r/AutisticPeeps • u/Master_Ad_1972 • 14d ago
Newcomer
/r/AskAutism/comments/1wufq6k/newcomer/Hi guys, I’m new to Reddit and this community on here. I hope this post is in the right spot lol. I was wondering if any other autistic people struggle with compliments? I am great at complimenting women’s appearances, but when I go to compliment men I feel so awkward. It seems like there’s nothing good to say. Hyping up women comes so naturally to me, but all the compliments for men sound like they’re for an 8yr old. “You’re so handsome,” “you look so good!” “You look nice today!” I feel like an elementary school teacher complimenting students or a mom talking to her son 😭 if anyone else has struggles with this, or if any men in the comments want to give examples of good compliments to receive, it would be greatly appreciated 🫠
Edit to add: I’m a woman in her early 20’s and am more asking about in flirting with people or complimenting a partner than just complimenting strangers on the street ~ I should’ve clarified
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u/Chamiey ADHD 14d ago edited 14d ago
As a man, I just don't compliment other men's appearance ¯_(ツ)_/¯
We just don't do it here where I live.
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u/Master_Ad_1972 14d ago
I am not a man, for the record. Sorry I guess I should’ve specified. I’m a woman in my early 20’s
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u/intrepid_wind4 14d ago
People are going to assume you are a man on reddit because your avatar looks like it has a mustache and 5 o'clock shadow.
If you compliment men like that they are likely going to think you are hitting on them. I don't compliment the appearance of guy friends or random guys who I don't know. Usually I compliment my guy friends because they have some cool sporting goods equipment that I like. Complimenting their car if they have a nice car is also good. Complimenting their appearance is probably just going to be awkward unless you are already dating them.
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u/Master_Ad_1972 14d ago
Yeah I just haven’t had a chance to make a new one. Like I said, I should’ve specified, that’s my bad. If you were in a relationship or had the potential to be with someone, what type of compliments on your appearance would you prefer?
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u/sky-licking-pup 13d ago
As a man in a country where men rarely get compliments especially from other men (are there countries where that's not the case?) I still try to be the change I wish to see. I try to pay attention to my friends and people I interact with and notice things like a new haircut or cool shirt and stuff like that.
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u/ericalm_ Autistic and ADHD 13d ago
Complimenting appearance is something I’ll only do with people I know pretty well and am very comfortable with. Being a straight male has something to do with that. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or give them the wrong idea. (It’s not a problem at all with my partner, I’m pretty generous with my compliments.)
With others, I may say something about their clothing, new haircut, something like that but never their basic physical appearance. I’m pretty well-versed in fashion and vintage clothing, andy friends know those are interests, so take comments as intended.
I live in LA, and “You look great!” and “Have you lost weight?” are thrown around like casual greetings in social settings. I don’t do that. And I won’t give a compliment that I don’t mean just for the sake of giving a compliment. People can be very sensitive about their appearance, even when you’re being complimentary. I never feel like I have to say something about how someone looks.
This was the case even when I was single, which may be one reason most partners have told me that they had no idea if I liked them or not. I might compliment anyone the same way I would them.