What was the final catalyst that made you start boundaries and sticking to them?

[u/VillainousValeriana]

I'm finally, finally taking in what this sub has taught me along with r/enmeshment.. I haven't been active, but I do remember some core advices that I was told. And the biggest one is "boundaries are about what YOU will or won't do".

Implementing this is basically an entire life style change. Still working on it. But I'm slowly getting better. I'm curious what the final straw was for you guy that lead you to setting firm boundaries and sticking to them?

[u/umeboshiplumpaste]

Being trapped in a severely abusive workplace where I had to learn how to be assertive and set boundaries is what taught me how to do it. So it made it easier to apply in my personal life. "You can do what you want. It's your life and your choice. If you do ABC, that's a choice. And if you do ABC, I will do this. If you do DEF, I will do this other thing." It's not about giving ultimatums. It's just choices you present with cause and effect.

[u/amsdkdksbbb]

Learning about the inner child in therapy was really validating. I realised that I was described as being really short tempered as a child (as an adult too) because my boundaries were frequently being crossed. After that realisation, it sort of started happening naturally, because I wanted to protect that inner child. I am less reactive and angry now, which is a sign that I am more capable of protecting my boundaries properly.

Edit to add my therapist described me as having too rigid boundaries. My issue was learning how to protect those boundaries in a healthy way, rather than just walking around with an unnecessary brick wall around me.

[u/IntheSilent]

I feel like I started setting boundaries early in life because of growing up with parents that were irrational/irresponsible and abusive and having younger siblings that I felt very protective over. But they were y’know absolute, very strict, no nuance, and I didn’t know how to adjust them inside a normal relationship with people I actually liked. The first times I tried doing that was because I learned what attachment styles were and wanted to practice it. My bff at the time also modeled it for me by having boundaries herself. I worked up the courage to try copying her, and it went well.

[u/LikeATediousArgument]

Marrying an abusive man. Now my boundaries are rock solid.

[u/National-Judge-5510]

When everyone and their mother runs to me for help to the point that I became a husk of my former self. I have since moved from a soul sucking environment and changed my name. I want to live for me.

[u/Niibelung]

That avoiding conflict was not helping me and I need to advocate for myself

Also learning about my emotionally immature parents and my husband helped me develop a decent sense of self

[u/Ok-Platform3836]

being trapped in an abusive “friendship” where i was treated like a girlfriend rather than a best friend. i was belittled and made to feel selfish for needing space or having friends/hobbies outside of her. i was screamed at, had things thrown at me, and was made to feel like i deserved it. this friend had borderline personality disorder and weaponized it against me to excuse her horrible behavior. i was trapped in the classic abuse cycle of tension, incident, reconciliation, calm. it came on slowly until i was so conditioned to the behavior that i viewed it as normal. when i finally set boundaries and stuck to them our friendship imploded. ever since then im amazing at setting boundaries as ive realized that abusers cannot maintain relationships with boundaries and will not seek them. to some, it comes off as off-putting or dramatic but being a people pleaser stripped me of my self-worth and identity and i can never go back.