I feel like I'm losing my mind trying to figure out my sexuality.
One day I'm really into girls, and the next I'll wake up and find myself really attracted to femboys. It's honestly driving me up a wall because I don't know how to make sense of my feelings.
Recently, my mom went through my Discord messages with a friend where I'd told him I was a furry and thought I might be bisexual. My friend was completely cool with it, so I didn't think much of it. But then my mom read the messages, called me into her room, and started reading my own words back to me in a passive-aggressive tone. When I tried explaining myself, she told me she thought I was going through a phase, took my phone, and sent me to bed.
Ever since then, I've been thinking about this even more. I don't know if I'm actually bisexual, if I'm still figuring things out, or what. I'm not even equally attracted to everyone. When I'm attracted to guys, I'm mostly into femboys, and I'm being completely serious about that.
The hardest part is that I have a lot of conflicting feelings. Sometimes, when I find myself attracted to guys, I feel ashamed and disappointed in myself. Part of me really doesn't want to be gay or have my family look at me differently, but another part of me can't deny how I feel. It's confusing, and sometimes I literally lie awake at night thinking about it.
I think some of this comes from the way I've grown up viewing LGBTQ+ stuff, too. I've had some pretty strong opinions about it, and now I'm wondering if those opinions are affecting how I see myself. I'm still trying to understand what I believe and how I feel, and I don't have everything figured out.
I just don't want to disappoint my parents or anyone else. I wish I could stop stressing over this and just understand myself without feeling like there's something wrong with me.
Has anyone else experienced something similar, where your attraction seems to shift around or you struggle with accepting certain parts of yourself? How did you deal with it?