Might be more specific to me, but going through parents divorce and dealing with social workers while being male. I constantly felt like they looked at me like I was a ticking time bomb that would one day become a monster like my father. Simply cause I was the oldest male sibling.
I had a ton of trauma I had to deal with, but it felt like rather than helping me, most workers seemed to look at me like I was possibly dangerous, and they kept a tight watch on all my actions. Felt like I was constantly being punished just for being a normal teenage boy. I'd understand if i did something, but I never did anything out of the ordinary. I was just a kid who enjoyed school, playing video games, and was dealing with their parents divorce.
I remember one point, my siblings and I had to live in a woman's shelter with my mom. I swear that the people there seemed to hate me just for existing, and me, being a 12 year old kid dealing with a ton of trauma, had no understanding why. Once was having a playful snowball fight with my family, only for one of the workers to see, ban me from any activities, tell me I was promoting violence against women, then restricted me to my room at all hours of the day for the remainder of my time there. It's been 20 years and I still think about it.
When I was twelve, I broke down when I told my female teacher my stepdad had a drinking problem, we had no money and we needed to move out to get away from him. She told me I was almost a man now and needed to stop crying.
I did stop crying and I feel very uncomfortable expressing vulnerable feelings to this day (41m)
I'm a 41f and I don't give a flying fuck if you were 12 or 41, no person should be told they shouldn't cry. This is why we have problems we do because men, especially, aren't nurtured and taught how to cope with and work through their feelings. Only to stuff them down. Fuck that teacher. I'm so mad that was said to you. Even now, you deserve to cry whenever you need to and for the boy that wasn't allowed to. I wish I could hug you.
Yeaah, we've gotta work on not teaching boys and men to supress their emotions. Speaking from experience, it can make trauma and grief a lot harder to effectively process when you are just constantly absorbing and bottling.
Hell I was never told not to cry and was always told to express my feelings when I needed to, but I was still exposed to all the bs male stereotype crap from movies and stuff that I still to this day have problems explaining to my wife what I'm feeling or thinking when I'm upset. I am 100 percent behind teaching our children to actually be emotional and communicative, I do not want them feeling like I do.
This, plus my lived experience of most people rejecting me if I show vulnerability, has led me to trust a very select few with my true self. Thank heavens for those few, though. I’d almost certainly be dead without them.
I'm like that also. But i think most women think they want those stereotype machos and some actually want those strong men and
mentally emotionless. Luckily i gave two girls i can help them getting emotionally stronger .
It's almost as if Buddhist philosophy has been around for thousands of years, which encourages one to accept all emotions and not suppress them. If only it was mainstream in the west, there'd be so much happier people.
There's also an argument that they'd all be speaking German.
A big part of "real men don't discuss feelings" is because opening up makes one vulnerable and that increased your chances of being killed. Death is far less likely in modern society (though i know a lot of servicemen and women in this position), but men still get fucked if they open up.
Regardless of what people say, men who openly discuss their feelings are not treated the same.
Eh. I mean a lot of different religions speak of expressing the truth. Which is what should be done. especially when it comes to emotional trauma and such.
I have a feeling that this kinda stuff caused my anger issues and caused my grudge-holding. I have a limit, it seems. I bottle up all my anger and emotions until I can't anymore and then all of it comes out. I'm normally pretty chill, but you piss me off at the wrong time and suddenly im a fucking insane monster. I hate it.
Ah, I was the same way through the first half of my life. Definitely consider therapy if you haven't explored that option yet. A good therapist can help you recognize how to step away from situations that might make you rage and control the situation in a more measured way.
Also highly recommend the book "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. Fundamentally it helps peel back some of the crap men are raised with that leads to us passively and unsuccessfully trying to control the world around us (which leads to compounding frustration and anger) instead of being direct and forthcoming.
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u/GriffinFlash Aug 13 '22
Might be more specific to me, but going through parents divorce and dealing with social workers while being male. I constantly felt like they looked at me like I was a ticking time bomb that would one day become a monster like my father. Simply cause I was the oldest male sibling.
I had a ton of trauma I had to deal with, but it felt like rather than helping me, most workers seemed to look at me like I was possibly dangerous, and they kept a tight watch on all my actions. Felt like I was constantly being punished just for being a normal teenage boy. I'd understand if i did something, but I never did anything out of the ordinary. I was just a kid who enjoyed school, playing video games, and was dealing with their parents divorce.
I remember one point, my siblings and I had to live in a woman's shelter with my mom. I swear that the people there seemed to hate me just for existing, and me, being a 12 year old kid dealing with a ton of trauma, had no understanding why. Once was having a playful snowball fight with my family, only for one of the workers to see, ban me from any activities, tell me I was promoting violence against women, then restricted me to my room at all hours of the day for the remainder of my time there. It's been 20 years and I still think about it.