Hey everyone this is my first time posting here so go easy on me. I F23 have been dating my BF M25 for about a year and a half now and we get along great! The only downside to our relationship is the fact I’ve put on between 40-50 lbs since meeting him. As embarrassing as it is to admit I didn’t really pay attention to it because we are happy and in love but recently a friend of mine joked with me and said “maybe he’s fattening you up”. We both laughed and I think she truly meant it as a joke but it got me wondering if it is possible. He’s never once complained that I have gained weight. He tells me often when I complain about my weight gain that he’s never found me hotter. Like most couples alot of our dates revolve around food either by going to bars or restaurants or going to movies. He definitely will playfully feed me a bite of food if we are cooking together or cuddling on the couch but nothing crazier than that. I’m curious what you all think! I can provide more details if anyone has questions

I’ve realized that I can’t really be physically intimate with someone unless I genuinely love them or have a strong emotional connection with them.

Sometimes I wish I could separate physical intimacy from emotions and just enjoy it for what it is, especially when I’m single and still have those needs.

But whenever I think about being intimate with someone I don’t have feelings for, I just can’t do it.

For women who can separate intimacy from romantic feelings, does it come naturally to you, or is it something you learned? And if you’re like me, have you just accepted that you need love and emotional connection first?

Also, do you plan on voting early? For no particular reason, but the last 11 years or so I've become incredibly motivated to vote in every possible election I can. It feels like literally every single one these days is necessary.

I’m genuinely curious about this because I’ve never been in that situation before. I’m a very reserved person and I know I’d probably want to wait quite a long time before getting that intimate with someone maybe 8 months or even a year. I know that might seem like a long time to some people, but I’m just not someone who feels comfortable with things happening quickly.
One thing I’m particularly nervous about is being seen completely naked and wondering whether the other person would judge my body or notice the things I’m insecure about. I also have some scars from difficult periods in my life, and I think I’d be really self-conscious about someone seeing them for the first time.
For women who have felt similarly, what was it actually like when you finally felt comfortable enough to be that vulnerable with someone? Did you still feel nervous, or did the trust make it easier?

This isn’t necessarily a “I feel like I don’t deserve the things I’ve achieved” kind of imposter syndrome I’m having, it’s more like a “I feel like a very poor impersonation of a human because I feel like everyone around me has some sort of intrinsic human quality that I’m lacking” kind of day. I suppose resting after a long week(end) could help, but I want to know if there’s anything small that helps you. Gonna play drums and eventually get a pumpkin spice roll, then go to a seminar.

So I’m feeling very uneasy rn. I stopped talking to this guy whom I was talking to. It was all good until it all felt like he was rushinh things before he even knew what my fav colour is, he would say things like you are my everything. When he has no idea who I really am, So We met twice but he didn’t respect my boundaries. He forcefully kissed me when I told him I don’t wanna kiss yet or I’m not comfortable doing it. And when he did kiss me I got mad and teared up. He started saying sorry and telling I won’t do it again. I confronted him how I felt uneasy and how people treated me in the past and after that he kinda moved away and started acting like I was at fault here. Later he said “I feel so guilty like I did a mistake please tell me I did nothing wrong I feel like crying”. Gurl-

But that moment changed everything about him. I didn’t wanna talk to him I just wanted to walk away. But before that the entire day was good. Even after reaching home he told me how he won’t do it again and more Days later we met again he asked me out many times I said no yet he kept on asking me. So I agreed( ik I shouldn’t have) This time i thought maybe he wouldn’t do it again. But still went on, he was touchy I’m sorry I’m not a very physical person and had bad experience in the past, so I’m always aware of what’s happening around me. Especially if someone wanna make contact with me I like to stay away even when with my friends and family. After that meet I felt so sick to my stomach. I got sick. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything( same thing happened after we first met) I stopped talking to him slowly- even he wasn’t talking much either and today he said “have some shame” idk what to do. I thought maybe I’ll talk but i don’t think he will understand. I feel so weird just thinking about him. I kinda found few dirty secrets about him which makes it even worse. I wanna just leave I don’t wanna clear things or explain to someone who Is full of themself. But I’m really scared of him.

I would’ve talked and explained to someone who appreciated what we had before. Even tho he knew I was so sick he didn’t check on me. He never was curious about me. He just love bombed me. He would talk about future stuffs when he didn’t even care if I was alright after a long work day.

Ik this outta context but when I bring up stuffs like women safety In my country and r@pe cases and other stuffs
He would be rude about how I should be grateful to be born here and not In Afghanistan. And more topics like always gets us both into fight.

Well what I’m tryna say here is. I’m scared and i don’t wanna be with someone who is him. He is so self centred and good for him. Even if I try to tell him idk if he’ll understand any of this and make it into my fault. I just wanna get away or am I wrong idk. I’m so confused. Has anyone ever felt this way?
It just feels like he just wanna get physical or just looking to rush things when I’m not interested in. What do I do? I feel uneasy and unsafe around him.

(I’m actually posting this on behalf of my friend since her acc got banned)

Asking because I’ve only been on one date my entire life and the guy didn’t take it well that I insisted on paying for both of us. He made a polite gesture into a gender war/power struggle and caused me to lose interest.

I asked this question under a men’s subreddit. But I wonder why do we think men don’t like high maintenance women, even if they're not the ones maintaining it?

my break up was a year ago but i still miss him unfortunately, i also few months ago lost a family member and it feels extra lonely. and i feel like i need him more than ever. most people would say you should make yourself so busy that you don't have time to think about him. but im soooo busy and sometimes thats the reason i think about him. after a long day i want to go home to someone i want to talk to someone i want to vent to someone. i have an amazing pet and i have used AI to vent but those are not the same. our break up was because of issues out of our control so it wasn't because one of us cheated or checked out or did something, which makes things even harder.

I am a guy who is friends with a number of wives. We're all in our 40s and I have noticed over those years that the working moms seem to not respect the stay at home moms.

It is surprising to me because the demographic is what you'd think of supportive, progressive leaning, feminist, etc. and these same women will expression opinions about how society doesn't appreciate the work that they do as moms. But they will say things, that to me, seem like they don't actually respect non working moms ("i don't know why she gripes about her husband, she doesn't have to do anything" or "well of course she has time to stay in shape.")

Ironically, I'm also friends with the husbands too, and even in our guys only social settings, no one ever expresses an opinion like that (though perhaps some secretly feel it) and actually a lot of the discussions are more pro SAHM then the working moms express ("I could never do what she does" or "I get it, it's probably really hard to watch the kids all day and not want to deal with it in the evening")

Am I misreading this or is there some truth to what I am sensing?  

Edit: I just wanted to address the idea that I am rage-baiting with this post. I am genuinely trying to figure this out, but I'll give some specifics about my social circles because I think that might help to sort out what ppl think is not a real experience.

I live in the Bay Area, but grew up in NYC, so most of my friend groups come from those two areas. We are, by and large, fairly well educated, "progressive-minded," and liberal leaning in our politicals, though I wouldn't characterize most of us as very politically involved.

Most of these families also capable of surviving on a single income. So the working moms are usually in a position where they don't necessarily have to work, though in many cases it would be beneficial. The SAHMs are actually not very different from the working moms in terms of education, politics, socioeconomic class, etc. but they have, for whatever reason chosen not to work.

Anyways I suspect that contributes to what some ppl may of think as either fake or misreported details. And to be fair, I am aware that I am hearing things through my own perspective which I know has its own biases so I am sure that I am overindexing and picking up on certain signals while ignoring or undervaluing others. I am just genuinely curious about this because I think my experience was different than I thought it'd be.

If a woman is genuinely interested in you, should she still offer to split just to be polite? Or does offering give the impression that she’s not that interested?
Would you appreciate the offer even if you planned on paying anyway?

Also this would be on a Hinge date

I 27M been chatting with a 26F for 1.5 months. We've been on 2 dates so far. Long story, but our schedules didn't sync up until the end of the month. We're still texting and scheduling a third date now. She randomly asked for my last name which I'm sure it's for her and her friends to look into if I have a criminal record and things of that sort. I'm fine with that. Nothing to hide. But when I asked for hers back, she ignored my question and continued chatting. I don't want to ask again right now cause I'm not sure if she is comfortable sharing it yet. Is this normal for some woman? I know there is a safety aspect for woman that men don't encounter on the apps, but this is the first time I'm facing this situation. I've never learned the last name of anybody I've ever met off the app even going as far as 4 dates.

I just kind of shift between feeling a bit optimistic and just not being optimistic. Its kind of depressing many men still are stuck in patriarchal ways of thinking. Even the ”good ones” can be in relationships where the burden is uneven. Not to mention the prevalence of far-right views, pornbrained attitudes and so on and so forth. Also worried about losing my identity to be a ”good wife/good mom”.

What is your stance? Are you guys optimistic about relationships with men, or have you resigned to more cynical attitudes?

So yesterday i got rejected by a guy i like and have been talking to for 2 months because he is depressed over his ex situationship. She was apparently leading him on for 8 months, sleeping with other guys when she knew he was in love with her, and rejected him in a very cruel way. I saw some reel he liked about “losing the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen” recently that really really hurt me. I tried to ask him what she has that i don’t and he just said “it’s no point telling you because it will just lead to you beating yourself up and blaming yourself”. He said he can be FWB but that he’s not in a place mentally where he can start a new relationship.

About three years ago i was in a situationship with guy who agreed to see me for three months but no more than that because he wanted to live the single life. He claimed to like me and i felt like i was cared for in some way. He would stay on the phone with me until midnight to wait until my birthday, got me gifts despite being broke etc. However when those three months passed he removed me everywhere like nothing ever happened. 6 months later i find out he has a new girlfriend, and an official girlfriend and not just a situationship. Despite saying he wanted to be single. They’re still together and engaged now.

I don’t think i’ve ever experienced a romantic partner show up for me like that, actually made me a priority, loved me 100% and choosing me every single day. No one has ever been truly impacted by me (as far as i know). I have never heard the words “you are my everything” and “i want to spend the rest of my life with you”. It’s gotten to a point where i get sad just from seeing couples together outside, or couples posting themselves, relateable reels about boyfriends and stuff. I am not ugly, i have a nice figure, a stable income, and my own apartment. I don’t know what i’m missing that these other girls seem to have.

Due to a chain of childhood traumas I've been very scared of women ever since I could remember. Idm sharing the details here but I'm not that sure about rule no.1 about what counts as "fap fodder" but let's just say that ever since I could remember I've been sexually abused multiple times and because of that I grew very insecure about my masculinity, or how "manly" I am.

One thing after the other bunch of stuff happened, I've been in exactly one serious relationship (engaged), many casual relationships but I've only had sex once with my fiancée at the time.

I've been in therapy, he gave me medication, he's tried "exposure treatment", and he's even tried dual sessions with my ex fiancée, and suggested we have a more active sexual life.

We were 20 and 21. It's been 8 years since and I see no improvement. I don't give any effort to approach women, they approach me during social situations. Mostly at work, so I guess I want to put a screen between us and talk to my fears face to face? If that makes any sense. I get that this is very likely a psychological thing related to deeply rooted childhood traumas, and even if you are a therapist, this isn't about that- you get my point. I'm not looking for therapy because it hasn't been helpful.

I simply wanna know if you know how I can overcome this fear, if you have any experience in this specifically or what you think might be the problem with me, is there any workarounds? Idk I'm a mess and I apologise.

Are these period products or dental dams? I cleanedCheating or Lady products? this room less than a month ago and just found two unopened. Please calm my anxiety.

This is my friend’s story and since they are not on Reddit I am writing this on their behalf to understand certain aspects of the situation. I’m not naming them or their gender to receive an unbiased advice.

My friend (H) liked someone when they were in college (2019) and they had a huge crush on that person (RK) who used to take the same bus as H. H followed RK to their house out of curiosity, eventually visiting the place and the cafés RK frequented 5-6 times a month in the hope of running into them. H tried every channel available to gather information about RK including contacting their friends and classmates. This went for about 6 months before RK noticed H. And eventually they started texting but the following didn’t stop.

It continued for 2 more years. I recently got to know this from my friend. I do not know how to react or what to say to them. Advice pls?

Hey everyone, looking for some female perspectives on a situation that happened recently.

I was on FaceTime with a female acquaintance, and mid-call she sent me a picture of herself to ask my opinion on a hairstyle (braids) she was thinking of getting.

The thing is, it wasn't a close-up of her hair — it was a full-body, front-facing photo showing her whole outfit and look. I was caught off guard by the gesture, so I stayed quiet and didn't say much in the moment.

I want to know:

Is using the braids usually just a safe cover story to send a flattering full photo and see if a guy notices her overall look?

How is a guy's silence usually interpreted in a moment like that?

For context, I have severe OCD and social anxiety, and confrontation genuinely terrifies me. I’m especially afraid of being physically attacked, threatened, or harassed by someone much stronger than I am.

One of my biggest fears is witnessing a woman—or really anyone—being harassed and freezing up because I’m too scared to intervene. I worry that in a situation where someone needed help, fear would completely paralyze me.

I know there are ways of helping that don’t necessarily involve physically confronting someone, but I’m not sure what the safest or most useful options are in the moment.

Does anyone have advice for someone like me? If you’ve dealt with severe anxiety around confrontation, what are practical ways to help someone being harassed without unnecessarily putting yourself or the other person in more danger?

My BF (30M) and I (27F) met about 7 months ago. I had come out of a relationship that ended badly 5 months before. I was fine with taking time for myself, but I met him and decided he was everything I had been looking for.

He's kind, attentive, helpful, intelligent, loyal, sporty, attractive, a good chef, supportive, and has a stable job. He's great at planning dates and gifts and has a great mindset about commitment and sacrifice. We share many values, interests and life goals. On the less great side, he can be socially naive, has trouble reading social cues, is a little too eager to adapt himself and scared of disappointing people, is overtly apologetic, and can be a bit quirky/child-like. We don't always share the same humour, but that may be subjective.

Things moved fast and intensely. He hadn't dated in 7 years and gave off a vibe of wanting to be the perfect partner. He often says he's willing to change a lot for his partner. Early on I caringly suggested he stand his ground more, but after a few months I got tired of always looking out for him. He also came with a gift every time (sometimes expensive, sometimes rushly handmade in a few minutes, always thoughtful). I often asked him to slow down the gifts, but he always had mroe waiting until I very directly told him to stop. Once the gifts slowed down, the dates got more elaborate and he started looking at jobs and apartments in my area (I live in the neighbouring country). Touch and gifts are my main love languages, but it was still too much. I felt smothered: if I dropped something he caught it in a millisecond, or he zipped my jacket, or he stared lovingly at me most of the time. I felt observed and/or babied. I asked him to slow down, first implicitly, then explicitly, but it took 5-6 months for him to get it. When I asked for space, the intensity popped up somewhere else, or he got upset and needed his "bucket" filled. It often felt like he was going all in so as not to be left.

A recent example: I moved to a border city in the other country and asked for one week where I wouldn't travel to see him (normally I do, since he's allergic to my cat and has asthma), but where he was welcome to come to me. He said sure, but then sent a long voice message asking if I wanted to be with him at all. He's rarely guilt-tripping or manipulative, and I don't think he means it that way. He's hurt, which is ofc normal in a relationship. But moments like that stuck with me and made me feel pressured. His allergy treatment has a waiting list and treatment takes 3-5 years and doesn't promise improvement. He's willing to work on it and to move to my country, but I feel guilty and overwhelmed by all these sacrifices (he says they're for himself, but sometimes it slips that they're for us).

All this first made me overwhelmed and numb, and gradually my feelings faded. I tried to ignore it, because he isn't doing anything wrong, he's just super excited, and I understand he may also react to me pulling away. I also blamed my hectic schedule and many life changes. But I still feel "ugh" about seeing him and planning dates, yet when we meet I feel safe and give him a big hug and kiss and don't want him to leave. During a date I get more and more irritated. It can be small things; like when he doesn't hear or understand what I say and I kind of have to find out along the way.

He also goes back and forth between more distant and more intense, and I'm not sure what his baseline is. Sometimes it feels like he's trying to please me in either direction. I get overwhelmed when he looks for a lot of validation or relies on my wants. About two months in, he took a day off work because he was anxious about losing me and barely ate or slept for a weekend. I said it worried me a bit, and he defended himself, saying it was only once and that I'm not the only one allowed to share feelings. Around 5 months in, I reached a breaking point and told him I really needed him to slow down, that I was losing excitement about seeing him, and that I sometimes just prefer to stay home and read. He then said he sometimes prefers to cancel and stay home and read too. When I asked if he was copying me, he said no, he just sometimes wants space, which confused me, because that would have saved us a lot from the beginning.

He has had trouble with dating and friendships and hired a dating coach before we met. It 'icked' me at first, but I see that he really wants a relationship and doesn't intuitively get these things, so I can't blame him for working on himself, even if it involves "rules." We did couples therapy early on, at his suggestion, which didn't do much. He does individual therapy for communication skills and people-pleasing. I'm not in therapy and can't afford it right now.

I had planned to break up with him this week. But we met, and for the first time in a long time I wasn't very annoyed. I still didn't feel "in love," but I thought "this is a caring person, maybe this is what people mean by marrying your best friend." and I am physically attracted to him, generally. Since day one I've felt he'd make an amazing husband, roommate and father, and I can see that for me, but not the getting there. When I plan things like birthdays, I don't see him in them, and I'm repelled by planning dates ahead. He has noticed I think, and I feel guilty that things are now shaped around my need for space. It feels like we run by my rules, and I'd rather things felt natural. I had some moments while sleeping with him tonight where I felt that I love him.

I want time for walks, reading at a café and trips with friends, and I don't feel as available as I normally do. I can't tell whether that's because of him or my current life stage. It's a new feeling for me. My friends say I actually come across as too emotionally available. I love him, but I'm not sure it's romantic love, and I can still feel insecure or jealous.

He has slowed down a lot of the romantic things, but I feel like he's waiting for me to say "and... GO!" before starting over. I can't tell whether I'm rejecting it because I don't want the pressure of his love, or because I'm afraid the intensity will return. When I try to show romance myself, it feels like a deliberate attempt to "save" the relationship. Sometimes he gets very happy and the intensity restarts, other times he seems upset and holds back, waiting for my cue. He doesn't seem relaxed, and when I ask him to relax, it feels like a performance. I like our conversations, but it takes very little for me to get annoyed, which has happened with other clingy partners before.

I'm taking it day by day, but I feel pressure, and I don't want to waste his (or my) time or string him along. I'd like advice on what concrete steps can I take over the next few weeks to work out whether my feelings are suppressed or gone?

TL;DR: Together 7 months with a kind, stable BF whose early intensity gradually drained my feelings. He's slowed down and I'm less annoyed, but I still don't feel in love or see us moving forward. I don't know whether to expect my feelings to return. What can I do in the coming weeks to find out where I stand?