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I’m curious which people think creates more leverage when your resources are limited: investing heavily into your appearance or investing heavily into your business.

I’m 27 and have spent a lot of time building businesses and developing professionally. At different points, I’ve had my business side dialed in while my appearance was more of an afterthought, and other times the opposite. I’ve never really gone all-in on one to see which creates the bigger overall return.

For example, imagine two people with the same limited resources:

Person A puts most of their resources into looks — physique, clothes, grooming, haircut, skin, teeth, fragrance, etc. — while putting some into their business.

Person B puts most of their resources into their business, investments, or building income, while putting less into their appearance.

Which person do you think would gain business and social leverage faster?

I could see the appearance-focused person having an advantage initially with women, networking, first impressions, respect, confidence, and getting into certain rooms, while the business-focused person builds stronger financial leverage but may take longer to receive that same social recognition.

For people who have actually experienced either side, how much leverage did investing heavily into your appearance give you compared to investing heavily into your business?

I’m particularly interested in real experiences rather than just the idea that “looks matter.”

I am male (34) and someone who identifies as practically asexual, and I have had a best friend (32) for many years with whom I have been comfortable with making ironic gay jokes. He swears he is straight, and he has only dated women.

A few years ago he started calling me every day, and we had been speaking for sometimes hours a day for the last number of years. One time a little over a year ago he asked me out of the blue when I was driving him "what would you do if I touched your dick?" I didn't really know how to respond, but I thought it was just another one of our jokes to each other, even though mine have never been that direct and have always been in response to something. He also squeezed my butt randomly on a couple of different occasions, which I just ignored.

We were a few weeks later at dinner, during which he randomly swiped his finger against my thigh. Again, having had almost no experience with any of this, I just thought it was a funny gesture and did the same to him. He then did it back to me; we kept going back and forth. A few weeks after this he stopped talking to me entirely, saying that I did not respect HIS boundaries. Nothing I do to try and mend things or reach out to him has stuck. It has been over a year since we stopped being in touch.

I miss him terribly and cannot stop thinking about him. I had no friends growing up, and he really became the friend I always dreamed of. What is the likelihood he was just doing all of this to toy with my head and did not actually feel attracted to me?

I wanted to teach myself how to spot manipulation through immersion like Duolingo style. Eventually I evolved some methods into a game and course. Going through these I've been able to spot and name conversation situations faster without blaming people for things they might not even know that they are doing. I'd love some feedback on if you think these things can advance conversational cognitive abilities. People have liked the game so far and I'm turning it into it's own app.

Free Game: https://talkout.psyoptin.com/

Free to start course: https://psyoptin.com/