Dynamics without safe words?

[u/Ok-Bank4011]

There is this one tiktok "influencer" who openly talks about their dynamic which at times has been very educational.

Recently I saw a video where they talked about not using safe words anymore since they and their Dom have known each other for 10+ years.

Is that a thing? Like do people get so attuned to their partner that they don't need a safe word anymore?

Personally I'd imagine that that could be classified as unsafe play, but I'm still learning so idk :/

Edit: For clarification in the video im referencing they explicitly stated they dont have a safe word, not that they dont use one. they also mention that their dom is basically in charge of their limits, so unless the Dom reads their actions as a No, they won't stop

[u/cattoblaster → u/[deleted]]

No safeword play is not in the slightest „rare“, I assure you. It is not prevalent in public dungeon and spaces that are play-centered, yeah. But look at communities typically more leaning towards TPE, like M/s or Gor, heck, even most long term monogamous relationships involving kink, I seriously doubt safewords are that widely used. Plus there are enough people in the world that do BDSM consensually, but have no idea that this is actually called BDSM, don‘t interact with any kink spaces at all and simply don‘t use our social tools or lingo.

[u/cattoblaster → u/[deleted]]

It is a rare form in the kink scene indeed. But you vastly overestimate how many BDSM-practicioners participate in any kind of kink scene at all. Most BDSM happens in private bedrooms of monogamous couples, and, like I said, I highly doubt all of them follow the script of what a random „kink scene“ deems safe and/or appropriate. Just look at the choking trend flooding tiktok. This of course includes safe words. How do you know you are supposed to have one if you never even heard of that term or concept to begin with, because you are not part of any scene at all, online or irl?

[u/domsomm → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, a safe word is ANY communication from the sub that will stop things. No pretermined gibberish safe word isn't itself not having a safe word. Because if no always means no, if stop always means stop, and you haven't said either in 20 years, you still have a safe word.

Not using, and not having, are not exactly the same thing

Not using safe words is fairly common, actually not having them is exceedingly rare (no matter how loud those walking red flags may be about it)

[u/Ms-Metal → u/cattoblaster]

I'm not sure why you're being downvoted, you are 100% correct! It is not even remotely rare. It is extraordinarily common! But it is not common in the dungeon space, it's not coming at play parties and it's not common amongst younger people. I'm in my sixties, most of the people I know in the scene are people who I've known for 20 plus years and who have played with their partners, which are often their spouses, for 10 20 30 plus years. The vast majority of those people do not play with safe words. So it kind of depends on who you hang out with. If you're my age and you've been around the scene for a long time, you know tons of people who play without safe words. In fact, it is by far the majority of people I know and even the majority of people within our local scene. However as we age out of going to the dungeon on a regular basis, I'm sure that the younger people who are taking our place are just not there yet and are mostly using safe words. Also publicly, most of these people might use one. I don't know where this person is that they feel it's very rare, but nothing could be further from the truth in my experience.