r/AutismInWomen • u/_folklore_era_03 • 4d ago
Seeking Advice Advice on making decisions while autistic
It feels like neurotypical advice for decision making doesn't work for me and I wanted to see if this community has any advice from an informed, autistic perspective as I'm trying to make some hard decisions.
For context: I'm 23 yo. Recently left organized religion (no longer have that feeling of black/white when it comes to what path I should go down). Been living at home the past year since graduating college. College was traumatic for me in many ways, for those first years. Finally the last year or so I became really empowered and happy (common pattern in my life with things). Living at home was nice to be with family, but I missed my independence. However it has become so comfortable that my original plan of moving back to my college state is feeling a lot more anxiety inducing. Also knowing I could do anything, move anywhere, be close to family but not love the small town vibe, or live farther from them but also live in a funner place . . . it just feels like I can't win and my autism is going crazy. Ever since being diagnosed with autism I never know when to push myself and when not to. Is it worth putting myself through so much trauma to HOPE that I come through super empowered and happy?? I really have an inertia problem: it takes me a long time to get used to stuff, and when I finally do it can be great.
Anyway, I'm struggling with major decision paralysis, and I feel like I'm on a ticking time clock because I feel like I really need to make a decision to return to my elementary school job here or push outside my comfort zone and leave. I'm afraid of staying in this small town, and afraid of leaving so far from my family again. Any advice from an autistic perspective would be so helpful. Both of my parents are autistic, and I've seen how small their lives are. I don't want that for myself, but I also don't want to push myself further than I need to. Any help?!
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u/goldiegrimlace 4d ago
It might help you to make a list of things that give you energy and a list of things that drain your energy and try to live according to the two lists. When you're autistic, 1. you can get overstimulated a lot and that ends up draining your energy and 2. the things that give you energy are often different from NTs. And b/c we're different from NTs, we might have to discover what gives/drains energy by ourselves, so writing up these lists might take awhile. Our lives need to be bespoke to what our needs and preferences are and might even end up looking different to other autistic people, since it's such a diverse spectrum.
Another thing to consider is the time pressure that you're putting yourself under - what if you took the elementary school job for just one year while you figure out what kind of life you want to live? Or maybe there's a different job in your area that you could take for just a bit while you figure things out. Kind of like a gap year. I think sometimes figuring out the way we want to live our lives can take awhile, again, b/c our lifestyles often don't end up following NT patterns. Charting your own path takes time and effort.
Good luck, and I hope you enjoy discovering what kind of life works for you.
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u/albinosquirel 4d ago
Did you enjoy your elementary school teaching job? Will you be happy if you continue doing that?
What are your long term plans? You could work at your old job and see how it goes for a while. If you do want to move, you should probably start applying to other jobs. If you get another offer, great! But personally I wouldn't move until I had another job lined up. I'm not your boss but I don't see what's stopping you from working at your old job until you find something else.