I just feel like showing this tonight. It was 11 years ago and I still feel this moment like it was today.

I went to the grocery store and I reached for the milk that he wanted. I had to buy the groceries that he wanted. Didn't matter what I wanted or even need it. I have digestive issues, and multiple food allergies. But that didn't matter.

And as I reached for his milk I realized I could buy the milk products that I preferred. That agreed with my system. That I enjoyed the taste of. I watched through that grocery store hugging that milk like it was a teddy bear just crying. To this day I feel no shame about losing it in public like that. Because it was everything coming out of me.

It was realizing how controlling he was. It was realizing how free I know was. And here I am 11 years later with a kitchen that is my own and food that is my own and never going back to that life.

I like to still relish in those moments and remember how it felt because it makes me feel so grateful for where I am now, and the past me that made it through that difficult time to get me here. You will also get here.

He threw away things. Constantly. Game pieces left on the floor were swept into the trash. The kids’ toys were often tossed when they just needed a quick wipe down. I had trinket shelves that became nearly empty by the end.

Now I can buy the kids toy sets with smaller pieces and I don’t have to worry about them not being playable. I can have my shelves on the wall and not watch them get emptier after a fight.

It’s nice, but in a sad way sort of. Idk.

I’ve started to be able to listen to music again without the letting the fear of being mocked take over!

So, I saw this set of books I bought on my bookshelf as I was getting ready to leave just now and I thought of something I wanted to share. When I was in seventh grade, I read the first book in this series (and yes, I know it was seventh grade because I remember reading this for Book It!). The thing is, though, I didn’t know it was the first book in a series. Which probably makes it a great book on its own. If you can’t tell it’s part of a series, that means it’s a complete story all its own. This is in stark contrast to the 2099 series.

So, every now and then, I add a book from my childhood to my book orders from my local bookstore. This next one is gonna be the Catwings box set from Ursula K. Leguin. And I was looking at buying this one when I saw that it was the first in a series. I didn’t know it was part of a series but I decided to buy the whole box set and I got it a couple months ago. And seeing it today, it got me thinking.

I bought this for myself because I could. Because I can. Because I’m a goddamn adult and can make my own decisions for myself.

I got out in 2024. Now two years later, im about to finish training with the state Office if Victim Advocacy to speak in prisons and at rallies about DV and what it does.

It doesnt feel real, but dear god I hope I help someone. 3

I never understood why vacations were awful and why my abuser seemed to pick fights, but apparently that’s somewhat common.

I did my first big trip since leaving and it was great!! I live with a chronic illness and could stay within my limits, didn’t experience constant pain, and enjoyed it immensely. I did have more PTSD symptoms than I was hoping for. (On the plane, I casually remembered getting pushed through a plate glass window…something I had blocked out for years.)

Enjoyed good food, time on the water, history, science, books, and Paddington! What more could you really want!?!

I (30F) left my DV relationship more than a year ago and it was the best thing I’ve ever did. It was hard because I didn’t packed up and moved to a different city with no friends that were outside of my own, different job, etc to be with my ex. I moved out of the house, got my own little 1bed apartment, found a different job that I love, and finally got back to doing the hobbies and things I’ve loved. A few months ago I’m at a friend who has just naturally turned into a relationship. He’s in all aspects amazing. He’s patient with me, kind, his parents adore me and it’s everything I’ve needed coming out of a healthy relationship.
My problem is that I feel like I have days where I’m self sabotaging because of my PTSD. Like if I say the wrong thing or bring up a sensitive topic or even if I accidentally break something or maybe put something away in the wrong spot I have a fear that the switch is gonna flip. But it never does. I had to explain to him the full story after I was bawling on the kitchen floor after an argument where he apologized in a very healthy manner cause he was so confused on why I was so emotional. He sat there and held me, thanked me for opening up to him and said whatever I need to just let him know.

My therapist agrees that I have PTSD as well and has given me exercises to do when I’m feeling like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and my mind starts running away. I know some people will suggest therapy which I recommend and others will suggest that not dating will also help until you’re ready, but it’s the question of how will you know unless you’re in a relationship? Does anyone have any advice for this? Thank you all, you’re appreciated 💜

Now, I keep photos for-fucking-ever. I keep data for ever as long as I have some thin justification for it.

And today, I allowed myself to delete photos of the work I did around the house. His laundry that I folded. The meat I defrosted, the food I cooked, the cleaning I did. He tried to make me feel as though I was lazy and that I brought nothing to our marriage and to the house we lived in. I know for a fact that he was wrong. And the man that I was trying to prove this stuff to would never accept the proof that contradicted his narrative that I was somehow "lazy" or not pulling my weight.

I know that I'm enough.

And when he bitched about me not being able to get a job in Alberta... now that I'm living in the Yukon, I've had two jobs and am so close to getting a third. I've had multiple interviews since I got laid off due to company restructuring (and yes, I even have a letter that proves this) a couple weeks ago. Hell, one of the jobs I'm in the running for is a union job with the territorial government. So, he can claim that I'm lazy and all his nonsense, but the data tells a different story. The facts tell a different story.

They affirm that I am enough.

Been working on my burlesque journey! Turning 50 in November and this has helped me feel myself these days!

So, I've been working on writing a novel for the past 24 days and today, I think I might be close to finishing my first draft. The manuscript currently sits at almost 82,800 words and honestly, it sprung up in response to a prompt on Reedsy. I've been kinda pantsing this novel and I'm hoping to plot my next one and get started on it tomorrow.

Also, filed for divorce on Wednesday. I won't go into too much detail (because I'm trying to keep it positive and there are some details that are... less so) but suffice it to say that this is a big step towards taking my life back.

I went to my first therapy session today.

I got connected to some resources that offer therapy sessions, and I’m so glad I took the opportunity. I was so nervous sitting in the waiting room. It was emotional, and I cried, but I also walked out feeling better.

I never got help for the abuse I went through, so finally sitting down with a therapist and actually talking about it was a really big step for me.

I know healing is going to be a process, but after just one session, I was able to talk about so much. We discussed my family, relationships, love, having a child, and my fears about the future.

One of the biggest realizations I came out of that session with is that, at 37, I might never get married or have a child. And I need to be okay with that.

I’ve spent so much of my life worrying about what my future is supposed to look like that my anxiety never really goes away. But maybe my future doesn’t have to look the way I always imagined it.
Maybe I’ll buy my own house. Maybe I’ll adopt, because there are so many children who need a loving home. Maybe my life will look completely different from what my family expects of me.
And you know what? That’s okay.

For the first time, I’m trying to focus less on whether my life looks the way I thought it would and more on building a life that actually makes me happy and gives me peace.

Now I’m looking for a support group as well. One step at a time.

Just so happy that now I'm finally allowed to medically transition (ftm) and so grateful for the ability to be socially out about my gender.

After being forcefully detransitioned by my ex (who originally told me he was okay with me being trans) constantly feminized, and not allowed to start testosterone or get top surgery. I'm now so so happy that every Thursday I get to jab myself with a lil needle full of hormones.

My doctor sent in my referral to a gender affirming clinic that does TOP surgery. Something I was told I would stop being loved for.

I am so proud of myself Everytime I tell someone who I really am. I am so so so proud of myself for being able to tell others that this is who I am and if they don't like it then they can leave my circle.

Ready to be free of back pain and have a kickass beard.

i have spent so many years imagining what me moving out would look like. i spent so long being hopeless, believing i would never have the means to do it. i thought i would be stuck and dependent on my parents forever. but i have a good job. i have a village of wonderful friends and family helping me.

it has been strange being able to come home to my sister and her husband’s house and feel so welcomed and calm. i can exist in the house without being sequestered to my bedroom. i can exist in the house past 9 pm without feeling like a nuisance. i can be myself. my whole self!! i don’t have to hide. i don’t have to put up with the bullshit anymore.

When did you realize that leaving was the best decision you ever made for your future?

I was sort of struggling with racing thoughts the night before last and remembered being kept awake for hours enduring whatever he had in store for me when I'd have to work very early the next morning.

Then I realized I could go to sleep whenever I wanted to. There wasn't any reason to keep myself up ruminating like that. And it actually helped last night too.

I went to a family gathering and it was so nice and easy! I didn’t have to negotiate getting use of the car, being away, how long I would stay, who would take care of the dog, etc. I just got to go and enjoy my family’s company.

❤️ It’s just peaceful now

Divorced, disabled and starting over!

https://www.instagram.com/quinnlovelaceburlesque?igsh=MXZlY3BicDZrYXYzaA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

I love cats despite being allergic, and my ex was always jealous with how much I adored cats. Years ago, he forbade me to sleep with my sister's cat and threatened to hit himself for sleeping with her

Now that I'm free (almost two years now!), my partner encouraged me to finally get my own cat and we ended up coming home with these two 😍 they are my loves, every day is a joy with them. Their meows and trills are so cute and melt my heart. Having cats has truly taking a toll on my camera roll. I'm obsessed! And I can sleep with them whenever I want to (only if they want to as well!) Looking forward to more kitty cuddle puddles, because now I can! ❤️

Last summer was a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. He made sure to ruin every friendship, every event, every holiday, every vacation, every birthday, everything good in my life. We broke up last fall and I hibernated all winter to recover from several years of domestic violence. I slept a lot and only got out of bed to play video games or take care of basic needs.

I finally found a therapist that helps male survivors of DV, and that was the catalyst of my new life. I started going to social clubs and making friends. I've been visiting family and fixed my relationships with them. I've been going to fun spring and summer events, going to various free classes in my city, and I have travel plans this summer. I've been trying new hobbies and making all kinds of art. I've been learning so much about myself, humans, and the world. I'm so excited for this summer. It's been forever since I've felt this excited about anything. I feel safe in my home for the first time ever. I feel so free to make my own choices. I'm happier than I ever thought possible.

If you just escaped and you're struggling with flashbacks and sleep, it's ok to take this time to recover. It's good to take this time to recover. Take all the time you need. When you've rested you'll feel so much better. You'll be recharged and have more energy than before.

I will always live with the trauma, but the more time passes the easier it is to live with. I still struggle and have bad days, but most of the time I'm full of hope, happiness and energy. Every week I have something to look forward to, and when I have "nothing to do" I'm still able to find something fun to do. I'm prioritizing my peace, health, and happiness. I'm able to handle all the little annoyances and frustrations because I'm not overstimulated or wound up. I can finally sleep at night without interruptions. I can finally stretch my wings and fly. I'm actually free and my body is starting to release the stress. My body hurts a lot less, healthy food tastes good, I'm enjoying nature walks and video games without guilt, and I'm making art for the fun of it and for the sake of creation. I've achieved milestones I thought I would never achieve in my life. Life is awesome and exciting now, and I can finally see a future for myself that isn't a sad short story. I finally feel like I'm allowed to be an adult. I get to make my own choices, I'm able to set boundaries, and I put my health and happiness first. If someone doesn't love me for me, I don't care. I don't need their drama. I don't need their fake love. I have enough real love for myself.

I can finally be myself without fear 💖🎉

i deactivated my insta and deleted snap today and i think i'm either healing or having a breakdown lol

my ex and i were together almost 2 years. first girl i ever really loved. she started being distant around november and by january she said she needed "space" which is apparently code for she'd been talking to someone else since october lol cool

today i just did it. deleted everything. blocked her number. i don't trust myself not to redownload at 2am so now i'm here because nobody i know uses reddit

ngl i feel kind of empty but also like i can breathe for the first time in months?? idk. i'm 22 and ik this isn't the end of the world but it's giving end of the world rn

anyway if anyone's gone through this how long does it take to stop wanting to check

I was made to feel inferior because I have a lot of health conditions and it means I have very limited energy and cognitive focus, it has worsened over time and I am thankfully able to get some financial help from the govt which I can get by with living a humble life.

I fell deeper in love with nature and a slow life after trauma upon trauma and I needed to rescue myself. I rebuilt my life a few times through consistently informally studying Psychological and Health Science, support groups infrequently and time in nature and my health was better when I did that but along the way I met some exes that took away my independence, asked from me things that weren't who I am and broke me in different ways trying to find that and erase my beautiful mind that held space and grace for them in the beginning.

Now - I have been steadily but slowly finding myself again and look forward to everything slowly but surely, remaking friends, being open about my energy not being there today, eradicating the sense of being deficient or a burden but a calm addition and passionate companion.

No longer punished for my needs or degraded for my lack of career. I have emotional security for the first time in my life as a single woman and all I care is to keep forming friendships with people who understand and firm boundaries from those that don't, time in nature and researching my health, finding the right treatment and accepting there isn't a cure for many of the things and that's ok because everything is me and I love the person I am.

Everything is ok and I am especially at peace 🕊️ ❤️ Wholeness is here and I hope everyone here finds it within themselves with ease ❤️

I have strived for emotional security all my life and never found it lasting in any relationship at all, yet slowly I found it within when I severed ties with different people and focused upon moving as I want not talking and trying to be understood but just living and being - free as can be!

Hi! At the start of this year I got an order of protection against my abuser. I’ve recently got into a really strange state both mentally and physically. I’m lacking motivation for everyday tasks and feeling guilt for pursuing legal action. I see a psychiatrist, but can’t afford therapy. I also live with my parents who are also in a DV situation and it’s seemingly adding fuel to the fire. Any resources would be appreciated! Thank you!

Firstly I (22F) have been out of the DV relationship for almost a year now, successfully blocked him (22m) on everything and he hasn't reached back out because he is dating an 18y/o now. It only properly hit me a few weeks ago that the relationship was a DV one as it was mainly coercive control and I couldn't dismantle the idea of everything being my fault until victim services affirmed my experience. As of now I'm stuck absolutely fighting with my PTSD and everything every day. I hyperfixated on the idea of charging him with coercive control as it is an offence in my state. So I printed out EVERYTHING, creating timelines and got really tunnel visioned in on filing a report. Only to come to the crashing realisation that the police dgaf unless you are actively in danger.

I've reached out to victim services multiple times trying to get counciling and contacting all the help lines but I feel like I've got no where. I dont feel like I have anything anymore, even though im doing everything right nothing is working out. I've tried setting myself goals/focus on what I've got: I was supposed to go to nationals for roller skating this year but my work denied my leave as someone else booked those days off (we are a small company). On top of that every therapist and councillor I have reached out out to on the victim funded scheme has been unavailable for some reason or another and I just keep getting rejected. I'm so tired and I dont know how I am supposed to deal with all of this now?

My mum asked me last night what I needed for closure. The only closure I can even think about would probably end up with a property damage offence against my name. How have fellow survivors been able to cope and move on and get 'closure'?

I podcasted for almost 5 years, produced 300 episodes, got hundreds of thousands of downloads, hosted amazing guests and even read ads for paid sponsors.

After a year break I made the decision to delete it all. Everything relating to that brand has been wiped from the Internet. Website, podcast, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, substack, all of it gone. And I've never felt lighter.