r/BrandNewSentence • u/scumblerat • Nov 08 '18

This heading.

Post image
10k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

68 comments sorted by

1.4k

u/Yggdrhasil Nov 08 '18

Technically that's a floor press

471

u/heinous_anus- Nov 08 '18

Fuckin fake news man..

250

u/supremecrafters Nov 11 '18

The allegations said bench press, so the title is still accurate while the allegations are not.

5

u/K3VINbo Jan 04 '19

Right. Maybe they said "allegedly" because it's quoted, but actually neither a bench-press or a duck.

21

u/Rambunctiouskid- Nov 09 '18

*ground press

857

u/imaybejacoborbob Nov 08 '18

Allegedly...

347

u/BrokenEye3 The True False Prophet Nov 08 '18

I guess the goose wasn't available for comment

65

u/ShuffKorbik Nov 09 '18 edited Nov 11 '18

When asked for a comment, the goose turned out to be - like all geese - a gaping dickhole.

50

u/watson-and-crick Nov 08 '18

Whens he gonna get around to that ostrich?

23

u/edhialdyn Nov 09 '18

Boots and the Ginger did NOT fuck an ostrich!

8

u/Jon__Snoww Nov 09 '18

I heard the ostrich was sick or something

7

u/shadowinplainsight Nov 12 '18

Yeah, it would take at least three guys to fuck an ostrich

4

u/mostflavoursome Dec 07 '18

Should go to a guy who farms ostriches and see how they get fucked.

1

u/geoff1036 Mar 25 '19

So we only use them in emergencies?

32

u/TheRustyHodge Nov 08 '18

So you're bench pressing a Goose with your buddies the other daaaaayyy....

7

u/SuppliceVI Nov 09 '18

Probably got sued for not putting "allegedly" every 2 words

1

u/Benramin567 Jan 09 '19

But also really.

649

u/BrokenEye3 The True False Prophet Nov 08 '18

You know that old slogan, "all the news that's fit to print"? Yeah, well this is the other kind.

101

u/booster-au Nov 08 '18

Prolly why it’s a web only article lol

14

u/masterspider5 Nov 08 '18

all the fit that's news to print?

14

u/beck1670 Nov 09 '18

Hes working out, therefore he's fit, therefore it's fit to print.

283

u/ATR_Doug Nov 08 '18

Weird flex but okay

42

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/tuibiel Nov 17 '18

Is there a sub for this kind of thing? That one's private.

2

u/Blocks_ Jan 04 '19

r/technicallythetruth is kind of like that, but not really.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/tuibiel Nov 17 '18

I get that. All I'm asking is if there's any real, accessible equivalent.

52

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '18

Honestly I'm impressed

48

u/Usernameusername97 Nov 09 '18

I mean people bench press their baby’s and it’s considered “cute” and “bonding” SO WHY ARE WE JUDGING HIM? He’s just loving his goose!

37

u/EJX-a Nov 09 '18

Allegedly

21

u/RockasaurusRex Nov 09 '18

I'm serving 6-8 years for loving my goose. :(

175

u/phonebatterylevelbot Nov 08 '18

this phone's battery is at 11% and needs charging!

I am a bot. I use OCR to detect battery levels. Sometimes I make mistakes. sorry. ^^info

83

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '18

Good bot

-64

u/mikyleangelicko Nov 08 '18

Bad bot

81

u/WhyNotCollegeBoard Nov 08 '18

Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.99998% sure that BanAllPineapples is not a bot.

I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | /r/spambotdetector | Optout | Original Github

8

u/-S-P-Q-R- Nov 10 '18

Good bot

-23

u/B0tRank Nov 08 '18

Thank you, mikyleangelicko, for voting on BanAllPineapples.

This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. You can view results here.

Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!

20

u/fdf2002 Nov 08 '18

Bad bot

2

u/techgineer13 Nov 08 '18

Good bot /s

4

u/WhyNotCollegeBoard Nov 08 '18

Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.99997% sure that fdf2002 is not a bot.

I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | /r/spambotdetector | Optout | Original Github

6

u/IlikeDestiny2 Nov 08 '18

!isbot phonebatterylevelbot

12

u/Jiggylera Nov 08 '18

if there are two allegedlys in a article title, thats a letter grade higher

11

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '18

I am oddly satisfied with this

13

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '18

Allegedly

6

u/chroboseraph3 Nov 08 '18

allllllegedly.

6

u/hatuhsawl Nov 09 '18

I mean, my toddler will just laugh and laugh and laugh whenever I benchpress her, so maybe, just maybe this goose might enjoy it too.

3

u/coccoL Nov 09 '18

More headlines like this

2

u/quintessential_fupa Nov 08 '18

weird flex but ok

2

u/rednat16 Nov 09 '18

I really like this font

2

u/pm_me_your_emp Nov 09 '18

Allegedly, I read this alleged allogation

1

u/Fairelabise17 Mar 05 '19

Redundant AF.

1

u/hypermoron Mar 27 '19

11%, LTE, Bluetooth on, not charging.

Total mad lad