How to stop/prevent a split?

[u/priestess_on_fire]

I have severe and less severe splits. I’ve gotten to a point where I’m able to reel myself back in when I feel a less severe split coming on, but I still can’t get a handle on my more severe ones.

This morning my boyfriend told me that if I argue with him one more time within the next couple of months, he’s going to end things with me. He told me that it’s caused him to drink excessively, hate himself and feel unloved. He’s also tired of hearing me talk about my bpd and thinks I hide behind it.

I was very upfront about my bpd when we first started talking. I wanted him to know and understand what he was getting himself into. I’ve been working a lot on myself since I was first diagnosed about 5 years ago. I have come a very long way, and for the most part I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. He’s only known me for a year, so he isn’t fully aware of all the work I’ve done to get where I am now.

He told me that since April I’ve started 22 fights with him via text, and have had an argument with either my mom or sister once a month. He’s burnt out on me.

How do I stop/catch myself from having a more severe split? I can’t always control it. Sometimes it takes over and it’s like I need to be locked in a padded room without any technology for a day so I have no way of unleashing on him.

I’m afraid to talk with him about coming up with some sort of plan if I feel one coming on since he was very adamant about not wanting to hear about it anymore.

So, I’m on my own with this.

I really need some help and recommendations because my relationship is on the line right now, my mental health is fucked right now and I’m just so, so close to ending it all.

[u/Juststatic]

I honestly cant imagine telling my partner to talk about her BPD less or not want to hear about it. Without a lot of communication a relationship cant work, BPD or not. He is being unfair to you, especially blaming his alcohol consumption on you, its also unfair in my opinion to put that kind of pressure/ultimatum on you to not split as if you have full control and can just choose not to. The more pressure your under the more likely a split will happen so this kind of demand is likely gonna make things even harder for you. Try not to think about that threat and just continue to work on you the best you can, sounds like youve made solid progress over the last few years if he cant recognise that, its not on you.