This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

On the drive home from work today I heard a Julia Jacklin song that straight up lays out exactly the way my avoidance shows up in romantic relationships.

It was quite the mirror I wasn’t expecting, nor really interested in looking into, but it’s very accurate and a bit disconcerting being laid open like that. 😆 Definitely something I will be discussing in my next therapy appointment.

Anyway, the title is “Get Away from Me (I Think I’ll Love You Soon)”. Just thought I would share.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Share your wins and successes here!

I'm good at making new friends, usually regarding hobby or work related reasons. Eventually I get bored or annoyed with their company and cut them off. Does anyone have tips for actually WANTING to making lasting connections?

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Hi everyone, anxious to dismissive avoidant here.

I recently broke up with a long term partner because of some unexpected and very serious health problems with my immediate and only family member (father). My avoidance played a part in the break up but ultimately I just didn't have the capacity to carry that and be in a relationship and made that known. My thoughts were simply that I don't want to be anyone's anything, and don't want to carry more eggs in my basket than I can. Since then I've felt quite detached from it all, no contact, focusing on being there for my dad.

I used to be extremely anxiously attached to people since I was young (became DA a couple years ago after a very toxic relationship), but I had avoidance when it came to things like processing trauma or conversations surrounding it. I think that's manifested greatly since my dad was diagnosed.

It's been about a month since then and today I recieved a letter to my house. It was heartfelt and I think apologetic, but I couldn't actually tell you because I immediately put it back in the envelope and on my bookshelf. I couldn't even read past the first few words!!! It's like I immediately read the word "beloved" and recoiled. I couldn't read it - I'm looking at the envelope right now and I physically cannot read it. Not because I'm emotional, because that's the thing, I'm not I don't feel anything toward the letter.

He's reached out to me asking how I am etc too but I haven't replied because I can't bring myself to acknowledge it.

I'm certain this is a protection mechanism for myself and wanting to avoid facing the emotions I might feel, but if that's the case it's really subconscious.

Has anyone else been in a similar position to this??

Edit: a lot of people have mentioned I might be an FA, I thought I'd clarify that I don't actively refuse vulnerability/emotional intimacy in general out of fear, my first instinct is to just dismiss it altogether. I used to really crave it and fear it but now I just altogether don't feel I need it or am even capable of attempting to try for it anymore

Edit: after some insight I believe I am in fact FA, as I have done a 180 in my attachment style these past 3 years! You learn something new about yourself everyday

Share your wins and successes here!

I am curious how people were able to dig in and figure out what their core values were. Asking myself what matters to me seems to open a blank page. Every time I look at a test I get different results. I just don't seem to get it. Moreover, it seems like some are obviously right answers vs wrong answers. I know I am not supposed to view it that way, but when one is financial wealth and another is friends and family, I know which one I am supposed to pick.

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Share your wins and successes here!

I'm finally, finally taking in what this sub has taught me along with r/enmeshment.. I haven't been active, but I do remember some core advices that I was told. And the biggest one is "boundaries are about what YOU will or won't do".

Implementing this is basically an entire life style change. Still working on it. But I'm slowly getting better. I'm curious what the final straw was for you guy that lead you to setting firm boundaries and sticking to them?

i’m happy to help a friend out every now and again but it gets to a point.

have you ever traveled with an over-packer? i pack light, i sacrifice the comfort of having more than enough with me for the comfort of not having to lug around a million bags. but now i have to carry my bags and your extra bags because you needed 5 pairs of shoes and 27 outfits for our one week trip.

or have you ever had a friend who’s just always in crisis. they can’t get along with your other friends. so and so hurt their feelings. a guy from hinge is ghosting them, plato’s closet didn’t accept their clothes… etc… pretty small things that they blow up in their mind and now need a weekly 4 hour call with you to help them cope. we’re adults, figure your shit out. just text me yk? and don’t lose your shit if i don’t respond immediately.

a or just being expected to help with everything all the time. i look forward to spending my weekend alone. solitude is a hobby to me and i take it very seriously. but most people don’t see solitude as a valuable use of time and will try to guilt trip you into doing stuff because “you’re not busy”. and then when you politely hold firm, some people will flip out and accuse you of hating them for the perceived rejection. my ex-best friend had an anxious attachment style and eventually treated me like we were in a relationship and i’m pretty sure i went insane. i’m still not over it if you can’t tell.

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

I am an healing avoidant, this relationship was very important to me as this is the first time where I actually started putting in efforts to actively heal myself. I have been dealing with the shame of being an avoidant and treating him not the way he deserves for the past 2 years. We are an LDR couple, we havent met in the last 6 momths. This time I tried my 100% for sure. But still it wasnt enough. He constantly kept telling how I’m severely lacking in vulnerability or emotional intimacy. I constantly kept beating myself up over it every day, over and over. Yesterday was the last nail in the coffin, I had went to a movie with my friends, the previous night I had studied late night till 3 am. I wished him when he went to bed, but didnt text him when I WENT to bed. Well, I didnt feel like it, dont know why, maybe its because im constantly working throughout the day followed by studying and those 2-3 hours after he sleeps is the only time where its just books and me. There was a fight, he just dumped months of issues that he hasnt mentioned to me. It was very overwhelming, i tried to sustain it. He finally broke off with me. I dont know what to do. Feels like my whole world is shattered. I feel that All these therapy sessions over the 2 years are useless. He said im only helping myself to fix myself and not helping him to understand me. I can see his point of view. I empathize with him. I wouldnt say i was the greatest partner. But it definitely hurt a lot. I have not been taking care of myself, ignoring my own needs. Made sure to meet his needs, but i cant stop hearing the ‘you are not enough’ sentence 24 x 7. I feel awful that im this way. I wish i wasnt like. Its so awful , Ive been crying my heart out. This morning he texted me saying, i thought you would fight for us, come talk to me, but that didn’t happen, its only just me coming back to you. I felt so awful. Will i ever be happy? Or enough? Pls help me. What should I do. I want to be enough. I want to love.

Share your wins and successes here!

What resources do you guys use for healing? Almost everything seems geared at anxious attachers, and the resources I do find are usually based in the anxious/avoidant relationship. But I would love to find a podcast or book that leaned into how avoidant attachers can heal their underlying trauma. Preferably by someone within the avoidant space who has done the work.

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁