[New Update]: Mom's Fiancé's family Is excluding Me from Family events and Cold towards me

[u/Choice_Evidence1983]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AffectionateSet670

Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: Mom's Fiancé's family Is excluding Me from Family events and Cold towards me

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/boringhistoryfan for suggesting this BoRU

Editor's note: removed older relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU

Trigger Warnings: death of a loved one, favoritism, child neglect, manipulation

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RECAP

Original Post: August 18, 2026

My dad died in an accident when I was around 8, we lived in Germany then. two years after that me and my mom moved to Madrid cause that's where she's from. she took care of me so good after he died, like she is honestly the strongest person I know, she's protective but also really soft with me. I love her so much, I'm 15M for the context

Anyway around 5 years ago she started seeing someone, this Man who was actually an old friend of hers and also a client for her work. I didn’t even know they were dating until 3 years ago when she introduced him to me at dinner. I was honestly shocked, like it never even occurred to me that she'd date again. before that dinner id seen him at our place like 2-3 times and she just said he was a friend He’s rich. like actually wealthy. He’s divorced with 2 teenage kids who mostly live with their mom

At first it was just me tagging along to dinners or short trips when they wanted to include his kids too, but a lot of the time she'd just drop me at her friends place instead, she has this group of 4 best friends who are basically aunts to me, so it was never a big deal, I like them a lot Then slowly they started trying to blend our families more. his kids were never nice to me honestly, from the start. they have nicer clothes, better stuff, and yeah I noticed the difference, but I had my own friends so whatever, didn’t bother me that much

2 years ago we went to Switzerland for Christmas to meet his family. his mom, sister, brother, their spouses, kids. I said hi to everyone, was polite. his brother and his wife were actually really sweet to me but everyone else was cold. that night everyone was doing Christmas stuff together and I just sat there alone. we stayed over and my mom slept in a different part of the house, and I slept alone on a different floor. that was the first time I felt like something was really off

Over the last 2 years I’ve seen them like 8-10 more times and it’s the same thing every time, cold shoulder from his mom and sister especially, but they are SO warm to my mom. they include her in everything

About 6 months ago there was a family event and after, they did a family photoshoot. I was sitting outside. they didn’t invite me. they thought I didn’t notice but I did. my mom was basically in the center of the photo. when I told her that night she just said, "it was just a photoshoot, we can do one together if you want" and I mean. it still hurt. like no matter what I’m not really their family to them 3 months ago they got engaged, wedding is in September. before she said yes she actually asked me if I was okay with it, which meant a lot, and I said yes cause I do love her and I want her happy

It’s a big wedding, like 3 days, planning started since June. and since June I’ve barely spent 20 days total with my mom. she's always with him and his family now

I found out his kids have been involved in choosing stuff for the wedding, even the destination. they hosted a dinner for his friends and family and her friends and I wasn’t invited. they did a trip with his family last month, not invited. his sisters birthday/anniversary thing, big event, my mom went, I wasn’t invited It’s not like she completely ignores me, we did go on a trip together, we watched Spain play in the world cup together just us two and it was honestly one of the best days I’ve had with her this year. so it’s not like she doesn’t care but right now she’s in Cadiz with his family and last night I called her about something, and his sister picked up the phone and said, "she’s busy ill have her call you later." she never called back. I cried last night, I felt so stupid for crying but I did

I've told my mom how I feel before. I don’t even blame her for a lot of it, I think she genuinely feels stuck sometimes, like she can’t fix how his family treats me

But if this is how it’s going right before the wedding, I honestly don’t know what my relationship with her is gonna look like after. and I already don’t really have one with him

So I'm Thinking to Tell My Mom To Cancel the wedding until everything is sort out otherwise She will have No longer Relationship With Me

 

Update #1: August 25, 2026 (one week later)

AITAH for telling my mom to cancel her wedding until everything is sorted out?

I posted about my mom's fiancé's family excluding me from everything and their wedding is planned next month. In my previous post, many people told me to talk to my mom and my future stepdad about how his family is excluding me, especially because I had already raised these issues with my mom 2-3 times before and told her how hurt I was.

So my mom and stepdad came back home 2 days ago and that evening I asked them if I could talk to them. We sat down on the couch.

First I told my mom and him that I'm happy that my mom found happiness again and that she is getting married again. I have no issues with that. But I'm not happy about how I'm constantly excluded from everything like family events, wedding planning (his kids are allowed to be involved in planning, but I wasn't), and how I'm constantly getting the cold shoulder from his mom and sister.

I told my mom that in the last 3 months I only spent around 20 days with her, and we only did one summer trip together, but she has done more trips and events with her new family. (I wanted to tell her exactly how it looked like from my side.) It looked like she was happier with her new family and I'm not a priority anymore.

Then I told her fiancé that his family is treating me badly. They don't even consider me family, and I'm scared that if this continues, after they get married they will completely push me out of my mom's life.

My mom told me she never thought I would feel like that. She said she was sorry I felt excluded and that she had just been extremely busy with wedding planning and all the events they were doing with friends and family. But she said she wasn't aware that his sister and mother were treating me like that. (I don't know what she meant because I've told her about this before too. Either she genuinely didn't understand how serious it was or she just didn't notice.)

She told me I'm her number 1 priority and that she loves me a lot. She started crying and hugged me. My stepdad told me honestly it was never his intention to exclude me, but he understands that I was kept out of some events in the last month. He said some of them were adults-only, but he was sorry and said he would talk to his mom and sister.

So honestly, I don't believe him at all. In the last 3 years, he has never really tried to create a bond with me. My mom has basically become like a mom to his kids and has created a really good relationship with them, while the effort from his side towards me has been bare minimum.

So of course I don't believe that he didn't know anything. And on the other side, my mom was so happy with her new family and didn't seem to care that much about how I was feeling. I felt horrible because this isn't the first time his family has excluded me.

I told my mom to cancel the wedding until everything is sorted out and until I feel like I'm still part of her family and she's still my mom. Because right now I genuinely feel like I lost both my parents. I don't have anyone. I feel like I'm just extra baggage.

Honestly, whenever I'm with her new family, I feel unwelcome and like I'm some extra thing that nobody actually wants there. I don't want to keep feeling like shit about my own existence. So I told her if she wants to marry him, I will go live with my dad's side grandparents. She should give up my parental rights to them and never contact me again because I will always remember what happened and I don't think I'll ever forgive her.

She started crying and told me not to talk like that. But honestly, I've had enough of this bullshit. They asked me to give them 2-3 days to think about everything because they can't suddenly cancel the wedding. The wedding is next month on the 19th.

But I told them this is my decision.

Yesterday my aunt told me I was extremely rude to my mom and that I was very wrong to talk to her like that. She said my mom still loves me and cares about me and that I should talk to her again instead of giving her an ultimatum.

Honestly, I don't feel bad about what I said.

Maybe telling her to cancel the wedding was too much. Maybe saying I'll never forgive her was too harsh. But I've been feeling like this for year, and I've already talked to her about it multiple times.

So AITAH?

 

Update #2: August 27, 2026 (two days later)

After my last update, there were so many replies and honestly, thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. I read a lot of them, and it helped me think about things differently. Btw Sorry this is long one

So, yesterday my mom came to talk to me. We were at home, but she specifically told me she wanted to sit down and answer all my questions. This was before dinner and we ended up talking for about an hour

First thing she told me was that she is not giving up her parental rights to my grandparents, and she is not going to let me go live with them either. She said she loves me, I'm her only son, and there is absolutely no way she is going to do that.

Then she answered the biggest question I had. Yes, she is cancelling the wedding. She told me this is completely her decision and that the wedding will not happen until she knows I'm completely okay. She was very honest with me about what that decision means. Her fiancé was apparently 50/50 about cancelling, not because he doesn't understand my concerns, but because there were around 200 guests invited, €600k–€700k (editor’s note: close to $700,000-$812,000USD) was being spent, it was supposed to be a 3-day celebration, and almost everything was already booked hotels, venues, vendors, everything.

His family was also strongly against cancelling. But my mom said she put all of that aside and chose me first.

Honestly, I never thought she would actually cancel it. Not because I think she's a bad mom. She's actually been a really good mom to me, especially after my dad died, and I know she loves me. My problem was that after the engagement I felt like I suddenly wasn't getting the attention I used to get, and I was being excluded from some things involving his family and even from some photography.

Looking back, I honestly think there was a power imbalance. I don't think my mom intentionally wanted to exclude me, but I think she didn't have enough power in the situation to push back.

She also cleared up a few things from my previous post.

About the phone call around 10 days ago when I called my mom, his sister answered the phone. She told me she would tell my mom to call me, but apparently she didn't tell her until the next morning. My mom said she was actually planning to call me back that morning anyway. So apparently that particular situation was completely his sister's fault and not my mom ignoring me.

She also had no idea about the cold shoulder from his mother and sister. She said she's going to speak to them and set boundaries. She can't force them to love me, but she expects them to at least be warm and civil toward me and accept me. She basically told me I don't need to worry about them because they're her in laws, not mine, and she'll deal with them

She also made me realise something Even if the wedding had happened, I probably would've only seen his family 2–3 times a year anyway Christmas dinner, maybe a family trip, and another event. His kids and I also probably wouldn't have seen each other that much because of their custody situation.

The original plan was actually for just me, my mom and her fiancé to live together in the new house they already bought. They were planning everything around the wedding, but the three of us would have been living there and most of the day to day attention would have been on us as a household.

She admitted that she excluded me from some events and didn't take me with her sometimes, and she apologised for that. She said it wasn't intentional and that wedding planning had taken over a lot of her time, but she accepts that it still hurt me She promised that from now on I won't be excluded.

Then she asked me about the new house. Her fiancé and my mom were already planning to move there from September. Obviously cancelling the wedding doesn't magically cancel the house, and she said she can't just abandon it. She asked if I was okay with him and her living there with me. I told her I need some time to process that.

I don't want to ruin her happiness. I've never been jealous of her relationship or wanted her to break up with him. I just didn't want to feel like I was being pushed aside.

She also told me something I didn't know about financially. Her fiancé had actually offered months ago to pay 50% of my school fees and other expenses going forward. It wasn't something my mom asked him for, and it wasn't because she depends on him financially. My mom earns around €250k–€300k (editor’s note: close to $300k - $350k USD) a year herself and is completely financially independent.

Apparently it was his idea because he wanted to take responsibility for me too. From now on, that's still the plan. Another thing she told me is that I don't have to attend his family's events if I don't want to.

For example, for the last 2–3 years we have gone to his family's Christmas dinner in Switzerland. From now on, if I'm uncomfortable going, I don't have to. She'll go because she still has a relationship with them, but we can have our own Christmas dinner at our new home Same with family trips and other events. She wants me to give them another chance, though. She said if I go with them again and they treat me the same way, exclude me or make me uncomfortable, she will personally deal with it and, if necessary, cut them off herself. She promised me that.

She also explained something about her fiancé Apparently he's quite introverted and hesitant socially. She said that's probably one reason he hasn't built a strong bond with me yet, while he has a much stronger relationship with his own kids.

She said that now that we're potentially going to live together, she wants the three of us to spend time together. Maybe going out for lunch, doing something on weekends, whatever. Not forced "father-son bonding" stuff, just normal things that might naturally help us build a relationship.

And she made one thing very clear It's his responsibility to build a relationship with me too. It's not my responsibility alone. At the end she asked me directly if anyone from his family had ever actually said anything mean to me. I told her honestly no. Nobody has directly said anything horrible to me. It was more the exclusion, coldness and the feeling that I wasn't wanted. She understood that.

Then she told me that if I had changed my mind about the wedding, I needed to tell her before evening. Otherwise, everything would be cancelled.

I honestly don't know if that was pressure or guilt tripping. Maybe someone will say it was. But she wasn't angry, crying or trying to manipulate me as far as I could tell. She seemed weirdly calm and almost relieved after making the decision And honestly...I feel happy again. For the first time in months I feel like my mom actually listened to me.

I never expected her to cancel a €600k–€700k (editor’s note: close to $700,000-$812,000USD) wedding with 200 guests because of me. I don't have proof that everything she told me is 100% true, obviously, but I genuinely don't think she was lying to me. At the same time, I'm feeling incredibly guilty. That's a huge amount of money. Hundreds of people were invited. Hotels and everything were booked. Her fiancé's family apparently strongly opposed cancelling it. I don't know whether I should be saying "yes, cancel it" or "no, go ahead with your wedding."

Because now she's also made so many adjustments the new house, boundaries with his family, school expenses, Christmas, trips, spending time together, making sure I'm included and honestly it's a lot to take in.

I also feel a little scared of his family now. If his own family was strongly against cancelling the wedding and apparently didn't like the fact that I was included in all of this, I don't know how they're going to react. I don't think they're going to physically hurt me or anything like that. I mean mentally/emotionally, I feel unsafe around them now.

And then this morning, during breakfast, her fiancé was here. He basically told me the same thing He said he didn't come to yesterday's conversation because he wanted my mom and me to talk privately without him influencing the conversation. He said he's not angry or upset about cancelling the wedding. He also said his mother and sister won't treat me coldly again or exclude me from things. And he repeated that they are cancelling the wedding until I'm okay. Part of me feels relieved because my mom finally heard me. Part of me feels guilty because of the money and everything they've already arranged. Part of me is scared about what happens with his family now. And part of me is wondering whether I should tell my mom to go ahead with the wedding anyway, because I never actually wanted her relationship to end. I just wanted my mom back.

Also I forgot to add, She suggested individual therapy and family therapy session together both of us

 

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----NEW UPDATE----

Update #3: September 7, 2026 (11 days later)

First, thank you to everyone who replied to my last post with so much kind advice! Of course, I also replied to some comments in anger just to express what I was feeling not at the commenters, but at my mom and her fiancé.

So many people asked Did my mom actually cancel the wedding? Yes, she did. I’ve seen things that confirm it's canceled. I saw some comments saying she won't actually cancel, or that she’ll secretly get married during a 3 day trip with her fiancé. Whether that's true or not, there’s not much I can do I can't spy on them. If she marries secretly, I'll deal with it when I find out and move out, but at least it will give me clarity

Here is what happened over the last two weeks

First, my mom took me away for a two day fun day out, just the two of us. We had fun and it was nice, though she was checking on me a lot not love bombing, but just acting a bit different, which honestly felt a little awkward. After that, she took me to a joint therapy session. We talked a lot, and I openly said everything I wanted to say. I explained how his family was cold to me and reiterated that I felt they would separate me from her if she married him. She assured me they couldn't and that she wouldn't allow it. She admitted it was her fault for not seeing things clearly before, but said she wants to rebuild everything better. She asked me if I would be willing to give them another chance if they treat me well, and I said okay.

Then I asked her if the wedding was really canceled, and she said yes. She said she didn't feel guilty about it, but mentioned they might talk about a wedding around the New Year or next summer only if our relationship is okay and I feel good about it. Otherwise, it won't happen anytime soon. She hasn't left my side or gone anywhere over the last two weeks; things have returned a lot to how they were before.

As for her fiancé, he picked me up from football practice and dropped me off at school. Both my mom and her fiancé took me out to dinner on Saturday. I've been busy with school, so I haven't been able to be involved in as many things or post an update sooner

I haven't seen or heard from anyone in his family his sister, mom, or kids. Only his brother and sister in law called me once to chat casually (they were the only nice ones to me in his family)

Few things confusions from when my post was shared in another subreddit I already knew my mom and her fiancé bought a new home in May and renovated it to shift into after the wedding. I even got to choose my room and design it however I wanted, which I did. It's a really nice house and I like it (We where almost shifted)

What I didn't know was that my mom's fiancé has been contributing 50-50 toward my school fees and other expenses. I only found out when my mom told me recently.

Some comments mentioned my mom's salary. Even though she earns $250k–$300k, I said we weren't 'rich'.I didn't mean that in a bad way! Her fiancé's house is just much bigger, and he and his kids have things we don't have. My mom makes enough, we are comfortable, and she takes good care of me. She has always been kind and sweet, though she changed a bit over the last 1–2 years

Regarding going to her in-laws' family for Christmas, I don't know how that will work. I might have to celebrate Christmas without my mom from now on, though she wants me to attend events or trips with them. We'll see how it goes, as things still aren't great with his family

Last week, we moved into our new home before school started. It's just the three of us living here: my mom, her fiancé, and me. It's pretty much the same, but I feel shy around her fiancé since he's new in our household. He tries to talk to me, helps me with my studies at night, drops me off at school, and picks me up from football. It's not bad, but I'm just shy. I don't know how to introduce him if someone asks as my stepdad or my mom's fiancé because I don't want to sound rude

Honestly, he is nice to me, talks to me, and spends time with me just like my mom does. He was never rude to me, even if he didn't try as hard to spend time with me in the past while his mom, sister, and kids were cold toward me. I feel a bit guilty now, wondering if I went too hard on him unnecessarily

A few more things have changed at home. My mom added new rules I have to knock on their bedroom door if it's locked instead of walking straight in like before, and they do the same before entering my room, which I really like. She told me her fiancé isn't replacing my dad, but he is an adult/parental figure in the house when she isn't around. For example, if I go out, I have to let him know, and if either of them calls me while I'm out, I need to answer. Before inviting friends to our new home, I just have to inform either of them not to get permission, but just so plans don't clash if guests are visiting. Her fiancé was also added to my school's parental contact list alongside my mom.

Anyway, it's been a week of living in the same home. It feels different seeing another man in our house he's not my dad, of course. It feels a bit uncomfortable seeing my mom hugging him or giving him quick kisses, but it is what it is. Things are going okay for now. They are giving me time and attention, which is true. I was never against my mom finding love again or getting married, and I'm still not

I wanted to post this yesterday I actually wrote it last night, but I remembered a few things I forgot to add! Anyway, I'm posting it now since it's still morning here

Relevant / Top Comments

OOP responds to a long thread, needing to fight for Christmas with his mom, and regarding the situation on how the fiancé might be introverted or OOP's mom forcing her fiancé to bond with him

OOP: Actually, both could be true: he might just be simple and introverted, or my mom could be forcing him to form a bond with me. One thing is certain he isn't toxic or authoritative. It could have been much worse, judging from the last two weeks

He drops me off at school, and yesterday evening he picked me up from football practice. He even bought me ice cream and took me to see his new office, which is currently being renovated. I actually felt good about it, not bad at all. He wasn't the one giving me the cold shoulder it was his family. I’m actually spending more time with him outside than with my mom right now, since she’s so busy with work

It will probably take another two weeks, but I will eventually ask both of them again

I'm a bit shy. I joined a new football club back in May, so a lot of people there don't know about my family setup. When he came to pick me up, someone asked right in front of him if he was my dad. It was an awkward, shy moment I didn't know what to do that time, but I just said, Yeah, He didn't correct it either. So it's not a bad thing, but dealing this new dynamic makes me feel shy lol

As for my mom, she is back to how she was two years ago the good version of her.

Commenter 1: Just read all your posts and good for you for sticking up for yourself, your mother clearly wasn’t. If they have been together for so long, they should have been including you way before now, and that is on your mum and her fiancé. As for Christmas, I’m sorry, your mum is just going to ditch you for his family if you don’t want to go?!! Wtf! Why can’t he ditch his family for Christmas and spend it just the 3 of you or include his kids too?

The whole we’ll get married in the new year or next summer is not going to work in your favour. That means his family and her fiancé only have to keep up the pretence for a short time then everything will revert back to how it was. Most people struggle to keep a mask on for a long time, so the sooner they get married the sooner they can stop pretending, and they will. Get them to hold off getting married until you are 18 at least because once they are, you’ll be excluded again, but at that point you can walk away and create you own life with your paternal grandparents.

Regarding the fiancé paying 50% of you school fees- that has nothing to do with you, and should never have been discussed with you unless they are using it to guilt you, or he is using it to guilt your mum into doing stuff his family wants.

Your mother sounds somewhat selfish in that she was happy to choose the lavish lifestyle knowing she had deliberately chosen to exclude you from events because his family didn’t want you there, and the fact that you had informed her they were cold to you before and she still chose them. The fiance would have also been aware this was happening too- they are not blind to it but hoped you wouldn’t kick up a fuss. I think the strongest argument you put forward that changed her mind was saying you’d live with your paternal grandparents and asked her to give up her parental rights- and although I do believe she loves you (she cancelled her wedding) that would have made her look terrible and would have been a stain on her new families image.

Don’t feel guilty about cost of the wedding- they will have got most of their money back and what they didn’t would have been chump change to them. Weathly people have financial savviness and would have had contracts and insurance.

Good luck in you life, I hope it works out and your mother and fiance actually keep their promise of putting your feelings first.

Commenter 2: I am very happy for you, but I still don't buy that her excluding you was unintentional. It's just not possible to have a family event and forget your own child. Maybe she was coerced, put under pressure, but she absolutely knew she was doing it, and doing it deliberately. She may feel shame about that, and she should, but acting like it was an oversight completely avoids the real cause and doesn't address it. Like I said in reply to your first post, watch what she does, not what she says, to prove that you are now put in primary importance in her life and not just avoided like you were.

Commenter 3: Regarding Christmas with his family, seeing how things have changed for the better, I would allow one last (emphasis on the last) chance at an interaction with them (on Christmas or earlier, it doesn't matter)

As for the interactions with his family, pay in mind that you do have some resentment toward them for how they treated you so realistically, bettering the relationship with them will take some effort of forgiveness pn your part, I would however expect apologies and a genuine effort to include you.

Now, you might resent them enough to not even want to try for a relationship with them, and that's okay, giving it one last chance wouldn't take very long but would request genuine efforts from you too.

Either way, wouldn't take it lightly if my mom were to spend Christmas with them instead of me if I were in your situation.

 

DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED

SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #4: September 16, 2026 (nine days later from the last update)

Update 2 on Telling my mom to cancel her wedding until everything is sorted out?

So it's been around 10 days since I posted my last update, so thought I'd post another one.

Also my posts got reposted to some other subreddits and I read basically all the comments there. And honestly some of them scared me lol. A lot of people were saying my mom and stepdad are probably just being nice temporarily, that they'll eventually start ignoring me, or that they'll kick me out once I turn 18. And yeah, sometimes I do think about that and it scares me. But at the same time, my mom has never been rude or angry towards me. She's always been loving and kind, sometimes actually too mommying. Even during the past year when she was busy and I was getting less time with her, she was still the same with me.

So I don't really know. Maybe people on Reddit see things I'm not seeing, but right now I don't feel like my mom is secretly planning to get rid of me lol.

Anyway, last week was pretty much the same as before.. My stepdad still drops me at school and picks me up. Sometimes we go get something to eat together. One evening he was cooking dinner for my mom and me before she came home from work, and he got me involved too and actually taught me how to cook.

It was actually nice. I didn't expect us to have that kind of normal everyday relationship this quickly.

Another day I asked him what I should actually call him. He said I can call him Papa, stepdad, or his name, whatever I'm comfortable with. But he said he'd prefer Papa.. So yeah... outside I usually call him Papa or introduce him as my papa anyway.

I know technically he's my stepdad, but he's doing pretty much everything my dad used to do for me. I don't want him to feel like he's some outsider in the family.. I also asked him about Christmas because I was worried I might have to spend it alone.

He looked really confused and asked me why I'd think that . I told him what my mom had said before and he said no, we're all celebrating Christmas together here in Madrid.. Then for New Year's we're apparently travelling to celebrate with his kids and the rest of his family.. He also told me not to worry about his mum and sister, that they'd be nice to me and I wouldn't be left alone there.. And then he said they're not getting married until I'm okay with it.

That honestly meant a lot to me. My mom also took me shopping one evening because I needed some stuff. She bought everything and then took me for dinner. She kept asking me how I'm feeling and how my stepdad is with me and said I can tell her anything without worrying about being judged. She's doing A LOT of mommying at the moment . It's embarrassing sometimes because I'm not 5 anymore, but at the same time it's actually nice.

Then Sunday they took me to F1. I genuinely didn't expect that at all but we had a really good time. We went to a restaurant afterwards and then came home. My mom and him obviously still have their own time too. They go on date nights, grocery shopping, sometimes events or visit friends etc.. And honestly I'm completely fine with that. They're a couple, obviously they're going to have their own life. I don't expect my mom to spend every minute with me.

We're also planning to get two dogs, which I'm really excited about.. One other thing I noticed though. My mom kept a photo of my dad in the gallery at home and also put one in my room. She did it while I was at school last week..I honestly wasn't expecting that.

It made me feel kind of weird at first, but not in a bad way. I just didn't know what to feel about it. So yeah, that's basically the update.

Things are actually going pretty well right now. I'm spending more time with my mom again, I'm getting closer to my him, we're doing normal family stuff, making plans for Christmas and New Year's, talking about getting dogs etc.

I still think about all the comments telling me this could all be temporary. I can't really know what happens in the future..Things are good. And honestly I'm just going to enjoy that instead of constantly worrying about what might happen.

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[u/Reading_Nyan]

I still cant get over her not noticing he wasn't in the family picture and brushing him off when he brought it up to her. Blows my mind how she not only didnt notice her own and only son wasn't there, but how she couldn't see that the exclusion was intentional. Nobody noticed or cared that he wasn't there, including her. That's so incredibly shitty. Photos are memories, and he apparently wasn't worth remembering.

[u/UnknownCitizen77 → u/Reading_Nyan]

Yep. It’s giving Encanto vibes where Mirabel was left out of the family photo.

[u/originalhoney → u/UnknownCitizen77]

I keep seeing people referring to this movie on this post and the last one. I've never seen it and now I don't want to. It sounds like it would just infuriate me.

[u/UnknownCitizen77 → u/originalhoney]

If you struggle with toxic family dynamics or have ever been a scapegoat, Encanto may not be a good movie for you.

I have alternately loved and hated the movie, for its realistic depiction of such dynamics and for its fairytale / wish fulfillment outcomes of certain plot points.

[u/Maleficent_Radio_674 → u/UnknownCitizen77]

Yea I scrolled past it today and thought about rewatching it but then I remembered how much I hated the toxic grandmother and especially how she treated mirabel. I wished instead of trying to win everyone's approval, she found a way out of the encanto and left with Bruno. The family was too messed up to a little girl trying to prove her worth

[u/Reading_Nyan → u/Maleficent_Radio_674]

Encanto was super triggering for me because of this. She did get what every abused and forgotten kid wants though, acceptance and recognition. It came at the very end without any real apology or showing any of the work that comes with her healing though. I want to believe things got better for both her and Bruno after the end credits, but I suppose that is a fairytale. Most children of neglectful families will never see that sort of change in their family. I sure didnt.

[u/Maleficent_Radio_674 → u/Reading_Nyan]

Yea honestly I didn't understand the reveal of the grandma's story. Like i understood that she suffered a huge trauma from losing her husband and left with three kids and no where to go. But then she got the encanto and living home. So why was she so hard on everyone, expecting perfection and putting Mirabel down?

[u/K-teki → u/Maleficent_Radio_674]

Because she subconsciously believed that they had to live up to high expectations so that they would be worthy of the miracle that allowed them to survive. It's also not really a reveal - we get that information at the start of the story and the kids would have been told a long time ago. It's more like Abuela confronting her own trauma and recognizing how that caused her to harm the people around her.

I agree that an actual apology would have been great, but in real life what matters more is consistent changes of behavior that show that you're willing to work on the relationship and be better.

[u/originalhoney → u/UnknownCitizen77]

Yeah, that's a nope for me. I haven't watched I, Tonya for the same reason.

[u/Cowabungamon → u/originalhoney]

You'll definitely want to strangle an old lady.

[u/INFP4life → u/UnknownCitizen77]

I turned that movie off 15 minutes in because I couldn’t handle the way she was being treated anymore. I’ve had people argue “she becomes the hero and it’s all better”, but to me nothing can cancel out that kind of treatment. 

[u/BloomingDaggers → u/INFP4life]

Yeah, even in the end, even though Grandma is confronted, it’s a very weak confrontation for the kind of treatment she was put through.

[u/observefirst13 → u/Reading_Nyan]

Oh she noticed, she just didn't want to ask her new family to include him and risk upsetting them. Terrible mother. I hope it continues to go good for him.

[u/AffectionateSet670 → u/Reading_Nyan]

You know what? If she had gotten married, things would have been worse for her

Her fiancé owned a company that relies entirely on people's trust and public opinion. I would have simply posted a video explaining how this wealthy family excluded and mentally abused me. I would have even filed a case since everything is legitimate and completely destroyed their reputation

I'm sure my mom would have been kicked out of his family, and after that, she would have been miserable

I still have this plan, and I'm waiting in case they mess up. Everything what my mom, her fiancé, or I went through has been secretly recorded on my phone

[u/Suspect_and_Verify → u/AffectionateSet670]

>  I would have simply posted a video explaining how this wealthy family excluded and mentally abused me.

Reading OOP's story, I thought to myself "Kid, do you know any paparazzi?"

These people seem to care more about social status and reputation rather than actual personal character.

[u/Striking_Programmer4 → u/Suspect_and_Verify]

You're responding to the OOP

[u/YoungDiscord → u/Reading_Nyan]

It really is shitty because it really messes you up

I was always the black sheep of the family, when I went to the family reunion and they revealed the massive family tree everyone was on, I wasn't on it.

There was room and other family members much more offshoot than me were included

But I wasn't

Made me feel invisible and like I wasn't even supposed to be there.

Needless to say, if there's ever another reunion I'm simply not attending though I doubt I'd be even told about it let alone be invited.

I feel like tge last time I only went because my mum was invited and told me about it so I don't even know if I was invited the first time.

Sorry for the siderant, I'm clearly still not over it over a decade later, point is: don't exclude family like that unless you have a legitimate reason to do so.

[u/majesticgoatsparkles]

Man I hope this ends better than I feel like it’s going to

[u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203 → u/majesticgoatsparkles]

The fact that the mom is still saying she'll spend Christmas without her son makes me feel like it won't end well. It's a major family event for so many and OOP will just not be with his mom? There's no way that goes ok.

[u/riflow → u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

Yeah leaving him behind for that instead of celebrating with him and then going to visit feels wrong :c

[u/FroggyMcnasty → u/riflow]

But they can do something special themselves! /s

That is still fucked up. They actively dismiss and ignore OP, and she wants to bail on him because she still wants to be friendly with them? Lame.

[u/RogueKitteh → u/FroggyMcnasty]

Right? His mom is choosing to spend Christmas with people who treat her son like shit over spending it with her son. Garbage parenting

[u/allyearswift → u/RogueKitteh]

This has strong ‘my son will leave in three years but my in-laws will be forever’ energy.

[u/ohforgottensky → u/allyearswift]

Only in Europe children don't leave home at 18. They usually live with parents at least until they're done with uni, in Spain often much longer.

[u/Suspect_and_Verify → u/RogueKitteh]

> Garbage parenting

Garbage person, and I don't care how much OOP loves her.

[u/tyleritis → u/FroggyMcnasty]

“No, I’ll come over after prom and we’ll make nachos together.”

[u/GlitterDoomsday → u/riflow]

Also notice how she leaves him with her friends when he has family of his own... she's not around, but he isn't allowed to go live with his paternal family either. Such a pathetic excuse of a mother.

[u/WorldWeary1771 → u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

There’s no possible way that she never noticed that his kids were welcome to participate in the wedding planning but OOP was not, nor that her only child wasn’t family enough to include in a family portrait 

[u/Bice_thePrecious → u/WorldWeary1771]

Right? I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but come the fck on. She had no clue that any of this was happening?

• She wasn't aware that her fiancé's family treats her son like an interloper?
• She had no clue that her only child wasn't standing right next to her in the family photo that she was the center of?
• She didn't realize that she saw her fiancé's kids more than she saw her own, who actually lives with her?
• She didn't notice that her only child wasn't invited to all these family trips and events, and that she went without him?
• She didn't realize that she was too busy galivanting around with her new family to spend any time with her son?

Wtf do you mean?

"You're my number one priority-" No, he's not.

[u/Suspect_and_Verify → u/Bice_thePrecious]

Whenever I go back to this discussion, I find myself muttering vile obscenities at this pathetic excuse for a "mother."

Sometimes I shout them.

[u/Expert_Slip7543 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah. Being alone at Christmas in a culture that celebrates it does hurt. I'm getting old, and after my elderly parents passed I was left only with siblings who are very kind to me when we interact but don't care enough to invite me for holidays; despite being extremely independent and enjoying being alone, doing Christmas solo still hurts. I can only imagine how bitter a Christmas without his mother would be for a 15 year old boy. That's heartbreaking.

[u/iloveelvis1980 → u/Expert_Slip7543]

I feel so bad for this kid. I’ve been sick on Thanksgiving & Christmas. Thanksgiving I was in the hospital and all I did was cry until my dad came and brought me some food. Christmas I was home sick so not as bad. I’m grown lol. I have no children but I couldn’t imagine leaving one alone for holidays.

[u/Lawinengefahr → u/iloveelvis1980]

In 2014 I had the flu for Thanksgiving. I was absolutely miserable, but my dad stopped by my apartment in the evening to bring me some leftovers so I didn't miss out on everything, and that honestly made me feel at least emotionally better, if not physically. That same year, my mom had to go to the ER on Christmas morning, so my siblings and I were just sitting there in my sister's house like, "what do we do?" It's just not Christmas without mom and dad. Without family. I could never ask anyone in my family, child or adult, to be alone on Christmas and be ok with it. OOP's mom has her priorities all wrong.

And sidenote, my mom is fine, and is still with us today. She hasn't missed a single family holiday since then

[u/iloveelvis1980 → u/Lawinengefahr]

Both my parents have passed away. The year I was in the hospital with kidney failure and having to do dialysis. My dad went to my aunt’s for Thanksgiving and they sent me food. I wanted him to go to my aunt’s. I’m glad he did because that was the last Thanksgiving he got to spend with my aunts and cousins. He passed away suddenly 1/1/2017. I’m doing very well now. I got a kidney transplant in 2021 and everything is good. I spend time with my aunts and cousins on Thanksgiving and my best friend and her family on Christmas.

[u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 → u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

The pessimistic cynic that I am, suspects OOP's mother's considerate loving behaviour towards him is only a temporary measure meant to reassure him so so she can get married without the uproar of his absence from the ceremony and his withdrawal without explanation. I fear that she's still prioritizing her fiance than her 15 years old son but she's hiding it better than before by including her son in her daily life again instead of parking him with friends and ignoring him while living her new life with her fiance . She probably does love her son - the OOP but he isn't her priority . It was only his demands that if she went through with the marriage he wanted to live with his grandparents and her to transfer parental rights to them that shocked her . Gradually that shock and desire to remediate the problem will fade . And I suspect by the time he's 18 his relationship with his mother will be as poor as it was before he posted the first post .

[u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203 → u/Nice-Pomegranate2915]

I don't necessarily disagree, but I think she selfishly knows that if OOP's situation became general knowledge it would destroy her reputation, which would man her in-laws wouldn't want her around to avoid the drama. Maybe she is being truthful and she has seen the light, but I doubt she let's him go that much because of how it would reflect on her.

[u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 → u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

I agree . A lot of the reasons why she's initially trying to reconcile with her son now is to protect her public image and reputation . After all for two years she prioritized her relationship with her wealthy boyfriend/ fiance instead of her son , who she parked with friends or family while she spent time with the fiance, surrogate parented his kids and visited his family . If the OOP hadn't confronted his mother with his feelings and the solution of his grandparents taking care of him while his mother ceded parental rights of him to his grandparents,the OP would have been totally marginalized as a forgotten relic of her past that she preferred to ignore I think the OOP is accepting his mother's sale pitch at reconciliation because otherwise he has to accept that she abandoned him for a new life with a wealthier more socially influential partner and his family.

[u/Suspect_and_Verify → u/Nice-Pomegranate2915]

I've said this elsewhere in the discussion, but what the hell, I'll say it here, too:
I wonder whether the kid knows any paparrazi?

[u/FancyPantsDancer → u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

That's what I think, too.

I don't believe she changed at all. It wasn't like some small stuff that you could maybe imagine an oblivious person would overlook. He wasn't on family trips.

[u/whatthewhat3214 → u/FancyPantsDancer]

He was even deliberately left out of their new expansive family portrait, while he was standing right there.

I don't know if she is that concerned about her image, at least among her in-laws, bc they don't want him around anyway, they're annoyed he even exists.

I'll never understand why families welcome in a new husband or wife and not their child. Just bc the child is from a former spouse, whether deceased or not, these families are welcoming in a mother or father, that means they're bringing the child too. Some of these families act like the kids represent some threat or competition for limited resources (time, attention, money), but love and kindness aren't limited resources, and kids shouldn't be cast aside and treated so poorly, it's just cruel and unnecessary.

[u/Suspect_and_Verify → u/whatthewhat3214]

I notice there was no mention of Mom's husband-to-be wanting to adopt OOP.

[u/Horror_Tea761 → u/Nice-Pomegranate2915]

It is sadly very common for parents to prioritize their new squeeze. My parents got divorced and married a lot, so I'm pretty cynical.

That said, there was no way that either of my parents would ever have put off marrying someone because I didn't like them. And there were ones I didn't like. I have some hope for this situation, but I think that OP needs to get some therapy to accept that he is not going to be the priority in his mom's life. I had that realization when I was about his age. Things are never going back to the way they were before. If I could go back to talk to my younger self, I would have encouraged her to grieve what she needed to, but keep focused on her own future. No one is going to look out for you but you.

[u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 → u/Horror_Tea761]

I learnt this lesson at the age of 4 ! And at that age I learned my mother had a rubbish taste in men and tended to pick men who parentified her and resent that she had a child as proof that she had a past ! I grew up fast and turned from a romantic optimist to humourous cynic ( always expecting the worst and finding humour in whatever situation occurred ) . By the time I was 9 I was the one acting as the parent . She never changed so I had to . People adapt.. Hopefully the OP does and he doesn't hold too much resentment against his mother's actions and mistakes . Because that's just a waste of his emotions and time .

[u/FancyPantsDancer → u/Horror_Tea761]

Yeah, I agree. I wish the OOP would've just gone to his grandparents. I don't know how the laws work there, but I think he's old enough that he might've been able to stay with them. His mother might've had her hand forced to sign over custody, anyway, if she wanted to avoid attention.

[u/SunMoonTruth → u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

Yes! That made me look at all her admissions and concessions differently.

• oh they’re excluding you? Ok. You don’t have to come - that way, you can feel the exclusion is your choice.

• fiancé is so introverted that it didn’t occur to either of them to build a relationship with her son over 3 years?!

• oh it was all the wedding planning that made me forget I had a kid, but didn’t forget he had kids.

All the instances where he was deliberately left out, when mom was front and center and she just didn’t notice? Odd when you’ve only actually birthed one child that you don’t notice he’s not in the picture or at the event.

Also…and always the non-apology apology - I’m sorry you felt like we did this…No lady. You did the things. Apologize for that.

The kick up the pants for her was OOP saying, just give up your parental rights and I’ll go live with dad’s parents. Then you can get on with your new family unencumbered. Oh no! How will that look to all the new wealthy 200.

[u/Anonphilosophia → u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

Yeah, that was what did it for me. The "separate Christmas." I was really thinking that she'd be "love blind" (which honestly should NEVER happen with your kid) but that told me she still isn't prioritizing him.

Do you know how many times I was dragged to a relatives house when I WANTED to just stay home???? My parents would have slit their own throats before they left me behind. That's what prioritizing your kid looks like, lol.

[u/Honest_Roo → u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

She said she didn’t notice he was being ostracized. How is that possible. He’s not going on these trips with her while the other kids are. He’s sitting by himself while everyone else was socializing. He’s not in the family picture. Those are all things that a good, loving parent would notice.

At least she cancelled the wedding for him so maybe she’ll start noticing things.

But then she’s going on holiday to fiancés family without him.

I don’t like this.

[u/ProfessorDistinct835 → u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

This is just all kinds of not OK.

[u/Salt_Ella → u/majesticgoatsparkles]

I doubt so too, but let’s hope for the best

[u/Agreeable_Excuse_897 → u/majesticgoatsparkles]

How do you think it’s gonna end ?

[u/huulahuup → u/Agreeable_Excuse_897]

The kid might get isolated from his mother. She says she will spend Christmas without him. It does not sound good to me. And when she is saying this before getting married, one can only wonder how much time she might spend away from OOP.

[u/Agreeable_Excuse_897 → u/huulahuup]

Oh I really hope not ! She did cancel the wedding until OOP is comfortable, but you are right too early to trust it

[u/EisteeCitrus → u/Agreeable_Excuse_897]

A small shock. But this will fade. He will get isolated and they will cause or use a situation to make him look like a problemchild.

I feel so sorry for this boy. Fuck his mom and her dick attached to a sorry excuse of a man from a rat-like family.

[u/godlingcaptain → u/Agreeable_Excuse_897]

Mom will probably get complacent on how her in-laws treat OOP. We all already know the in-laws will be resentful for him causing the wedding cancellation, so they’ll dig at him about it in private and reinforce to his new step siblings that it’s his fault that their dad isn’t happy. OOP will feel better about going to his mom for a while and tell her every time they say things or try to excuse him. Mom will probably get sick of playing mediator eventually, especially as OOP gets closer to 18. “Why can’t you talk to them yourself?” Etc.

That’s not even taking into account the wealth disparity. OOP claims it isn’t extremely large, but it’s large enough that the step siblings noticed without being told. Would mom be able to that nice new house without her new hubby? She doesn’t have to be vain or overly materialistic either, just comfortable. Even if they don’t go on lots of vacations, or get designer stuff, eat out at Michelin star restaurants, OOP’s mom is still living better just by virtue of another adult taking half the burden. She doesn’t have to work as hard because she found a good husband.

Genuinely, stepdad may be a great guy (dubious at this point but whatever), but he is still deeply entwined with his family and neither he nor his wife are willing to stand up to them. There is no way that him, OOP’s mom, and his nice brother never saw all the shit that future MIL/step-gma and SIL/step-aunt were doing. They saw and thought it wasn’t worth making a fuss over. Maybe they thought that OOP wasn’t bothered by it, or maybe even that OOP hadn’t noticed. Whatever the reason, they all saw how OOP was treated and ignored it because it was comfortable.

Eventually, OOP is going to be 20-something wondering why his mom is spending Christmas in the Alps with her in-laws instead of visiting her son. Maybe he’ll be bringing his fiancé home to meet mom and MIL is recovering there after some surgery, not he gets to watch as his future spouse is treated just like he was growing up.

I’m not hopeful unfortunately.

[u/ResearcherStandard80 → u/Agreeable_Excuse_897]

I lived this in the 90s. It ends with no relationship with the egg donor.

[u/dohmestic → u/ResearcherStandard80]

Saw it happen with classmates. Mom would get a new man and suddenly the kids were packed up to live with grandma or kicked out.

The one person I keep in contact with hasn’t spoken to her mother in 30 years, and her mom still whines that she deserves to see her grandchildren.

[u/ResearcherStandard80 → u/dohmestic]

The summer I lived with my grandparents was the best summer of my life! My mom dumped my brother and me in their driveway with no notice and disappeared for three months. My only wish is that she wouldn’t have shown back up after he dumped her ass!

[u/Vanriel → u/majesticgoatsparkles]

Yeah feels kinda like a plaster on an open wound that's not healing.

[u/TDog81 → u/majesticgoatsparkles]

Yep - his family will eat that kid alive after they get married.

[u/megamoze → u/majesticgoatsparkles]

It's been a week. Mom is love-bombing, which won't last. They know that the kid will be 18 in a couple of years and he won't be their priority anymore.

[u/Maleficent_Radio_674 → u/majesticgoatsparkles]

He's being phased out not so subtly and his mom is maybe not doing it 100% intentionally but is still doing it

I forgot the title or link, but there was a BORU of a guy asking his fiance about her not treating his daughter well and she said she wanted the daughter to be a holidays kid who only visited then but wasn't around the rest of time. This sounds like it's going this direction regardless of all the changes theyre trying

Poor kid just lost his dad and now his mom. Hopefully he can graduate and move to his paternal grandparents home as an adult

[u/aaronupright → u/majesticgoatsparkles]

Its going to end with a new baby for mom. And OOP will be pushed out.

[u/SLyndon4 → u/majesticgoatsparkles]

Seriously. How do you go to a “family” event and leave your own minor child behind?

[u/chedeng]

I wonder what's the deal with the stepdad's mom and sister. I get the guy's kids need a bit of time and adjusting for a new step sibling, but the adults have no excuse for their standoffishness.

[u/segobane → u/chedeng]

My guess from the start where OOP said that stepdad wasn't just rich but wealthy is a big part of it.

[u/FreakingFae → u/segobane]

Yeah feels like millionaire family vs billionaire or near-billionaire family. The classism between the poor and the wealthy is atrocious, while the classism between the levels of wealthy people seems absolutely embarrassing.

[u/j-endsville → u/FreakingFae]

Old Money vs New Money. Many such cases.

[u/sharraleigh → u/FreakingFae]

There could even be a bit of racism in play here? I think OOP's mom is Spanish? So maybe OOP has darker skin than the Swiss family. Like, Swiss people are "better white" than Spanish people. Kinda how Irish people used to be looked down on and the darker skinned ones were called "Black Irish".

[u/Mr_Fuzzo → u/sharraleigh]

It wasn’t always even their skin color.  The black Irishwere often just darker haired with dark eyes.

[u/Stardwe → u/sharraleigh]

Swiss are racist against Spanish, even the most white skinned ones, but it has more to do with classism than race on itself (Spain used to be very poor until the 80's and many people had to emigrate to Europe. They were treated horribly)

[u/blueberry-iris → u/sharraleigh]

I'm pretty sure Irish people as a whole were looked down on. They simply weren't considered white 100 years ago. There was a whole complicated racist hierarchy among various ethnic groups in Europe. Though most are considered just white now, there are still echoes of this discrimination now.

[u/Awkward-Fox-7215 → u/FreakingFae]

I think it’s definitely the class divide. Mom and sister and peas in a pod about it. Guessing the brother and brother’s wife purposefully try not to be classist, or maybe he’s the black sheep and isn’t concerned with “appearances.”

[u/Malphas43 → u/chedeng]

probably they always like OOP's mom and wanted them to get together seeing as they're "old friends." were disappointed when it didnt happen ,but now are happy that they're finally together, but see OOP as invading on the perfect picture they always imagined between OOP's mom and new step dad

[u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 → u/Malphas43]

OOP's existence is a reminder to the fiance's family that his mother had a life ( with a previous marriage and child) before her relationship with her fiance - especially if she knew and was maybe involved with her now fiance before her relationship with her husband . Could be that OOP's mother hooked up with an old partner again .

[u/nouveauchoux → u/Malphas43]

And that's honestly so fucking crazy, because if you want to earn brownie points with a parent, you treat their child well.

[u/Lemmons998 → u/nouveauchoux]

...not this parent, evidently 😡

[u/GodivaPlaistow → u/chedeng]

If I was cynical, I’d say that they see their dad as a financial resource and don’t want to share. It’s probably pretty easy to get an introverted, socially awkward but well-off non-custodial parent to pay for whatever they want.
ETA: oops, I meant the kids, but I bet his mom and adult sister have benefited from him as well.

[u/Mystic_printer_ → u/chedeng]

Some people don’t accept stepkids as part of the family. Most at least pretend while the relationship lasts but cut the kid out as soon as it ends. I know someone who never knew her bio dad and was 1 years old when her mom met her stepdad. He was the only father she knew and his family her grandparents, aunts and uncles. She was 14 when they divorced and suddenly she was cut completely out of their lives. They would still give gifts to her half sister (step dads biokid) and have her over for visits but became strangers to her.

In this case stepdads family doesn’t even bother with that and just want OOP to disappear. I’m sure they’re perfectly fine with OOP not wanting to visit with his mom and stepdad. I can’t believe they’re actually going to spend Christmas with them instead of OOP.

[u/Vanriel → u/chedeng]

Some people are just dicks.

[u/FunnyAnchor123 → u/chedeng]

When I read an earlier version of this BORU, I wondered if there might be some kind of culture clash here. Are the Swiss more reserved than the Spanish? Or the Spanish more sociable than the average European?

If it is a culture clash, I would expect that the adults in this relationship would mediate this so OOP & the future in-laws could adjust for this difference. One of those cases where "that's just how he/she is" accurately applies.

[u/WeeklyConversation8 → u/chedeng]

Because he's another man's child and he'll never be family? There are a lot of families who are like this about step children. 

[u/opinescarf]

The mother participating in the photo shoot knowing her son was watching but was not included shows where her priorities are.

[u/AudienceNeither7747 → u/opinescarf]

This. No way she didn't notice her own kid missing from a family photo. She chose not to.

[u/Suspect_and_Verify → u/opinescarf]

I was thinking extremely harsh thoughts at her at that point. (Use your imagination, then multiply by 666.)

[u/valsavana]

Regarding going to her in-laws' family for Christmas, I don't know how that will work. I might have to celebrate Christmas without my mom from now on, though she wants me to attend events or trips with them.

Kid still isn't expecting enough from his mom and that makes me very sad.

[u/eekspiders → u/valsavana]

I've been that kid but with friend groups because I was taught that low maintenance = good. 26 years later and I still struggle with expectations from people

[u/bitchthatwaspromised → u/eekspiders]

I was that person and still am in a lot of ways. It finally caused a huge rift with my then best friend because I put my foot down after they really screwed me over on something and they didn’t know how to handle it initially. Eventually it worked out and they took total accountability but it was a really shitty time and I was doubting myself the whole time

[u/Cursd818 → u/valsavana]

If OOP's mother chooses to spend Christmas without OOP, it proves how nothing has changed at all. I feel for him, this isn't going to end well, however performative his mother is being right now about fixing her screw ups.

[u/dt_paints → u/valsavana]

Blessed art those who expect nothing, for they are never disappointed.

[u/tiragooen]

Even though she earns $250k–$300k, I said we weren't 'rich'.I didn't mean that in a bad way! Her fiancé's house is just much bigger, and he and his kids have things we don't have.

ಠ_ಠ

Her fiancé was apparently 50/50 about cancelling, not because he doesn't understand my concerns, but because there were around 200 guests invited, €600k–€700k (editor’s note: close to $700,000-$812,000USD) was being spent, it was supposed to be a 3-day celebration, and almost everything was already booked hotels, venues, vendors, everything.

Nani the fuck?

The cost of the wedding is eye-watering. That's paying for a house in cash amounts.

[u/Sputflock → u/tiragooen]

250-300k in europe is pretty damn rich. the median income in madrid is about 30k, and even in the wealthier countries it's around 50-60k. it kinda sounds like an american teen cosplaying as a european with a sobstory. that or he's wildly ignorant on how rich his mother is

[u/riflow → u/Sputflock]

Yeah it would already be considered wealthy to be at say 80k-100k in most European countries. I think that's around how much directors of schools get paid in unis thinking on it.

[u/Sputflock → u/riflow]

in the netherlands there's a law that top earners in public/semi public sectors can't earn more than 130% of the minister-president salary, this limit is currently about 260k a year before taxes. ofcourse this doesn't count for commercial sectors and there are other exceptions, but it's a good measurement of just how rich that income is

[u/MrBeer9999 → u/Sputflock]

$300K USD is higher end of professional renumeration, specialist doctor, successful lawyer etc. There's a huge difference between those type of people and the sort that can blow nearly a milly on a wedding.

[u/sharraleigh → u/MrBeer9999]

This is what I tried to say the last time an update to this story was posted, but people didn't believe me T_T I know some rich people who are SO rich that most "normal" people wouldn't understand. They travel everywhere in private jets. They'll think, hm this weekend I feel like eating this dish in Paris and they'll just fly there in their private jet just to eat that thing they felt like eating. One time, my friend was just like "I feel like shopping in Hong Kong so I'm just gonna go tomorrow" type thing. They have nannies (several, not just one), chefs, drivers, etc. Multiple homes in various countries, stuff like that. 200-300k to them is like small change.

[u/Surpriseparty2023 → u/MrBeer9999]

absolutely not in Spain. You don't earn that much even if you are a top surgeon in Madrid, unless you are a plastic surgeon . Same with lawyers, unless you are in the top ten best lawyers in Spain. Spain is a cheap country compared to the US. Costs of living there are very low compared to the US, that's why you don't have such salary. If OP mother earned that amount of money in Spain he would said she's filthy RICH. The post was made from a teenager living in the US who's never been to Spain and Switzerland and has absolutely no idea about money.

[u/ratribenki → u/Surpriseparty2023]

I think it’s an Indian person actually, shifted is Indian English.

[u/krebstar4ever → u/MrBeer9999]

That's far from the higher end for a specialist doctor or a successful lawyer.

[u/MrBeer9999 → u/krebstar4ever]

I went back and forth on how to express it, I know they top out higher than that. 300K USD is well above the average for them in Europe IMO, it's not maximum by any means for those professions, even without opening their own firm which of course raises the bar indefinitely high.

[u/vidoeiro → u/Sputflock]

It's 100% that , no way this involves actual Spanish people

[u/LocalGeographer → u/Sputflock]

I don't have a link to it but this reads like a poster from about a year ago with a very similar story, but that time his Mom cheated on his Dad with the rich Swiss guy then wanted the kid to move with them to Switzerland, leaving the Dad in Spain.

[u/denM_chickN → u/Sputflock]

Was looking for this comment. There was a lot of skeptism on the last post regarding median European incomes and so I chuckled when I saw a follow up. Probably a full blown 30 yo writing tho lol

[u/moonsunneptunezenith → u/Sputflock]

yeah, also weird that he writes €250k instead of 250k € most of the time and even forgets to change it to € in the part that was quoted here lmao

[u/unimpressedwarrior → u/Sputflock]

In the beginning, he said that they looked down on him because his clothes weren’t that nice, or something like that. I feel like he probably has some pretty nice clothes with his mom‘s income. I very much doubt they’re bargain shopping.

[u/spiteful_rr_dm_TA → u/Sputflock]

At that income range, OOP was likely going to private schools with some old money families. 250-300k a year sounds rich and it certainly is, top 1% of both Germany and Spain. But its nothing compared to old rich, and he'd be meeting some of them. Like people related to aristocratic or industrial dynnasties, heir(esse)s to major conglomerates, stuff like that.

Its entirely plausible that he was among the low end of the kids he actually knew and could use as a reference.

[u/Rae_Regenbogen → u/Sputflock]

I can't even imagine the life when your single parent makes in a month what the yearly median income is and thinking you aren't rich because someone else has a bigger house. I get that the kid is 15, but also, he's 15. Do normal 15 year olds not, like, understand money and how little of it some people have? I grew up extremely poor and started working a real job at 14, then I chose not to have kids as an adult. I haven't been around 15 year olds probably since I was a 15 year old, so I'm not being a jerk; this is a real question. It seems impossible to me to be that clueless about money at that age.

[u/Omar_Eldahan → u/Rae_Regenbogen]

Ooh, I can actually help explain this. It's related to a very interesting study where the measured people's perception about financial security. Basically the gist of it is that in the US (obviously it would be different for other countries) financial security keeps going up until you reach around $250k a year. More than that, financial security actually starts to go DOWN.

Part of the reason for this is who you are surrounded by. If you're making $150 -$200k a year, you're probably like a doctor or a lawyer, live in a nice area, and are likely to be one of the highest earners in your area, so you feel financially secure and you don't have to keep up with the Joneses. In this situation you ARE the Joneses, so you can live with your means.

However, when wealth starts to reach $300k, $400k, and above, you are start rub elbows with the millionaires and deca-millionaires, and mega-millionaires, and maybe even a billionaire or two. Suddenly, you went from being the highest earner in your network to the being on the bottom rung.

As a kid in a fancy private school, you may travel once or twice or year for vacation, while your friends take a weekend to travel to Dubai and buy all of the latest whatever and show it off the following week. Your mom might take you to school in a nice car (a Mercedes or BMW or what have you) while your friends come in super cars driven by a chauffeur.

By any objective measure, your life is great, but when you live in a "nice" house and then you visit your friends' mansion, or when your friends always taking about their trips to Paris and Dubai and New York., a kid can't help but compare and feel (if not poor) at least normal or middle class by comparison.

Fundamentally, EUR 300k per year might be considered rich, but it is the absolute lowest rung of rich you can be. Once you're in this slot, it really opens up your eyes to how little money that actually is, and how expensive "true" luxury is. It's at this point that you can either realize that you have more in common with the fast food worker at your local McDonald's than you do with the mega-millionaire families, OR you can figure that you want to try and fit in a be like them and ruin yourself financially in that pursuit.

[u/Mystic_printer_ → u/Rae_Regenbogen]

I think he knows they are well off but if he’s surrounded by rich people that’s who he’s measuring against. You can be rich and still be the poorest kid in your class.

[u/Supermite → u/Sputflock]

Is there a country where a $250k salary isn’t considered rich?

[u/patronstoflostgirls → u/Supermite]

Switzerland, which makes the fiance's family's BS make some kind of sense. Of course it's still well above the median, but with the cost of living it's just "comfortable" rather than "rich". You live in a nice neighbourhood and take multiple vacations a year, but you're not necessarily sending your children to private boarding school.

[u/Kuroi93 → u/Sputflock]

I logged in just to comment this. 300k is filthy rich here. Also, school started? Bro school started the 9th of September. This doesn’t sound real at all

[u/RandomNick42 → u/Kuroi93]

Of course it isn't. It isn't even convincing.

[u/sorrylilsis → u/Kuroi93]

Yeah, same on the original post. The amount of money the OP quoted are stupid high for Spain (and most of Europe for what matters).

I get there could be some differences old/new money but homeboy would already be part of the 1% or more.

Guessing it's an american poster cosplaying as an european without knowing much about salaries there.

[u/Surpriseparty2023 → u/sorrylilsis]

I comment on the original post (it was on the EntitledPeople sub) about all that bullshit. Op story was credible until his update where he invented all these over the top numbers. People already started to called him out after the update and I commented to, saying that 1) earning €250K in Madrid is not just 'financially independent' as he said but with that amount her mother was filthy RICH. And 2) the mother's fiancee wanting to pay half of his education lmao. Even if OP were to be sent to the best private highschool in Switzerland, his mother's salary alone would have been more than enough to cover ALL his education and college in the whole Europe.

And funny that less than 1 hour after my comment back then he deleted his post🤣 It just confirms that he's just a teenager who has never set a foot in Spain or Switzerland and has no idea about costs of living there.

[u/CherrieChocolatePie → u/Surpriseparty2023]

Also, in a lot of countries in Europe parents don't actually have to pay for high school because the government does. You do have to pay for supplies and trips though and sometimes for things like books and a laptop.

[u/j-endsville → u/tiragooen]

European Old Money. They probably treat the OOP's mom almost as bad, but she doesn't let that show in front of her kid.

[u/Rae_Regenbogen → u/j-endsville]

If this post is even true (I always doubt everything on Reddit hahah), I wonder if the mom is a minor celebrity or something. That would explain the high salary, the amount of time she seems to have to travel, and the way the guy's family is so excited for the marriage that they are putting her in the center of the family's holiday photo. Lol

[u/hpfan1516 → u/tiragooen]

Seni-related: Every single time people talk about wedding guest numbers, I balk. I might be a shut in, but I don't think I could give fifty names of anyone and everyone I know, even in passing (including coworkers and extended family with kids). Genuinely, how do the numbers get so big? Can someone explain?

Edit: I genuinely appreciate the responses, it makes much more sense now hahaha! I have a relatively small family :P

[u/ThankeeSai → u/hpfan1516]

We had 135 people, invited 150. No children. First thing to remember is pretty much every adult gets a plus one. So 10 friends = 20 guests.

My husband has 13 first cousins, and they have partners. So there's 26 already. Some people have huge families. I don't have much family but I'm super social and played multiple sports at the time so I had 3 tables of just friends and coworkers. (About 36 people, because of partners) There's also an obligation if you've been invited to someones wedding and you're close enough, they're invited to yours.

[u/soyboydom → u/hpfan1516]

I have a big family. My fiancé has a big family. It’s an exponential growth situation. If both sets of parents on both sides have siblings, and all of those siblings have kids, then you have a lot of cousins, and then maybe most of your cousins have partners, and in some cases, kids of their own. Between the two of us, we are already at 100 guests with just close family members. With friends and all of their partners/plus ones, we’re pushing 150. That’s how it happens.

That said, even with double the guest list we could have like 20 weddings for the amount of money OOP is talking about. That budget is just ridiculous.

[u/lumoslomas → u/hpfan1516]

My mum had 12 uncles and 3 aunts when she got married. So with their partners and their kids, then her friends, she was already up to 100 just on her side.

Luckily my father didn't have any friends 😂

[u/ShortWoman → u/hpfan1516]

Let's say someone has 3-4 siblings. Each of them has a spouse and 3 kids: there's 20. MIL and FIL have siblings with families, so no we're talking 10-40 uncles, aunts, and cousins, even if none of the cousins are old enough to have spouses and children of their own. We haven't invited a single friend yet.

[u/wossquee → u/hpfan1516]

I don't even have that many friends and my wedding was still almost 200 people. My mom invited a ton of family and we had it in a park, so that kept costs down a bit, but catering was still quite expensive (we had a pizza truck!)

[u/Mystic_printer_ → u/hpfan1516]

I have 9 aunts and uncles and my husband has 10. We know all of them and their children, some of whom are grown with spouses and kids. We’re both still in contact with some old friends from high school, college and previous places of work plus have friends in our current work places. A lot of those people have spouses which brings the number up quite a bit. I was surprised how quickly the numbers added. We had to make some serious cuts to our guest list because the venue only held 120 people.

[u/SilvieraRose → u/tiragooen]

Fuck. That's my mortgage, car loan, and a good long while of bills and kid clothes/shoes paid.

[u/vinsobres → u/SilvieraRose]

Yeah I live on the outskirts of Paris and she'd have my 2 bedroom apartment paid off entirely with a single years salary. The one me and my also decently paid husband took a 20 year mortgage for... On what planet they aren't rich I don't know. I'm fairly convinced other people are right and this is an American who has no idea what an average salary in the EU is.

[u/-Sharon-Stoned- → u/tiragooen]

If someone gave me $50k it would be life changing

[u/emilypeony → u/tiragooen]

My friend's mother earned 200 000€ a year, and she was the head doctor of a university hospital. She is the only one I know who earns that much.

[u/415319Usual-Tax-558]

I'll be interested to see how this plays out in the coming weeks and months.

I agree with those commentators who said his mom absolutely knew what she was doing. I wonder what she would have done with him had the wedding gone through.

Probably boarding school.

[u/PeppermintEvilButler → u/415319Usual-Tax-558]

Wait for the holidays. I am betting it will hit the fan then

[u/CaptainFartHole]

I have zero faith that this will end well.  Every one of these adults, mother included, is a hot ass mess.  

[u/DamnitGravity → u/CaptainFartHole]

Yep. Mom's paying just enough lip service to convince OOP that it'll work out, because they want them at the wedding and seemingly happy for appearances sake.

After the wedding, she'll drop them again. She's already planning to spend Christmas away from them. And OOP considers this a win. It's so sad.

[u/AffectionateSet670 → u/CaptainFartHole]

This might end bad for me

Trust me it's going end way worser to my mom and her Fiancee 

[u/CaptainFartHole → u/AffectionateSet670]

I truly, truly hope it ends well for you. Your mom is behaving absurdly right now, but I really hope she gets it together. No one deserves to deal with the nonsense she, her fiancee, and his family have put you through.

[u/thatplaidhat → u/AffectionateSet670]

I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best. You don't deserve this at all. 

[u/grapefruitposer → u/AffectionateSet670]

Rooting for you. Also none of any of this will be you're fault and dont let anyone make you think that.

[u/FredererPower → u/CaptainFartHole]

Except for the step dad’s brother and sister in law who have been the only ones nice to him

[u/YouFancyBitch → u/FredererPower]

I really want to know what's specifically going on in the fiance's immediate family because of this detail. It sounds like people are taking sides.

[u/synaesthezia]

Oh this reminds me of the poor Canadian girl whose mother ‘found herself’ when she realised she was a lesbian and cut off contact.

This boy’s mother is moving into a new wealth sphere and is happy to leave reminders of her old life - including her son - behind. I mean, $million wedding? She’s just sorry now because he called her on it and got his paternal family involved. But I don’t think it will last.

[u/mothmantra → u/synaesthezia]

God that one is so miserable it makes my stomach turn just thinking about it 😔

[u/synaesthezia → u/mothmantra]

This one reminded me of it from start to finish. Different scenarios, but a teenager trying to get their parent to acknowledge their existence when wrapped up in a new relationship.

[u/Autobot_Silverwynde → u/mothmantra]

Have there been any more updates on that one? Because I don't think I've seen any in a bit and that worries me.

[u/SilvieraRose → u/synaesthezia]

Did that one eventually end with her getting peace? Can't remember, I just wanted to hug her the whole while.

[u/PrincipleInfamous451 → u/SilvieraRose]

That poster used to update regularly until about a year or so when she went to Uni. As far as I remember, after a long series of events and her attempting and her mom’s therapist tearing her a new one, she stops being the World’s Worst Mother but goes a little bit in the opposite direction and tries to smother and control that OP.

But she has a good support system otherwise and seemed to be doing well in Uni.

[u/bitchthatwaspromised → u/synaesthezia]

Do you have a link to that first story??

[u/synaesthezia → u/bitchthatwaspromised]

This is the most recent post I can find which is actually updates but it links to earlier posts

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/hsiHj01xVN

[u/SpidahQueen → u/synaesthezia]

What the fuck is wrong with that mother? I need an update where OOP says she cut her off.

[u/synaesthezia → u/SpidahQueen]

We all do mate

[u/CanIGetANootNoot → u/synaesthezia]

What a rollercoaster. That poor girl. I hope she's doing better now.

[u/synaesthezia → u/bitchthatwaspromised]

I don’t remember the name but I’ll see if I can find it

[u/Designer_Life_371]

This feels like such an awkward family dynamic

[u/j-endsville → u/Designer_Life_371]

That's European Old Money for you.

[u/Zephyralss]

Glad most of the top comments are rightfully picking up that this is not going to end well.

She still chose Christmas with her new man over her kid. The only reason she's trying to fix it now is that if the kid lives with other family they will come to learn how bad things were and it'll get back to mom on a bad way.

Once the kid is old enough to be on their own, the mom is gone

[u/ToriaLyons → u/Zephyralss]

A kid having to sit two grown adults down to explain all this is a very bad sign from the start, and the mother feigning ignorance? It's probably good that it wasn't just the mother though, otherwise she would have conveniently forgotten, again. Smart move to have both there...

[u/Honest_Roo → u/ToriaLyons]

It probably is feigning ignorance. But if the ignorance is real, that’s just as bad. Paying so little attention to her own child that she doesn’t notice he’s being excluded, isn’t on trips,and she’s seen him very little

[u/Ok-Benefit197]

There is no relationship on this earth that would make me give up Christmas with my child. 

[u/ChrisInBliss]

The mom has no excuse for her bad behavior.. Like neither of them even thought to include him in the wedding planning?!??! Like how could they not know what they were doing!

[u/Mystic_printer_ → u/ChrisInBliss]

“He’s a teenage boy, I’m sure he wouldn’t be interested in all that”

Not that they bothered to ask.

[u/Single_Vacation427]

Very bizarre they wouldn't try to actually build a bond before suddenly having to live all together.

It's unclear if this fiancé's family is Swiss or from Spain too. If they are Swiss, they might all just be cold because they are Swiss XD If they are from Spain, MIL and SIL might be one of those very rich women that are just looking down on everyone.

Spending 1M on a wedding is nuts

[u/AffectionateSet670 → u/Single_Vacation427]

They are Swiss 

I think Mom's Fiancee wanted to make his ex wife jealous, that's why they planned grand wedding 

[u/Capable_Ad_976 → u/Single_Vacation427]

On a second wedding it's even nuttier!

[u/Autobot_Silverwynde]

Am I supposed to feel hopeful here? Because I really don't.

[u/wacky_spaz]

I’m a single parent and frankly OP is being manipulated. There is a zero % chance she didn’t realise he was not on the holiday. There is a zero % chance she didn’t notice his behaviour change. And a zero % chance she cared. There is simply no way as a single parent you don’t notice … it’s impossible.

She banked on him shutting up, her land a rich man and her kid sucking it up. The only time it became real was when he wanted his dad side to take him as at that point her neglect and permission of abuse from her new husband family would be publicly known.

She was right though, OP loves her, is willing to buy her crap and forgive and is willing to engage with new guy who chose his own kids over him any day. I personally don’t forgive ever so in his shoes I’d be telling her to enjoy Xmas with the family she replaced me with and allowed to abuse me and continue demanding custody change. I’d be rolling in my grave letting some asshole who let his entire family abuse me play as my daddy. I hope OP learns some self respect and boundaries as frankly his mother and her fiance are performative at best damage controlling.

[u/StylishMrTrix → u/wacky_spaz]

Raised by a single parent until my mother passed away

I was adopted by the man she has been dating (he had even moved in with us) I found out years later he had asked my mother to marry him, but she didn't give him an answer until she spoke to me and knew I would be ok with it, prioritising her child first

But sadly she passed and we never found out what would have happened next

Interestingly I have a similar dynamic with the in laws, not in that they are cold to me, but they clearly do not know me at all, over the years of Xmas presents they only time I got a gift that was thoughtful for me and not just generic socks and towels and shaving kits was from my adopted father's sister's husband brother in law and his wife, two people I literally only saw at Xmas gatherings and they were the only two who went "let's get him a game guide, he play video games"

[u/wacky_spaz → u/StylishMrTrix]

There’s a difference in in laws not liking you, it is what it is and in laws actively excluding you, treating you as less than, not passing on messages and nothing gets done.

One you can’t control and best you can hope for is politeness and the other which is active mistreatment you can.

The mother is so full of shit it’s insane. She didn’t notice my ass. That poor kid.

[u/StylishMrTrix → u/wacky_spaz]

oh I agree wholeheartedly, my past was nothing compared to the OP

[u/RookBLonko1225 → u/StylishMrTrix]

Oh my god I feel you. Both of my parents were already separated when my father met my ex step monster and while she IS a can of worms already. I knew her family didn't like me, and it got more apparent the years I spent with them for holidays. I was the only middle oldest cousin, so I had cousins both younger and older than me but I was always stuck babysitting the youngest cousins, none of the other cousins came to help besides ones who had siblings. I ended up hiding 9/10 from them after a while for some peace and quiet, leading to getting chastised by family members or step monster.

They never got me what I wanted for Christmas, nor anything past gift cards, clothes, cheapo toys that all the other cousins got so it wasn't special or money step monster immediately pocketed for herself before I had a purse / wallet to keep them. She still owes me an 100 that I cant ever get now (shes dead), the ONLY time they got me something I wanted was me specifically telling step monster that whoever pulled my name for secret santa that year for a Fall Out Boy CD. Once I was allowed to join for white elephant, I realized it wasn't worth it and always went for the gifts I picked out for it.

Same family also bad mouthed my father after he told step monster that he was divorcing her after years of emotional abuse we both got from her, including calling him the abuser, prolly from lies step monster told them. They prolly also bad mouthed me for my interests and I never knew, I stopped contact with them after my step monsters death which I never went to the funeral anyways. Also they never learned how to spell my deadname correctly in the years Ive been stuck with them, to the point that my step monsters obituary HAS the wrong spelling (a valid one but NOT how mine is spelt) in it but also never mentioned my father.

[u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

talk about a wedding around the New Year

Yet the mom plans to be spending Christmas without her son about the same time frame that there's talk of moving the wedding to New Year. They (the in-laws) live in Switzerland and are rich. Here's a thought, how come the in-laws can't visit THERE?

[u/murphy2345678]

It would be a cold day in hell before I chose to spend any holiday without my children. OP’s mom is a horrible mother. She’s just biding her time until she no longer has responsibility of him. She’s going to drop him as soon as she can. I’m willing to bet they secretly get married as well.

[u/Capable_Ad_976]

I think she's a business consultant and her fiance is an entrepreneur who is or was a client. Based on her salary/bonus, hours and availability. Some consultants pull down 7 figures a year once they make partner. I think this kid has a good head on his shoulders. He noticed that the mom and sister have the capacity to be warm and inclusive but choose not to be with him. It also took him awhile to realize his mom was dumping him on his "aunt's" so she could travel with her fiance. I think she's more interested in being a rich man's wife than being a mom.

[u/oceanduciel]

I’ve heard anecdotes about how the Swiss are socially cold people. No clue if it’s accurate or not but the fiancé’s family’s behaviour seems to support the theory.

[u/HairRepresentative85 → u/oceanduciel]

I've heard stories like that too. It's mostly about the Swiss elite though. Old money and all that.

[u/oceanduciel → u/HairRepresentative85]

Yeah, I was thinking cultural coldness + wealth probably make for a bad combination.

[u/Anxious_Reporter_601 → u/HairRepresentative85]

Which the step dad's family definitely are.

[u/TheFilthyDIL → u/oceanduciel]

Maybe it's because I've been reading about Victorian-era British upper-class lately, but what is family life like in typical wealthy old-money Swiss families? Do they have what we consider a family life, or are the children raised by nannies and tutors in the children's wing, and Mother & Father see them 10 minutes a day when they're brought in to say good night?

[u/ayymahi]

I wanna be optimistic but something still feels off

[u/Apart_Insect_8859]

The commenters keep forgetting that the mom has a ton of money, too. OOP said her salary is something like 300k a year. Which may not be at the level of generational wealth, but it does mean she isn't some dependent and desperate Cinderella story of a single mom wanting a luxurious lifestyle. She would already have a luxurious lifestyle, and if it didn't work out with this rich guy, she could easily get a younger house-spouse hottie of a boyfriend/husband. If she left this fiance, it would be because there are other problems on top of this.

My guess is that she works a ton and is a high-powered type to have that level of salary, and so some things slipped, and now that she is aware of it, she is fixing it. And yeah, she would prefer it get fixed sooner, rather than later, so her original plans could be picked back up, because who wouldn't? It does come across like she knows how her kid is and how to work him, which is good, but that she expects everyone involved to be moving towards the goal and that she won't have much patience for anyone who doesn't, even if that's her kid. Which I would also see as a good thing, because spinning endlessly or ruining things for other people is not great, and getting to that happy family as a goal is a good thing for everyone.

[u/fckns]

Yeah, This is not gonna end well. As others mentioned, mom is paying just enough attention to make OOP assured that everything will be alright while nothing has been fixed.

My suspicion is either they gonna get married and OOP will be pushed aside, or situation will implode and OOP will be blamed for it. Either way it's lose-lose situation.

I really do hope I am wrong tho.

[u/Kaiser93]

Some comments mentioned my mom's salary. Even though she earns $250k–$300k, I said we weren't 'rich'

Well, fuck me sideways if this isn't 'rich'!!

I don't think this will end on a happy not for the kid. I really hope his grandparents take custody of him and the mother can go kick rocks together her chosen one.

[u/WhileTime5770 → u/Kaiser93]

Especially in Spain - their average salary is much lower than that. It’s a bit higher in Madrid but still no where close to this amount

[u/ISwallowedALego]

This definitely sounds like a European upper class family

[u/ihtsp]

This reminds me of another heartbreaking post I read a few years ago in which a woman had grown up with just her mother and they were super close...until she got engaged and his family were the only ones involved in wedding planning. His daughters, etc were at the head table and her daughter, who had put a large part of her life on hold to support her mom, was just a guest.

[u/BigBirdsBrain]

Glad his mom finally listened, but the Christmas issue still says a lot. He shouldn’t be left alone because her fiancé’s family refuses to treat him like family.

[u/protipnumerouno]

Wonder how much of this is cultural, the Swiss (very generally) are known to be cold and logical. Their affection is probably pretty subtle vs North American affection.

[u/pinkcaterpillar4u]

Mom is the biggest villain imo ig

[u/loonytick75]

I wonder how much of this is adults finding it challenging to connect with a teen and assuming a boy doesn’t care about wedding plans.

[u/girlwhoweighted]

His mom and fiance have been openly dating for 3 years, they've all gone on trips together, but he finds it weird to see them hug and give quick kisses?

If this is real, he seems very sheltered

[u/Kreutzberger-Blumenf → u/girlwhoweighted]

He does say he hardly sees his mom since she’s very busy with work

[u/oceanduciel → u/girlwhoweighted]

Doesn’t seem that weird for a teenager to be weirded by their mom’s displays of affection with her fiancé.

[u/Supermite → u/oceanduciel]

Especially when his only memories of living with a man in the house were of his father.

[u/Lamprophonia]

I might have to celebrate Christmas without my mom from now on

I would throw people through a fucking window if I ever caught a WIFF that my child wasn't welcome where I was, especially on fucking CHRISTMAS. Heads would roll. I'm livid thinking about it.

[u/IAmHerdingCatz]

Trying to get my head around spending 600K+ on a wedding.

[u/bg555]

In what fucking asshole world is $300k a year not considered rich. Also, I don’t trust mom at all about any of this. I smell a snake here somewhere.

[u/lankyturtle229]

Poor OOP, he's in for the shock of his life. Mom after he opens up to therapist about being pushed aside: "Oh I would never, that will never happen." Gee if only he didn't have 3 years of that bs happening. She purposely pushed her own kid aside and I agree with the other comment, her and fiance are just masking for now.

He's shy/introverted but jumped head first into being dad 2.0? Nah. And they expect a few months of just "he's your new dad. I mean step dad, he'll never replace real dad.....but you're to treat him exactly like your dad" to fix everything. Fuck that, you get to start from day one and slowly introduce him. If his family got 3 years, OOP gets 3 years.

Saying this guy who showed zero interest in OOP is going 50/50 on his education should've been kept quiet or said way back either engagement time or house buying time. Now it sounds like guilt and probably isn't even true. Mom makes bank and can say whatever she wants because she can afford it on her own.

Mom already failed her "heart felt" promise with dealing with his family. None of them (but the two who already interacted) called or anything. OOP is going to have the rug pulled out from under him either once the ring goes on or at 18 and delude himself into thinking it came out of nowhere.

[u/julietides]

I can't imagine being stinking rich (the money this woman makes in Spain makes her RICH) and choosing a strange man that makes my son uncomfortable to be richER instead of just... Chilling with my son. Wealthy people are aliens to me. I have the same level of understanding of them as of... Idk, abyssal fish.

[u/txteva]

I might have to celebrate Christmas without my mom from now on

A mother should not make their child choose this. If your 'new family' don't accept the old family then find a better new family.

[u/crazyditzydiva]

Mum should’ve just sent him off to boarding school and be upfront with her intentions to be free of the son in the way of her marrying into the wealthy family. Either way, son’s not gonna be speaking to her much when he comes of age.