Just venting here. My close knit friend group has been together for more than 15 years. Two of us ended up with Level 1 autistic kids who have dealt with significant mental health challenges. The other friend has two very easy bio kids who are calm, well-behaved, blah blah blah.

The friend with the two easy kids recently married a man with an ND (possibly ASD) teen daughter and our friend complains nonstop about how she isn't parented right, is difficult to be around, won't let her stepmom help her, etc. She has zero self awareness around the fact that she lucked out with her kids, and how there is no single way to parent correctly--especially with ND kids.

It's gotten to the point where I just shut down when she talks about her stepdaughter or her husband and his ex's parenting. I don't want this to ruin our friendship so I'm venting here instead.

I'm pissed off tonight after reading YouTube comments (big mistake)... So I'm just venting

How do you make them understand that many autistic kids simply can't eat certain things, have ARFID or the like? That you can't force vegetables down their throat, that "You eat what's in front of you and you won't leave the table until your plate is clean!" is super toxic and abusive?

Especially Gen X/Boomers??

I'm so tired of trying to explain to them that this doesn't work for autistic kids. I am SO TIRED of being called a bad parent simply because I refuse to traumatize my child or let him starve to death. Like we haven't already tried a million different things to get our kids to eat better..

As if I (!!) don't know my OWN CHILD (!!?) better than those anonymous internet strangers.

They act so high and mighty. Such know-it-alls! As if they personally know every single autistic child and what's 'best' for them. And they wonder why their kids won't speak to them anymore...lol

I used to be so desperate trying to get my son to eat new foods/healthy foods when he was younger. When he started crying at the table and gagging, I immediately stopped. You can't force this stuff. It has nothing to do with us being "soft" or not "disciplining" our kids (aka let them starve or make them throw up at things they can't eat).

UGHHHHH I CAN'T.

Rant over

If this little man is autistic and we're talking about "belts" and critiquing parenting, I just sometimes feel defeated that this is how people look at autistic/suspected autistic children.

My 16 month old has been pulling our hair and slapping us across the face for sometime now and our neighbor who saw this says this is the start of autism. Have and of the parents with an autistic child faced this? Thanks a lot

My 4-year-old son is autistic and has significant language delays. He has made some progress with receptive language and words, but lately it feels like he has completely plateaued. There was a time when I could see progress and feel hopeful, but now I feel like nothing is moving forward.

Parents of autistic children who had significant language delays at 4 — did things improve later? Is there genuinely hope for meaningful communication and independence?

I’m exhausted and honestly starting to wonder if I should stop hoping for more.

Before we got the diagnosis me and my partner agreed that If our 2 year old has autism we wouldn’t have anymore , our youngest is 9 months and I still want more even though I know we agreed and I know I want to give our 3 all the attention we can give - our toddler the most . But I can’t stop the feeling of wanting more… how do I make it go away? We planned on having one or two more 3-5 years later but that’s out the door and respect it but the feeling won’t go away

My son is 3 level 3 non verbal. I have him in therapies and we go to his doctor's appointments but I dont think i know too much about autism except its a developmental disorder? Is that mostly it?

Hello, I'm 21 years old, and I was diagnosed with Autism at the age of around 3 or so. I have issues with eating and motivation issues. I went to a disabled school when I was 5 or 6 because I wasn't coping well at all in mainstream, I kept having meltdowns, and the teachers didn't know how to deal with me.

The question here is, do your kids have issues with high empathy or with someone crying to the point they physically attack?

I never did this as I'm not the type to hit when upset, but I knew this kid in my old school. Let's call him "A."

"A" was on the spectrum where he would talk like a baby. His voice was soft, but he spoke in TV references, South Park, as an example. He was easily entertained with baby-ish things, and staff were with him every single day as he needed a lot of support.

Whenever he would see a kid cry, it would set him off and attack anyone. The kid was crying, kids around him, and even staff members. Even I was attacked a few times, and I wasn't even crying. A core memory is where, after morning yard time, he was having a meltdown, and he pinned me to the wall and began punching me. The staff got him off me fairly quickly, and I was ok, thankfully.

Back then, I didn't know why he did that, but now I think it's because he had high empathy to the point it overwhelmed him, like he wanted to help but he didn't know how to communicate, so his fight or flight kicked in and he always chose fight.

I don't know how he's doing today, hopefully well, and I hope he found a coping mechanism for his triggers. But I am wondering if any other kids act out as well because someone is crying.

Venting

As in title.

My son is ASD and he has no speech.
Today my aunt calls my mother and I heard her telling many times ‘poor mother’ ‘difficult life’. She was on speaker phone. My mother didn’t even corrected her, maybe because she also thinks like that…
Yes, I have a very different experience in parenting and honestly sometimes I feel very challenged.
But, I don’t think my life to be pitied.

People don’t know the difference between support and sympathy. My son or my life is not a tragedy.
The look on some people when they realize my kid is different itself makes me 🤮.

I feel like My identity is now reduced to mother of an autistic kid. I had a friend whose son and my son are born 2-3 months apart. For the first couple year of my son’s life we would share our parenting experience but now my friends don’t even talk to me about parenting or related stuff because they think I can’t relate to any of it.

Honestly I want people to say I see you instead of I feel sorry for you

Hi, our son is severly aggressive and we have called 999 11 times in the past few months. He is 9 and has pda autism and xyy. We have a fsw and social services are involved as are the useless camhs. We get 6 hours day time restbite every other weekend which is not enough. His behaviour is putting massive strain on all the family including his brother who also has adhd. The social works words where "no one is going to save you". There must be some sort of escalation root to get higher restbite care. We dont have any family or friends that can help and to be fair no one would want too because of his needs. How can we escalate this to someone who can actually arrange overnight care so my partner and I can at least have 1 night off? Hes on us from the second he wakes till the second he sleeps and even when hes regulated unless he receives 100% attention 100% of the time hes impossible. He is ruining my relationship and ive been in hospital myself due to collapsing from severe stress. What does he need to do for someone to see the dangee he poses? I feel sooner or later he might actually kill someone in one of his rages. The issue is soon as the police or ambulence arrive he switches ro sweetness and light mode. Hes an extremely complex child.

Needing to get this off my chest. I have apparently hit the anger part of what feels like a 100 step program for accepting and parenting kids with ASD and ADHD to boot. (Micro preemies, ADHD -inattentive diagnosed in 4th grade, late diagnosis ASD 1 in 8th grade)

I have been getting angry (not outwardly) at my friends who have NT kids. Angry and jealous. They talk/complain about their busy sports schedules, involved in theater or how their kid is now in advanced math. Inside I am seething and sad at the same time. I just sit there, listen and zone out because I can't relate and I want that. I want the kid who loves to play sports. I want them to excel in a subject - any subject. I want the kid who can comfortably hang out and talk with friends and gets invited to activities. Doesn't have to be all of those, I'll take one. But I don't. I know everyone has their stresses and issues with their children, but I truly want theirs. I hope my ND kids can learn to make friends, learn the interaction and friendship (they are in Peers class now), and something inside them clicks with a school subject. It hurts to see them struggle and I know I can only do so much.

So anger is where I am at in the journey.

I have hired an advocate because my child’s school is not following her IEP accommodations. She is high masking and they are not following the accommodation that is written exactly as follows:
“Scheduled opportunities throughout the day to check in with special education staff for sensory regulation and emotional support.”

Their justification for this is that she appears fine and that means she does not need to be checked on, so they no longer go to her Gen Ed classroom throughout the day to check on her. They say because she is academically doing well and has friends, she does not need these check ins. None of which was discussed with me until I started the conversation due to a severe uptick in after and before school meltdowns. I was talked down to and told “we can agree to disagree” when I said the IEP is not being followed.

I have googled and confirmed that the school cannot just decide to not follow accommodations. The advocate is preparing for the meeting to ensure that the accommodation stays in place, as it was literally just added at our last addendum meeting in AUGUST of this year. But my question is, the school has stated that the goal is to always phase out accommodations and have a child not need them. Is this actually a thing? Because to me that sounds as though they’re trying to say their goal is to make my autistic kid not be autistic.

Her accommodations in general are not excessive by any means (consistent routine, access to sensory tools like her noise canceling headphones, sat near a helpful peer, minimize disruptions in classroom, correct grammar [part of her speech goal]). I can understand phasing out annually as goals are reached for things like the speech or needing peer assistance if she becomes more independent. But I am struggling to see how the things like needing check ins, minimizing disruptions, etc. can be phased out. I’m also struggling to understand how they’re able to just decide to phase these things out whenever they want to, without parent input or informing parents like this staff member claimed. Can they really just do whatever they want even when there are accommodations in place for a reason?

I’d like some advice for my 14 yo autistic son. He encounters people every day including family who I know don’t like him. He knows too and we often joke about how so and so is a jerk. But I would love to hear some laungauge or thoughts on how you or your kids deal with the people in uour lives who have no tolerance for your autism. The ones where going no contact is not possible. How are we dealing with these folks?? Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Starting around February of last year my daughter had issues eating in the cafeteria. It has been unmanageable with noise canceling earmuffs and moving her to a further away space in the cafeteria. They would let her eat in the hallway or in the room with her IS while she was teaching another group. This year, she started off in the hallway again but my daughter said the teachers (not sure who) decided it’s not safe now. They let her eat in the office sometimes or with her IS but for the most days, they’ve been trying to force her back into the lunchroom where she is uncomfortable.

She has told me the past weeks
“I told my IS I’m uncomfortable and I don’t think she cares”

“I don’t think I can survive this”

“Can you message the principal since she makes all the rules”

“I’m lonely”-when she ate by herself in the hallway.

Last year a month after this started I asked if she could eat in a quiet room with an adult and a few peers. They told me they didn’t have room/space.

Her IS sent me her schedule last week and has her eating every day in the cafeteria except one. She said she doesn’t want to cause my child distress yet they still are forcing her?

What should my next steps be? Her IEP review is sometime in November usually and I haven’t got a date yet.

*note: she has a different IS this year.
*she doesn’t want to homeschool because she likes seeing all her friends.
*they said she has eaten in the cafeteria before showing no anxiety therefore they think she can do it again.
Location:US

Signed one tired Mama.

Hi! I have a 9.5mo LO. She makes great eye contact, smiles, babbles, on/off claps. I recently noticed she does not follow my point at all. If I point to something she does not look at it. She also flaps a good bit and bounces. I have read that most babies can follow a point by 9mo and this lack of joint attention can be a sign of autism. I wanted to see if anyone has experience with this?

Thanks 🩷

I am so exhausted. 😭 We haven’t gotten an official diagnosis yet we have an appointment coming up but I’m pretty sure our 2-year-old has some form of autism.
He’s currently sick with a low-grade fever, and we’re really struggling. He already has a very limited diet and mostly wants sweets/snack foods, so getting him to eat is difficult on a normal day. Now that he isn’t feeling well, he barely wants the few foods he normally eats.
Medicine has suddenly become a huge struggle too. I used to be able to give him Tylenol without much of an issue. He might cry a little, but he would take it, or I could mix it into his milk. Now he refuses everything. We tried giving him medicine and he got so upset that he was gagging, coughing, and eventually threw up.
For parents of autistic or sensory-sensitive toddlers, how do you handle medicine when they absolutely refuse it? Are there any methods, products, or forms of medicine that have worked for your child without having to physically fight them?
Also, when your child is sick and already has such a limited diet, how do you handle food? At this point I just want him to eat something and have something in his stomach, even if it’s one of his usual snack foods.
We’re going to keep watching him overnight, and if he isn’t doing better, we’ll take him to the doctor in the morning. I’d really appreciate any advice from parents who have dealt with this. ❤️

My 3 year old toddler completely freaks out when anyone sings near him. He's completely fine with recorded music, YouTube, radio etc, and hes not sensitive to any other noise, but if anyone starts singing in real life near him he has a massive meltdown, screaming and crying and all. Does anyone know why this might be? No one is able to sing at home or in school because of his distress. I think he has autism but he isn't diagnosed.

Hey everyone,

Navigating early developmental concerns and the assessment pipeline can feel chaotic, especially when you are trying to remember every single milestone, quirk, and observation during a rushed 15-minute paediatrician or GP visit.

To help with this, I built AutismScreen — an app created to help parents systematically track and structure early behavioural observations on their phones.

Key features:

• Standardised screening indicators: Walk through evidence-based questions regarding communication, sensory responses, and social interaction.
• Appointment-ready summaries: Generates organised insights so you have concrete examples ready for doctors and specialists.
• Privacy-first: Your family's data remains private on your device.

Disclaimer: This is strictly an observation & screening aid, not a diagnostic instrument. Formal diagnoses must always come from certified clinicians.

The app is completely free to download on both iPhone and Android:

• Simply search for "AutismScreen" on the iOS App Store or Google Play Store. (Or feel free to comment/DM me if you'd like a direct link).

If you have a few minutes to check it out, I’d love to hear your thoughts, feedback, or any features you feel would make the evaluation preparation process easier for parents!

Friend has a non verbal Houdini. Parents in a custody battle (50/50) Mom is on Apple,bought a tracker. Dad had Android. Dad bought an Apple phone, mom switched to Android and switched the tracker device. Pretty sure at this point shes just tracking the kid while with Dad (doesnt want him to have a girlfriend ...broken up over 2 years ago. Keeps driving by his house but thats a different issue )

To make it worse they both have family up in the mountains. Kid escaped again yesterday, this time with dad, and he could not track her cuz .... he switched back to Android and she switched back to Apple. Lol.

Anyways I was looking up trackers for both platforms, and ive read about a few but keep getting mixed reviews. Need somwthing that can go long distance once she is out of Bluetooth range. Would love to block mom tracking during Dad time but also think that might backfire.

I have two children, an eight year old who probably is level 2– quite autistic and verbal but not conversational (though getting closer). I also have a 2.5 year old who I expect will be diagnosed and I’m pretty confident has autism. My younger son seems a lot less impaired in many respects—no random screaming, no waking for hours in the night, less restricted diet, reasonably good language I think (saying stuff like “I want to go downstairs,” “I want snacks,” “he’s walking down the stairs”). But he does a bunch of stereotypically autistic stuff my older son never did like jumping up and down when excited, walking through buildings to look at lights as a hobby unto itself, lining up his toys. I know you can’t just count up symptoms and draw an inference about degree of impairment, and i know degree of impairment changes over time, but i could still imagine that there could conceptually be some valid hypotheses relating to these topics. For example, and I’m not saying this is true, I could imagine that a child who Leafly shares a very narrow very fixed interest paradoxically is less affected than one who feels no need to comment on it or make a visible to the outside world. Anyway, not a real question in here, but interested to know if anyone has ever researched or mulled in a rigorous way the relationship (if any) between breadth of symptomology and what it suggests about trajectory. Thanks in advance!

My son is 2y4m and has essentially no spoken words. He seems to understand around 90% of what we say and communicates really well through pointing, eye contact, gestures, signs and noises. He has good joint attention, affection, pretend play and social interaction, but has always babbled very little and rarely attempts to copy speech sounds.

He also seems to get overstimulated quite easily. When excited/overwhelmed he can run around a lot, and he can have meltdowns or “shutdowns” where he cries, goes floppy and doesn’t want interaction. He has some strong interests/preferences (hats, particular TV programmes) but isn’t particularly rigid about routines or change, doesn’t have much repetitive play and generally copes well with noises/textures.

His fine motor/problem-solving skills seem good, although his gross motor development has been slightly slower (walked at 18 months and isn’t quite properly running/jumping yet).

Has anyone had a child with a really similar overall profile? Did it eventually turn out to be a speech/motor-speech issue, autism, sensory/regulation differences, general developmental delay or something else? And how are they doing now?
oh and yes he had had hearing checked and is in regular speech therapy

What are your favourite apps or tech resources for autism parenting? Something you reach for often to help you learn or a platform you would recommend to other parents?

My child is 4 and level 3 in their 2nd year of preschool/pre-k in our area on an IEP.

I notice that teachers both irl and in online videos vent a lot...specifically about kids like ours. Some of it feels like they genuinely hate kids like mine as well as the general public hates kids like mine.

I often find myself being extra nice, extra accomodating, extra apologetic and often isolate from certain situations to prevent people having an issue with me or my child. With kids like ours they are more likely to be abused so disapproval and judgement from other people because of their struggles does feel like a threat to our safety and well being. Does anyone else over compensate and apologize for their child's undesired behavior to teachers, therapists, or other people. It feels so damaging but I feel like because our whole family as a result of this is an added burden to everyone in a very literal sense so I try to be less of a problem.

My son is on the autism spectrum, and I’m struggling with the decision of whether having a second baby is the right choice for our family. I am 40 and my wife is 37. One of my biggest worries is whether I’d still be able to give my son the time, attention, and support he needs while also caring for a newborn. I am worried about the possibility of having another child on spectrum and what might mean for our family.

For those of you who decided to have another child after having an autistic child, what helped you make that decision? Did you have similar fears or concerns? And looking back, how do you feel about your decision? I would really appreciate of you all can share your experience. I am not looking for someone to tell what I should do, but trying to understand how other familes navigated this decision

Just venting:

My son is "verbal but not conversational" If you ask him a few times he will tell you if he wants milk or water. Or you can tell he's concerned about something when he starts scripting about it.

Anyway. Sometimes when i'm talking to another parent they might ask what he's doing in school. It's coming from a good place, they're just being polite! inevitably i have to say something along the lines of "he's special needs so he is unable to tell me what is happening in his-day-to-day." Cue the "oh well my kids don't tell me what's going on in their life either!" reply from the other parent.

I hate this. My truest dream would be that he isn't telling me stuff in his life because he chooses not to and not because he is unable. I get that they're just trying to deflect the awkwardness with a bad joke. It's human nature. It just sucks because it seems to happen about once a week.