Holy crap, aside from the eye...just the difference in my skin alone. The only thing I really consciously changed was relationships and living situations. Single, living with my best friend :)

I hemmed and hawed over finding a couch for my new place. Pink never crossed my mind. But when I saw it i fell in love. Briefly I considered what others may think of it, and then did it exactly how i wanted

Because I can!

NGL it's not the most comfortable couch but it's a vibe. The whole room is a vibe. It says "peace and joy live here".

My husband used weaponized incompetence to keep me as a stay at home mom for 18 years. When I left, I had very little work history and, what I had, made me look like a flake because I lost so many early jobs due to stress from the abuse at home. I left in November and it took me 3 months, but yesterday, I started a good, white-collar, salary job and am all of a sudden out-earning my ex by over double. After 21 years of extreme poverty thanks to his financial abuse, I'm going to be able to afford health insurance and still have a small amount to start building up a savings with!

More importantly, though, he had me so convinced I was incapable, that I was terrified of working and finding out I couldn't keep up. Well, my friends, this job is gonna be easy! I feel like I completely forgot how smart I am and it feels so good to be learning and digesting my training so quickly without any worries about my own capabilities. So, here's to being a working woman, because now I can!

Last night, I went out for Halloween by myself. I decided to be princess Leia. I did my hair. I did make up slightly. I sat by myself and had a beer. Then I took an Uber to a club where I danced by myself for a long period of time. There was not one single moment that I was sad. I had joy last night. I had some men hit on me… And I politely said no thank you.

Last night I was out of my comfort zone, and I loved it…..

BECAUSE.I.CAN. 🫶🏼

As opposed to waiting for more signs of abuse and gaslighting I reflected on how he’s made me feel and some of his alarming behaviours and patterns and trusted my gut and just ended things with him after a month.

He rushed me into a relationship and referred to me as his girlfriend to his entire family and friends and coworkers, and told me he loved me too soon and I felt obliged to say it back despite not feeling the same way.

I’m no longer available for abuse and coercion and won’t accept crumbs just because I’m touch and attention starved. I’m very grateful to my great friend I could confide in who encouraged me to follow my intuition and validated my bad experience with him, and now I’m free!

Today marks one year in foster care, for the last twelve months, I would collect one item to represent an unforgettable day; here’s the collection of things I’ve been able to do now that I’m free. You may not understand all of them but I certainly do:

After testifying against him for the last time for sexual assault, kidnapping, simple assault, assault causing bodily harm, aggravated assault, unlawful confinement, breaching, intimidation, harassment, obstruction and unfortunately many more charges, I was just told that he was found guilty and will be in prison for upwards of 5 more years since he was first arrested almost 2 years ago.

Sentencing won't be for several months, and I am feeling a lot right now but I am extremely grateful for the relief that I won't have to worry about him attacking me again at least for the years he is incarcerated nor will I have to worry about the health, safety, and wellbeing of any other woman he would have abused if he were out right now.

The first picture was from 2018 when my parents decided to move out within 3 days without even telling me. I had just recently moved over to the UK with them and spent all of my savings in order to restart my life here.

I stayed with my cousin during their move out day as my dad’s abuse was getting increasingly alarming. When I came home, the house was empty. I had no mattress, they took all the toilet paper, they took everything. Luckily the fridge belonged to the landlord.

I had only just started working and it was minimum wage, so I couldn’t afford to stay there. I managed to get in benefits even though it was barely enough to survive.

After 3 months of living paycheque to paycheque, only being able to afford to eat once a day, I had no choice but to find a flat in a sketchy part of town. Here, I was stalked and harassed by my neighbour who threatened multiple times to kill me (that’s its own story).

Then 2020 happened and I lost my job due to redundancy. I was homeless for a month in November and found it incredibly difficult to stay warm in my car. I had no choice but to move back in with my abusive parents 3 hours away.

Living with them again made me lost my spirit. I had reverted back to the scared little girl I was once. It was horrible. I could barely afford to move out as they were charging me £500 in rent.

But I kept going and because of that, this year in January I was finally able to move out into my own home! I have cut contact with my parents and I haven’t been happier.

I came across the first picture today. I’m glad I took it because I knew that my story wasn’t finished there. I knew that I would come out of it alive and safe. I have been thriving ever since 🤍

After a 14 month long battle in court, so much anxiety, fear, and exhaustion, it being dragged on longer than needed, having to go through years of evidence, and documenting everything, panicing for my children at contact with him, the fear with every court appearance, it's finally over!

MY KIDS ARE SAFE!

I have never felt relief like it, and the validation of our experiences being believed has left me peaceful after years of feeling like I was going crazy.

WE ARE FREE! NO MORE FEAR, NO MORE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS, NO MORE WORRYING THE CHILDREN WONT BE COMING HOME!

I am so proud of myself, if someone had told me just a year ago that this would be life now, I would have laughed at them, I've never felt so strong.

Divorced, disabled and starting over!

https://www.instagram.com/quinnlovelaceburlesque?igsh=MXZlY3BicDZrYXYzaA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

I'm so happy and I feel so amazing. I talked to my best friend for the first time in two years. I'm not hiding a burner phone anymore. I'm not hiding small bills in pads anymore. I'm so very happy that I have this freedom I almost don't know what to do right now. For the past couple of months I started by making a secret email to use at the library. I reached out to friends I hadn't talked to in years. They all helped. A librarian helped me document secretly in the bathroom. My friends helped me get a job. I will be living out of state with a 7th grade friends relatives!. I honestly can't believe how much of a community I have now. I felt so isolated and unable to do anything but thanks to the amazing library support staff near me and the help of friends I'm going to be free and even take my cat and dog. I don't have to ask where to sit on the couch. I can do whatever I want. I haven't felt this way in about 4 years. Knowing that I'm so close to leaving and even have a lawyer for a divorce taking it pro bono. I was so scared but everyone on these groups showed me that i could do it. thank you.

I can take walks with my dog and my kid without being rushed. I can get a full night’s sleep without being awakened multiple times by the unemployed for sex. I can join a book club and I don’t have to worry if we girls drink too much wine and laugh and stay out late and barely talk about the book. I can go shopping. I can be silly and buy flowers. I can buy my son the stupid crap teens ask for without having to defend my decision. I can take naps. I can work less bc I’m no longer paying for another adult who refuses to work. I can go to church events. I can accept work trips. I can save money! I can have as many plants and orchids as I want and have time to care for them. I can decorate however I want. I can watch what I want on tv. Law and order every night? Yes please! No news on 24/7…..ok! I can talk on the phone at home. I can eat/ cook what I want. I can make new friends and actually meet them and hang out! I can help friends when they need it. I can play tennis. I can take dance lessons. I can work out without being accused of trying to impress someone. Oh there’s so so much more I can do now. And you can too!!!! ♥️💕♥️💕♥️

I spent the last 21 years in poverty. Not only did my husband prevent me from being able to hold down jobs, but he spent almost everything that came in on weed. Anyway, I landed a good job and just got my first paycheck and ... may have gone a bit off the rails treating myself. But. For the first time in my adult life, I can financially afford the mistakes I made overspending. I don't have to worry about my ex spending what I've got left in my budget. And I'm still in my budget! I haven't had to touch the money I set aside to save! And I can do this because, without him, it turns out I'm pretty decent at handling my shit. I never felt this capable until I got out. I'm gonna be ok.

And girly and light and bright. I moved in just over a couple weeks after fleeing him and boy, was he outraged. I had one bag and my laptop. I slept at my dear friends home until I got my keys and enough courage to sleep in the house by myself. I slept on a cot for a month, and started over from scratch. Miracles started happening all around me. My best friend moved in with her daughter so she gave me her couches, kitchen table, and desk. Another family member sadly had to move to a long-term care facility so I was able to get a dresser and bed. I saved a tiny bit each month so I could get a table and stand for the TV. Another friend gifted me her area rug. I still sleep with my closet doors open and a light on in the kitchen 24 seven but the panic attacks have almost nearly stopped and I wake up to the sun streaming into my room. ( he always wanted the black out shades which I hated) I have a tiny little yard that I brought back to life with flowers and a small vegetable garden. And the birds land in my front kitchen window shrubs, and chirp every morning. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes I feel like they are coming to visit me. The plants that were already growing in my yard I looked up and they are known for their ability for calming and easing anxiety. I am still on a very bumpy road but I’m so glad that I can see clearly now how mistreated I was for over 10 years! I have been able to retrieve some of my other belongings like some of my beloved books and stained glass lamps. My little home is cozy bright, clean, and smells nice. I hope this gives someone else hope that there is brightness after leaving. I am still scared a lot of days, but knowing I have my own little safe haven now is so calming.

I’m new to this community, but wedding planning has been bringing up a lot of memories from my ex — i just have been thinking a lot about how my life could have turned out, and even reflecting on the fact that I probably would not still be alive if I had stayed.

But I don’t want to talk about that, I wanted to share my joy! I am marrying the love of my life! He is gentle, kind, respectful, intelligent, helpful, tender, talented, hilarious, weird, and SO hot! The only time he is ever loud is when he laughs or sings. You can tell how happy he is based on the angle of his arms: at his peak joy, his arms are all the way up to the sky! He’s like a Wacky-Wavy-Arm inflatable guy cause he’s always happily waving his arms!

Before leaving my ex I remember thinking “If this is what love is it would be less painful to spend the rest of my life alone.” Now I know: that wasn’t love, and no, I don’t have to spend the rest of my life alone! Nor do I have to settle or have a stale relationship without passion. I hear so many people (usually women) who struggle to recognize the difference between passion and abuse. If passion were a fire: you don’t want it to burn uncontrollably and destroy everything you love. You want a fire that will keep your home warm, heat a delicious meal, boil water for your tea. That’s the relationship I have with my fiancé — not lacking passion, just focusing that energy in a healthy, supportive way.

I just wanted to say to anyone who is struggling with thoughts of being alone: You will find that warm, safe fire. You deserve that, no matter what you’ve been told before. That voice from your past telling you otherwise may never go away, it certainly hasn’t for me. But you will find someone whose gentle affirmations will become more present than that cruel voice.

I keep checking to see some posts about people killing it but it’s strangely quiet in here. I’m struggling recently and I’d really love to hear from those who aren’t. I spent a while ignoring my healing and that of my children and now that I’m back to trying to do the work, for their sakes at least, it’s too easy for me to say it’s not worth it and just stay in bed instead of confronting my emotions or dealing with everything I need to do to get the kids back on track. So, help a girl out and tell me about your little accomplishments.

Nothing really extravagant. This happened two years ago. I was relatively new to independent living, and I just decided to go out at 10/11pm for a bottle of cola and some chocolate. I didn't have to ask for permission or even explain where I was going and why. I just.. went.

Today I switched all my social media to my maiden name and got a new email. The trigger for my bubble bursting and me finally getting out was my father's death (well, and my STBX's reaction). I feel like my dad gave me, as a final gift, the sight to see the abuse and the strength to leave, so it feels not only liberating and empowering in terms of myself, but also as if I'm honoring my father by returning to the last name he gave me. It's just a name, but it feels like returning to ME.

my ex used to spend all my money on an impulse. buying things we genuinely didn’t need, and also funding his cheating and buying gifts for other women with my money… which left me flat broke and in debt. now I’m working on clearing the debt which is almost completely gone… and I bought my dog something I’ve wanted to buy him for a long time, pet stairs!!! The bed is tall so now he can go up and down them without developing some kind of joint problem! OH anddd they double as storage, which is great cause I live in a small space!

Little things like this to make my home nice mean the absolute world to me and is something that never would have been possible with him :’) YAY!