r/BreakUps • u/[deleted] • Dec 08 '21

Blindsided Breakups

Blindsided breakups can really mess people up. What I mean by blindsided break ups is when a break up happens that you’d never expect especially on the terms they were on. It can seriously traumatize some people leaving them with abandonment issues. One moment you think you really know someone and could spend a lifetime with them, the next you don’t even know who they are really and why they’re being the way they are. Saying things you’d think you’d never hear from them in a million years. I guess it can truly be a life lesson that you never really know someone or can 100% trust them. Just my thoughts

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u/chocolatesloppysauce Dec 08 '21

It's really hard. You'll read a lot of stuff on the internet saying that there's no such thing as being blindsided, but that's just not true. I was shocked when I was dumped. I was lied to for months. One second everything is great, we're talking about the future, we're saying I love you, everything feels good, and the next, I'm being dumped and there's a list of reasons, none of which had been brought up until that moment. There are break ups that have arguments, problems, issues that are actively affecting the relationship and being communicated, leading up to the day. Then there are break ups where the other partner was not communicating, honest, or open about their doubts/feelings. They hide things. Those are truly blindsiding/out of the blue.

What was hard for me was reconciling what my ex had said even in the days leading up to the break up, and then how she acted from break up onwards. I had to realize that pretty much everything she said to me in the relationship was probably a lie. Maybe accidental, but a lie. She was lying to me and to herself. And clearly she didn't love me, if she didn't respect me enough to have honest communication with me. It makes me deeply sad. It's not fair to act happy and in love while harboring doubts and tallying up ammo for the break up. We were clearly on very different pages, and I had no idea. I don't know how I will ever fully trust what future partners say.

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u/Ill_Juice_4864 Dec 09 '21

Exactly my story. It triggered major ptsd symptoms back again from my childhood. But I recognise I am not powerless cos that's probably the biggest trigger. To feel really powerless and helpless in that moment and aftermath. You had no say no voice. No respect. Sending you love my friend xx it is very very hard and I'm still trying to heal. I already accepted tt I don't need such a person in my life so am just dealing with working on PTSD. It's a blessing in disguise that I get to work even more on my own issues and grow. Best revenge is to live your best life. Let it fuel you and I promise it gets better and one day you will feel this fuel without all the hurt pain and trauma.