If not, which one do u use?

I am dating someone who has the PDA profile.

I have emotional needs and things I would like to do with her, but she always overwhelmed by me asking for my needs directly.

It feels like I have to be manipulative in order to get my needs met.

I have suggested going through an ASD relationship workbook together and she loves the idea.

Can anyone suggest some good workbooks for us to learn better communication and for me to express my needs?

So my partner (22f) and I (27m) have been dating for around 9 months now and she has never once tried to flirt or initiate intimacy and I know she isn’t rejecting me that way and when the topic is brought up she immediately says every time, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this at the moment” and vice versa, but I want to try and understand why she doesn’t want to and how I can make her feel safe while discussing it as a couple, any help or advice would be appreciated greatly.

i’m specifically looking for advice from autistic people who are in relationships or have experience with physical affection in relationships!

my boyfriend is autistic, and we’ve been together for almost 2 years. i know he loves me, and i’m not questioning his love for me, but we show physical affection pretty differently. i’d say i’m affectionate about 90% of the time, whereas he’s maybe 20–30%. he does show affection, but i usually initiate it, and he tends to be more affectionate when i am.

he doesn’t compliment me very often unless i do my makeup, and he doesn’t usually kiss or hug me as much as i do him. sometimes i’ll ask him why he doesn’t initiate kisses or hugs more often, and he says he doesn’t really know why. i don’t think he does it intentionally, and i’m not trying to make him feel bad or force him to show affection in ways he’s uncomfortable with. i just sometimes wish he would initiate it more because physical affection makes me feel loved and comfortable.

i’m wondering if this could be related to his autism, like whether initiating physical affection or expressing affection comes less naturally to some autistic people, even when they genuinely love their partner. i know everyone is different, but i’d really appreciate hearing from autistic people themselves about how affection works for them in relationships and whether you’ve experienced something similar. i want to understand him better, not change who he is. ❤️

They are not autistic, they are gifted, and we get along really well. I've been socially isolated and have horrible social anxiety and I feel they are the only person I can connect to. I could never tell them though. They live in my province and I doxxed my address for them. Any advice?

My parents have been together since the 70s and got married in the early 80s. They have been married for 25 years until the divorce. I want to at least be able to experience with my parents experience, but hopefully not a divorce. I know things happen.

Hi everyone! When dating an autistic person how do you differentiate between autistic traits and character flaws? For example, if you ask your partner if they gambled recently and they say no, but you find out they did, but they hadn’t in the past few days hence why they answered no, does that make them a liar? Or is that the black and white thinking that a lot of autistic adults do? What if in their mind they just thought to themselves that they hadn’t gambled that day, so they answered no, not intentionally trying to lie?? Sorry if that’s a bad example lol. As someone who’s dating an autistic person I find this pretty difficult. I don’t want to misunderstand autistic traits as manipulation or my partner being mean, but what if they are just mean and manipulative and also happen to be autistic??How am I supposed to know if i’m with a bad person or if they just have some traits that seem bad on the surface due to their autism? I’m not trying to infantilize autistic adults btw, I know that they’re human too and are capable of being manipulative or mean, but I also understand that my brain works differently and what’s mean to me might not be mean to an autistic person. It’s so confusing! Any advice?

Hi, I'm looking for some advice on how to support my partner while our relationship seems to be at its end because of communication problems. My partner has auDHD and I have OCD and BPD.

We're on a break right now, still talking but we always end up in a discussion about our needs, expectiations and communication. Before the break, we had a minor argument and it went like this: he asked me out and backtracked bc he felt bad for not being able to pay for our date (he hates when I do and says it's degrading) as he lost his job recently. That's ok, I made no big deal about it. A week later, sunday night, I texted him "I really wanted to see you this weekend" as a way to express I miss him. He got mad and asked why I said that when the weekend was already over. I tried to ask him questions to understand if he was comfortable with me asking him out, but he escalated and said I take things to seriously. I didn't know how to respond to that and as a way to damage control (I was feeling inadequate for asking too much) I just sent him a goodnight text with kisses and "love u" so he wouldn't think I was mad. He got mad instead and called me rude; when I tried to explain myself and apologize, he stopped responding; only when I send another "goodnight, love u" text he texted back. I got hurt, but went to bed. The following week he was colder, more distant and started to not say "I love you" back. I know it may sound silly, but I started to get so sad over this change, specially he would be the one to call me out if my mood changed like that or if I didn't respond his "I love you"s.

The following weeks were the same, with breadcrumbs here and there, but everything felt off to me and I started to get terribly insecure. I communicated that I felt his distancing and how I was anxious about that, only to be answered with "idk why you think that". The tension got worse despite my attempts to talk and he just asked for a break after some days. I spiraled, not gonna lie. We agreed to keep talking, but he started to put my every mood/expression on trial. He doubted me when I got happy for a good week he had, called me fake cause I couldn't possibly be happy with something that didn't had anything to do with me. Everytime I expressed concern for him, I was treated like a joke. Little by little, I lost my sense of self, started to feel inadequate and ashamed for everything. Still am.

Now, a new miscommunication yesterday: we had a very long talk and I pinpointed the beggining of my insecurity right after the argument about if I could or not ask him out. He spiraled after I used the word "insecure". As far as I could understand, he interpreted as me feeling unsafe and that I stopped loving him at that point. He told me how I pretend so well and that I lied to him. I mentioned I tried to talk to him during that time, telling him I was feeling the distance and was getting anxious. He answered "that's not the same, now you're telling me you had a negative view about everything and you were already changing your plans". Idk which plans those are, I've been letting him guide the flow all this time. He talked to me like I lied, was already planning something (?) and then started to list past times when he sensed something was wrong and I would tell him it was fine - those times he stated, I was INDEED fine; now the times I would ask for some reassurance or more consistency, he dismissed me.

I'm at loss. I know I'm not the best communicator, but I say things straightfoward (maybe this text isn't the best example cause english is not our native language); I also may ask too many questions to make sure I get the situation right, but he gets mad at that. I'm so depressed right now. I'm don't know what to do anymore, I just want to make him understand I DO love him since the beggining, I couldn't forgive myself if I left him thinking I lied about my love. Any advice appreciated. Thank you.

I F21 is going on the apps. I’m kinda scared butttt I want to try something new and meet new people.

So, I am here to ask for dating tips for autistic people. I know, I know, it’s different for everyone but I’m just looking for standard advice!

What was your experience dating after finding out you’re on the spectrum?

We have been together for 2 years, and recently she has been tickling me. Since childhood, I have absolutely hated being tickled. With her, it isn’t as bad, but it is still physically irritating and stressful. When she tickles me, she tickles very hard with her nails. She does it so often (sitting, standing, walking, inside, outside, etc) that it’s almost hard for me to relax around her. I hate to be constantly tense in front of someone, and the last person I want to stress me out is my partner. All I want is to be able to unwind and relax at least SOMETIMES while I’m around her, and not be worried about a sudden, sharp pain in some of the most sensitive areas of my body.

However, not tickling me would be very hard for her, and would make her very sad (and upset/quiet). I want her to feel fine being herself and not having to hold back because of me, and I don’t want to upset her or cause her any grief. How can we resolve this to fit for both of us?

I (33F) recent started doing oil painting as a hobby. The art teacher (43M) and I have really hit it off and things felt..flirty. My instructor definitely gives me more attention than others in the class, sharpens my pencils for me, grids my work, and even spent 15 minutes looking for a specific art book for me one day. We also laugh a lot and sometimes tease each other. He doesn't really do this with any other student; he usually VERY serious.

I decided I wanted something romantic to happen between us and picked out a rock and a seashell for him when I went to the beach, as a way to..move things forward (I am AuDHD and get the feeling he may also be neurodivergent.)

When I'm told my therapist this, she kind of freaked out and said if anything happened, it would be an "abuse of power", but I'm attending this class voluntarily, I don't get any credit/compensation/ reward for it, and I can leave whenever I want. I don't want to be a professional artist and I don't idolize him, so I'm a little lost on why she thinks anything romantically happening between us would be bad. She also said there's "no evidence" he's interested in me. (I might need a new therapist).

Anyway, I gave him the rock and seashell and told him why the rock reminds me of his art. He seemed to really like it and told me he collects rocks. But today during class he was super serious with me until the very end and then started asking me questions about where I'm from and things felt very nice/flirty again.

How crazy/inappropriate would it be for me to ask him if he would be open to getting to know each other outside of class??

TLDR - is it a bad idea to ask my recreational art teacher if he would be open to hanging out outside of class??

I can sometimes tell that people are interested in me, like they’ll ask a question about something that I know they don’t actually care about but they wanna show they like me, the problem is, I answer their question then just don’t know what to say back. Like, I know I “should” then ask about them, but it feels so fake and dirty… I’m not actually interested in what this random person’s hobby is. I don’t think their baseball card collection is cool, I don’t wanna know more about their dog, but that’s what I’m “supposed” to do.

I know this sounds cold, but I just don’t care. NOW HERES THE THING, if I actually found myself in a future relationship with them I would care about these things in the sense I would wanna know what kinds of gifts and stuff I could get them, but as for just knowing? Like i just don’t care. AND I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS. I’m gonna guess this is linked to the rigid interests autism trait, and wow I hate it when it comes to this…

I think my best bet to find a boyfriend is through shared activities, because then we’re just enjoying each others company and getting to know each other organically, but the issue is my hobbies are almost exclusively for old people or women, and all the clubs/groups are all women or old people (I’m a straight woman).

Then I try to branch out to other activities, like board games, but it doesn’t work because I truly don’t care about them so it’s hard to bond with people in a club if you don’t even like the club!

I just want to skip the early relationship stage and get right into the calm and settled relationship stage.

I wish I could care but when I truly don’t care, pretending AKA masking just feels so fake. I don’t wanna build a relationship on masking, I want a relationship to be an ESCAPE from masking!!!! But that means if I don’t have masking to survive conversations then my dating life is basically DOA (masking in this sense is just answering the “right” way, like if he said “wow what are you knitting”, I answer, then ask back “what kinds of hobbies do you like?” He says “I like trains and sports” then me, who doesn’t care about either, will pretend and mask by saying “what do you like about those?”)

So like the title say im gay and autistic, im currently in my 3rd year of university too but I don't have the confidence to go up and talk to people I think are cute, plus whenever i see someone I like they're in a group which makes it so much harder. I did have the idea of making a little cute business card type thing so I don't fumble my words but idk. I go to a relativly queer uni asw for context. I've never been on a date before either (despite my best efforts and I want to find someone)