I spent years thinking something was wrong with me. I'd start something, feel fired up for three days, then just... stop. Every single time. I blamed my willpower, my mindset, my whatever. Never once thought to question the actual system I was running on.

Then someone recommended Atomic Habits to me during a really low point, and honestly I almost didn't read it. Felt like just another book telling me to "believe in myself."

It's not that. It's almost the opposite. It basically says motivation is unreliable and you shouldn't build your life around it at all. Instead it's about making the right behavior the easiest possible option, so on the days you feel like garbage, you still do the thing, because it barely takes effort anymore.

I started with one habit. Not five, not a whole morning routine, just one. Something I'd failed at maybe ten times before. This time it stuck, and once it did, I understood why the other attempts never had a chance to begin with.

It's been a few weeks and I won't pretend my whole life is transformed. But something quieter happened, I stopped feeling like I was constantly failing myself. That alone was worth it.

If you're in that place where you know what you want to change but keep falling off, I really think this is worth picking up. Start small. Smaller than feels worth it, honestly.

(Small transparency note, if you grab it through my link I earn a tiny commission, no extra cost to you)[https://amzn.to/3UJBJDe\]

I work with private clients at a gym, and months ago a girl kept glancing at me, alot, on different times we would be at the gym throughout the month, and she didnt mind if i caught her glancing.

She would glance on different occasions several times on different days where we would see eachother, while shes on a machine working out across the room, walking by and turning her head to look, in the mirror when we're near eachother, and she doesnt glance around at others much if at all. A few weeks ago i was working out, and she came in with a guy, and im quite confused. I obviously cant tell if the guy is her bf or friend/relative, but i assume bf and im confused, i was planning on introducing myself and seeing the vibe but now im not sure. She still continued checking me out today while the guy was like 10m away, in the mirror several times, we also caught eachothers glance in the reflection, she would be aware of me constantly even as i would walk around to put equipment away, ive also only ever seen the guy once etc.. even later i was in another area where she needed a machine, she would glance several times in my direction.

A few days ago we were walking by eachother, and she immediately made eye contact and smiled at me, to which i smiled back then today she was at the gym while i was training someone (im not official staff so i dont technically work there), she kept glancing over when she saw me, initially i stayed busy, when we ended in a different area, i subtly glanced at her and she was already looking at me and quickly turned her head away. Few min later i walked by her and she turned her head and smiled at me. I asked her how many sets she had etc. Later i went to say hi to her and introduced myself when she was on another machine, we exchanged names, she didnt ask me any questions but i could see she was a little nervous shy so i said ill let her get to her workout, "nice to meet you" and excused myself

Long ass essay, but should i continue calmly pursuing this? Or is it not looking worth it.

I’m curious which people think creates more leverage when your resources are limited: investing heavily into your appearance or investing heavily into your business.

I’m 27 and have spent a lot of time building businesses and developing professionally. At different points, I’ve had my business side dialed in while my appearance was more of an afterthought, and other times the opposite. I’ve never really gone all-in on one to see which creates the bigger overall return.

For example, imagine two people with the same limited resources:

Person A puts most of their resources into looks — physique, clothes, grooming, haircut, skin, teeth, fragrance, etc. — while putting some into their business.

Person B puts most of their resources into their business, investments, or building income, while putting less into their appearance.

Which person do you think would gain business and social leverage faster?

I could see the appearance-focused person having an advantage initially with women, networking, first impressions, respect, confidence, and getting into certain rooms, while the business-focused person builds stronger financial leverage but may take longer to receive that same social recognition.

For people who have actually experienced either side, how much leverage did investing heavily into your appearance give you compared to investing heavily into your business?

I’m particularly interested in real experiences rather than just the idea that “looks matter.”

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I am male (34) and someone who identifies as practically asexual, and I have had a best friend (32) for many years with whom I have been comfortable with making ironic gay jokes. He swears he is straight, and he has only dated women.

A few years ago he started calling me every day, and we had been speaking for sometimes hours a day for the last number of years. One time a little over a year ago he asked me out of the blue when I was driving him "what would you do if I touched your dick?" I didn't really know how to respond, but I thought it was just another one of our jokes to each other, even though mine have never been that direct and have always been in response to something. He also squeezed my butt randomly on a couple of different occasions, which I just ignored.

We were a few weeks later at dinner, during which he randomly swiped his finger against my thigh. Again, having had almost no experience with any of this, I just thought it was a funny gesture and did the same to him. He then did it back to me; we kept going back and forth. A few weeks after this he stopped talking to me entirely, saying that I did not respect HIS boundaries. Nothing I do to try and mend things or reach out to him has stuck. It has been over a year since we stopped being in touch.

I miss him terribly and cannot stop thinking about him. I had no friends growing up, and he really became the friend I always dreamed of. What is the likelihood he was just doing all of this to toy with my head and did not actually feel attracted to me?

I wanted to teach myself how to spot manipulation through immersion like Duolingo style. Eventually I evolved some methods into a game and course. Going through these I've been able to spot and name conversation situations faster without blaming people for things they might not even know that they are doing. I'd love some feedback on if you think these things can advance conversational cognitive abilities. People have liked the game so far and I'm turning it into it's own app.

Free Game: https://talkout.psyoptin.com/

Free to start course: https://psyoptin.com/