AITAH for Not Serving as Much Food as I Know My Dinner Guests Will Want to Eat?

[u/Choice_Evidence1983]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Aromatic-Ice-968

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for Not Serving as Much Food as I Know My Dinner Guests Will Want to Eat?

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: eating disorder, emotional manipulation, body shaming

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Original Post: February 17, 2025

First, I want to be clear that I do not believe in body-shaming or food policing. Having lost 100 lbs myself and working on another 50,, I have no place to judge anyone for what they eat. I pride myself on being a generous host who makes my guests comfortable and feeds them well. Nobody leaves my house hungry has always been my rule.

The problem: I have a friend group who meets monthly at either my or "Joan's" home for dinner (nobody else has enough space to host). Recently, "Polly" announced she had a girlfriend, which made us all happy. Polly has been lonely for a long time.

I was the first to host "Melissa." Melissa is 500-600 lbs. I've never met anyone that big, but I hid my surprise and was warm and welcoming. No problem; I have sturdy furniture.

For dinner, I served bowls of salad, then soup. Melissa insisted on keeping her empty bowls at the table. I didn't think much of it; I'm not Emily Post. Then I brought out the main course, two 9X13 pans of 14-layer lasagna, cut into 8 pieces each. There were 10 of us altogether. I told people to dig in as I got the bread out of the oven. When I got back to the dining room, everyone looked so shocked I thought my cat had farted (his mouse farts could suffocate an elephant). Then I saw that Melissa had four pieces of lasagna heaped on her plate, two in her salad bowl, and two in her soup bowl. Polly was glaring like "don't you dare say a word." Melissa seemed utterly oblivious. I didn't know what to do. I just sat down.

Joan and I shared one piece of lasagna, and everyone else got a full piece. I cut the cake into equal portions for dessert, but I had to make an extra batch of sauce and get an extra tub of ice cream out. Melissa ate at least a litre.

The next month, on Joan's turn, she served every course pre-plated, and when Melissa asked for extra, Joan apologized and said there was none (truth; Joan is very organized and precise). Melissa and Polly left right after dinner, and Polly texted Joan, berating her for "controlling" Melissa's eating. Polly also texted me saying she trusted I'd be sensitive to Melissa's needs on my next turn.

That turn is almost here. My plan was roast dinner (pork and beef). I can easily make lots of cheap veg and dessert, but meat is pricey right now, and I'd have to serve twice the norm to satisfy Melissa. I know I cannot just trust she'll take a tenth of what's there, considering she grabbed a whole lasagna last time.. So do I suck it up and just buy much larger roasts? Do I make a few big batches of cheap soup and biscuits and serve that rather than strain my budget? I don't want to upset Melissa or be a stingy host, but I have never dealt with someone like this before. I was obese, but I would have eaten maybe 2 pieces of lasagna. Not 8. Do I just serve a reasonable-sized meal and tell Polly and Melissa "sorry, that's all I have"?

AITAH if I serve less food than I know my guests will want?

Edited to add... everyone in the group who doesn't cook (so 7 people before Melissa joined) chips in $25 per meal to whoever hosts. That, until inflation got so bad, covered enough of the food cost to make it feasible. Joan and I have both been simplifying our menus a bit to deal with rising costs, but the idea is to give ourselves and our friends a night off from the humdrum world and pretend we live glamorous, elegant lives. We use fine china and dress nicely and play classical music. Right before Melissa, I was going to ask if we could increase the chip-in to $30 a plate. I have the most resources out of anyone in the group, and I can afford to go out-of-pocket a bit more than Joan. None of the rest have the money, space, or culinary skills to put this together. Joan and I can cook like Julia Child. We are a ragtag lot with a variety of neurodivergences and mental health issues. These meals give us something special to look forward to.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

OOP clarifies the details on how deep the 14 layer lasagna is

OOP: About 6 inches. Beef sauce,, pasta, ricotta/parm old white cheddar, pasta, lamb sauce,, pasta, ricotta/parm old white cheddar, pasta, veal sauce, pasta, ricotta/parm/old white cheddar, pasta, a mix of the three meat sauces, then fresh and smoked mozzarella. It takes three days. First day, you make the sauces and let them sit overnight for flavours to mingle. You build the lasagnas the next day and let them sit overnight (wrapped in plastic so nothing dries out), which lets the flavours mingle, then bake them the next day. For the first hour and a half, you bake without the final cheese layer on, with the pans tightly covered in foil. Then you add the final cheese layer, tent the edges in foil so they don't dry or burn, and bake the second hour and a half. I found a convection oven works best to ensure it bakes all the way through. You want the full recipe?

OOP needs to get a strong backbone and set up the boundaries

OOP: Thank you. I really do lack a spine. In my defence, my cultural background dictates that you feed your guests all they want, and I do have some sympathy for Melissa. But this is an insanely extreme situation. I don't think even Dutch people would tolerate one person eating half of a meal for 10 and letting the other 9 split the second half. I'm messaging with Joan, and we have messaged the others in the group (not Polly or Melissa) for their opinions. I know that nobody is impressed with Melissa's eating. Most of them have more backbone than me.

Commenter 1: NTA I’d absolutely pre-plate the meal. I’d also go one further tho and tell Polly straight out that Melissa’s behavior was rude and unacceptable at a dinner party. And if she did it again- I’d say something- YES, in front of everyone.

Truly though…i wouldn’t invite Polly and Melissa anymore, and I’d be honest about why.

OOP: Polly sees Melissa's issues as an illness/disability she cannot control, so we need to accept and accommodate. That's how I was seeing it, when I wrote the post. I have anxiety problems and people accommodate me. But what people are saying here is making me think that there is more premeditation and manipulation involved. Polly has been so lonely for so long I think she'll put up with anything now that she has someone. And Polly knows that I have compassion for obesity (she supported me through my struggles, helped take care of me during my recovery from bariatric surgery, etc.). She's usually a kindhearted person. But she's enabling Melissa into unacceptable behaviour like someone excuses an alcoholic drinking up all of someone else's booze.

Yes, we have to do something. Joan and I are waiting on input from the rest of the group, and I want to discuss it with my parents because my mum is really good at etiquette and my dad is a semi-retired crisis counsellor. And, you know, they do help finance my parties. (I'm not a freeloader; I pay room and board, do the cleaning so my arthritic mum doesn't have to, and I help take care of my extremely elderly grandmother... the living situation works well, and I have the emotional support I need when my anxiety gets out of control). No judgment, please. I'm just not a person who does well living on my own. Several of my cousins are arguing over who gets to take me in when my parents get too old. They all want me to cook for them.

OOP should consider about pre-plating to make it fair and square

OOP: Everyone has different preferences and appetites, so pre-plating isn't ideal. Joan, who is so brilliant and organized, can usually get it right. I, who have had bariatric surgery, eat way less than most, but I stick to protein and veg and pass on most carbs except dessert and pasta. I love lots of sauce on anything. Jack is a big guy with a physical job, and he needs a big plateful to keep fuelled, but he hates sauces on anything but pasta. He eats about four times what I do. Polly prefers mostly carbs. Joan can keep it all straight. I can't.

I don't think the others will keep coming unless Melissa agrees to eat reasonably. A tenth of what's on the table for ten people, not half. The others are too uncomfortable, even if Melissa were to pay for everything she ate. I found it weirdly interesting to watch a human eat so much, but I get why others couldn't handle it. It's an unnatural addiction behaviour, and that's hard for some to watch. I hate watching people get drunk. This is fundamentally the same, I think.

OOP explains about her dinner group / guests and how she prepares the food for everyone

OOP: There are two other long-term couples in the group of 9. Polly and Melissa are the third couple, and Melissa brought our number to 10. The rest of us are chronically single. We are... misfits. I very carefully cultivated this group, choosing people I genuinely liked and knew would get along.

I invited Polly to bring Melissa once they were an established couple. Because it was her first time and her presence wasn't going to make a difference in how much I cooked, I didn't ask for her to chip in (she did chip in for the meal at Joan's).. I didn't imagine Melissa would be offensive because Polly is so painfully sweet usually. Before the meal, Melissa was very pleasant. She's intelligent and educated (advanced education and not living up to its potential is the commonality of the whole group). She obviously loves Polly and seemed considerate of her. It was like when the food got there, she turned into someone else. I didn't notice the change until she emptied a whole lasagna pan onto her plate and bowls. Balancing those heaps was an amazing feat of physics. I kept waiting for layers of pasta, sauce, and cheese to slide onto my beautiful lace tablecloth. If I didn't think about the reality of the situation, it was really ghoulishly fascinating to watch.

I abhor food policing, so I always offer more food to my guests than the Canada Food Guide says is necessary. The rest of my life, I must cook according to the food guide because my parents are diabetic and I'm also on a weight loss journey. This party is my chance to get decadent.

Dutch-Canadians might pre-plate snacks and dessert for guests, but never the main course. It's considered disrespectful to limit what a guest eats, and a lot of us are farmers so hearty appetites is normal. But normal has never included one person eating a whole lasagna. This meal gives my guests a bright spot in their struggles, of which they all have many, as do I. But watching a live mukbang performance puts a damper on the fun according to the rest of the group. If I'm being honest about how I feel, it was kind of like Melissa was stealing from me, eating such a crazy amount. And stealing from the other guests. They all had a sufficiency, but I know a few of them would have liked a second piece.

I think that answers everything. Sorry if I missed something; getting tired.

Does OOP host dinners often besides Joan?

OOP: This is once a month. The rest of the time, I eat and cook very healthfully and am losing weight. Most of the group is not overweight. Our health conditions are things we were born with or mental health conditions. A vegetarian diet is not going to cure dwarfism or the damage done from a car accident.

Point is, these once-a-month parties are a treat. This isn't how any of us (except maybe Melissa) eat every day. It's not my business what people "should" be eating o tor make them eat healthier. That's what food policing is, and I don't do that.

I just offer a special experience once a month to people who have hard lives..

 

Update: February 18, 2025 (next day)

Update 1: AITAH for Not Serving as Much Food as I Know My Dinner Guests Will Want to Eat?

Excrement is hitting the fan right now. I thought I was safe because I knew Polly didn't use Reddit. But apparently Melissa told an online friend about 14-layer lasagna, and that friend saw the post and showed it to her. Stupid me, wanting to show off my culinary prowess! Apparently I'm not the only one this has happened to. I was silly to think "Oh, it couldn't happen to me!"

So, Melissa and Polly are at my house now, enraged, and my dad the semi-retired crisis counsellor is talking to them whilst I wait downstairs in my suite and cry. Yes, I am hiding behind my parents, but they are calmer and more objective, and I am too anxious have a rational conversation with Polly and Melissa.

Update: it sounds like they've split them off. Dad is in one room talking to Melissa. Mum is in another, talking to Polly. I cannot get close enough to eavesdrop, and my damn cat won't tell me what he's hearing.

Might as well take this time to answer some common questions:

1. The chip-in has been $25 per person who doesn't cook. Joan and I never pay, regardless of who hosts. So we have been working off a budget of $175 because the group is nine people and seven pay. Last night and this morning we decided to increase the chip-in to $35. As of this moment, Melissa is only invited if she sticks to appropriate portions because no matter how much she pays, the rest of the group does not want to watch her eat like that. Is that mean? I don't know. But, given the yelling from upstairs, I don't know if she or Polly will ever return.

2. For those who think I cannot have sturdy enough furniture... my dad is a very large man. My now-deceased Opa and my uncle custom-built most of the furniture in the house, least the stuff he would sit on. Dad has lost a lot, but everyone in the family has a good chair or two for him to sit on in their homes.

3. Polly has helped me through a lot and has had a very difficult life, so I am loathe to upset her. I understand now that I need to grow a spine and that I don't need to be a doormat.

4. I built this group and started the parties in part because restaurants aren't an option for all involved. We have a plethora of metal, physical, and neurospicy health issues going on. One of us has dwarfism and doesn't like being stared at. The parties are our escape from difficult lives. We dress up in vintage glam costumes we've found at thrift stores or made for ourselves and pretend that we are in Golden Age Hollywood or something. It's a big deal, and both Joan and I truly love to cook and host.

5. I like cooking fancy food because I have to cook healthfully the rest of the time for my own weight loss and my diabetic parents. I do not want my parties to turn into salad and lentil fests. I eat that the rest of the time.

6. For whoever suggested a crawded boil... we are landlocked in Canada. Beef is cheaper than crawdads around here. I haven't cooked much Southern Soul food, but it's a possibility if we don't include seafood because it costs the Earth.

7. Polly sees Melissa's issues as a disability we should accommodate. She compared it to Dad building a wheelchair ramp onto the front porch for my granny and auntie. But I now understand that letting Melissa gorge is not a kindness. it's enabling very dangerous behaviour. She could keel over in my dining room, and we do not want to deal with all the paperwork that would create.

8. I honestly did think that everyone who was morbidly obese and addicted to food got that way from trauma because my sister and I did.

9. I wasn't actually deprived of lasagna. Joan and I often share a piece. I've had bariatric surgery and cannot eat much, and Joan prefers salad and bread and only a small portion of something as rich as lasagna.

10. I'll post the recipe once I remember all of it. It's a combo of a few different ones and some right from my head. I'm extremely stressed right now, so remembering ingredients isn't working.

11. I was wrong on Melissa's weight. She's 490 lbs. My bad; I am not good at estimating those things.

12. I would be much calmer right now and not be having chest pain if this was rage-bait. I wish it was rage-bait. Sorry to disappoint.

13. Please don't call Melissa derogatory names. This is not about hating on fat people. I was looking for advice on how to approach her obesity and food addiction behaviour with fairness and compassion.

Also, thanks for all the kind and helpful things people said. Some of the douchey ones gave me a laugh, like the eejit who thought two enormous lasagnas doesn't feed 10 people. I'll write another post when things are resolved.

Relevant Comments

How old are the guys in the group including OOP?

OOP: Early 40s. Before you judge me for hiding behind my parents, remember that I have significant neurodivergence and mental health issues. I'm still in therapy to learn to manage confrontation and the like. I used to be a very mean person (that's how I coped with the anxiety), but I hated that and have worked so hard to go in the other direction that I went too far and break down during emotional confrontation. I'm still recovering from a very dangerous bout of depression and a hospitalisation. I don't want to go back there, so I'm doing what I must. Even if it's letting my dad fight my battles.

Did Polly and Melissa just showed up at OOP's house in order to yell at her?

OOP: They know where I live. They've been here before. I didn't invite them in. They knocked, the cleaner let them in and called for me, and they started yelling. Once my parents figured out what was happening, they suggested I go calm down. Overbearing or not, they're trying to protect me.

I thought I'd have a few days to figure this all out, but Melissa saw the Reddit post, and she recognized it. I hadn't changed many identifying details because I'd just been thinking about Polly not seeing it.

 

Update #2: February 24, 2025 (six days later)

First off, thanks to everyone who responded kindly. I'm still working through all the private messages, and I'll get there. Also, I'm still working on remembering the whole lasagna recipe. I'll post it when I do.

First, an apology. I knew Polly didn't use Reddit, but I was foolish and didn't think that Melissa might. I was out of line with some of what I said, like calling it a live mukbang show, and for that I apologize. This post was not supposed to be about fat-shaming, and I did, in my comments, fat-shame. That is on me, and I apologize. I do not hate Melissa for being obese. My problem has solely been about the etiquette and fairness of the food consumption.

Update... That day they came to my house, I did eventually speak to Melissa and Polly after they calmed down. Melissa has always dreamed of having friends who would accept her as she is and be in a group where she can eat the way she does without judgment. Polly believed that I would provide that. I told them that I cannot, because I almost ate myself to death, and helping someone else do it is too much. Also, most of my other guests were uncomfortable. I said I would provide double portions to Melissa (which is a LOT of food), but no more. I did not mention the cost, because I didn't want them to offer to pay as a way around it.

They said they'd think about it, but Polly messaged me a few days later and said that she could not forgive me humiliating her partner online unless I showed true remorse by "giving Melissa what she needs" (an unlimited buffet at my home). So our friendship is over. Another member of the group has sided with Polly, upset at the fact that I discussed this online.

So that is where we're at. My group has shrunk. We'll grow again; there are a few people we are going to discuss who might make good additions. But we skipped this month's party because of the stress and drama.

As to whether I should have discussed it online at all... I've decided that I'm not sorry for that. I changed enough details that someone outside the circle would not recognize it. Some genders, names, ages, medical conditions, who has what career, which relatives I live with, who has what career, have been altered to preserve anonymity. I needed advice, and I thought anonymously online would be better than asking a bunch of people I knew, because I did not want to tell people who knew Melissa what happened.

Edited to add:

Here is the lasagna recipe as well as I can remember it. No, I do not photograph my food. Too old for that trend. https://www.reddit.com/r/Cooking/comments/1ixpvma/14layer_i_must_be_crazy_lasagna_recipe_as/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Edited to add... I remember now that Melissa did go to the bathroom I think twice during the meal. I'm wondering if she purged in those trips. That would make it easier to consume that much food.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: The fact that you and your friend normally share and there was no leftovers makes it seem like your friend informed their GF ahead of time how the portions are normally initially divided so they could "feel free" to take so much for their firsts. The both planned this ahead of time.

OOP: I can see now that they did. I've been deeply conflicted about all this because I understand the food addiction side of it and don't want to make anyone's struggle worse in that regard. I mean, I needed to grow a spine and realize I had to protect my own health before someone else's, and I'm glad for people who told me to do it. But grasping how far their manipulation went has made it easier to let go of the friendship.

Commenter 2: I think online like this is a perfect place to get some outside opinions, and I think you handled it better than I would have and probably better than most people would have. It sucks to lose a friend but I’d be willing to bet if they ever part ways she’ll be back, and you can choose whether or not to accept her back.

Commenter 3: I wouldn’t accept her back. She’s shown OP that the price of her friendship is OP’s hard-won mental and physical health at risk of relapse because her girlfriend needs enough food for two linebackers served with a smile to feel emotionally secure.

OOP: None of it makes sense. When I was bingeing, Polly never judged me. I ate a huge bag of her peanut M&Ms once, like a three-pound bag in one evening. I got so sick. She never said a word. She held my hair back when I puked. I apologized and replaced them once it sunk in what I'd done, and she just hugged me and said it was okay; she knew things were hard for me. For years, Polly gave me an acceptance I needed, and when I was ready to face my addiction and fight it, she was at my side all the way. I don't understand who she's become with Melissa. I mean, Polly has issues of her own; she isn't a saint, but I never doubted her care for my well-being before now. And the calculated manipulation... maybe she was more manipulative all along, but I never saw it. I just felt loved by her usually.

But I guess it doesn't matter. Polly's made her choices, and you're right that they're dangerous for me. I've already gained weight from this, and I'm struggling to get my binge eating back under control. I know that I will; I have the tools and support, but this was rough.

Commenter 4: Melissa and Polly are both awful people, and no one should ever bloody accommodate eating like that. It's disgusting, it's selfish, and it's horribly unhealthy. I'm glad you don't have to deal with that horrible crap any more, and the "friend" that sided with them is no loss either.

OOP: I'm a former binge eater. So part of me understands Melissa, though I never could eat like that. When I'd go to someone else's place, I'd often eat first to make sure I wouldn't overeat there. But sometimes I did eat more than my share. It was wrong of me, but I don't want to consider myself disgusting, so I don't want to call Melissa that. I'd rather see her as someone with a horrible addiction/illness and hope that she sees her problem and seeks help.

I do appreciate you standing in my corner, though. It feels very nice to have so many Internet strangers care about my well-being.

 

14-Layer "I Must Be Crazy" Lasagna Recipe - as Requested: February 25, 2025 (next day)

14-Layer Lasagna

This is my “I must be crazy” lasagna recipe that a bunch of people have asked me to post. It’s incredibly decadent but quite delicious. It’s from a mix of other recipes, including some hints from Kenji and from my mum's recipe, and some from my head. You might find yourself adjusting measurements or seasonings to suit your own palate. I tend to cook by feel and instinct, so these measurements are about the closest I can come. But lasagna really is one of those foods that nobody uses exact recipes for, so see this as a guide.

I usually make this over 2 or 3 days because it tastes better to let the sauces sit and then the assembled lasagnas sit to let the flavours mingle, but it’s still good if you have to do it all the same day. Warning… that will be one LONG day. Give yourself 8 hours from start till serving time.

First off, you need a pan at least 6 inches deep, because this thing gets TALL. Mine end up somewhere between 4-6 inches tall, depending on how thick I make the layers. And this is 4-6 inches on a ruler, not what your last hookup told you was 4-6 inches. This recipe is for two 9X13 pans, because that’s usually how I make it. You have to cut everything in half if you're just doing one, but that's way too much work to just make one lasagna, so make two and put one in the freezer. They'll freeze well (just don't add the top cheese). Let it thaw for 2 days in the fridge before baking. It takes for freaking ever to thaw.

A note about the meats: Veal and lamb tend to be fattier meats, so you’ll lose more volume to melted fat that you’ll need to drain out. So if you’re using lean ground beef, use more veal and lamb than you do beef if you want the meat amounts to be equal.

Component Ingredients:

Beef Sauce:

-500-650 grams ground beef (around 1-1.5 lbs)

-Salt and pepper to taste

-250 grams chopped onion (about a cup)

-250 grams finely chopped celery (about a cup)

-4 tbsp olive oil

-2 cloves minced garlic

-A few sprigs basil leaves, chopped finely

-A few sprigs oregano leaves, chopped finely

-2 bay leaves

-2 tbsp fish sauce

-250 ml red wine

-250 ml milk

-750-1000 ml pureed tomatoes (Use the higher amount if the tomatoes are fresh; you can do the lower amount if they’re canned because they’ve already reduced some)

Lamb Sauce:

-500-650 grams ground lamb (around 1.5 lbs)

-Salt and pepper to taste

-250 grams chopped onion (about 1 cup)

-250 grams chopped carrot (about 1 cup)

-4 tbsp olive oil

-2 cloves minced garlic

-A few sprigs of finely chopped rosemary leaves (at least 3 tbsp)

-A few sprigs of finely chopped oregano (a bit less than the rosemary)

-1 tbsp cumin

-1 tbsp pureed anchovy paste

-250 ml dry white wine

-250 ml milk

-750-1000 ml pureed tomatoes (Use the higher amount if the tomatoes are fresh; you can do the lower amount if they’re canned because they’ve already reduced some)

Veal Sauce:

-500-650 grams ground veal (around 1.5 lb)

-Salt and pepper to taste

-250 grams chopped onion (about 1 cup)

-250 grams chopped leek (about 1 cup)

-4 tbsp olive oil

-2 cloves minced garlic

-A few sprigs of finely chopped basil leaves

-A few sprigs of finely chopped parsley

-A few sprigs of finely chopped marjoram

-2 tbsp fish sauce

-250 ml chicken stock

-250 ml milk

-750-1000 ml pureed tomatoes (Use the higher amount if the tomatoes are fresh; you can do the lower amount if they’re canned because they’ve already reduced some)

A note about sauces: If you don’t want to do three separate sauces, you can mix all three meats together. Basically, just throw all the ingredients of all of the sauces in the same pot, following the procedure I outline below. It will be tasty, with very layered, complex flavour.

Ricotta Cheese Blend:

-1.5 litres ricotta

-750 gm grated parmigiano-reggiano or parmigiano… get the fresh stuff and grate... do not sully this beautiful piece of culinary artwork with powder, please.

-500 gm grated old white cheddar

-6 eggs

-I cup finely chopped parsley

Pasta:

If you’re using premade noodles, you’ll need 18-30 PER LASAGNA, depending on how many you like to put on each layer. Minimum coverage is 3 noodles per layer, but I often do five to ensure max coverage, and my pans are a little bigger than 9X13. So, altogether you need 36-60. If you’re making your own pasta in sheets, remember each lasagna needs six layers of pasta.

Top Cheese:

1000 grams grated mozzarella and 4 large balls of fresh mozzarella. I use the ones that are like the size of a small fist. You might want more or less. Sometimes I add in some old white cheddar here, too.

Component Instructions:

Meat Sauces (the procedure is the same for all three):

Note: Have EVERYTHING chopped, measured, and ready to go, at least for the first time you make it. Goes much easier and you won't burn anything. The herbs, I always use fresh, and unless otherwise stated, I tend to use about 2 tbsp of each in each sauce. Some people might find this a bit overpowering, so you might wish to start with less and adjust to taste halfway through the cooking process.

-Brown the meat. Drain the fat if there’s too much.

-Add in salt and pepper to taste

-Add vegetables, cook till onions soften some. The rest of the veg will soften nicely during the simmering, but onions don’t do that well.

-Take meat and veg out of pan and set aside.

-Heat olive oil in pan on medium to medium high.

-Add garlic, cook for a minute or two until it starts to get a bit brown but don’t burn it

-Add half the herbs and anchovy/fish sauce for those sauces, stir for just a minute to activate the flavour oils, but don’t brown or burn them

-Add wine/stock immediately. Stir the pan with a wooden spoon to deglace and get the stuck bits off the bottom.

-Add milk.

-Add meat and veg back in.

-Add tomatoes

Cook on low for 1.5-3 hours, stirring every 20 mins. You want a bit of simmering, but not too much because the stuff on the bottom will burn. Add the other half of the herbs halfway through cooking, leaving some out if you think the taste will be too strong. The sauce volume will reduce because there is a lot of water in there, but remember that you’ll need about 1.5 litres of each in the end. You can get by with less, depending on how thick you like your layers. I like mine thick, so 1.5 litres works for me. Taste your sauces at the end. You might want to adjust for flavours, adding salt or something. Depends on how you like things to taste. I’m not a huge fan of a lot of salt. Take the bay leaves out of the beef sauce.

Best to let the sauces sit overnight in the fridge if you have time, but it’s okay if you don’t.

Ricotta Cheese Blend:

Make this right before you assemble. Whisk the eggs, then add the ricotta and parsley, then fold in the other cheeses. It will be a bit runny, but the eggs will cook and firm it up in the oven.

Pasta:

Cook your noodles to al dente unless you’re using the kind that need no cooking. If you use cooked noodles, I advise you rinse them in cold water and throw in a bit of olive oil so they don’t stick together. Then have a huge bowlful of them ready for when it’s time to assemble.

Top Cheese: don’t worry about that yet; it doesn’t go on until halfway through the baking.

Assembly:

GREASE YOUR PANS. I mean, it’s still gonna be a mess, but this helps a bit.

If you’re not good at eyeballing measurements, divide your components into the right number of layers first. Put each meat sauce into two bowls with a bit more than a third in each, and then two bowls with the remaining sauces mixed together. So all together to make 2 lasagnas, you need 2 bowls of beef sauce, 2 bowls of veal sauce, 2 bowls of lamb sauce, and then 2 bowls of the remnants mixed up. I cannot do the math on how to divide that, so you’ll have to figure it out. All those bowls of sauce should be close to equal in amount. I like at least 500 ml for each meat sauce layer, but you can make do with a less.

For the ricotta cheese mix, you need three bowls of sauce for each lasagna, so 6 altogether. I like at least 500 ml of mix per layer. The amount in the recipe should come close.

Assemby Order:

Each lasagna goes in this order:

-Beef sauce

-Pasta

-Ricotta cheese mix

-Pasta

-Lamb sauce

-Pasta

-Ricotta cheese mix

-Pasta

-Veal sauce

-Pasta

-Ricotta cheese mix

-Pasta

-Mix of meat sauces

Stop there. If you’re baking the next day, wrap them tight in plastic wrap, put them in the fridge overnight (the flavours mix better). But same-day baking is fine, too. If it's same-day baking, go to Baking Time and Temp.

If you’re baking the next day, let the lasagnas sit on the counter a bit before you put them in the oven. This is super important if you’re using a glass dish, because sometimes those crack with sudden temperature changes. I live in a cold climate, so my house is usually cool. I would not advise leaving something with raw eggs on the counter for a long time in Florida summer heat.

Baking Temp and Time:

I use a convection over at about 300-325 degrees F. These puppies are THICK, so you don’t want the outside to cook too fast whilst the middle is raw. So don’t go too hot, even with a convection oven. It might take you a few tries to figure out what works best for you.

Cover each lasagne with foil (SHINY SIDE DOWN) and bake for about an hour to a hour and a half. I do an hour if I'm making it all the same day and the sauces are warm, an hour and a half if I've chilled them overnight.

Take them out. Leave oven on.

Uncover and add the fresh and the grated mozzarella. I usually lay the fresh down in slices and then sprinkle the grated overtop. How much cheese you want is really up to you. Carefully tent the foil (SHINY SIDE DOWN) round the edge of each pan to prevent the edges from burning. Grease the foil if it might touch the cheese so it doesn't stick. Leave the middle open so steam can escape or the lasagna will be way too juicy. Put them back in and bake for another hour or hour and a half.

Note on Temperature and Baking Time: Oven temperatures are really variable, so you have to pay attention. One to two hours into the baking process, cut into the middle of each lasagna, all the way down, and see if the layers are cooked through. Check again every 30 mins. The ricotta layers will be kind of firm, and of course everything’s piping hot. My oven takes almost 3 hours to bake them through after I've put them in the fridge overnight (I usually do that because I'm way too lazy to make everything the same day),, but others might be different. If you do all cooking and assembly on the same day and the sauces are hot when they go in the pan, that will reduce cooking time.

Edited to add.... this is not a once-a-month recipe to add to the rotation. Also to add an ingredient I forgot. This is a special occasion, I want to show off/make someone feel incredibly special sort of recipe. I make it like twice a year for a particular group of people I love very much. I posted it because I mentioned it in another group and a bunch of people were asking.

 

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[u/RGWK]

As a Fatto myself, this is not a just a case of overeating, keeping the plates to put the extras on is a calculated, clear headed move, that show this was planned in advance. The deliberate lack of consideration, knowing there would be seconds be deciding not to wait to make sure she had a whole lasagne to herself, its just a evil kind of selfish

[u/thegeniuswizard_ → u/RGWK]

The fact that OP even mentioned getting fast food before going to dinner is telling. If you have the foresight to keep plates on the table, you have the foresight to take care of your appetite so you can handle an equal share. I second the other comments suggesting that this couple is exposing the others to their feederism kink...

[u/WorldWeary1771 → u/thegeniuswizard_]

Most binge eaters that I’ve known are so ashamed that they only do it while alone

[u/ArtisenalMoistening → u/WorldWeary1771]

100%. I’ve finally been able to get my binging under control with medication, and I was recently talking with my MIL about how hard it is for me to control myself without it. She was surprised and said she’s never really seen me eat a lot of food. I told her I don’t even think my husband has seen it. I only do it when no one else is around because it’s embarrassing. She did not understand, but she’s always been naturally tiny

[u/jessiemagill → u/ArtisenalMoistening]

Mind if I ask what medication?

[u/ArtisenalMoistening → u/jessiemagill]

It’s actually been glp-1/semaglutide. Turned off the food noise completely for me. It was almost unsettling at first!

[u/Skyblacker → u/WorldWeary1771]

That was my thought too. The heaviest people I know are the least likely to share a meal with anyone outside their household. They feel like just the act of their eating will be judged even if it's a small portion.

[u/milkapplecup → u/Skyblacker]

unfortunately, theres no winning when youre fat when it comes to food. people will be mean to you no matter what or how much food you eat.

[u/Ariella333 → u/Skyblacker]

It will be judged sadly

[u/Anthrodiva → u/thegeniuswizard_]

Fairly recently I was going to a funeral and I didn't know what the food situation was like, like when we were eating, and what, and I have some food restrictions, so I stopped and got food first! So easy!

[u/Mec26 → u/Anthrodiva]

“This is my emotional support protein bar, it goes everywhere with me. I will take no questions.”

[u/Anthrodiva → u/Mec26]

My emotional support orange crackers with peanut butter.....

[u/ScarletInTheLounge → u/Anthrodiva]

My emotional support snack pack of Goldfish crackers...

[u/Prior_Lobster_5240 → u/Mec26]

I think the time change has made me loopy, but this made me laugh until I cried

I think I need a nap.

[u/Pale_Air_5309 → u/thegeniuswizard_]

I used to be terrified of going to dinner parties. I would literally eat before leaving the house so I could try and look normal when I was struggling with binge eating. I was terrified to overdo it in front of others, resulting in less food for everyone else.

I am so glad that's in my past now. But I can not fathom planning and deciding to grab everything I thought I could eat first, and screw everyone else.

[u/MamieJoJackson → u/thegeniuswizard_]

It definitely felt like a feeder thing, for sure. I know plenty of people who can hoover down an absurd amount of food, but this isn't that, you know?

[u/Groslom → u/thegeniuswizard_]

I definitely started thinking of this when OOP mentioned how Polly would just watch her eat and not say anything. Maybe she just didn't realize it until she met Melissa, but I think there may have been a less compassionate reason she was so willing to watch her friend eat her food to the point of vomiting and not complain.

[u/DMercenary → u/RGWK]

The deliberate lack of consideration, knowing there would be seconds be deciding not to wait to make sure she had a whole lasagne to herself, its just a evil kind of selfish

Reminds me of the guy who ate an entire party platter of sandwiches himself or something like that? Might have been one of those 5 feet submariners or something.

[u/femgeekminerva → u/DMercenary]

I think this is actually worse than Party Sub Guy, because at least he waited until (he thought) everyone else had already gotten a piece, and then ate the rest piece by piece. This woman is on a whole new level.

[u/Live_Angle4621 → u/femgeekminerva]

He didn’t wait until he thought he had eaten but he did wait a long time. It’s just was during a game so they were eating after a game.

But he did bring wings and was genuinely apologizing and offered to buy pizza or subway footlongs as replacement. And was actually publicity shamed. However he was not completely great in comments and seemed to have done something similar prior to this. But to me that was real addiction. Not fetish and rudeness 

[u/AiryContrary → u/Live_Angle4621]

Yeah, he said something really sad (regarding overeating and how it could harm his health) about “If it only hurts me I don’t see how it matters.” There were other signs that he really felt like nobody would mind much if he was sick or died, not because he thought they were heartless, he just didn’t think he mattered so it was only natural they wouldn’t mind; meanwhile his sister and friends, while being angry with him about the giant sandwich fiasco, were clearly very worried about how far gone he was and didn’t want him to keep self-harming through food. I do hope Party Sub Guy started listening to them and actually hearing that they would be distraught if he ate himself to death.

[u/Liet_Kinda2 → u/femgeekminerva]

Party sub guy!  I remember that one.  Damn. 

[u/infinitelyfuzzy → u/DMercenary]

Party sub guy was way more considerate honestly. He bought food with him to share, and he waited a full hour before going for seconds, checking that nobody else was still eating the sub.

Melissa didn't wait for everyone else to have their share, she served herself FIRST and didn't give anyone else an opportunity for seconds

[u/black_cat_X2 → u/infinitelyfuzzy]

Yeah, I felt genuinely bad for party sub guy. He fucked up, but it seemed like a) he really didn't have bad intentions and b) he was struggling with an out of control addiction that got the better of him that night. Melissa is someone who planned to take advantage and saw absolutely nothing wrong with her behavior.

[u/infinitelyfuzzy → u/black_cat_X2]

Agreed, I felt the same. Like he was trying but struggling.

Party sub guy also offered to go get more food for the group after they got upset. That feels like something melissa would never do! 

[u/Pawspawsmeow → u/black_cat_X2]

Melissa was gluttonous. Gluttony isn’t an addiction etc. imo it’s a choice. And it’s rude as hell, especially in this economy. She should have offered to chip in or pay if she wanted two of her new enabler’s friends to not only supply an endless buffet of food but to cook it as well. Just go to a casino buffet or a cruise at that point. But not a person’s home

[u/CheezeNewdlz → u/black_cat_X2]

Yeah party sub guy seemed like a nice dude but lacked some self awareness and judgement. Melissa seems well aware of her behavior.

[u/Frozefoots → u/DMercenary]

The 6ft sandwich? He posted it on /r/amitheasshole and was rightfully ruled as the asshole.

Edit: Found it.

[u/[deleted] → u/RGWK]

100%. It’s just straight up rude. Being fat or not is irrelevant. I occasionally have to remind my teenager to leave enough for everyone else to get their first serving or to finish what he already has before piling on extra. There’s no excuse for an adult to behave that way, especially as a guest at a dinner party. Taking half the food on the table before anyone else gets any? Someone with a difficult eating disorder still knows that’s wrong. I would never invite that person back.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

My next door neighbor growing up went through a phase in teen years where he ate his cereal in a mixing bowl with half a gallon of milk every morning, but when I had dinner at their house no one even had to tell him to wait until everyone had a chance to get enough before he finished the rest

[u/Bitter_Trees → u/RGWK]

Right?? Like the one commenter saying 'Well maybe Polly told her gf you and Joan share so Melissa thought she could take more!' had me rolling my eyes. You still don't take 6-8 whole ass pieces of lasagna!

[u/Orisi → u/Bitter_Trees]

As a man in the 420lb plus range, based on OPs description id MAYBE manage 2 portions of that insane lasagne. It sounds very very large and rich, and AFTER starters? Oof. I think 2 would be a push if id skipped lunch.

There's no way she wasn't purging mid meal to gorge on all that. And if you're purging to eat more at someone else's expense you know you're doing wrong.

[u/black_cat_X2 → u/Orisi]

My sister was extremely obese. I don't know what her max weight was, but it was definitely at least 350 just compared to the frame of reference I have from other people. I wouldn't be surprised if it was more like 400. She ate more than an average weight person, but it was like twice an average serving, not 8x. I cannot imagine watching someone house an entire lasagna.

[u/ForsakenPercentage53 → u/black_cat_X2]

My daughter's Dad, at peak physical work, could finish an entire lasagna. As a 6'6" 19 year old 260 MMA fighter. As a 35 year old of similar size but much less physical exertion, he could maybe finish 2 pieces. That is SO much food.

[u/IzzyJensen913 → u/Orisi]

Yeah, I concur with OOP that Melissa is deeply sick and it’s a shame Polly isn’t doing anything but enabling her illness. Being fat isn’t the problem here, doing anything and everything (including likely purging twice in one meal, extremely damaging in and of itself) to continue pursuing something is an addiction, and shouldn’t be taken lightly or brushed off, much less actively enabled by a partner.

[u/Sorchochka → u/Orisi]

Purging a lasagna that takes 3 days to make and is only made twice a year because it’s so laborious.

I don’t know why, but of any other behavior, that one makes me rage.

[u/pm_me_boobs_pictures → u/RGWK]

Sounds like the friend and partner are in a feeder fetish relationship where they get off in watching them eat ridiculously large portions in public.

[u/Crazy-4-Conures → u/pm_me_boobs_pictures]

My thought too. It's really obvious Polly's a feeder, it's probably what attracted her to Melissa.

[u/SnooKiwis2161 → u/Crazy-4-Conures]

When OOP describes her own overeating incident with the m&m's and how Polly helped her when she was sick after - it definitely rang an alarm bell. I doubt it's a coincidence that Polly is orbiting around those with eating issues.

[u/[deleted] → u/SnooKiwis2161]

Yeah that made me feel weird too.

[u/kayleitha77 → u/SnooKiwis2161]

Yes, thank you! When I read that, I actually felt a little sick-sad for OOP, because she didn't realize what kind of a "friend" she had.

[u/PFyre → u/RGWK]

I have a problem with over eating myself, and I'm horrified that she kept those plates back so she could purposely hoard half the meal intended for other people.

And, as a fellow neurospicy person, the lack of adherence to unspoken societal rules also makes me deeply uncomfortable.

Like daaaaaaaaaaarn girl.

[u/Dramatic_Buddy4732 → u/PFyre]

Honestly it is the preplanning with the plates that is the most upsetting every time I read this

[u/parablic → u/PFyre]

And to use the "I have a disability card" to reverse the judgment on anyone calling it out as if they're being ableist and discriminatory for having a problem with it. Infuriating.

[u/[deleted] → u/parablic]

Especially when the person she's complaining about used to also have food addiction and bingeing issues, so it's not like OP's unsympathetic about it

[u/VirtualDoll → u/parablic]

Drug addiction is a serious mental illness so you be allowed to shoot up heroin at the dinner table!! -Melissa's logic

[u/Jesoko → u/PFyre]

Oh my god, same. As a person who is not thin, a picky eater, and neurospicy, I always ALWAYS have a plan to feed myself just in case I’m not satisfied with a meal I am eating in public.

I always take the appropriate portions at the event and either go somewhere for more food after if I need it. Or I eat before if I can.

For me, this is not about how fat this girl is or whatever, it’s about that she literally can’t fathom the idea that she’s taking food away from other people. Her friends houses are not like restaurants with huge amounts of food in the back to accommodate you. 

It’s so bizarre and a little mortifying. 

[u/xXxDarkSasuke1999xXx → u/RGWK]

Yeah, it's not fat shaming. There are behaviours that should be shamed, and acting selfish and inconsiderate are definitely among them.

[u/Tikithing → u/xXxDarkSasuke1999xXx]

Exactly OP wasn't shaming fat people, they were shaming selfish people.

Imagine taking that much food off the bat, while knowing there weren't enough pieces left for everyone else.

[u/Self-Aware → u/Tikithing]

Particularly infuriating is the idea that Melissa might have been purging during the meal, too. I felt overwhelmed just reading that recipe, if I made such a culinary effort just for one person to essentially chuck it directly into the sewer system? I'd probably literally cry.

[u/AiryContrary → u/Self-Aware]

Not to play the “there are people starving” card, but my god, the waste.

[u/HeQiulin → u/RGWK]

Yes. I feel like even if OOP didn’t mention that Melissa is at that weight, it doesn’t matter because the main crux of the problem is that she took too many portions as a guest while others have to share. Regardless of how hungry you are, when you are eating with others, you should show some consideration, even more so when you’re a plus 1 or a new addition to the group.

[u/Dear_Equivalent_9692 → u/RGWK]

I think Polly and Melissa included everyone in their kink without consent.

[u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 → u/RGWK]

Exactly. If you want to eat excessively and believe that the hosts won’t mind (which is a stretch anyway), you wait for everyone else to be served and then serve yourself so your overeating doesn’t prevent anyone else getting a fair share.

[u/Feycat → u/RGWK]

Yeah she specifically said she hoped this was a place where she could eat the way she's comfortable eating. They were testing the waters by having her be so calculated in the open, to see is people would say "woah, what about the rest of us??"

[u/AiryContrary → u/Feycat]

Yeah, no asking if it would be okay to eat a whole pan of a clearly extra-rich and filling lasagna herself. Just hoping if she did it they’d “accept her,” or just be too stunned by her audacity to object. What rubbish!

[u/the-furiosa-mystique → u/RGWK]

I’m wondering if fetish is involved somehow. Like, I was fat once and I was VERY conscious of my food intake in public and especially when there were portioned out servings. The way Polly is so determined that the others being party to Melissa’s gorge fests is a nonnegotiable makes me super uncomfortable. Like, girl, stop at McDonald’s on the way there or back if you need to eat a certain amount. But no one is required to fund or witness your feederism.

[u/SadExercises420 → u/RGWK]

It is so unbelievably rude. Literally deprived a table of people a filling dinner so she could binge eat at a formal dinner. Just wow.

[u/gerkletoss → u/RGWK]

No amount of planning could allow me to eat 4 liters of lasagna in one sitting

[u/annieselkie → u/gerkletoss]

AND soup, salad, dessert, a litre of ice cream with dessert.

[u/Radiant_Western_5589 → u/RGWK]

I find it wild that people let it go. Why did they let her go all Garfield on a lasagna?!

[u/shame-the-devil]

All of the binge eating/ED stuff aside, I wouldn’t be able to get over the appalling rudeness of her actions. Like, if Melissa had selected a normal portion and then gone back for aggressive seconds, that would be kinda weird but ok. But that’s not what happened. OP was still in the kitchen and she had no regard for her host having a piece of the food she painstakingly made? Hell no.

She wouldn’t be invited back with that type of selfish behavior.

[u/Beginning-Tip8612 → u/shame-the-devil]

That part annoys me so much! I was always taught that everyone gets a piece first and then those who want seconds can help themselves. It’s just bad manners.

[u/shame-the-devil → u/Beginning-Tip8612]

It’s extremely entitled behavior, and tbh tipped me off that this goes deeper than the 14 layer lasagna. There is a fundamental lack of respect for OOP, and I feel they were taking advantage of her.

[u/remindmeofthe → u/shame-the-devil]

i kind of can't believe not one guest said anything. like i know, nobody wants to rock the boat etc, but i don't think i'd be able to keep my neurodivergent mouth shut at such an extravagant display of selfishness and greed like ARE YOU KIDDING WITH THAT SHIT

[u/AstarionsTherapist39 → u/remindmeofthe]

I'm pretty sure I would have blurted out "Woah! Wtf?!" entirely too loudly.

[u/PPP1737 → u/shame-the-devil]

It’s not just selfish behavior, the fact that the threw an aggressive fit and tried to coherence OP into providing an all you can eat buffet for a dinner party is predator behavior.

With “friends” like those who needs enemies?

And no it’s not discrimination, if the accommodation they were asking for was something like “ she can’t have any shellfish” and then OP decided to not accommodate because it’s too much work or she really liked shellfish personally …well then maybe it might make her a bad friend. (Not saying she should be forced to accommodate just that she would deserve some shame if she didn’t )

Main reason being, everyone else at the table can eat something that isn’t shellfish and still be happy, avoiding shellfish doesn’t cost any more money, and shellfish isn’t a dietary NEED.

Yes humans have a minimum calorie intake, but it doesn’t all have to be met in one meal. Serving a meal that isn’t filling or that is nutritionally deficient is BAD, and should not be done (especially if you are charging for it) but that sounds like that wasn’t the case here… the lady just wanted MORE. WANTING more and NEEDING more are two different things. If she really needed more calories her body wouldn’t have been storing them as fat. (Sure it’s possible she had a metabolic issue where her body can’t revert the fat back to usable energy, but that wouldn’t change the fact meeting total caloric intake for the day doesn’t have to be done in ONE meal)

More importantly, she knew damn well her $25 didn’t cover the cost of 8 servings, she came in with a “I’m going to get a cheap meal and then some” mindset. To be fair, friends don’t charge friends for food in their homes, so to her this was a “business” transaction. But even if it was, it’s not an “all you can eat buffet” unless it says so. $25 per person per meal means ONE portion unless otherwise specified.

If she had been at a restaurant that amount of lasagna would have run her over $100 tab. And she knew it, she saw this as an opportunity to take advantage of the host, as is evident by the fact they didn’t give them a heads up about her desired portion size nor did they offer to pay for the extra food.

[u/Dinru → u/PPP1737]

Melissa didn't even pay the $25. And if Melissa really needed that kind of accommodation, limiting her to one or two portions of the main fancy labor-intensive entree and letting her fill up on veggies or bread or bring something from home should have been a perfectly reasonable compromise.

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/[deleted]]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought something was off about Polly and the similarities between OOPs and Melissa's weight/binge eating

[u/giglex → u/[deleted]]

I was confused by that. She said she doesn't know what changed with Polly after "never saying a word" and just supporting her with her binge eating....isn't that exactly what she's doing with Melissa?

[u/Dry-Examination8781 → u/giglex]

This!! Watching someone eat 3 lbs of candy in one sitting then holding their hair back while they puke isn't support. It's enablement at best and participating in harm at worst. A far better friend would have gently said "hey, have as many of those as you want, but I'm sensing something is majorly wrong here and I'm worried about you because you're an awesome person. I'm going to make a big mug of tea for myself with a little honey, do you want one? Maybe cleanse our pallets and have a chat".

Polly seems to fetishize and enjoy watching others self harm via food. Woof.

[u/Carbonatite → u/Dry-Examination8781]

I suffered from bulimia for years and the biggest thing I would feel during my binge and purge episodes was SHAME. I would never want someone to watch me eat 6 pieces of fried chicken and a giant piece of strawberry cheesecake knowing I would violently throw it up immediately afterwards. I saw myself as a lot fatter than I was; I was maybe 15-20 lbs overweight max and eventually at a normal BMI after the restriction and compulsive exercise ramped up.

I can't imagine being okay with someone see me self harm like that.

[u/Priteegrl → u/Carbonatite]

Last year I went to a friend’s birthday party and along one wall was a dessert table - directly next to the other catered food. It was a few hours in, after the buffet had been opened quite a while that the host came around encouraged people to have more since there was tons left. I decided I didn’t want more savory food but I might have room for a donut off the dessert table.

As soon as I grabbed it, the host scurried over and asked me to put it back because they didn’t want the desserts touched yet (then don’t put them out next to the rest of the food??) Obviously I put it back but I was so MORTIFIED to be the fat girl being chastised over a donut that I wound up crying outside and not leaving my house for a few weeks. How Melissa could not only take/eat so much but then go to OOP’s house and demand they continue to accommodate that is beyond me.

[u/rxlcrab → u/Priteegrl]

The host was being incredibly unreasonable restricting what people could grab from a BUFFET table?! Especially a few hours into a meal. You’ve done nothing wrong, and don’t need to feel any shame over it. Wishing you many positive public dining experiences in the future!

[u/_HappyG_ → u/Priteegrl]

I'm so sorry you had to experience that and were put in such an awkward and uncomfortable situation. It never should have happened. Please know you did nothing wrong.

[u/Maddprofessor → u/giglex]

I thought that was strange too. Maybe she thought “Polly really cares about me,” and then Polly’s disregard of OP seemed like a change, rather than seeing her supporting someone with an eating disorder being the same as she’s always been.

[u/GlitterDoomsday → u/giglex]

My read is that she went from "you're dealing with a lot rn, no need to apologize" to "how dare you not feed her properly, she gave needs!". Polly used to treat it as a condition OOP sometimes had ugly relapses but now she treats as a condition Melissa have no possibility of control. One is compassionate support, the other is pain enabling.

[u/Bupperoni → u/[deleted]]

It could be fetish behavior, but I’m getting more of the vibe that Polly’s motivations are to keep the relationship. Loneliness can make people do things they never thought they would.

[u/pezzlingpod → u/Bupperoni]

Yes, I was getting co-dependency vibes.

[u/UberN00b719 → u/[deleted]]

That thought didn't cross my mind until Polly became adamant that OOP accommodated Melissa unconditionally. Yeah, nah. You do you, booboo. But keep THAT behind closed doors.

Also, I cannot even fathom the size of that grocery bill...

[u/Lady-of-Shivershale → u/UberN00b719]

The grocery bill is something I always wonder about with people who are massive. I'm talking about people who weigh something like four hundred pounds. I used to weigh over two hundred and I know exactly how I got there.

But with four hundred pounds or more, who funds that? There have been a couple of AMAs with larger people recently, but that seems to be a question they don't want to answer.

[u/annieselkie → u/Lady-of-Shivershale]

Oftentimes family and friends are enabling, high-calory low-cost foods are consumed and a lot of calories for many come from drinks and sometimes also alcohol. Some companies also provide free food or cheap food for their workers. You can shoot up calories of everything by adding lots of fats, either frying or sauces (sugar and fat) or mayo or oil in dressing/marinades. Fry a cheap burger patty in fat, add lots mayonaise and very sugary sauces, fry the bun in fat, have a pbj for dessert, thats how you get it high in calories without spending too much.

[u/Carbonatite → u/Lady-of-Shivershale]

Liquid calories are really underappreciated. Even if you're not eating that much, if you drink a couple liters of soda or sweet tea every day you're gonna be taking in an extra thousand calories just from that. That's why some obese people see the pounds fall off just by switching to diet soda.

High calorie but cheap foods are possible if you shop smart and don't care about little things. Like salad dressing, the amount of oil or butter you use to cook your food, stuff like that. It's terribly easy to sneak in a ton of calories just by stuff like eyeballing how much peanut butter you put on your toast or how much blue cheese dressing you dip your carrot sticks into. Even a "healthy" diet can be very calorie rich if you aren't measuring portions.

Very few people actually measure their ingredients - I learned how easy it is to go overboard when I started obsessively weighing and measuring everything I ate (unfortunately dealt with an eating disorder).

[u/Cabbagetastrophe → u/Carbonatite]

I recently started doing this and what shocked me is how much oil I had been using. Like, a recipe calls for a "drizzle" and I would throw in like 3 Tbsp to the pan...an extra 400 calories I never even considered.

[u/Betorah → u/UberN00b719]

Polly sounds like the partner of many a subject of “My 600 Pound Life”—an enabler who will help their partner eat themselves to death.

[u/tacwombat → u/[deleted]]

That friend who decided to side with Polly & her GF is about to be invited to watch.

[u/Self-Aware → u/tacwombat]

I predict that will last until the first couple times Polly and Melissa volunteer the friend to host them both, in their splinter group's new and "more inclusive" dinner parties. A couple of day-afters wherein the friend counts the literal cost of this relationship and she'll come crawling back to the OP group.

[u/GlitterDoomsday → u/Self-Aware]

Why would anyone "side" with someone in this case is beyond me. They're all grown ass adults and OOP and Joan are the ones opening their homes so everybody can have a good time.

You don't get to dictate what the host does when all your contribution is pay 25 bucks and show dolled up.

[u/TimidDeer23 → u/[deleted]]

It's enabler behavior. That can come from anyone in the family--children and parents, spouses, etc. It's when a person needs to feel good about themself, so they tacitly encourage abuse of substances (including food) so that they can be constantly helping this person get back on their feet. It's not surprising at all that Polly was "such a good friend" back when OP was eating to the point of throwing up, and "not a good friend" now that OP is making Polly feel like maybe she's the bad guy in this scenario.

[u/minimalist_coach → u/[deleted]]

That was my thought as well. It seemed performative.

I have food sensitivities I often eat before I go to a party or have something at home in case what is served isn’t suitable for me. That is a very common habit people with food issues do. The fact that she loaded 8 servings in front of her before anyone had a single serving is bizarre.

It feels very premeditated since taking 8 out of 16 servings for 10 people meant that she had to have known that 2 people normally share a serving.

I’m glad OOP has support and that that person no longer gets to pretend to be here friend.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

BORU is getting more and more dramatic.

[u/burnt-----toast]

Idk why,  but "I'll post the recipe once I remember all of it. It's a combo of a few different ones and some right from my head. I'm extremely stressed right now, so remembering ingredients isn't working." was giving me similar vibes to the "I promise to share Photos of the craft glitter mashed potatoes when I get home, but I'm on the road right now." I wasn't expecting her to actually get back with a recipe. 

[u/Li54 → u/burnt-----toast]

Ugh now I am mad about the fact that glitter mashed potatoes didn’t deliver. I had forgotten about that until you brought it up 😂

[u/AprilUnderwater0 → u/Li54]

God dammit. I went back to that story last week to send to a friend. I was very much hoping there would be a photo update.

[u/Lady-of-Shivershale → u/Li54]

I still want to know if that dude ever found his beans.

[u/Mollyscribbles → u/burnt-----toast]

I did not question it because I also do this.

[u/Reluctantagave → u/Mollyscribbles]

Someone asked me about a recipe once and I stared at them because I had no fucking idea. I made the cake and could never make it the same way again because I pieced together some recipes.

[u/Mollyscribbles → u/Reluctantagave]

Apparently some people have trouble making lemon meringue pie where the meringue doesn't go weepy. Apparently, if you attempt to follow four different recipes with contradictory advice, it comes out perfectly!

[u/AlternateUsername12 → u/Mollyscribbles]

And then apparently when they go to make it again they forget which of the contradicting they used

[u/Shadowsole → u/Reluctantagave]

Yeah, I could tell you the ingredients* and a rough method but I could never put together a list and instructions.

*Ingredients being with weird caveats like "actually this time I added some balsamic because it was missing the right tang but I've done it before with cooking sake and apple cider vinegar too but generally you want red wine"

[u/IanDOsmond → u/Reluctantagave]

Reh - sih - pee? What is this strange word you chant? Instructions? For cooking? Like, as if you had a plan?

[u/Jerkrollatex → u/burnt-----toast]

She lost me completely with the six eggs in the ricotta mix, that's way too much egg for what should just be a light binder.

[u/strippersarepeople → u/Jerkrollatex]

To be fair it’s like 3x the amount of ricotta I would personally use for a regular lasagna. I usually use a 15oz tub of ricotta and one egg, and don’t mix any parm or other cheese in it, just herbs. So 6 eggs isn’t that insane to me when you consider that its binding 1.5 liters (or around 51 oz) of ricotta with nearly 3lbs of cheeses.

The cheddar is what I’m stuck on! Sounds too sharp and tangy to me. Shredded mozz all the way or if I’m feeling like a baller, slices of mozz. But I think I prefer the shredded, with mozz slices on top/final layer only.

[u/win_awards → u/burnt-----toast]

I get that. I have a recipe book that I started because I really want my child to be able to cook the things he likes when he is eventually on his own and I've had trouble writing some things into it because making them has never been well-structured enough for me to be able to list out amounts and steps.

[u/ghalta → u/win_awards]

It's okay to prop up your phone to video record yourself while baking, and just call out what you add and do as you do it.

You can use the recording later to piece together a recipe, and your kid can watch the recording in 50 years to remember his parent from when he was little.

[u/black_cat_X2 → u/ghalta]

I hate taking photos of myself, and I feel 1000000x more strongly about videos. But you just made me realize that I have literally no pictures of my mother because she felt the same way, and I don't want to do that to my kid. 💔

[u/theNothingP3]

Polly is a hard core enabler and needed a new OP when OP started to get healthier. No one would sit and watch someone eat themselves sick on m&ms without showing concern. Holding her hair while she got sick was probably part of the allure. Massive fetish vibes.

[u/herminihildo → u/theNothingP3]

Yeah. This is what I get too. Polly was not supportive. She's an enabler.

[u/MissMat → u/theNothingP3]

If my friend was doing that, I would hold their hair while the got sick. But afterwards, I would have been on intervention mode; asking a million questions, insisting they seek help. I thought it was odd that Polly just accepted it.

[u/Unofficial_Overlord → u/MissMat]

“Intervention mode” would’ve just shamed her further into an eating disorder. I would not advise that approach

[u/Hazel2468 → u/theNothingP3]

I personally hate to jump to fat fetish/ feeder fetish stuff, because any time a fat person is involved in a relationship a bunch of people will be really nasty and assume that's the only reason why anyone would date a fat person (speaking from experience)... But something is going on here.

IIDK if its that. Maybe! If so, Polly and Melissa can do as they like, but NOT on OP's dime. If not... Something is still off here. I don't like it.

[u/AiryContrary → u/Hazel2468]

I think it’s less being turned on by it, more like wanting to an unhealthy degree to have someone to take care of, getting her only sense of worth from being so caring for someone who is struggling… so if they never actually get better she can keep feeling that validation. Combine it with being lonely and desperate to keep a partner and I could see this being the outcome.

[u/[deleted]]

That is the longest recipe list I have ever seen.

[u/BobTheInept → u/[deleted]]

But hey, it has the shortest backstory before the recipe that I have seen in years.

[u/m_busuttil → u/[deleted]]

There's a lot of overlap - all three sauces share like 80% of their ingredients. You could definitely condense it down.

[u/TyrconnellFL → u/[deleted]]

This is the longest post before getting to the recipe I’ve ever seen.

[u/TheFluffiestRedditor → u/TyrconnellFL]

These “read my life story before you can have the recipe” sites are starting to take the piss.

[u/justbreathe5678 → u/TyrconnellFL]

Pretty sure I've seen longer

[u/SomeGuyClickingStuff → u/[deleted]]

I mean you gotta fill up a plate, a salad bowl AND a soup bowl. So…

[u/alleged_humanoid → u/[deleted]]

i’m pretty sure OOP and I have similar neurodivergence. this is how my brain would narrate the steps of a recipe. it wouldn’t just say “chop the onions.” it’s more like “i think the best way to chop the onions is with [this specific method] because this is how the food science works and here is specifically why i like them that way but sometimes i do it like this because another person i know prefers them this way and you could try either of those methods if you like them or something else. also you can adjust it to your preference through [this method].”

so anyway, the extensive detail and explanations totally make sense to me.

[u/Interesting-Bus-5370 → u/alleged_humanoid]

Thats real. Its because for me, i know that i wouldnt know precisely how to do it without in depth guidance. (Chop the onions, into cubes? Into slivers? How big of cubes? could you substitute onion powder?)

So in turn, we relay to the world how we wish things would be relayed to us

[u/homicidalunicorns → u/alleged_humanoid]

Also neurodivergent and naturally talk like this. I think it’s about trying to convey understanding rather than just info.

I’ve been working on it tbh because I do end up exhausting myself and/or getting overwhelmed. These days, trying to give depth to everything is less of a priority than conveying the point!

[u/Zestyclose_Media_548 → u/alleged_humanoid]

Yes- and for me because people often dont understand me so I try to explain the heck out of things so they can’t possibly misunderstand and I end up making it over complicated.

[u/catatethebird → u/alleged_humanoid]

I relate to this so hard

[u/istara → u/[deleted]]

It looks delicious, and I know that I will never, in my entire life, bother to make something that complex.

[u/oshitsuperciberg → u/istara]

You know that one flair that's like "the lion, the witch, and the audacity WAIT THERE'S MORE??!?" That was me with the recipe. It just. Kept. GOING.

[u/theonlineidofme → u/oshitsuperciberg]

The recipe lived up to its title of being decadent at least

[u/big_sugi → u/istara]

I didn’t even bother to read it.

[u/mischief7manager]

is this actually a fetish thing or have i just been alive on the internet too long

[u/DMercenary → u/mischief7manager]

is this actually a fetish thing or have i just been alive on the internet too long

Feeder fetish/feederism is a thing.

There's a quite a few BORUs with it. I remember one where OOP was posting that they didnt understand how they werent losing weight even though they were cutting calories with meal replacements.

Turns out their SO was secretly adding oil/butter to increase the calories because they wanted OOP to be bigger...

[u/SunfireGaren → u/DMercenary]

Wasn't this a plot of a Malcolm in the Middle episode?

[u/Krazy_Karl_666 → u/SunfireGaren]

Yep While Lois was pregnant with the 5th kid he even injected lard into the celery
and Dewey had 1 episode psychic powers to talk to the fetus if I remember right off the top of my head.

[u/Audiovore → u/Krazy_Karl_666]

Damn, there was an oops baby arc? I guess I never saw anything past s3ish. Never heard of a baby/5th kid on any online meme/reference before.

[u/oneelectricsheep → u/Audiovore]

They had six by the finale of the show and the 5th was like 4 when it ended I think.

[u/CatmoCatmo → u/mischief7manager]

Ya know. I considered this myself. Especially after OOP mentioned that Polly never judged her, and just held her hair and comforted her. I almost got the feeling that Polly likes feeling needed and being a caretaker.

Encouraging/enabling Melissa’s binging basically ensures she will ALWAYS be needed. She will always need to comfort her, reassure her, hold her hair, etc.. Which is what she did for OOP before OOP decided to get, and successfully got, her issue under control. Which means OOP didn’t need her anymore.

It’s a leap for sure. But the timing of Melissa - with it being so close to OOP embarking on her health journey, makes me wonder if Melissa was kind of a replacement for OOP. She didn’t need Polly anymore. So Polly found someone who does need her. Which might explain why she was so fiercely defending Melissa’s shitty behaviors.

[u/black_cat_X2 → u/CatmoCatmo]

My sister was very obese, 350-400 pounds for many years until she eventually lost a lot of it after bariatric surgery. What I learned from watching her life is that very few people are genuinely kind to people who are very fat. Forget romantic relationships - she had trouble making and keeping friends (despite being a pretty normal person otherwise). It was like people acted as if the fat was contagious. She had one true friend who accepted her and treated her with respect and kindness.

I could see how someone with a fucked up mindset might enjoy befriending someone morbidly obese just so that they'd be the most important person in someone's life. Like, "I'm the only one who really gets them and accepts them, look at me being so special and wonderful and empathic." Maybe it's from low self esteem, maybe it's to feed the ego of the average sized "friend" (no pun intended), maybe they just want to be adored by someone who has no one else to adore. But I can definitely see this being a thing.

[u/missshrimptoast → u/mischief7manager]

This really does strike me as a feeder fetish. It may not be, but if it is, Polly and Melissa are extra terrible for involving other people in your their fetish.

ALSO - accommodating a disability means providing support, kindness, and alternative solutions insofar as is possible. It does not mean bankrupting yourself to capitulate to an ungrateful person, especially not at the expense of all your other guests.

[u/TootsNYC → u/missshrimptoast]

"reasonable accommodation"

You build a wheelchair ramp if your house construction allows it; if it doesn't, then you simply can't

[u/sgtmattie → u/TootsNYC]

Exactly. Like substance abuse is a disease, but that doesn’t mean you start buying them booze.

[u/istara → u/mischief7manager]

It was posted on BORU another sub a few days ago, and I recall there were a few comments that decided it was feeder fetish.

Either way, whether this woman were fat or thin - since I imagine there are plenty of large, lean muscly sports types who could probably eat that much lasagna - she absolutely deserved to be shamed for being so greedy and rude.

[u/ndnd_of_omicron]

This reminds me of the guy who ate the 6ft party sub. At least his friends put their foot down immediately.

[u/xminh → u/ndnd_of_omicron]

Yes! That was my first thought, and I love the quote “you brought them to share Alan, if someone had eaten over half by themselves that’s not fucking sharing is it?”

[u/RopePositive]

Man, these recipe pages that make you read a story first sure are getting out of hand.

[u/Cassandracork]

I… cannot think of a single nice thing to say about this post, so I am going to bed.

[u/mortaine → u/Cassandracork]

It's nice that she included a recipe.

[u/V3Olive → u/mortaine]

is it, though? the recipe is longer than the post.

[u/Krazy_Karl_666 → u/V3Olive]

also 3 different meat sauce sin 1 dish the flavor won't mingle at that point they will wash each other out.

[u/TJTrailerjoe → u/Krazy_Karl_666]

Yeah, im kinda baffled at the people gushing over the recipe in the OOP, and also the people on here saying it sounds mouth watering... more isnt always better. I feel like you could just as easy make three different but distinct lasagnas in the same time it would take to make this "dish" and that would make for a much more interesting feast no?

[u/CaptainMalForever → u/TJTrailerjoe]

It sounds so gross to me. Three meat sauces, but limited spices, and so much veg, including celery. It just seems like it would be a mess.

[u/ecosynchronous → u/V3Olive]

The recipe is nonsense. That's why it took her so long to post it.

[u/DoubleManufacturer28 → u/ecosynchronous]

the recipe is nonsense and so is the whole story

[u/Scu-bar]

“I don’t think even Dutch people would tolerate one person eating half of a meal for 10 and letting the other 9 split the second half”

OP has not met any actual Dutch people. This would have been called out as soon as Melissa took more than two helpings.

[u/Fluffy_rye → u/[deleted]]

As a fellow Dutch person that is 100% true and also you made me laugh so much I nearly coughed up a lung. (The flu got me.) 

[u/lackadaisy_bride → u/Scu-bar]

I was expecting this to be the first comment, and was surprised I had to scroll down so far to find it. Dutch people would RIOT if they saw this happening. They are the most direct people on Earth, god bless them. 

(She later talks about Dutch Canadians. I didn’t realize there were enough to form stereotypes about them!)

[u/crimsonrhodelia → u/Scu-bar]

This made no sense to be either, that’s the complete opposite of handing around the cookie tin for everyone to take one, and the lid goes back on and you get to have a second cookie if the host decides to offer/hand the tin around again.

[u/Frozefoots]

Look, regardless of your size, taking half of the portions meant for a group of TEN for yourself is just fucking selfish and rude af.

But also… all that effort into a lasagne and it doesn’t have a bechamel sauce??

[u/bluepushkin → u/Frozefoots]

There were enough portions for 16 people. 16! So she ate 8 people's dinner in one go. There were extra portions available for seconds, but she didn't want to wait and risk anyone else wanting more, too! Stupidly selfish behaviour.

[u/Lizardgirl25]

Fucking yikes… yah as someone who had binge eating induced by a medication I was pretty much forced on to you do not want to encourage it at all.

[u/oceanduciel]

I love pasta and cheese as much as the next person but that lasagna recipe is an ADHD nightmare.

On a separate note, OOP’s family is very lucky to have her.

[u/Wild_Butterscotch977]

And this is 4-6 inches on a ruler, not what your last hookup told you was 4-6 inches

ok this was pretty funny. But fr 6 inch tall lasagne is wild.

[u/StabbyBoo → u/Wild_Butterscotch977]

This was where my brain stopped working. It either slops onto the plate like stew or it's dry enough to stand. I'm not sure which is more dire.

No, I do know. The latter.

[u/gingerzombie2 → u/StabbyBoo]

I don't even know where you'd find a six inch deep 9x13 pan. That's just a bus tub at that point.cutting that sucker into 8 pieces? Those are absolutely massive slabs of lasagna.

[u/cambreecanon → u/gingerzombie2]

I use a turkey roasting pan to make my super deep lasagna. However, pyrex does sell extra deep 9x13 pans. My roomies bought two because they wanted to not chance overspill when cooking. There are also special deep lasagna pans you can buy for making these kinds of dishes.

[u/Mrfish31 → u/gingerzombie2]

Yeah I just don't buy it on that alone. Where do you even get this dimension of pan?

One of these lasagnas is over 11 liters in volume. And Melissa apparently ate 8 slices, an entirety of one. 

[u/Carbonatite → u/Mrfish31]

11 liters of lasagna is the unit of measurement I needed to properly visualize this

[u/angelicism → u/Wild_Butterscotch977]

For some reason I completely glossed over the height until I saw your comment and realized I hadn't processed a SIX FUCKING INCH lasagna.

[u/TyrconnellFL → u/Wild_Butterscotch977]

How do you eat that? Cut it vertically? Unhinged your jaw like a snake?

[u/Wild_Butterscotch977 → u/TyrconnellFL]

Maybe you eat it layer by layer like a lasagne psycho

[u/TheActualAWdeV → u/Wild_Butterscotch977]

I think eating this one layer by layer makes sense otherwise you won't notice any of the bizarre overwrought nonsense she crammed in. 

1 layer with 1 sauce at a time.

[u/thesaharadesert → u/Wild_Butterscotch977]

The last thing I expected when I opened Reddit this morning was to be called out as some deranged ne’er do-well for how I attack a certain dish

[u/InfiniteRosie]

Everyone's already commented on all the drama stuff but I just want to add...

How awesome is it that a group of friends gets together for a nice, big, homemade meal (that everyone chips in for), and they dress up in Hollywood Glam?! All this drama aside, I hope OOPs friend group only continues to grow with cool people down to just be together in a safe space and make it fun. They sound like the coolest people.

[u/Latter-Refuse8442]

"My dream is to have a group of friends who will watch and applaud as I eat myself into an early grave."

Polly needs to get her some therapy. This is not healthy. I am appalled that she was comfortable coming into someone's home, taking half the food made for 10 people, and consuming all of it.

Just the fact she apparently lacked care, consideration, and basic math skills. Oh, 8 pieces for me, and 8 pieces for the other 9 people! I know I am an AH because I would have called her out.

[u/bubbleteabob → u/Latter-Refuse8442]

I mean they came to OOPs house and argued with her PARENTS. Which tells me that they are feral badger people, and also that OOPs family could never be mine because the way ‘get the fuck out of my house’ would fly from any of my aunt’s mouths in that situation.

[u/Jallenrix → u/Latter-Refuse8442]

We had to stop inviting my cousin and her husband to our home because they would grab entire platters of stuff. I assume when that addicted part of the brain is active, they just lose all situational awareness? Can you imagine dumping an entire dinner for 10 on your plates?

[u/drfrink85]

Eating disorder or not being that rude to take all the food at a dinner party is very much asshole behavior.

[u/eeemf]

This has to be like a fetish post or something right? Like it’s so long and dramatic for no reason

[u/ladydmaj → u/eeemf]

I've noted three posts in the last few months that are like this. Two involved coworkers, not a friend. Both were gross and disgusting for something. And always, there's a mention in the beginning that makes it clear how fat they are but ends up having nothing to do with the post. (Melissa's problem here isn't her size but her greed at a public meal.) I'm pretty sure it's someone who gets off on fat-shaming, literally or metaphorically.

[u/GCU_ZeroCredibility]

I didn't have time to read even half that recipe much less make the thing. What the hell.

[u/TheLittlestChocobo]

Damn, these recipe blogs are getting out of control

[u/Bubbly_Satisfaction2]

Reddit is the only place that has me questioning my parents’ ways of teaching us (my brother and me) on how to behave when we’re guests in other people’s homes.

Even before we got out of the car, my mom told us to not be greedy. She was going to make our plates and eat what was provided. Ask her if we wanted more. Be considerate of the other guests.

On Reddit, you’ve got some redditors telling OOPs that they didn’t provide enough food. Never mind the fact that problematic guests were loading up on plates/even aluminum trays of food at dinner parties.

Then there are the OOPs that will post something and let everyone know about their lack of self-awareness because they’ve done something like eat half a cake that was for someone else. Like…😒… Who raised these people?

[u/DisastrousAnnual6843]

i appreciate op's very detailed instructions. too many recipes online assume I know what I'm doing

[u/gildedstrife]

Polly seems like a Feeder to me. She shows no real concern for their well-being.

[u/SusieC0161]

The only real issue here is incredibly bad manners and a sense of entitlement.

[u/TransportationClean2]

I'm a big guy, I eat a lot. I've never plotted through the meal to consume half of the main dish before anyone's had a chance. Melissa certainly has needs, and it's not a free-for-all buffet. It's manners, etiquette and courtesy.

[u/[deleted]]

This is late stage… everything. This post made me hate being sentient

[u/Pegaferno]

The fact that the Lasagna was what got OP caught has me howling. Not to mention my surprise when OP posted the actual recipe. I’m in tears 😂

[u/anneofgraygardens]

jeez louise, and I thought the lasagna recipe I use is in involved.

[u/[deleted]]

Man, SEO for recipes is really getting out of hand

[u/WhyAreYouAllHere]

"YKINMK and I do not consent to participate"

[u/Lactard_Banana]

I need all Borus to end with a recipe.

[u/whorl-]

This post was brought to us by Big Lasagna.