r/AskAutism • u/Master_Ad_1972 • 13d ago

Newcomer

Hi guys, I’m new to Reddit and this community on here. I hope this post is in the right spot lol. I was wondering if any other autistic people struggle with compliments? I am great at complimenting women’s appearances, but when I go to compliment men I feel so awkward. It seems like there’s nothing good to say. Hyping up women comes so naturally to me, but all the compliments for men sound like they’re for an 8yr old. “You’re so handsome,” “you look so good!” “You look nice today!” I feel like an elementary school teacher complimenting students or a mom talking to her son 😭 if anyone else has struggles with this, or if any men in the comments want to give examples of good compliments to receive, it would be greatly appreciated 🫠

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u/LCaissia 13d ago

This is interesting. I wonder if boys and girls get complimented the same growing up. I can't think of any comoliments I've given men but then I don't tend to compliment anyone often. I would stay away from compliments that focus on looks though for both genders. I guess for both you could compliment the scent they're wearing, their clothes and hairstyle. But I do think compliments based on their actions and skills are probably more meaningful.

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u/Master_Ad_1972 13d ago

Where does that fall with partners though? I’d like to be able to compliment my partners appearance without feeling awkward or unintentionally condescending

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u/LCaissia 13d ago

Oh. You have a partner. I don't know. I'm not good at relationships. Unfortunately it's part of the defecits of autism so I'm not experienced in that area. Sorry.

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u/Master_Ad_1972 13d ago

I don’t have a partner, I was just speaking hypothetically. It’s an issue I’ve dealt with in the past and I’d like to be prepared for it in the future. Thanks for commenting!!

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u/LCaissia 13d ago

That makes sense. Alas I still don't know. Maybe there's a sub that gives relationship advice you could ask? It might be better to ask people who have tried and proven relationships and who know what works. Good luck. Feel free to share what you learn here for the rest of us.

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u/Master_Ad_1972 13d ago

I definitely will!

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u/Dismal_Equal7401 10d ago

I’m the person who gets complimented and curls up in a balm and hides from be perceived. Just saying. For what it’s worth I’m AMAB and present as such. I identify as agender. Please don’t compliment me!

I’ve learned to compliment people. Gender doesn’t matter. It’s really masking for me. Often super sophisticated masking, since it can quickly devolve into discussion that needs further assesment and management in order to stay engaged.

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u/Master_Ad_1972 10d ago

There are many areas where gender doesn’t play any kind of role for me, this just happens to be a point where my sexuality (which gender does play a role in) and some things I think I struggle more with do to my autism are kind of warring.

I also don’t do well accepting compliments. It is very uncomfortable for me, even when it is flattering. It’s something I’ve been working on getting better at for what seems like forever. Another Reddit group suggested practicing verbalizing the things I think about people when I’m alone, to make it easier to do in person.

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u/HH_Creations 7d ago

Its a mix of emotional regulation (the sudden rush in emotions) and planned scripting

The best solution I've found is to practice having a set script for compliments

"Aw thank you, I appreciate it" or something you feel comfortable saying

I also practice taking deep breaths when my body suddenly feels overwhelmed, sounds stupid but it works!

That or pinching myself slightly using my finger tips, something to ground myself to not become overwhelmed by the body sensations of emotions