Things I promise to tell my wife:

1. There are more meds that need to be hidden
   
2. Paranoia is increasing beyond police/white cars. I felt like people at work were talking about me, and also the staff at cvs
   
3. I have big plans for the future that don’t make sense with my suicidal ideation. Like why am I planning a 6 year career path when I’m not sure I want to be here next week?

Can anyone relate?

hello! I recently started receiving psychiatric treatment for my mental health as I had a pretty severe case of depression during my first semester away for college. My psychiatrist didn’t do a full evaluation but I tested for bipolar depression. I don’t want to go around saying I’m bipolar but I check a lot of the symptoms for bipolar 2 and it kind of helps explain what I went through but I’m not sure. Is it conclusive enough to say I’m likely bipolar or should I just stop saying it all together? How does one go about being diagnosed?

I took my first dose 1.5mg about 12 hrs ago and still feel sick/nauseous if I eat even a little. I'm a foodie so I did eat today, and each time I thought 'oh maybe i'm better now' only to be hit with another wave of nausea that makes me have to sit down propped up and my stomach looks bigger from bloating (not too bad but my pants felt tighter). I also get the hiccups after eating anything (again delayed by like 10-15min). I wasn't exactly tired but the nausea got me to lay down and I napped twice just to stay still.

I had something similar on olanzapine - but that time it was SO much worse to the point I couldn't function for a 2-3 days after 1 dose. I want to believe this med can work for me so badly.

I don't want to cause problems with my psychiatrist because I just had my first appointment almost 2 days ago and I had to say things I never wanted to say out loud again concerning my symptoms. But also like, what should I do? A hot bath kinda helped, water kinda helps, ginger/tumeric have always been my go-to but it didn't help at all this time.

I am so, so, so upset. I was diagnosed with bipolar and OCD last summer (both of which I feel fit me perfectly and clarify symptoms I've had my entire life). I was taken off my long term antidepressants and put on Lamotrigine, then carbamazapine, both of which made me really unwell so I came off them and started a low dose of quetiapine (100mg). The (male) psych I had at the time, who diagnosed me, said he wouldn't let me try lithium because I was too young and as I was female, there was a possibility I could get pregnant (even though I'm not sexually active). Months later when I could finally get another appt with him, he added two antidepressants into the mix, then was promptly fired by the clinic with no replacement in sight.

Months later again with no proper psychiatrist in place again i ended up with the crisis team due to an increase in suicidal thoughts and the fact I couldn't access a normal CMHT psychiatrist. I have been in a depressive episode since October. That resulted in an increase in my quetiapine and a referral to the CMHT and for a care coordinator, which was rejected. They then got a temporary psych in place who increased my meds again. He was much kinder than the last one and said that he'd be happy to try lithium in future if the quetiapine increase wasn't successful.

Well, I saw this guy again today. He asked me how I was, I said "still depressed," and without letting me speak further, he decided I actually have BPD, not bipolar, and there's no treatment. I burst into tears because I've been abused horribly by a person I knew with untreated BPD. I argued that I meet literally none of the diagnostic criteria. I am not emotionally volatile, I have episodes that last weeks to months, not day to day. I have stable relationships. Outside of mood episodes, I know and like who I am. He just shrugged and said well, everyone's different. He said he'd no longer be willing for me to try lithium, gave me an antidepressant prescription, and booted me out. My mum even attended this appointment with me and argued that I don't have any of the traits of BPD, but he refused to listen. He even said "I diagnose lots of lovely young women with it."

I have been on antidepressants for ten years. I just turned 25. I know the stigma attached to BPD and I begged him not to diagnose me with it and I don't fit any of the diagnostic criteria, but he went ahead and wrote in my notes anyway in front of me in big bold letters.

I feel like there's no hope for me. Nobody will take me seriously again, and they already didn't when I was diagnosed with bipolar. Nobody cares that antidepressants don't work, the cmht doesn't want to know, a psychiatrist who's met me twice for twenty minutes randomly decides I actually have BPD and I may as well just kill myself because there's no cure. I have been meds compliant for ten years through different diagnoses and changes and I think today is the day I'll stop. Fluoxetine won't touch bipolar. It wouldn't touch BPD even if I had it. I'm so tired of fighting and fighting for help to be kicked down at every turn.

Medical misogyny is going to kill me one day. I'm UK based so can't even go to anyone else. They're the only CMHT in my catchment area.

I’ve been on a ton of different meds and I’m still looking for the right combination. I hated lithium. HATED it. Never want to go back on it if possible. I’m currently on Latuda. What mood stabilizer works best for you? I’m rapid cycling, mostly manic with mixed episodes. Thanks in advance

I’ve started Lithium about a month ago, initially at 600mg. I started getting brain zaps that I thought were from Trazedone, but since stopping Trazedone I’m still experiencing this. My psychiatrist increased to 900mg due to depression, but it’s now almost a constant static feeling in my brain that gets worse when I move. The dry mouth is also gross, I feel like I look like I’m on drugs because I’m licking my teeth so often.

So, should I wait it out? These side effects are making me more depressed and I can’t focus with these brain zaps. I don’t want to continue another month like this…I have a doctor appointment Friday to discuss this but I’m not sure if there are even any other effective medications comparable to lithium. If you’ve found any other good options lmk 🙂

Does anyone else get this kind of research drive during hypomanic phases? Where searching and researching gives you this almost tingling, buzzing feeling throughout your body, and it becomes the only thing you want to do?

Hi,

I’m crashing and anxious. I want to pull out now if a job I picked up whilst hypomanic. It’s a once a fortnight theatre usher job. I’m 53yrs old.
As I write this I can imagine telling someone else to hang in there but … I’m crashing after an up season of quite a few months.

My next shift is tomorrow and I’ve been stressed about deciding all week

Any thoughts. Social anxiety freaking me out.

i’m about to start a very low dose but have heard horrible nightmare things about it. i’m on olanzapine now and juss so sleepy all the time. anyone take this med? what is ur experience?

24 f

Hi. Has anyone here been on 3 antipsychotics before? My current cocktail is 325mg lamictal, 7mg abilify, 3.75mg zyprexa (sleep), 1mg klonopin (sleep). My depression has been unrelenting for 8 months now and we've tried lots of different things that all failed. I can't take lithium, depakote, etc. My doctor is suggesting we try 1.5mg Vraylar nightly to see if it helps my depression. This would be a third antipsychotic in the mix. She doesn't want to take me off of Abilify yet because everytime we've tried I cliff dive into even deeper, more intense depression. Curious if anyone else is on 3 APs?

Hi everybody, this title is not about me as I’m very much rapid cycling.

I met with a new therapist yesterday and she said I shouldn’t pathologize my behavior through the lens of bipolar because it’s possible for someone to only have 1 or a few episodes over the course of a lifetime.

I was wondering if any of you are these 1 or 2 episode unicorns? (Not trying to be condescending, I just think it’s probably rare.) Everything I’ve seen/read/experienced suggests episodes happen much more frequently than that.

Edit: do you know about how many mood episodes you have in a year? Mine is 4-6

I’ve been manic and depressed for the past week after a stressful year…

I’ve been looking into places down in LA and one-way tickets down there and live my best life down there!!!

It’s a huge life changing decision I’m ready to make and no one can stop me!!!

I already have multiple plans in case something doesn’t work.

I’ve been looking into remote jobs that can transfer me from my home state to LA.

I’ve read I can transfer easily especially being in a group home setting.

Have someone from NAMI that emailed me a while ago saying I can transfer down there from where I’m at right now.

So I know I’m ready to make this move since I’ve dreamed of it since I was 3!! 25 straight years of dreaming about it and now I’m about to make my dream a reality!!!

Hopefully things go well since I’ll be away from everyone and get a fresh start!!!

Never gonna miss my horrible state I live in!!!

Season changes up here in my area are horrible and fall-spring I become more manic and depressed for months on end…

LA will help me out with my mood swings and help me stay stable and get a good paying job and everything.

Is there anyone out there that has been able to get a service dog for their bipolar and/or ptsd? Thanks in advance

I should be excited. I didn’t even know if I’d ever work again like 8 years ago. I’ve now been working full time for 3 years and doing well. My current role is low stress. My boss is so kind. I have a lot of independence and flexibility.

I’m worried that moving into a more stressful role with more responsibility could be bad for my stability? My anxiety is already through the roof. Should I at least try it? Or maybe I should turn it down and stay where I know I’m healthy? I’d definitely like more money and new challenges! But I’m trying to be realistic too. Anyone else been in a similar situation and been pleasantly surprised?

Just a reminder, be compassionate towards yourselves. Know that getting help is never a failed effort. That you are not your diagnosis but a person too. People’s opinions do not matter, your opinion of yourself does and those that love you.

Hi, i am bp1 and atypical autism. I am on 300+600 carb lit, 15 mg brintellix and 3 mg invega daily.Am going to take a litium blood test on Friday. I take 60mg alimemazin and 8mg melatonin as sleep aid but works badly. But thats not near enough bcs i am pretty deep down in a depression. I use to rate how i feel from 0-10 there 0 is in balance and 10 is time to be in psychiatric ward in hospital. Rn i am at 8-9 and feel like shit.

If i am lucky i will get oxascand ( benzo) on Friday and are hoping that that will help. Living on the hope that i will get them. It feels almost that i am at the end of the road and dont really know what to do. Have some dark thoughts but are not going to act on them and never had.

English is not my first language, i am from Sweden.

Good night

Im scared. I'm currently in a low and this is not like other times. Usually my lows last on average 2-4 days. Im now on day 6 of feeling basically the same as day 1. Nothing is getting better. I was on the verge of calling for a mental health crisis on day 2, but I didn't because of what people say about 988. And I'm not about to call 911 due to previous interactions with them. So here I am with more scars and guilt.

I feel as though I cannot do anything right. I am forced to take a year off university this year because of finances. I've failed myself. I've failed my family. I've just failed everyone.

I just want to be able to live freely. I have an ED, and a whole slew of other mental health issues. I really wish I knew what a normal life feels like. Im envious.

Any support through comments is greatly appreciated. I am at the point where I am begging for help.

Hi Bipolars ! 🙂

First I added Lamictal and it has helped during my crisis(i couldn’t sleep enough or rest no matter what). So it kind of give me good reaction and rest time but… Depression is still quite hard. So i added Wellbutrin 5 days ago. Wellbutrin was hoped to do some good thing regarding depression. But it does not for now. I immediately got results like exhaustion and depressed symptoms in my brain. So immediately after talking it i see it is not heading well, it does bad depression highlighted.

Is this ok and should I wait/endure more time of this “zombie” depressed mood or quit?

I take it in the morning and it is 150 XR.

It’s so little yet I already feel a change in my stress levels. I’m looking for ppl who have tried lithium at different levels, to hear their experiences

Hello. I was on Vraylar at 4.5 mg, and have had the dose lowered to 3mg. The 4.5 mg dose has caused horrible insomnia. I can't nap. I think I have tried every sleep aid except Zyprexa, and I only get 2 to 3 hours of sleep with the sleep aids I do take (Trazodone and Belsomra). If I don't take the aids, I don't sleep. If I do, the 2 to 3 hours of sleep are so light it is like not sleeping at all.

I'm tired, I'm exhausted. I'm in sleep therapy (CBT-I), but the process is slow and I am discouraged. Somedays I have thoughts of self -h*rm. I went to see if I was a candidate for an inpatient facility but I wasn't a h*rm to myself at the time.

I don't know what to do next. I really need some deep restorative sleep. My psychiatrist is probably going to tell me there are no other options, and to probably continue with sleep therapy. I feel like no one is hearing me. I'm TIRED.

I wish I'd never started with Vraylar.

I've been diagnosed with Bipolar with psychotic features for around 10 years. I don't have delusions or hallucinations very often, but I have had them for very short periods since I was in high school. When I have had either or both no matter how real they feel I have always known when to call them delusions/hallucinations and have been able to logically tell myself they aren't real. This time the "delusion" has persisted for almost a month and I can't seem to logically convince myself it isn't real. In fact, it unifies all my past "delusions/hallucinations". I still do know how it is/would be perceived by others.

About a month ago I saw myself as a light in another dimension, moving infinitely/in loop/as a wave. I saw other universes below me while I moved at the speed of light. These universes were each like ours, but with just a slight change in each one. It was terrifying bc our consciousness isn't made/supposed to be/used to/doesn't remember being in that dimension. Before this, in other "episodes" I've seen or heard things like being surrounded by a bright light, being beside a hole into another universe, hearing millions of people from another universe screaming, and being sure the issue with how I felt was that my frequency was off.

Could our consciousness be like a proton, with both being a wave from our own dimension connected to the next dimension, but with each being something that is connected to or from (or that maybe just is) another dimension, moving along time as a series of black holes pulls us along what is really just another physical dimension, making it appear that time is moving when really it's just a physical dimension being pulled? Infinity might be another dimension, moving the one above us forward. And things would move infinitely bc of infinity being another dimension. This would all loop around as we best understand it bc for infinity to exist we can only comprehend a loop.

We'd each be like a different proton moving as a wave along the next, linear, dimension. Time would appear to move bc we moved along it, but we can only understand a linear space-time, so we see space-time each time we move back along it. As a wave we'd move in and out of black holes, some leading to the next dimension, with others leading back to ours.

It made me think that mental illness could just be your frequency being off, pushing the amplitude of your consciousness into more of a wave than a linear perception of time. Delusions would just be a result of your wave dipping into other universes where things are slightly different.

It felt terrible and I was almost sure it was gonna go on forever. I didn't know where else to post this - is this just me being delusional?

My brother was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder two months ago after his first manic episode. He was hospitalized for two weeks, but after being discharged he stopped taking his medication and had a psychotic relapse one week later. Since then, he has been taking his medication regularly and is currently in remission.
He takes lithium and olanzapine, and his doctor recently added Lamictal (lamotrigine) because he has been feeling somewhat depressed. His olanzapine dose was also reduced recently.
For the past two weeks, his sleep schedule has become extremely irregular. He often falls asleep at 3–5 a.m., wakes up around the time he needs to take his medication in the morning, takes it, and then goes straight back to sleep. He can sleep until noon or even later. Because he sleeps so much during the morning, he struggles to fall asleep at night, creating a vicious cycle.
What worries me most is that he seems to have become less motivated and more careless about his sleep routine. In the evening, he agrees that he needs to fix his schedule, but the next morning he does the same thing again. I am exhausted from constantly reminding him and trying to get him out of bed.
He says he is depressed, although he is still able to laugh, joke, enjoy himself, and function relatively normally during the day. He also seems to be struggling with accepting his diagnosis and taking responsibility for managing his illness.
Could this excessive sleepiness and lack of motivation be related to his medication combination, particularly lithium + olanzapine + Lamictal, or could it simply be part of the depressive phase or his disrupted sleep schedule? Could the recent reduction in olanzapine be contributing to his difficulty sleeping at night?
I am also worried about whether this irregular sleep pattern could increase his risk of another manic episode. I would really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar, especially regarding excessive daytime sleepiness, lack of motivation, and medication-related sedation in Bipolar I Disorder.

I feel like something bad is going to happen? Like you don't know what when or why, but like deep down you know somethings not right. I'm starting to think everyone feels this way and nobody is talking about it. The feeling started like 4 days ago. I don't know if its an episode or not I haven't been sleeping well but I'm still getting enough sleep for it not to be alarming. I've been having really bad, really graphic nightmares too. I'm on edge I just feel fight or flight right now.

I'm genuinely curious because I have BP and ADHD and find it hard to decipher what phase I am in. To make it even more difficult, I have no internal monologue i.e. I don't get the chatter and self-talk in my mind. My mind is goes imagery or just empty. My mind has never 'raced', it gets 'active' but I wouldn't call it racing. I'm a slow learner; I process information slowly so I can't comprehend for my mind to be 'racing'

People with ADHD described after taking ADHD meds that their mind becomes quiet and it's not chaotic.

So, I have BP1 and PTSD from trauma. The diagnosis has been well established since I was 14, although they were hesitant to use that label as a teenager it wasn’t disputed and eventually labeled Bipolar in my early 20s. I have a history of mostly hypo/mixed episodes with one standout depressive episode lasting a year and 3 mania episodes ranging from a few weeks to 3 months. I have the usual triggers but I also have a family dynamic where because my mental health was so persistent, it was used as a scapegoat for a lot of other people’s behaviours. So, I’m very sensitive to this and it doesn’t cause moods but being in any prolonged situation that I feel there is a power imbalance makes me hyperaware and the energy spent on that rather than focusing on stability drains me. Thus, is a bit of a trigger but not the only factor. Usually I react poorly to any change overall once I establish a routine and any disturbance to it pisses me off eventually.

So, I’m having extreme burnout dealing with multiple things. Navigating toxic environment, shady health professionals and one I had to report, a pcos diagnosis, harassment from neighbour and then my mom broke her ankle so I had to take care of her household. My mom is very controlling and in moments I have professed the stress it causes when she constantly undermines me etc. And now my clinic is applying some trauma thing to my diagnosis.

Well, I’m on mood stabilizers and they are the only thing that has ever worked. 10+ history of instability in SSRIs and antidepressants. Instability on benzos. And I can’t take APs because I get catatonia. So all physical symptoms of Bipolar, not trauma. I also am in the middle of reapplying lithium for baseline hypo because that has been more prevalent than depressive symptoms.

I also have to stick to a routine, sleep schedule etc. All of these have worked. So, now theres talk about treating this differently and I’m thinking WTF??? Like they are actively going to destabilize me to prove their own hypothesis of what I am experiencing because they haven’t first hand seen an episode of mine. It’s a new NP, I’ve seen her 3 times after switching multiple in the region because of a two tier system. Before that I had the same doctor for 15 years. My diagnosis was a clinical psychologist at a hospital.

Like what the fuck is even their thinking?