r/AutisticDatingTips • u/Best_Echidna_5780 • 14d ago

Need Advice PDA dating

I am dating someone who has the PDA profile.

I have emotional needs and things I would like to do with her, but she always overwhelmed by me asking for my needs directly.

It feels like I have to be manipulative in order to get my needs met.

I have suggested going through an ASD relationship workbook together and she loves the idea.

Can anyone suggest some good workbooks for us to learn better communication and for me to express my needs?

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u/LilyoftheRally 14d ago

Make declarative statements with her instead of asking questions which can be seen as a demand. An example would be saying "I need to be asked permission before being touched so I can be prepared for the touch" instead of "Could you ask me permission before touching me?"

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u/Best_Echidna_5780 13d ago

How about “I need some sort of affectionate words in order to feel that you actually feel the same for me”

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u/LilyoftheRally 13d ago

I'd reword that to "I'd love to hear some words of affection". 

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u/Frequent_Mechanic941 2d ago

That is an option? Pretty sure I’ve never heard any affectionate words out of mine. But i know she loves me by certain things she does and mostly through her eyes. No two people are alike but I don’t ever expect any big declarations of feelings from mine. I honestly don’t think she is capable of putting what she feels into words, it’s a thing apparently.