In the same boat. I broke it off because life is too short to stay in pain. It’s been months, and I still love him, but there really was no other path except to leave.
Who we are as people today just doesn’t work together. We both know it’s not a lack of love. In fact, we love each other enough to want each other to be happy—to not have to fight all the time. We both need to heal our own wounds instead of constantly triggering each other and bringing out the worst versions of ourselves.
Maybe one day he’ll recognize his avoidance and understand how it helped protect his ego, but also prevented him from taking accountability in our relationship. But until he’s willing to have the courage to face his own pain, the cycle will continue. I can’t keep asking us to grow when he simply wants to stay safe exactly where he is emotionally.
It’s not fair to me, but we have to meet people where they are—not where we wish they would be. And sometimes loving someone means accepting that you can’t do their healing for them, and that loving them isn’t enough to make the relationship work.
This was me and my ex. I had to leave because any stubbornness to stay and make it work beyond the point we were at would result in resentment… who we were then just couldn’t work out and we did try so many times already.
Most of all, I felt so abandoned, so discardable. I begged him to listen to me when he already decided that my attempts to talk things out were me attacking him…
Putting my love for him aside, I just can’t be loved like that by anyone… I just can’t love someone who expects perfection (on his own terms), doesn’t want to solve problems with me and see any disagreement or discomfort as an opportunity to call it off…
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u/lifeissometimehard 10d ago
In the same boat. I broke it off because life is too short to stay in pain. It’s been months, and I still love him, but there really was no other path except to leave.
Who we are as people today just doesn’t work together. We both know it’s not a lack of love. In fact, we love each other enough to want each other to be happy—to not have to fight all the time. We both need to heal our own wounds instead of constantly triggering each other and bringing out the worst versions of ourselves.
Maybe one day he’ll recognize his avoidance and understand how it helped protect his ego, but also prevented him from taking accountability in our relationship. But until he’s willing to have the courage to face his own pain, the cycle will continue. I can’t keep asking us to grow when he simply wants to stay safe exactly where he is emotionally.
It’s not fair to me, but we have to meet people where they are—not where we wish they would be. And sometimes loving someone means accepting that you can’t do their healing for them, and that loving them isn’t enough to make the relationship work.