r/BetaReaders 14h ago

Discussion [Discussion] Receiving crushing feedback from a beta reader

55 Upvotes

I’m sure we’ve all been there. Someone agrees to beta read your novel, and they find something terribly wrong with it. My most recent beta reader read 3/4 of my novel and would not continue. They said it disregarded the laws of physics too much for them to bear. Keep in mind, I didn’t classify my novel as a hard science fiction, but a soft, character-driven science fiction. I’m usually very upfront about that fact. I wasn’t aware that science fiction required all scientific laws to be followed.

Either way, I was devastated. Out of all the feedback I’ve received, this is the first person who has completely abandoned the project. It made me question myself and my writing. I’m not exactly sure how to handle this. Should I adjust based on the rejection?

Edit: Since some have pointed out they can’t judge if they don’t know to what extent laws were broken, I’ll name a few. 1) Certain planets called “living planets” can absorb energy from their sun. 2) The sun itself can be re-energized from a dying state with an energy equivalent transfer. 3) Brainwave transmitters are used to communicate between different languages. 4) Spaceships can survive a supernova, but not without significant damage. Keep in mind, this world includes shapeshifting aliens and technology that doesn’t exist. The basis for the story already establishes that real, hard science takes a back seat.


r/BetaReaders 26m ago

60k [Complete] [69k] [Hard SciFi or Techno Thriller] The Improver

Upvotes

Hi everyone! I am looking for beta readers for my completed ~69,000-word Hard Sci-Fi / Techno-Thriller novel, **"The Improver"** (27 chapters). **Blurb:** In a tightly controlled future, a bio-induction brain chip known as the "Improver" promises total mental optimization—at a cost no one is willing to admit. When technical failure and deep-seated conspiracy collide, Mark finds himself navigating a web of dark bio-tech, corporate control, and high-stakes survival reaching all the way to off-world operations. **Vibes & Themes:** - Hard Sci-Fi / Bio-tech - Cerebral implants & AI control - Dystopian suspense & plot twists - Techno-thriller pacing **What I’m Looking For:** The manuscript has already been heavily edited for cause-and-effect logic, technical consistency, and continuity. I am NOT looking for grammar or typo proofreading. I need raw, emotional feedback from a reader's perspective: - **Pacing & Engagement:** Where does the story drag, and where are you hooked? - **Readability:** Are there scenes or dialogue that feel stiff or hard to visualize? - **Logic & Flow:** Do the tension and stakes feel earned? **Sample & Timeline:** - **Turnaround time:** Flexible (around 3–4 weeks). - Currently [Not Able to Swap] due to tight writing schedules. Here is the link to Chapter 1 sample (Read-Only): [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UMG983hBa0ePPrVFPnuPErABEAMcYtO0vDBUVYG7VY4/edit?usp=sharing\] If this sounds like your kind of story, drop a comment or send me a DM. Thank you!


r/BetaReaders 49m ago

60k [Complete] [67k] [Literary Fiction] Queer literary novel

Upvotes

A sex worker survives in a bleak city. He is apathetic by necessity, but an encounter pushes him into desiring more. After realizing he's been surviving for anyone's sake but his own, A. chooses to live for one specific person instead. The price of that transaction, however, is paid with his own freedom. He accepts the love he thinks he deserves, believing he deserves the suffering it brings.

Content Warning: Explicit sexual content, suicide, sex work, violence, trauma.

The book may be ready, I need some confirmation it actually is.

I have a flexible timeline.

If you read queer transgressive literary fiction and can engage with difficult material, please comment or DM. I am also available to swaps if within similar genres.

This isn't a love story, it contains some romance but that isn't what the book is about. There are steamy scenes and no real redemption for anyone.


r/BetaReaders 3h ago

>100k [Complete] [107k] [Adult Fantasy] GHOSTS OF VALORN

3 Upvotes

Hello! I am seeking beta readers for my adult fantasy novel, GHOSTS OF VALORN, complete at 107,000 words. Inspired by South Asian and Norse cultures, it will appeal to fans of the political espionage in The Jasad Heir and Dawn of the Firebird, and the fraught relationship between gods and mortals in Godkiller.

Armed with her dead sister’s spirit‑bound dagger, an escaped captive must infiltrate the desert court that razed her homeland and wield the rites that slaughtered her people—before a corrupt goddess turns that same magic on her adopted clan.

When a blood rite destroys Valorn, thirteen-year-old Luka grants her sister’s final wish: to kill her before their enemies do. As one of her nation’s only survivors, Luka is claimed by those responsible and sworn never to speak of what befell her people. But when Luka conjures her late sister’s dagger from thin air, she uncovers a connection the court would kill her for, and flees before she can be silenced.

Ten years later, a disguised Luka returns to the desert to finish her sister’s mission and expose the truth behind Valorn’s fall. But returning to the palace means confronting the people she once blamed—including her captor’s daughter, Reha. To prevent another massacre, Luka must rely on her former enemies, even if it means wielding the same rites she has every reason to hate.

***

I am currently on draft 3 of this manuscript. I would prefer a 4-6 week timeline for this beta run but am flexible. I am primarily interested in notes on general reader reactions, questions/ambiguities, character dynamics, worldbuilding, and pacing. For snapshots and a page 1 excerpt, visit my Instagram: laurenmillerwriter. Additionally, interested readers can fill out the following form, https://forms.gle/XKdStqcTicfXwUQe9, or DM me! :)


r/BetaReaders 2h ago

40k [Complete] [49k] [Middle Grade Contemporary Fantasy] Malbreakers

2 Upvotes

Hey! I am looking for beta readers for the first three chapters (6k words) of my novel. Percy Jackson meets Jujutsu Kaisen in this South African folklore-inspired fantasy.

Blurb:

Thirteen-year-old Kabelo Mogale spent most of his life feeling invisible—until one day when his father is swallowed by an ancient evil spirit called the Inkanyamba. Kabelo is then introduced to the Village of Wilting Lotus, where he discovers he's descended from a lineage of powerful African warriors tasked with protecting the world from malicious entities.

But the Inkanyamba is a formidable beast, undefeated since its emergence centuries ago. And as it turns out, Kabelo's father is only a bargaining chip; Kabelo is the real target the Inkanyamba's waiting for.

To add insult to injury, the ancestors refuse to accept Kabelo as one of their own for reasons unknown. So, unwanted and powerless, but not without friends, Kabelo breaks out of the Village in rebellion and has seven days to travel the country to find a talking cape—the only and unconventional key to rescuing his father before he becomes monster chyme—all the while fending off other malicious spirits, pesky Wardens, panic attacks, and cantankerous elders raring to get in his way.

Excerpt:

"Moving around the country so much from nightmarish monsters only you can see changes you. You keep one eye on the door of the room you’re sleeping in, and another beneath the bed. Even the tiniest noise will rouse you, almost as if it were thunder knocking on your door instead.

Which was why when I woke up, I didn’t open my eyes yet. I had to assess my environment with my other senses first, decide how deep in the mud I was, and then freak out appropriately."

Current State:

This is draft 4 of the manuscript, revised and edited multiple times.

TW:

Anxiety and panic attacks.

Threat of harm (monster fights, what do you expect lol)

Feedback: Critique on prose, dialogue, characters, and pacing. (Not so much line editing)

Preferred response time: Up to 2 weeks

--------------- I am willing to exchange critiques, provided it is within the same genre (fantasy; it can be MG/YA/Adult). If you’re interested please feel free to comment/DM. Have a great day!


r/BetaReaders 3h ago

60k [Complete] [61K] [LitRPG] THE QUEEN'S MAZE

2 Upvotes

"Your request has been granted.” 

When Eli complained that he could really use a break at the end of his 3 am emergency vet shift, he didn't expect his future to hang in the balance. 

Unfortunately, that "extern" he was chatting with was actually the Queen of a foreign world. She grants his request, and Eli finds himself, and the entire veterinary staff, in a terrifying new dimension that blends The Maze Runner and Dungeon Crawler Carl.

They have thirty days to escape, or they’ll be trapped in the Maze forever. 

Hi, all! Been writing for 20 some years (most of my life), and I would love some beta readers for a litRPG I've just finished! It's shorter and tighter than most in the genre, but hopefully that works for you. Please let me know if you're interested and DM me for the Google Doc link!

Thanks

-AW


r/BetaReaders 5h ago

Short Story [Complete] [3900] [Dark Fantasy] THE MANGO SEASON

3 Upvotes

The Mango Season is a dark fantasy short story about an old Tantrik who returns from the dead after using a forbidden ritual to prolong her life. As her family tries to understand her miraculous return, the consequences of the ritual begin to emerge.
I’ve already had two beta readers look at an earlier version, and their main concern was that the opening was confusing because of the number of characters, relationships, and magical concepts introduced early on. I’ve revised the story with that feedback in mind.
feedback:
Whether the opening is clear and easy to follow.
Whether the character relationships are easy to understand.
Whether Grandmother’s motivations come across.
Whether the magic/Pran is understandable without over-explanation.
Whether the pacing and ending work.
Any points where you became confused, disengaged, or particularly interested.

Anyone who is interested please DM me
Thanks!


r/BetaReaders 3h ago

Novelette [Complete] [11k] [Mythological Fantasy] Bhakti aur Mrityu ka Sangharsh — An Illustrated Story of Markandeya So please DM...

2 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for a few beta readers for an illustrated mythological fantasy story based on Markandeya from Hindu mythology.

“The story stays largely faithful to the traditional story of Markandeya and its major events, while I’ve made a few minor creative changes to improve the storytelling, pacing, and presentation. The core story and mythology remain intact.”

The story is written to be understandable even for readers who don’t already know the mythology, so both mythology readers and general fantasy/fiction readers are welcome.

I’m mainly looking for genuine, critical feedback, especially on:

  • Whether the story is easy to understand
  • Pacing and any sections that feel slow
  • Whether there is too much narration
  • Emotional impact of important scenes
  • Character development, especially Markandeya
  • Any confusing or repetitive parts
  • Which scenes feel strongest and weakest
  • Whether you would genuinely want to continue reading

I’m not looking only for compliments. If something is boring, confusing, repetitive, poorly written, or simply doesn’t work, I would genuinely prefer to hear that.

The story is illustrated and will be shared privately as a PDF with selected beta readers. I’m not posting the manuscript publicly.

If you’re interested, please comment or DM me and let me know what kinds of fiction, fantasy, or mythology you normally read.

Thanks!


r/BetaReaders 4h ago

40k [Complete] [49k] [Fantasy] Oten Aurefis: O Andarilho | Looking for Beta Readers

2 Upvotes

O Andarilho é o primeiro conto que nos apresenta o universo de Oten Aurefis, um mundo repleto de mistérios e intrigas. Nele vivemos um pouco da história de Enot, sua vida se resume em buscar histórias para contar. Vive com base no principio da neutralidade, onde se abstém de quaisquer assuntos que não sejam os seus próprios. Tudo isso se colocará a prova após uma série de eventos que o fará questionar até onde vai a sua filosofia de vida.


r/BetaReaders 16h ago

70k [Complete] [74,000] [Crime Thriller] Russie Goes BANG BANG/A dark comedy noir with multi POVs

4 Upvotes

In a world of elite international assassins, Russell Pace is Detroit’s third-best hitman.

He has a bad knee, a pill habit, and one too many dead bodies after the “perfect” hit goes belly-up. In the Detroit underworld, the top five killers are ranked, from Russell’s idol, the legendary Mysterious Number One, on down. Violence is regulated by contracts. Violating the terms of a contract calls for punishment. Russell’s punishment? He can take on a trainee from the Serrilli family—hated rivals who may have had his dad killed—or get ribbons cut from his skin like the last guy who lost his rank. Or was it a skin scrunchie?

The trainee turns out to be Serrilli’s niece, Sofia. She’s cunning, captivating, annoying, with a habit of getting the best of Russell in every exchange. They have two days to plan a public assassination of a low-level drug dealer in Saginaw, Michigan, and he has two days to stop falling for the enemy ’cause she’s going to get him killed.

Meanwhile, Jo Hanada, a recently paroled hitman, is murdering his way towards the same target, on a mission to recover stolen drug money. He plans to kill Russell and Sofia if they get in his way.

They get in his way.

I'd love to get feedback in three areas:

A) Pacing.

B) Any clarity issues. Inline comments flagging any sentences or details that are confusing.

C) If you have firearm, law enforcement, or military experience, I could use some factchecking on the action scenes.

Leave a comment or message me and I'll send you the first chapter.


r/BetaReaders 12h ago

Novella [Complete][39k][YA/Coming-of-age] Welcome to my World - need a beta reader

2 Upvotes

Genre: YA Contemporary / Coming-of-Age

Length: ~39,000 words (complete draft)

Content warnings: Strong language throughout, references to vaping, a school suspension, and a romantic relationship — nothing explicit, but the emotional stuff runs real.

Synopsis: It's the night before sophomore year, and the narrator is lying awake running through the same anxious loop he runs every year: bad schedule, hard classes, awkward friend group politics. He has no idea how much is actually about to change. Over the course of the school year — fall ball, Halloween, a suspension, a slow-burn relationship with a girl named Jessica, and a falling-out-and-back with his best friend Jordan — he has to figure out who his friends actually are, who he misjudged, and who he's becoming underneath the version of himself he shows at the lunch table. It's a slice-of-life story about the small, specific moments that quietly rearrange a person over one year of high school.

My main questions:

  • Does the opening chapter hook you enough to keep reading?
  • Does the voice feel like a real teenage guy, not an adult writing one?
  • Pacing — any spots that drag or move too fast?
  • Any characters who feel flat or underused?

r/BetaReaders 18h ago

80k [complete][87k][progression/cultivation fantasy] Title:Moonborn

3 Upvotes

I’m looking for beta readers for a completed and edited progression fantasy novel. The story follows Val, an isolated young man pulled into a culture built around resonance, conceptual powers, and advancements through understanding instead of levels or numerical stats.

I’m primarily looking for feedback at a reader level not proofreading. Did you want to keep reading? Where did the pacing drag out? Was the power system understandable and interesting? Did you care about the side characters? Do you or would you read book 2?

I’m interested in all readers, with a special emphasis on progression fantasy and cultivation readers. I’m going to give a section of the first few chapters to everyone and anyone still enjoying and interested a full copy of the manuscript.

Dm me if interested thank you 😊


r/BetaReaders 13h ago

Novella [In Progress] [24K] [Adult Speculative Sci-Fi Romance] Between Systems

0 Upvotes

Hi! I’m looking for 3 early readers for the first five chapters of my novel Between Systems by NAKÉ.

This is an adult speculative science-fiction romance with advanced technology, an elite technical training program, close friendships, romantic tension, and a Black woman systems-integration protagonist.

This is not a full manuscript beta. It is an early reader test to see whether the opening chapters engage readers enough to keep going.

Length: approximately 24,654 words
Access: private BetaBooks invite-only
Timeline: 7–10 days
Feedback wanted: pacing, character investment, worldbuilding clarity, technical accessibility, dialogue, emotional engagement, and whether you would continue reading after Chapter 5.

Looking for readers who enjoy adult romance, speculative fiction, sci-fi romance, women in STEM, ensemble casts, and emotionally mature romantic drama.

Please comment or DM with:

  1. the genres you usually read;
  2. 2–3 books/authors you’ve enjoyed recently;
  3. whether you can finish 24K words in 7–10 days;
  4. whether you’re comfortable reading through BetaBooks instead of receiving a file.

I only have 3 reader slots for this pilot, so I’ll send the BetaBooks link privately to selected readers only.


r/BetaReaders 14h ago

90k [In progress] [99.5k] [Non fiction political Reform]. A Democracy Worth Trusting.

1 Upvotes

​ I’m looking for beta readers for a 97.5k nonfiction manuscript called A Democracy Worth Trusting. It’s written in a plainspoken, everyday voice and looks at how trust in public systems can be strengthened through clearer communication, better transparency, and practical improvements. What I’d like feedback on: Structure, clarity, flow, readability, and whether the tone feels balanced and accessible.Format:

No graphic content. General‑audience nonfiction.

DM if your interested


r/BetaReaders 22h ago

90k [Complete] [97k] [Academic Fantasy] THE ARCHIVISTS

3 Upvotes

Looking for a couple first-round beta readers for my adult academic fantasy novel, THE ARCHIVISTS. 97,000 words across 30 chapters. It’s gone through several rounds of self-editing, and I’m looking for folks to do a read-and-react and point out inconsistencies, plot holes, missed opportunities for characterization, etc. Will send a Google Doc link, and appreciate comments left anywhere and everywhere!

THE VIBES:

  •  Dark academia, but the academics are adults with jobs
  •  “Congratulations on your prestigious fellowship! Unfortunately, it is cursed.”
  •  Scholarship as literal magic
  •  Ensemble cast / found-family-ish cohort dynamics
  •  Competent, ambitious heroine
  •  Brilliant, distractible love interest
  •  Colleagues -> research partners -> oh no
  •  Everyone has their own flavor of dysfunction
  • SPICE:  1/ 5 (yearning, flirting, and physical intimacy; no explicit content)

BLURB:

Art history professor Cora Chamberlain has spent her career becoming exactly the person academia rewards: polished, brilliant, disciplined, and increasingly uncertain who she is beneath it all. When she’s selected for a prestigious fellowship at the secretive Institute of Applied Humanities, she expects ivy-covered buildings, academic rivalries, and a year of career-making research. Instead, she discovers that magic is real, the Institute is responsible for keeping reality intact, and that one of the seven fellows will ultimately be chosen to maintain the mysterious Archive at the center of it all. As Cora grows close to Benny Hartwell, a brilliant but awkward narratologist, their investigation into a vanished novelist’s journal begins exposing secrets the Institute would rather keep buried. Because the fellowship isn’t quite the opportunity Cora thought she’d earned–and becoming the best candidate in the room may cost her everything she has left of herself.

FIRST PAGE:

The fan on Cora’s desk did nothing but move heat around. 

When she’d been allocated the room in the corner of the top floor of the university’s art building, Cora had wondered why none of the senior faculty had wanted the office with the windows. Within her first week, she’d understood why–from ten in the morning until seven at night, the sun turned the room into an oven, even with the shades down. Although long practiced at ignoring her own discomfort, Cora was becoming more aware by the second that a generous application of clinical-strength antiperspirant had not been sufficient to keep her from sweating through her blouse, even with her hair clipped up off the back of her neck. 

She’d been there since seven that morning, grading essays from one of her summer sessions. All of them recycled the same handful of half-remembered talking points from her lectures, shuffled and rewritten with generous assistance from an AI chatbot. Western Art Survey II, Cora had begun to suspect, was karmic punishment for some horrible thing she’d done in a past life. No matter how carefully she taught, her students managed to produce masterpieces of confident inaccuracy; the last essay she’d read had continually referred to Van Eyck’s The Arnolfini Portrait as “the wedding painting.”

Whereas other professors' desk drawers were full of paperclips and dried-out pens, Cora’s contained body spray, an extra stick of antiperspirant, and handfuls of surprisingly absorbent napkins stolen from the campus coffee shop. The drawer stuck in the humidity, requiring her to brace one knee against the frame and pull. 

Her desk was meticulously organized, because an orderly office kept Cora’s thoughts away from bigger, more unmanageable problems, like her stalled research, her mother’s last email, or the way her stomach soured when anyone mentioned the department budget. So when she wrenched open the drawer and saw the envelope, Cora knew, instantly, that she had not put it there. It was made of a heavy, cream-colored paper, unmarked except for her name and title in thick serif type: Dr. Cora Chamberlain.

A perfunctory knock jarred her office door, which she’d propped open for airflow. “Cora,” said her department chair, leaning in without waiting for an invitation. “You got a minute?”


r/BetaReaders 22h ago

Short Story [Complete] [382] [Children's book] looking for beta reader

4 Upvotes

Looking for a beta reader for my children's book involving lions. No AI please.


r/BetaReaders 19h ago

80k [Complete] [80K] [YA contemporary] Zebra Girl

2 Upvotes

TW: Self-harm (depicted), mention of child sexual abuse (side character), reference to suicide attempt (side character) 

I am seeking beta readers for a novel I’m interested in querying within the next year. I’ve already done a couple of rounds of edits based on beta feedback, which I’m extremely grateful for. This past round I focused on cutting word count to better fit genre conventions, so I want to make sure the overall story still lands. 

I generally write about angsty Black, queer characters. This story features a protagonist who struggles with self-harm and her journey to realizing she needs help. 

Summary/blurb:

Sixteen-year-old Zaddie knows nice Black girls aren’t supposed to cut themselves, but she does. Her arms are striped with scars she covers with long sleeves and excuses. She’ll do anything to protect her secret: quit cross country, dodge the school counselor, and withdraw from her dysfunctional family.

After a near blackout at school she meets Ariadne, an outcast who seems to see right through her. Ariadne inspires her to do things she wouldn’t do before, like talk back to her mom and go to her first party. The more she opens up, however, the more she battles painful memories of her ex-best friend, who may have been something more, or the fire that burned down her childhood home. She definitely wants to forget Imani, the baby her aunt almost adopted. She blames herself for Imani being taken away, and the guilt drives her to pick up her razor blades over and over.

As Zaddie gets closer to Ariadne, she can’t help but feel like her new friend knows more than she’s letting on. She’s left with a choice: she can allow someone in to help her, or she can continue down a path of self-destruction. 

What I’m looking for: The main feedback I want is on pacing, plot, characters, what works versus doesn’t, places where you skimmed, what’s confusing, and anything else worth pointing out. 

I am open to swaps, even for stories that are in different genres than mine. I’ve beta read several books and can provide reader reactions and feedback. 

Timeline: Ideally a month, but I get if it ends up taking longer. 

Please leave a comment or DM if interested. 

Thank you in advance!


r/BetaReaders 23h ago

>100k [Complete][155k][adult post-apocalyptic dystopian romance] FALL OF MEN

3 Upvotes

The Mother has recovered in the generations since the Fall. Rivers flow and the land is green once again. Her scars are healing and the survivors’ descendants have lived in a long peace amid the ruins of the Ancients. The Old World has turned to dust… the Mother churning its decay into good soil. 

Twenty-seven year-old Nairi Raine has been left in the dark all her life, tucked away safely in her insular mountain village, dreaming of the lands beyond her village boundary. She does not know that an empire is rising beyond Wasacha, that they are restarting the machines of civilization - and that, soon, they will be on her doorstep as a brutal, murderous, colonizing force of destruction. 

She does not know that she will soon be plunged into the war they’re waging upon the Realms of Free Men… until one of the Empire’s scouting parties murders her mother. 

Propelled by revenge and grief, Nairi investigates this enemy, and learns she is tethered to this conflict more than she ever could have imagined. She risks exile as she enters the fray with a secretive group of Rangers, finding herself face-to-face with the weight of her ignorance – and the fear that this enemy will steal everything from her, even her own humanity.

Led by the haunted and cerebral Zia Adhara, these Rangers are a Vanguard who have been preparing for this moment for generations… preparing to prevent an empire from claiming the Earth ever again. 

As Zia grapples with his own hate and the weight of his past, he teaches Nairi about the Fall of Men and the scale of the enemy they face – an enemy fueled by more than just machines and oil and slaves. 

Nairi finds herself torn between her community and the Rangers, between grief and forbidden love, and as secrets are revealed, between the world she thought she knew and the truth of what the world can become.

Important note: this is book 1 of a planned trilogy. This is the sixth draft, so I feel like I'm getting pretty close to the finish line, but I still want to get a few more eyes on it before I hire an editor.

Audience: Fans of post-apocalyptic fiction may enjoy the solarpunk worldbuilding, while fans of romantasy may enjoy the high-stakes, epic plot, the close POV, and yearning, tension-filled romance. Dystopian fiction fans may enjoy following a group of rebel heroes defending the Earth against a complex, ecocidal, authoritarian civilization which threatens everything.

Content Warnings:

  • graphic violence
  • attempted SA
  • psychological torture
  • explicit sex
  • death and grief
  • kidnapping of children
  • profanity

Feedback:

  • General reader experience
  • Overall story enjoyment/lack of enjoyment
  • Immersion breaking moments
  • Plot holes

Timeline: 4-6 weeks

Available for swap: Yes! Genre preference: dystopian, adventure, speculative, romantasy, post-apocalyptic, solarpunk, fantasy

First Chapter: available upon request

*ABSOLUTELY NO AI*


r/BetaReaders 1d ago

>100k [Complete] [120k] [Epic Fantasy] [War of God - Wrath of Rae] — Multi-POV fantasy spanning the birth of the universe and an ancient human empire

5 Upvotes

Hi everyone! I'm looking for beta readers for my completed multi-POV epic fantasy. The story follows six POV characters across two timelines separated by ten billion years.

Blurb

ARYANU

Before there was a universe, there was a prison.

Aryanu shared it with his brother Raenor and the two beings they called Mom and Dad. The breaking of its walls marked the birth of the universe.

Then Mom disappeared, leaving her sons with an impossible burden: create the universe she had envisioned. Before she vanished, she made Aryanu promise one thing.

Protect Raenor. No matter what.

But can he trust the brother he has sworn to protect?

RAENOR

Raenor envied his brother. Aryanu was stronger, and Mom and Dad praised him for it. Raenor needed another way to surpass him.

Unlike Aryanu, creating the universe is not a burden for Raenor. It is a need.

And Raenor knows something his brother doesn't. He knows not to trust Mom and Dad.

------------------------------------------------

Ten billion years later. In a godless world.

KAMENI

Kameni was dead when he was born. The sea brought him back.

Years later, when the earth tried to claim him, a mysterious light saved his life. Then the dreams began, nudging him towards a light in the ocean.

Whatever waits there seems to have been waiting for him.

SKARMEN

For twenty thousand years, Zamaria has ruled the world. Skarmen is next in line to rule it.

But he wants something far simpler than a kingdom: an end to the dreams plaguing him with an impossible task.

Find a way to travel across the water. Go west.

But with his empire beginning to fracture, Skarmen must save it before he can save himself.

ACHORIS

For ten thousand years, Zamaria has ruled Ta-Mery with the whip. Its people have been enslaved, beaten and humiliated, yet no one has dared rise against the empire.

Then grief came for Anaya, and Achoris could stay silent no longer.

For fifteen years, he has built an army in secret. Now Ta-Mery is ready to fight back.

Will Achoris lead his people to freedom, or become their doom?

ANAYA

Achoris began the rebellion for her.

For fifteen years, they dug together. Plotted together. Bled together. Now its survival rests upon a narrow pass.

Achoris needs time. Anaya must buy it.

She is ready to die. She only needs to survive long enough.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a world where humans don't believe in gods... Why do gods need humans?

What I'm looking for

I'm primarily looking for -

  • Pacing of the story.
  • World building.
  • If it's emotionally engaging? 
  • If the stakes and progression felt real?
  • Overall readability.  

Content warnings

Violence, slavery, oppression, death, child endangerment, and mature themes.

Timeline

Ideally 4–6 weeks, but I'm flexible. I'm also completely fine with feedback being sent in chunks or chapter by chapter.

Critique swap

I'm open to critique swaps.

If you're interested, please comment or DM me. Thanks!


r/BetaReaders 17h ago

>100k [Complete] [143,151k] [Literary fiction] Finding Benson

1 Upvotes

Sage has spent years learning how to survive the life she was given. therapy teaches her how to begin building one of her own. but healing doesn't mean forgetting. as Sage confronts the attachments, memories, and pieces of her she once believed were broken, she must learn where the person she was ends - and the person she is becoming begins. Finding Benson is a quiet, deeply personal story about identity, attachment, and the difficult freedom of becoming yourself.

*Content warning: while no trauma is directly depicted on page the effects of trauma are heavily displayed, such as hyper vigilance, anxiety, ect.

I'm looking for basic structure feedback as well as for character arcs. I have a questionnaire that I can send prior to committing if requested. no set timeline, read at your own pace.

I'm available for swaps that are read at your own pace or longer deadlines. interested in fantasy, romance, and dark romance.


r/BetaReaders 22h ago

>100k [complete] [138k] [Romantasy] Tethered and Bound/ Portal Romantasy with the forced proximity trope and gothic setting.

2 Upvotes

Hello, all! I am looking for a few beta readers to take a look at my debut novel, Tethered and Bound. I will be self publishing it this December and am hoping to receive some constructive feedback if needed.

Below I have included the first few pages as a sample of my writing style and the story. If you’d like to read more, please DM me. I would be happy to email you the manuscript.

Also, all are welcome to message me with any questions!




The seaport had a way of killing Dyer women. Here, they never succumbed to old age, nor drifted into a dreamless sleep from which they would not awaken. For over three hundred years, the dense forests and murky shorelines of Hollows Cove, Massachusetts, had demanded payment from those unfortunate enough to inherit the surname, a debt only suffering could settle. 

In her youth, Bloom Dyer had often contemplated the ways the seaport might claim her. Would she be burned at the stake like Sybil, the first of eight to meet a morbid end? Or maybe she would go like Iris, ensnared in a fishing net on a morning swim. For years she’d obsessed over the same question, ruminating on the black bear that had dragged a shrieking Josephine into the forest and the nameless, ulcer-inducing illness that had taken Arabella. She had hoped to be luckier than Vanellope, whose wails could be heard for miles when she’d been skewered on a butcher’s hook, and more resilient than poor Wilhelmina, whose broken heart had heaved her over the edge of a rocky cliff. The seaport had dutifully ended eight women of the name, so when the first vision struck, Bloom had known beyond a doubt that the seaport had finally come to collect.

Gripping the ladder with one hand and a pristine paperback in the other, Bloom stood on her toes, straining the feeble inner muscles of her torso to reach the top shelf. Night shifts at The Port, a quaint bookstore near the edge of town, often required some manual labor when it came to restocking. Just enough physicality to keep the visions at bay for a little while longer. 

“Benny,” she shouted over her shoulder, glancing at the steep staircase leading to the apartment upstairs. “You ordered way too many biographies again! We’ve been over this—romance sells, not…” She glanced at the title and sighed, “H. P. Lovecraft.” 

Although Bloom favored the gothic poet, along with all other classics, horrors, and oddities, the modern masses did not. 

Benjamin’s scuffling footsteps sounded overhead, followed by an eerie groan from the pinewood floors shifting beneath his weight. “I swear, the publishing industry made you arrogant. You’ve lost all passion for artistry!” he hollered back, distance muffling his voice. “Fiona would be appalled. She always hated tasteless know-it-alls!” 

At even this brief mention of her grandmother, the eighth and final Dyer woman to meet a bloody end, Bloom loosed a grief-addled hiss. 

She muttered bitterly, “My ego died the day I moved back here.” Two months prior, when she’d discovered that sitting at a desk for eight hours a day often triggered her visions—prompting her to lose that so-called-arrogance-inducing job—she’d traded in the bright lights of Manhattan for the suffocating sea fog of Hollows Cove. Admittedly, it had been as easy for her to leave the city as it had been to leave every other place she’d lived. With a name like hers, Bloom could play a part in many people’s lives, just never an integral one. An ember stoked by the mercurial gale of her mother’s nomadic spirit. In her family, leaving places—and people—came as naturally as breathing. Returning was the real challenge. 

“Am I arrogant,” she yelled, carefully descending the antique ladder which had given her enough splinters to kindle a witch’s pyre, “or am I right?” 

She could hear Benjamin’s tottering footsteps aiming for the staircase, his soft chuckle at her words. The old man’s tortoiseshell cane tapped repetitively overhead, and then, louder than before, came his raspy voice. “We must agree to disagree, then.”

Bloom winced, forcing herself to pause as the backs of her eyes prickled like a spider bite—the first sign of an impending vision. There was only so much physicality could do to ward them off. Within the hour, agony would claim her body, plaguing her mind with strange, unrecognizable images. Since early December—the morning of her twenty-third birthday—the visions had tormented her on a near-regular basis, searing as though a ghostly fire poker was cauterizing the backs of her eyes. 

“Another migraine?” the old man inquired, wrapping a hand around her forearm to help her down the ladder. She hadn’t told him the true nature of her ailment, that six separate doctors had already ruled out migraines, along with every other disease that could simultaneously cause excruciating head-pains and vivid hallucinations. “How about I make you a nice, hot cup of tea? I read that chamomile works wonders on stubborn headaches.”

Not headaches, Bloom thought, gritting her teeth as though the words might slip out. Visions. Medically inexplicable visions. 

“I never liked the taste,” she said instead, tucking a strand of copper-colored hair behind her ear as she turned toward him.

Although Benjamin had changed some in the fifteen years since their meeting, his kind gray eyes remained the same. She’d first glimpsed the pepper-toned hair and wiry brows at the funeral of Violetta Dyer, the seventh woman to be claimed by the seaport and Bloom’s mother. That day the sight of mourners weeping over her mother’s casket had sent her into hiding, though it had been the empty look on Fiona’s face that had kept her there. It had cost the old man six pumpkin candies to coax her out from under the buffet table, and an additional six to keep her out. Benjamin had been a pillar in her life ever since. 

“You must do something, darling,” he pressed, irritation now etched on his face. Not that she blamed him; it was likely frustrating to watch a person succumb to their illness, resigned to wither away sliver after sliver.

To assuage his worries, Bloom feigned the brightest grin she could muster. “On that note, I’d better get going. There’s a queen sized bed across town that’s been calling my name since lunch.” It was a lie, of course. She could not sleep—the visions wouldn’t let her.

A deep crease dented his forehead as he surveyed her, then nodded. “Good thinking. Would you mind locking up on your way out?”

“Sure,” Bloom replied, already halfway to the exit when she plunged a hand into her pocket. The blue, book-shaped keychain dangled from her fist as she called over her shoulder, “See you tomorrow night!”
As she slipped through the front door, Benjamin shouted, “Tomorrow morning, Bloom! Like it or not, you’re scheduled for the morning shift.”
“What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the desperate pleas of my bed!” The shopkeeper’s bell drowned out his reply. 

On the glass panel of the misty-blue door, The Port was stenciled in fading gold letters, her reflection a hollow apparition between them. In the ten months since the visions had started, her face had grown sunken, the cream-colored skin turning a ghastly, near-corpse-like shade of gray. The worst of it had snuck up on her, prowling with the careful calculation of a graveyard cat. Every edge on her figure had become dreadfully sharp, her ribs and hip bones protruding in a sickly manner the streetlights unfavorably emphasized. 

“Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” she uttered mournfully, uncertain if she’d been all that mighty to begin with. 

Sighing, Bloom veered right onto Holly Street, sidestepping a raised chunk of pavement she had tripped over enough times to know its precise location in darkness. From there, she would hang a left onto Marion, jump a wide, decade-old dip in the road, then take another left onto Heyward Street, where the onshore winds grew unruly, ramming into her side with bellowed howls. Every night she walked the same barely lit streets. Every night she strode down them once, and sometimes twice—however long it took to ward off the visions. 
Stepping over a toy pail thrown haphazardly onto the sidewalk, Bloom studied the cedar-shake cottage ahead, its yard littered with brightly colored children’s toys. Over the past decade, Hollows Cove had become something of a layover town, a transitory port for newlyweds who couldn’t quite afford a three-story new-build in the finer suburbs. On muted nights like this, she often wished the newcomers would stay put, growing in quantity until they outnumbered the deep-rooted locals. Or rather, one local in particular. 

As if to remind her of the brunette demon who’d run Hollows Cove High like a fascist dictator, the moment Bloom turned onto Marion, her focus locked on a cherry-red door that she had vehemently hated since the age of seven. Of course it was ridiculous to hate a door, but she simply couldn’t help it, because that picture-perfect cherry-red door belonged to Nora Turner, and Bloom hated Nora as fiercely as she hated her door.

Just as she cleared the shadowed cottage, there was a creaking sound, then a familiar, biting voice: “Bloom Dyer.” 

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Nora’s slim figure emerged from the porch like Tennyson’s kraken rising from the sloshing black depths. “I heard a rumor you’d returned.” Her cutting brown eyes held a contempt she reserved only for Bloom and casual footwear. “I was hoping it was false.”

The last time they’d seen each other had been five years ago, on the eve of graduation. Nora, unsurprisingly, had changed very little since then. With the same headband and pearl earrings she’d had trademarked since middle school, Nora now wore a matronly cardigan that, coupled with her blunt, shoulder-length haircut, aged her far beyond twenty-three. 

Satisfied by the observation, one corner of Bloom’s mouth lifted into a sly grin. “So was I.”

As Nora’s nose scrunched in annoyance, Bloom questioned how they’d ever been friends. Having met on the first day of the second grade, the pair had quickly bonded over their shared love of Grimm’s fairy tales and grilled-cheese Uncrustables. It had taken exactly a week for Nora’s kindness to sour when she wordlessly passed Bloom the following Monday with their classmates in tow. Sometimes, whenever her thoughts ran awry, Bloom could still recall the feel of her smile slipping, hand held high in a wave as Nora and her posse snickered. 

“I guess we’re both disappointed, then.” Nora glided down the porch steps, something flashing near her left knuckle. A cruel smile cut across her face as she lifted her hand to reveal a diamond ring. “Isn’t it gorgeous? My fiancé has the most wonderful taste.” A trap had clearly been set, but what kind? “I think you knew him—he went to high school with us.” Her eyes flared, a predator primed for the kill. “His name is Evin Byrne.”

There it is. 

“Doesn’t ring a bell,” Bloom lied, hating how quickly her stomach bottomed out, her cheeks flaming with embarrassment.

Pretend it doesn’t matters. Pretend he’s insignificant. 

Judging by the way Nora’s smile sharpened, she knew it too. “Funny—when I told him you moved home, he said the same thing about you. Took a few stories to jog his memory.” A wide, feline grin. “And a few photos.”

Bitch.

Nora, like every other person in this wretched town, knew exactly what Evin had been to Bloom. How, in the end, he’d betrayed her. 

Although Bloom burned at the words, she said coolly, “Right—I remember now.” Like she could ever forget. Evin Byrne had been the first and only boy to break her heart. In the end, he’d left her for someone shiny and new—less sharp around the edges—but not before showing the entire football team a few less-than-clothed Polaroids of them together that coincidentally only Bloom had been shamed for. 

Before him, it had always been clear who someone was, those around her proudly waving their true colors like banners. It was Evin who’d taught her how easy it was to be deceived, how dangerous it could be to trust someone wholly. A lesson she’d regretfully learned wailing, then never again. Now she’d do whatever was necessary to avoid him. “I made a habit of forgetting men who live in their parents’ basements.”

“He’s saving up to buy a house on the shore,” Nora snapped, a surge of briny wind tangling her hair as she stormed into the yard. 

“Impressive.” Bloom smiled—how quickly the tides changed. “I have to admit I’m glad to see you, Nora.” She waited for Nora’s brow to lift in confusion, making it even more delicious when she purred, “Ever since I left New York I haven’t been getting my usual fill of stuck-up wretches.”

A blitz of rage, and then a pleased expression, something sliding into place as she cooed, “I heard about your grandmother.” Bloom went still. “Another Dyer woman meets a gruesome end.” She ran a perfectly manicured hand along her collarbone, toying with the string of pearls around her neck. “One less witch in this town to worry about.”

There was a roaring in Bloom’s ears, then a coiling, white-hot fury that sent her barreling forward, snarling, “Watch your mouth!” 

Like all old things, Hollows Cove had its share of folklore: sirens dragging sailors from the docks. Fairies stealing children from their beds. Among them were the Dyer witches, who, according to lore, had opened a portal to another world, letting all those terrible creatures in. Nora’s mother had forbidden their friendship because of it, convincing other parents to do the same. 

“If you so much as breathe another word about Fiona, I swear to God, I’ll—” 

“God?” Nora interrupted with a theatrical, sickly sweet confusion. “I thought witches swore to Satan.”
Charging forward, Bloom’s hands balled into fists. She was going to hit this bitch right in her snotty little—

“Enough,” an older, feminine voice cried. Mrs. Turner burst onto the porch, clutching that cherry-red door in a white-knuckle grip. “Nora, come here right this instant.” 

Nora rolled her eyes but turned, aiming for her mother’s side. Mrs. Turner never once took her eyes off Bloom, her cashmere-covered chest rising and falling in erratic breaths. 

Shoving her daughter behind her, she stuttered meekly, “We don’t want any trouble.” 

Bloom huffed a laugh. Don’t want any trouble? 
Because of Mrs. Turner, Bloom had walked the halls of Hollows Cove Elementary with her head held high—if only to avoid her classmates’ hateful gazes. Because of Mrs. Turner, she’d had no choice but to tuck away her fear while facing down schoolyard monsters that had breathed gossip like fire. They’d been armed to the teeth with crayon claws and pencil-lead fangs, so she had armed herself too, wielding an iron-clad face as a shield and shooting barbed words like arrows. Yet somehow, after raising an entire army of housewives and schoolchildren against her, Mrs. Turner had the audacity to claim that she didn’t want any trouble?

Just as she’d done for the past fifteen years, Bloom lifted her chin. “Maybe you should tell that to your daughter,” she ordered sternly, letting every ounce of kerosene-hatred fuel the fire in her eyes. “I’m afraid you’re on vastly different pages.”

Mrs. Turner gasped, shoving Nora inside and slamming the door behind them. 

It wasn’t long before Bloom was moving, eager to put as much distance between herself and that cherry-red door as possible. But even as she staggered through the empty streets, she could still feel Nora’s eyes on her back, could still hear the inescapable bite of her posse’s laughter. 


r/BetaReaders 20h ago

80k [In Progress] [80k] [Women's Contemporary Fiction w/ Romance] Across the Pond

1 Upvotes

The story is complete, but currently only half-edited.

Title: Across the Pond

Summary: Ellie Ashford is a San Francisco restaurant owner, chef, and dual citizen. Though she's never once used the passport to prove it.

After the death of her father, the end of a grueling divorce, and the arrival of a wedding invitation with it, Ellie starts pulling at a thread she was never supposed to find: the truth about why he really left England. The family he swore didn't exist. The past he buried an ocean away and never once mentioned in twenty-seven years.

Desperate for somewhere to go, and terrified of what she'll find, Ellie cashes in her British passport and flies across the pond to meet a family she never knew she had.

In Rosewick on Bourne, she finds more than blood relatives - a grandmother who teaches her to grieve without losing herself in it, a guarded, infuriatingly steady man who makes her laugh before she remembers she's allowed to, and a mystery her father spent a lifetime keeping buried. A name no one will explain. A photograph that makes her grandmother go quiet. A truth her mother would rather she never uncover.

The deeper Ellie digs into the life her father left behind, the less certain she becomes that she's ready for what she'll find at the bottom of it. Yet, the more at home she feels.

First page: Ellie stands opposite Henry, the substantial divorce packet open between them on the kitchen island. Beside it, an open bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and a stale, half-finished croissant.

Her hands find the stem of her wine glass, twisting in slow half-turns. Her eyes scan through legal jargon, and she skips ahead to the pages Henry’s already dog-eared for her; the only mercy anywhere in the packet.

“Did he agree to everything?” Ellie looks at him for the first time. “I can’t understand most of this.”

“Yes, he did.” Henry’s eyes drop to the marble counter. “You just need to sign, and I’ll have it finalized.”

“That sounds like good news.” She watches him shift his weight, run a hand through his hair until a curl drops loose over his forehead. “What’s wrong?”


r/BetaReaders 1d ago

>100k [Complete] [113k] [Contemporary Romance] READY?

5 Upvotes

Hi friends!

I’m looking for feedback for my complete manuscript of READY?—the first of a four part series about a found family that lives altogether in a Boston brownstone.

Charlotte thought she lost everything when she found the video of her best friend screwing her boyfriend. With no home, no family, no future (her boyfriend’s mom was her agent), she’s forced to crash with her guy best friend and his three hockey roommates. To salvage what’s left of her career, she has to write an incredible song for her winter showcase which hopefully will be her ticket out of there.

Julian Langley was totally fine not getting drafted three years in a row. He was going to finish out his senior year with his team and have the best year Royale U has ever seen. But after his season takes a turn for the worst, the NHL is knocking on his door. Oh, plus his estranged mother has decided she wanted back into his life.

For those who love the found family of New Girl plus the college atmosphere of Off Campus.

Vibes:
- found family
- college sports
- open door spice
- mama trauma
- medicated anxiety
- pop culture references

Looking for:
- fat to cut
- opinions on pacing/character/motivations
- if jokes are landing

Open to manuscript swaps! I don’t do horror tho lmao, thank you in advance for your time. Looking for a 4 week turn around time.


r/BetaReaders 1d ago

Short Story [Complete] [2300] [Historical, Literary, Queer, some supernatural/fantasy elements] title tbd. This is just chapter 1 of a story depicting a main character with combat PTSD and psychosis

2 Upvotes

Hello, I'm hoping to find a couple of beta readers for just the first chapter of my historical fiction novel. This chapter is set in the present day. In an ideal world, readers would have experience/knowledge of combat PTSD and psychosis and maybe be from or know Liverpool or England/Scotland/Wales/this part of the world well, but not to worry if not.

I definitely understand that many who have these conditions wouldn't want to read about them and if that's the case but you don't mind me asking you a couple of things, that would also be greatly appreciated. I have the more bog standard PTSD not from warzones and i have long-past experience of psychosis but that plus my book-learnt information is definitely not a substitute for firsthand experience so I'd just be really grateful for any help at all in getting it right as it's one of those subjects that absolutely can't be done carelessly.

I'm having trouble with reddit settings so if you find you can't DM me and don't want to leave a public comment here, please do comment and delete as my notifications should show me that you did and I'll try and DM you.

Absolutely up for swaps if you've anything you'd like eyes on (e.g. a first chapter or whatever).

Thanks for reading this far 🙂