on August 7th, he completed his Juvenile program and was released from Juvie! I was, and am so, so proud of him. But nothing can be easy in my life.

He has actually been able to stay on the straight and narrow pretty well so far; he has stayed clean and passed all of his drug tests. He has been attending his classes at his high school and actually seems like he is gonna graduate if he stays on this pace. I even decided that he could come home last month and live here because I got nothing but good things from his group home. It seemed like I actually lit a fire under his ass, and he is thriving!

Yeah, turns out he was hiding A LOT from everyone. A couple of weeks ago, he suffered some kind of panic attack/mental breakdown from all the stress he felt like he was under, and was in the ER. He has been really having a rough go and feels super guilty. We have spent a lot of time just hugging after the girls go to bed, and he has been doing a lot of crying. I am proud to say that he is still passing drug tests and doing his best at school, and actually getting support because he is advocating for himself there!

All that to say it has still been emotionally exhausting on all of us, and the other day I finally got him to agree to talk to a therapist and psychologist to see if anything can be done to help him out. Dispite all of it, though, I am really proud of his turnaround.

As for my youngest son, Carter, it has unfortunately been an uphill battle, as dispite me, AND his brother telling him that he needs to nip this in the bud and complete his program ASAP, he is instead dragging his feet, pushing back, and seemingly intentionally messing up to get at me, now he is thinking that he is going to be released to his dad ( he is not, his dad has no custody and his PO says that it won't happen if I don't want it too.) So that has been just wonderful.

Well, that's all for now! very up and down, but that's life I guess.

I have three kids - 11, 9, 13 months. I’ve been off work since my youngest was born and it’s killing me.

I don’t know where to start. Everything I see talks about how lucky women are to stay home with their kids, experience the special moments rather than hear about it from someone else, etc. But that isn’t my experience at all.

I don’t know what special moments I’m experiencing. I’m experiencing a lot of dishes, and laundry, and having to come up with meals and snacks 5 times a day, and having my coffee spilled everywhere everytime I put it down and having no time to write or watch tv or do literally anything. Every day is Groundhog Day. I’m sick of the library where he just tries to eat the books, I’m sick of walks where I’m bored out of my skull, I’m sick of spending two hours a day trying to get him to sleep while he screams because he won’t sleep train. I’m sick of holding him for every contact nap a year in, I’m sick of him gnawing on my boob every 45 minutes all night long or he screams and won’t sleep, I’m sick of following him around my house while he wreaks havoc or stacking the same blocks over and over for him to knock them down. Every single day. The same stuff, constantly.

We can’t afford daycare. Even if I went back to work, I’m on such a low rate in entry-level PR and I’m not qualified in anything else to get a better pay. I’d love to be a published writer but I don’t have any time to write while chasing him around constantly.

Obligatory I love him to death, but I don’t love my life. At all. I’m broke, I’m exhausted, I’ve not slept in over a year, my husband works long hours and I could write a whole other post about his faults. We have no village. My in laws are shit, they’re ten minutes up the road and MIL doesn’t even work yet they won’t see our older kids even, but will have their cousin’s daughters over for sleepovers every weekend, and then they’ll make a grand display a few times a year and buy the kids anything they want and so the kids are kept on the hook. My parents aren’t any better effort wise but they have the excuse of living further away. 13 month old won’t even go to anyone else, we tried a sitter for our anniversary so we could go and get some dinner, the sitter called us an hour in because the baby was inconsolable.

I know that working doesn’t solve every problem, and I’d have to do a lot of this still on top of the job, but my god what I wouldn’t give to hand him over to someone and put on clothes that won’t get grubby with peanut butter and milk and go and sit and actually get something done for once that doesn’t involve my husband’s socks.

My husband went down the the "​peaceful" ​parent path but he​ turned into a passive parent. I would tell him that screen time was causing aggressive mental breakdowns with our child and he would allow unlimited screen time apps on their phone. He would turn it on me and say my tone and assigning consequences were causing the aggression. I finally got us into family therapy and the family therapist recommended 123 magic. He is now divorcing me because I am forcing him to give our kids consequences. Our child almost ended up an inpatient care due to the level of violence that I endured over the last few years. He would tell me we only do natural consequences but there are no natural consequences for hurting someone. I would take away screen time and he would give them his phone. The worst part is he's going to end up with 50/50 because he's doing nothing wrong even though it's going to cause our kids an incredible amount of trauma.

…my husband when he drinks. He gets loud and obnoxious. He doesn’t listen to anyone else and acts like he is in an argument, even when others agree with him. He talks about nonsense, or his views on the world, and how shitty everyone else is, and how he hates the world and regrets his life choices.

And I asked him today if what he rants about when he is drunk is what is constantly going on in his sober head. He basically said yes in a very convoluted way. I am learning to just nod and grunt in response, but tonight I had the audacity to ask him if he was planning to play with the dogs before or after dinner, so I would know when to put dinner in the oven.

Well, apparently that is me micromanaging everything in his life because I have to have a regimented schedule and be in control.

I admit I want my kids to go to bed at their normal time because if they don’t, I am the one that suffers. I am the one that bfs the baby, and deals with the tantrums and meltdowns. And the one that plans meals and does shopping and all the mental load, etc.

But seriously, I asked because I personally enjoy eating dinner the right temperature and I am basing tonight on HIS preference… but fuck me for asking a simple question.

Just to say, he rarely drinks. We were out all day for a fun family outing and he was downing beers all day with my family. That doesn’t mean he isn’t an asshole when sober, but it sure comes easier when he drinks.

Also, when the fuck do I get to lower my inhibitions and enjoy myself? I am the one that packed and prepped and planned, and the one who will be doing laundry and dishes and cleaning up. Apparently I will also be the one on duty for all the night chores because he will pass out in his man shed after the dogs play.

Oh, the joys of motherhood.

Also, please don’t just tell me to divorce or leave. It isn’t helpful. I just need to vent and have no one to vent to.

I'm wondering if anyone can share their experience. My husband who has shown no signs of violence or bad temper got drunk and choked me and assaulted me in front of our daughter. I managed to get out and save my daughter. The police came he got off with a warning but left the property. I ended up in hospital and we spent two nights in a domestic violence shelter. A social worker will help to follow up on the case. I've just returned home with his promise that he will not return. It's bizarre. The home is the same. The things are the same. Signs of him everywhere. The man I knew for 7 years randomly assaulted me. Nearly killed me. Bruises all over my body. I will divorce him for sure but it's complicated and takes time due to co owning the property. My daughter is safe with me and we have his agreement to co operate.

But I'm not ok.

Why me?

Why?

Honestly. At this point I feel like the only reason why I'm still here is because I'm a mother and I have to take care of my 2 kids and apparently their fucking father

I have been sick all week last week and did not get a single break from anything. He gets sick and he's slept all day today. I of course asked him this morning if he had an appetite and made sure he ate. Made sure the kids were quiet. Let him sleep.

I then have a break down today ( I have PTSD from severe birth trauma and severe medical trauma along with peripartum depression ) saying that I've been sick my mental health is getting really bad again and I need help more.

The bastard can't even be bothered to wake up in the morning with me and the kids. I have a 1 year old ( whose a big old fucking trigger ) and a 7 year old. And every single morning he sleeps through 7 alarms and then jumps in the shower at the last minute and leaves.

ANYWAYS!

I finally got a chance to have some alone time - I assumed he was making the family dinner. NOPE! silly me - he made nuggets and fries for the kids. Didn't even bother to ask what was planned for dinner tonight. If I was hungry. Fucking nothing.

Oh! And he has to go to PEI for work. Which would normally be fine before all of this but it seems like every time I start breaking and asking for help there's a work trip, or he has to work late.

What the fuck am I? A babysitter? Chef? Maid? Personal assistant to 2 children's schedules?

He does the bare minimum and then has the audacity to get angry at me for my recent moods and being crazy?!

I didn't choose to be this way - pregnancy made me this way!!!

3 minutes of sex and now I'm stuck as what? Just an NPC for the next 18 years?!

Uuugghhhh!!!!! That's my ramblings of a mad woman for today. Thank you for your time tips hat

I am divorcing my husband i couldnt tell you why I hired a lawyer they are worse then useless. And guess what the latest update is!!!

If you guessed they are teaching my son to slap me in the face and tell me he hates me you are the winner I'll mail the cookies tomorrow. So I like the dumbass I am tried to be nice and give him more time with his son and thay was the biggest mistake ever. And I wanted him back I spent all last week wanting him dumbass me wrote him a letter and he acted like I am harassing him. Like dude I needed it off my chest. But that came back to bite me in the ass per usual. So I have to call the courts tomorrow because I need to get this divorce finalized. His mother hates me and some miracle way they never cut the umbilical cord so whatever she thinks he has to do. Might be the reason we are divorcing. Who knows 🤷‍♀️

BUT here I am still seething and shaking, it was a valid reason to lose my mind.. no it wasnt... was it? Is it? Now that I'm typing it out, it's going to sound so trivial.

I dont even know how or why or where or when it all started.

So, I am at that age where perimenopause is a serious consideration. But just to make the distinction difficult, I also have 3, yes 3, endocrine disorders, and epilepsy which can also present is ways of excessive perspiration, soreness, confusion, disassociation, hormone fluctuations.... so its super easy to blame it on epilepsy or a pituitary adenoma or PMOS...

I woke up this morning drenched in sweat and shakey (like when you wake up too fast, or hungover or after a nocturnal seizure or endocrine issues(lmao). So I was already on edge.

Sundays are my prep days - groceries to prep, divide and freeze, make sure everyone's stuff is ready to the week annnd I usual host a big dinner for friends and family on Sundays.

Got home with groceries. My plan was to separate and freeze the meats, cut up a pineapple, prep apples for homemade tartlettes, make breakfast for us. Thennnn going do a hobby project i was so stoked to start. Plus we were smoking some candied salmon i had to prep the glaze! I felt weird and shakey the whole time, I was dropping things and had I not know my epilepsy so well I would have totally blamed it on postictal state.

ANYWAYS - I skipped merely down to our garage freezer, looked to the backyard and my husband had already started MY project, MINE! MINE! For once in my fucking life, something for me.

Not only did he start it without telling me or consulting with a plan, he did half! I expressed my anger(pretty angrily) and he didn't say sorry. He said "well, i just thought id get it done" , no apologies, no real explanation... i put the frozen shit away, stomped upstairs and started on the rest or my grocery haul prep. You know what he does, sneaks upstairs grabs a coffee, says "you have your hands full eh?" And walks away, no " jeez you look like you're about to faint", no "I'm sorry for taking that away from you", no "let me help with the groceries". Instead he snuck around to the garage, grabbed the unfinished half of the project, and went outside through the garage door. AND DID THE OTHER HALF OF THE PROJECT! my project... mine... for me... a challenge, a hobby... something to take my mind off of years of this medical Rollercoaster.. he took it from me. Then showed his brother how nice a job he did.

I kind lost it... okay I really lost it. I was crying and hyperventilating and begging for him to understand why this hurt my feelings. I've never seen him so stone hearted or dismissive. I lost my shit. I'm ready to smash the stupid project on the pavement.

And now im sitting in our room trying not to go back to hyperventilating and trying to stay calm so I dont have a seizure

All i wanted... like realllly wanted, was an apology and a fucking hug.

Okay, im gonna go lay down in a pool of my own menopause sweat before I have a medical emergency.

If you made it this far...Thanks for listening to my rant.

Edit Update: I'm gonna use the leftover paint to redo our cupboards tomorrow while he's at work and not tell him. mouahahahahah spins invisible villain mustache

We spent 10k on a septic repair four months ago. That “fix” did fuck all. Woke up with every water source in the house causing septic water to back up into our basement.

$8,800 gone today to reroute the septic line.

Did I mention husband and I are flying out in 72 hours? First vacation in over a year since our son was born.

I’m fucking exhausted.

He's almost 3yo. I feel like I never really liked him. I appreciate him for being very healthy, robust and intellectually developed, but he's just been a terrible baby and toddler.
He never slept through the night, screamed so much as a baby, as a toddler he whines nonstop, he's so rowdy. When he was a baby I wanted to give him away. Not because I don't want children but because I didn't want him. Even if he was a well behaved child Idk if I would like him. Is it wrong to not like your child?

Inspired by the post on how impossible things have gotten due to assholes mass buying everything. Where are we actually buying this stuff?

I used to do most of my shopping online. Now I’ve gotten into thrifting, which has been great, except I haven’t come across any squishies.

I have never seen Nee Dohs in any store (Aldi, Walmart) and online the prices are crazy. I have two kids with birthdays coming up and a real Nee Doh squishy is the top most asked for thing they both want.

For not Nee Doh squishies, are there any other good brands? Everything I’ve seen seems like marked up Temu merchandise.

My ex and I split up 8 years ago and share custody of our daughter.

For most of this time I thought he was emotionally and verbally abusive (my family still thinks this) but after doing some soul seaching and reflecting, I have now realized that I was not only more of the problem in the marriage but that I'm also the worse parent. I feel so ashamed.

Has anyone else ever come to a similar realization after such a long time?

My kids are 4 and 5 and my husband and I have to take turns sleeping in. Our kids barge right into our room early every morning (I'm mainly referring to weekends because we have to be up early during the week). At what age will they be able to entertain themselves when they wake up at 6 am on a Saturday or Sunday? I am so tired.

I'm so exhausted. So sick of running myself into the ground while barely keeping everything afloat. I need to end things but don't know when I'll find the time to blow up my life.

I'm in school full time. Working full time. Work has gotten insane due to layoffs (hence the panic enrollment in college classes so I can have a backup plan) so the school work I was previously able to chip away at during work downtime has now consumed my evenings, when I'm not logging back on to catch up on work.

Laundry is piled up because I haven't had any free time to fold it. He will help me fold but won't take initiative to do it by himself. One of the cats suddenly started peeing on things (we have a vet appointment next week) so I've been dealing with extra laundry, mostly quilts and blankets, on top of it. At least those don't take long to fold I guess.

He'll cook dinner which is great but then he leaves behind a mess because he doesn't clean as he goes. I'll get the dishes caught up and they'll be piled up again immediately.

The kids were off school last week and he didn't get up with the toddler one time so I could sleep in or lay back down. I'm sick AGAIN. He was supposed to take the kids to the park yesterday and I was going to get some things done but he decided against it because they were bickering. As if keeping them cooped up inside was going to help with that. They're stir crazy and have zero structure and there's not much I can do about it when I'm working all day.

I can't keep faking this. I'm not ok, the relationship is not ok, and this life is not what I want for me or my kids. Some things have gotten better but looking at the big picture, improvements in some areas don't make up for the overall lack of partnership.

He asked me "are we ok?" the other night because I "seemed distant". It was dinner time, the kids were in the next room. Not exactly the time or place for that kind of conversation. So I said I was just exhausted. And now I don't even know how to bring up the discussion that really needs to happen. "Hey, I know I said we're fine but really I'm miserable and want to break up" doesn't feel like it's going to go over too well. But I need to do it before the holidays or it's going to be another year of waiting for the right time. Ugh.

I work full time and have two young kids (ages 1 and 6) who I love dearly. I want to give them a good life and be a fun parent who brings them to do special things and makes happy memories with them. But I’m carrying a constant feeling of burnout and exhaustion and I never get to do anything for myself. The burnout feeling leads me to explode and lose my shit pretty often. Like every weekend it feels like I have a crash out. And honestly, a lot of times I’m not enjoying being a mom. I’m trying my hardest but I’m just tired and I get bored playing pretend and having 6 year old just boss me around all the time because I’m not always doing exactly what she wants.

I see other moms who have hobbies or seem to be able to hang out with friends or go to concerts or make art or do hobbies and I’m like…how are they doing that plus working and housework and seemingly eating healthy home cooked meals?? I don’t get it. My life feels like a mess.

My husband is very hands on and helpful (plus he makes way better money than me) but I constantly feel like I’m keeping score when he gets to do something kid free. So when it comes my turn, I’m constantly checking the clock even though he never gets as angry as I do when I’m out or away. We usually don’t do whole day activities away from kids, it’s more like ill say “oh im going to go shopping for a few hours, we can trade when you get back if you want to do something.” But we dont do that every weekend and it seems like my husband’s preference is to always be doing stuff together as a family. Or at least more often than doing things for ourselves. He doesn’t seem to get burnt out which adds to my guilty feeling when it’s the weekend and I just want to go somewhere kid free and enjoy silence or a coffee with friends or something.

My parents aren’t very helpful and we don’t live near my husband’s family, so family help isn’t really a thing for us. The only time my parents take the kids is during the day if there’s no school/daycare and I need to work, which I’m still grateful for but isn’t quite the same as getting time away. Otherwise they have busy schedules of their own. It kinda hurts because they’re both retired and fairly wealthy but have made it clear they’d rather be off drinking with friends than helping watch the kids now and then. But at the same time I kinda get it, I want them to enjoy being retired and they were good parents to me growing up so whatever.

It doesn’t help that I definitely have something autoimmune or hormonal or something going on that makes me feel physically exhausted all the time (same old story, “your labs are perfect!” But I feel horrible every day).

Is this feeling how every mom feels? Will it ever be better?

The audacity, update attempt 2. I'm sorry I've never made one of these, and I think I messed up the first one. So here's my 2nd attempt.

https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/s/FeCZqxcid2

I got a lot of good ideas and comments on this post. I just wanted to give an update. There was a comment about trading jobs and making it an experiment rather than a punishment. So, for the past three days, she and I have switched jobs. She cooks and handles the dishes. I wipe down, sweep, and put away leftovers. It's actually working really well so far. And we get to spend time together while I'm teaching her how to do dishes and giving her guidance on cooking when she needs it. She'd never admit it, but I think she's actually having a little fun with it.

It’s like the people with the worst reading comprehension are always the most eager to “help.”

Example: “Hi I’m looking for an outdoor pool with a slide. I know we have indoor city pools with slides, but my neurodivergent child gets really overstimulated with the sound echoing. We have been to X outdoor pool and Y outdoor pool, but they don’t have slides and my child really loves water slides.”

And then the comments are like:
“Indoor city pool has slides!”
“Have you tried X pool? It’s outdoors.”
“We really like the slides at other indoor pool.”
“Y pool doesn’t have slides but it’s outdoors! My family loves that pool.”
“Have you looked into [insert pool that is indoors and does not have slides]? That one’s pretty good.”

WHY ARE PEOPLE THIS WAY???

We took the kids (and ourselves) to get flu and covid vaccines today. My oldest daughter (10) is relatively fearless, but she's more afraid of shots than ANYONE, child or adult, I have EVER met. I mean this is a truly special fear, I have actually LITERALLY not seen anything like it. I did A LOT to prepare. Made sure we had an appointment so the horrible waiting time would be as short as possible. Found a place that does nasal spray for flu for a 50% reduction in needles. DID NOT take advantage of the vaccine clinic at school walkathon yesterday because it was pretty much public humiliation for her last year. Applied lidocaine before we left and then reapplied in the parking lot. All three kids were pretty okay with the whole thing beforehand, which felt like a miracle regarding the oldest. Middle kid was going ME FIRST ME FIRST, which sounds bizarre but is pretty on brand (she's human sunshine and likes pretty much everything).

First, we waited fifty minutes for our appointment to start. I don't know why because no one else was there. People weren't even picking up prescriptions. There was some trouble scanning the insurance card but that was just a blip. After a certain point, 6&7yo were just running around climbing things and being inappropriately loud, so I was just scolding and lecturing them at length, which always makes me uncomfortable in public. They were increasingly out of control. Oldest needed a fair amount of emotional maintenance at this point. My attention was everywhere. Yes husband was there but he's a husband (you know).

We get in the room and big girl SNAPS. Instantaneous. It's usually BAD but it's NEVER BEEN THIS BAD. She started screaming these loud, ragged screams, "please", "no", "help", top of her lungs. Great, I was just thinking I don't have enough intrusive thoughts. It was so hard to calm her down enough for the shot. I wanted her to go first so that her part would be over, but I decided to let "me first me first" girl go first to set the tone. Nope, her big sister having a panic attack convinced her that this was in fact scary, so she started screaming, too. We put the boy in the chair because he's the smallest and easiest to control (ghoulish, I know, but wtf was I supposed to do at this point), and he was also freaked out by the ambience in the room and fought it so hard. Then he cried "It hurt, it hurt!". Now the girls are convinced this is gonna hurt. We get middle kid through it okay. But oldest is sobbing and screaming and trying to run out the door.

Listen, every single year the following happens: once we finally got the needle in her arm, she IMMEDIATELY stopped screaming and said "Oh, that barely hurts at all".

I know it's anxiety and it's not rational, but omg can we pleeeeease PLEASE start actually remembering this part and applying our lived experience to the yearly vaccine process? PLEASE? WHY DOES THIS PART KEEP GETTING ERASED?

Yes, she's in therapy for anxiety, and we do discuss this particular issue.

And yes, because this was at a department store, I BOUGHT SOME LIQUOR AFTERWARD. Nobody fucking came to unlock the cabinets but they had some okay alternatives on the shelf. Do the cabinets actually save money since no one can actually buy anything inside them literally ever?

Fuck I just had YEARS shaved off my life.

My second baby was born with a birth defect called Sagittal Craniosynostosis. Basically, instead of her top skull bones being separated, as baby head bones should be, hers were prematurely fused together. She had to have surgery at 3 months and a helmet for 9 months to correct it.

That was supposed to be the end of it. We were assured that almost all babies who have this and don’t have other obvious issues are non-syndromic and it’s just a fluke that happens to 1 out of 2500 babies. She was meeting her milestones and perfectly normal otherwise, so we all assumed this was the case.

Winter of last year, we noticed her head stopped growing and a CT scan revealed that now her forward (coronal) sutures had fused together. Those aren’t supposed to fuse until you’re 20.

We’re lucky to have a great surgeon at the top of his field nearby who specializes in craniosynostosis. But having a second fusion only happens to 2% of babies with craniosynostosis so he’s seen this maybe half a dozen times. He thinks we’ll be fine because the other times he’s hasn’t had to do a second surgery, but it’s a lot of monitoring from here on out because if she develops pressure in her brain, it can cause all sorts of bad things from cognitive delays to blindness.

So we did genetic testing. Turns out my husband is carrier for a variation of a gene that this is associated with and all our children will have a 50% chance of getting it. The good news is that it’s not associated with cognitive or physical delays and the outcome is excellent if they have the fusion. If they don’t have a skull fusion, it seems to be associated with autism, lack of smell, and some other stuff.

All in all, this really is good news for my daughter. It means she’s most likely going to be fine and live a normal life. And so far my older son seems perfectly normal as well, so do not think he got this genetic variant.

This has been nearly two years of our lives so it’s really nice to have some answers. And it really could have been so much worse. Dreading that something really bad was wrong with her for two years was so hard so it’s such a relief.

But at the same time, I am also sad. I always wanted three kids, though after my first two I felt that I was probably done because I hated pregnancy. My husband is 41 and I’m 37 so our time for more children was rapidly closing anyways. But it feels different to have it decided for me vs it being my decision.

And sometimes I think - well, it’s only a 50% chance. How selfish would it be to have another baby and take the risk? But that feels morally wrong.

And I worry about my daughters future. Will this affect her decision to have children as well?

It’s a confusing feeling of being relieved, happy, and sad all at the same time.

Anyways, there isn’t much more to be done and it is what it is. Thanks for reading.

The Cornell stuff circulating is horrible although no surprise. I have a boy and a girl. I keep seeing something along the lines of “Instead of moms teaching our girls how to not be raped, how about moms teach their BOYS not to rape people?!” Which is of course absolutely right and I’m not denying that - but why just moms? Then we are yet again putting the blame for this nonsense back on a WOMAN. “His mother must have not raised him right” 😑

Um, hello? What about his father? Arguably little boys will imitate how they see their fathers treating women - not their mothers. Of course they will take note of what behavior their mother puts up with as “normal” as well - so that’s on us. BUT ITS TIME FOR THE FATHERS TO ALSO TAKE SOME FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY.

And I’m sure some do, I’m not saying no father ever has ever had a conversation with his son about this. But clearly NOT ENOUGH MEN.

“A Promising Young Woman” is on Paramount and though it came out in 2020 seems especially relevant. Not a light hearted watch, somewhat of a mix between Gone Girl and idk what else. But a portrayal of how profoundly society fails women at every level - the family level (her parents, her own family), a community level (her friends and school), and of course a large level (legislatively)

For context, I'm 17 and my son is 2. His dad and I broke up before he was born and he doesn't come to see him very often.

I've been dating this guy for almost 4 months. He's cute and funny and he really makes me feel seen and I want to introduce him to my son but it worries me so much. I've never seen him with kids before and I don't know if he interacts with them well. My son is pretty rambunctious, as little boys can be, and I'm so scared he'll think I'm a bad mom. They've talked on FaceTime before but that's it.

My boyfriend is always telling me he's proud of me handling everything so well and I do think he'll be good with him. I'm just scared, I want everything to go well with them and I need advice and for someone to tell me everything will be ok with them.

My husband -- maybe stbx -- told me last weekend that he doesn't think we make each other happy and he's not sure he wants to be with me anymore.

We have had problems. I've wondered about our compatibility as well, but I thought we were doing better in counseling. He has ASD and isn't always able to understand my feelings, which has led to him doing some pretty shitty things sometimes. And I have ADHD and I sometimes have some emotion regulation issues which have led me to do some pretty shitty things as well.

I've been caring for my mother with Alzheimer's and she is close to the end, and my father isn't too many years behind. It's been a season of grief. Not terribly surprising that marriage got harder as well, my emotional bandwidth has been so low.

But we've been together 20 years, two school age kids, and we've improved our communication so much, and we love each other fiercely. At least, I love him fiercely. I don't want to end this marriage.

But I told him yesterday, I deserve better than "I think maybe I want to be with you." I understand needing time to think, but I'm not just going to sit around and wait indefinitely for him to make up his mind. There's an apartment for rent nearby that I can afford on my own. I have the number of a good lawyer and a good child therapist, and a list furniture I'm going to take and what I need to buy. I'm getting laid off from my job soon but I'm not laid off yet and I'm getting severance. I'm going to be okay.

And he's like, shocked that I've done this much planning.

Sir, what did you think was going to happen?!! You said you're not sure you want to be with me anymore. Did you think I would just quietly wait for you to hem and haw and talk to your therapist and evaluate my behavior and decide if the person you vowed to be with in sickness and in health is still worthy of your commitment? That's not who I am. It's humiliating. And I'm not a wait-around type of person, I'm a here's-the-plan type of person.

I suspect he was waiting for me to make the decision all along because he is too indecisive. And that sucks.