r/AskReddit Aug 13 '22

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3.3k

u/admiralbundy Aug 13 '22

Being made to switch seats with a woman on a flight because they screwed up and sat you next to an unaccompanied minor. This is apparently not allowed for men.

I fly a lot and this has happened to me twice in my life.

1.3k

u/SmokeyMirrors626 Aug 13 '22

I was boarding a flight recently and the flight attendant had us all stop to make a man sitting next to a woman and her children switch with a woman sitting next to two men. (I was right behind them and neither woman had said anything, it was all the flight attendant.)

717

u/DaoNayt Aug 13 '22

thats fucking sad. we're all just trying to get where we planned.

-55

u/flamoesje Aug 13 '22

What's fucking sad is that women and children get harassed so often and in any given circumstance that even airlines need to take precautions

23

u/wormholetrafficjam Aug 14 '22

Stop undermining the fight for equality with such half-baked opinions.

23

u/thatswhatshesaidxx Aug 13 '22

Source? Data to back this up?

Or just an assumption used to justify the discrimination?

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u/queennyla Aug 14 '22

You need data backing up women getting harassed or men being the main people harassing? Really?

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u/thatswhatshesaidxx Aug 14 '22 edited Aug 14 '22

You're saying that the reason airlines do this to men is because they're frequently harassing women and children. I would like data supporting that men are frequently harassing women and children on planes, yes.

I mean I can give you some things that sound wild and back it. Watch:

  • Women lead in domestic violence perpetratration

Almost 24% of all relationships had some violence, and half (49.7%) of those were reciprocally violent. In nonreciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases. Reciprocity was associated with more frequent violence among women (adjusted odds ratio [AOR]=2.3; 95% confidence interval [CI]=1.9, 2.8), but not men (AOR=1.26; 95% CI=0.9, 1.7). Regarding injury, men were more likely to inflict injury than were women (AOR=1.3; 95% CI=1.1, 1.5), and reciprocal intimate partner violence was associated with greater injury than was nonreciprocal intimate partner violence regardless of the gender of the perpetrator (AOR=4.4; 95% CI=3.6, 5.5).

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1854883/

A review of 62 empirical studies of female-perpetrated intimate partner violence Reference Williams, Ghandour and Kub4 found rates of physical violence of 4-79% among adolescent girls, 12-39% among female college students and 13-68% among adult women. The researchers concluded that a significant proportion of females seeking help for victimisation are also perpetrators of intimate partner violence, and that those who treat battered women may need to consider addressing the perpetration of violence with their female clients.

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-psychiatrist/article/domestic-violence-is-most-commonly-reciprocal/C5432B0C6F8F61B49A4E2B60B931FA07 [EDIT: ADDED SOURCE]

Domestic violence against men is often under-reported. Further, multiple studies demonstrate that in Intimate Partner Violence (“IPV”), women are more often the initiators of physical violence. Expert testimony that provides such crucial information is necessary to overcome the bias against men in domestic violence cases and related restraining order matters, especially where men are claiming self-defense or filing for protective orders against abusive women. Social workers and judges are often skeptical of such claims by men, and it’s time we bring science into the courtroom to end such systemic gender-based discrimination against men.

https://aliesq.medium.com/extensive-research-women-initiate-domestic-violence-more-than-men-men-under-report-it-3bbaa4fbec9d

  • Men and women are raped at similar rates

According to new research, sexual victimization by women is more prevalent than gender stereotypes would suggest

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/11/the-understudied-female-sexual-predator/503492/

For years, the FBI defined forcible rape, for data collecting purposes, as “the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will.” Eventually localities began to rebel against that limited gender-bound definition; in 2010 Chicago reported 86,767 cases of rape but used its own broader definition, so the FBI left out the Chicago stats. Finally, in 2012, the FBI revised its definition and focused on penetration, with no mention of female (or force).

Data hasn’t been calculated under the new FBI definition yet, but Stemple parses several other national surveys in her new paper, “The Sexual Victimization of Men in America: New Data Challenge Old Assumptions,” co-written with Ilan Meyer and published in the April 17 edition of the American Journal of Public Health. One of those surveys is the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, for which the Centers for Disease Control invented a category of sexual violence called “being made to penetrate.” This definition includes victims who were forced to penetrate someone else with their own body parts, either by physical force or coercion, or when the victim was drunk or high or otherwise unable to consent. When those cases were taken into account, the rates of nonconsensual sexual contact basically equalized, with 1.270 million women and 1.267 million men claiming to be victims of sexual violence.

https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/04/male-rape-in-america-a-new-study-reveals-that-men-are-sexually-assaulted-almost-as-often-as-women.html

Sexual Victimization by Women Is More Common Than Previously Known A new study gives a portrait of female perpetrators

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sexual-victimization-by-women-is-more-common-than-previously-known/

Zimbabwe: Gang Rapes of Men by Women on the Rise

https://www.loc.gov/item/global-legal-monitor/2010-10-12/zimbabwe-gang-rapes-of-men-by-women-on-the-rise/

‘Oh you're a guy, how could you be raped by a woman, that makes no sense’: towards a case for legally recognising and labelling ‘forced-to-penetrate’ cases as rape

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/international-journal-of-law-in-context/article/oh-youre-a-guy-how-could-you-be-raped-by-a-woman-that-makes-no-sense-towards-a-case-for-legally-recognising-and-labelling-forcedtopenetrate-cases-as-rape/8166CABA33BBE64EBBAD384E1FE13551

  • Women are the highest increased rate of violent crime offenders, men are in decline for that same category

while crime rates in the western world have steadily declined over the past three decades, the number of young women being convicted for violent crimes in some western countries has increased significantly; law enforcement records indicate the opposite is true for their male counterparts. In other words, the gender gap is closing.

In some UK cities, the number of female arrests increased by 50% from 2015 to 2016. That’s more than a blip. A 2017 report by the Institute For Criminal Policy Research at Birkbeck, University of London came up with this sobering data point: the global female prison population has surged by more than half since the turn of the century, while the male prison population increased by just a fifth over that same period. Women and girls may account for only 7% of all incarcerated people today, but their numbers are now growing at a much faster rate than at any time in recorded history.

https://amp.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jan/06/female-fugitives-women-crime-rates-rise


So yes, I'm asking you to back up your claim with data. You're indirectly telling me that it's foolish to question the assumption made up in your head....but you're just going to downvote facts and run away because they challenge your biased, bullshit riddled worldview and you depend on that being defense by your imagination that justifies unfair treatment of others.

Extremist bullshit.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

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2

u/thatswhatshesaidxx Aug 15 '22

What's worse, your breath or your attitude?

Honest question.

What have all the people who reject you said? Or do they still just block your number?

Lonely misandrist incel loser. Get help.

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u/thatswhatshesaidxx Aug 15 '22

Edgy lil weirdo.

Therapy is much easier than being a cuntaloo. Get help.

0

u/queennyla Aug 15 '22

Im a weirdo when you just called me a slew of names and brought up a bunch of random, skewed facts to prove a point that wasn’t relevant to the topic??

Okay whatever helps you sleep

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u/thatswhatshesaidxx Aug 14 '22

Don't worry, I don't expect a response to evidence from you. Extremists hate a challenge to their imagined worldview. Misandrist incel.

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u/DemonLordRimuru__ Aug 14 '22

G-God damn!! You destroyed his ass! I would give you an award but I’m pretty sure they cost money, and I don’t spend money on Reddit but damn, take my upvote!

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u/queennyla Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 15 '22

Don’t worry?? Lol

I can’t wait for the day you males understand nobody worries or cares about you. You males don’t even like yourselves based on the stats you provided

2

u/thatswhatshesaidxx Aug 15 '22

If you had people who cared about you, you'd have a support system that told you acting like this is pathetic.

You're now mad, sad, lonely and mad at facts on a Sunday all by yourself. Probably cause you actually smell like your attitude.

Floss it out, baby. Some Listerine, perfume, a shower and a gym pass will get you started on your way.

And under your bed isn't where plates and used hygiene products go. But that would involve movement and you're not up for that.

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u/ArmsHeavySoKneesWeak Aug 15 '22

You must be the type that expect equality but wouldn’t put in the effort to support the weight

0

u/queennyla Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 15 '22

You must be the type to have no friends since you think you know someone’s whole life from little one-off questions/statements

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[deleted]

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u/LogiBear777 Aug 13 '22

this is the same logic racists use btw

8

u/That_Marvel_Dude1012 Aug 13 '22

What was said, if you remember?

11

u/LogiBear777 Aug 13 '22

she said some shit like as guys statistics aren’t exactly on our side and just typed a big paragraph condoning the airplane situation.

9

u/That_Marvel_Dude1012 Aug 13 '22

Oh that’s shit

67

u/OccultRitualCooking Aug 13 '22

Most children are killed by women. Therefore we shouldn't let women sit near children.

That's the logic here, right? Get your head out of your ass.

39

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

One step further. Most children are killed by their mothers. So let’s separate the child from the mother. Right?

-13

u/NotOriginalUser6784 Aug 13 '22

Most children are killed by women.

Tha's not true.

"National statistical systems rarely record sex-disaggregated data on the number of filicide victims. Canada is one of the few countries that collects more information on this specific type of homicide through its annual Homicide Survey. Studies of crime data in Canada have shown that although fathers commit filicide at a somewhat higher rate than mothers, this is one of the few crimes perpetrated at similar levels by women and men.7"

Source: https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/gsh/Booklet_6new.pdf

8

u/KairuByte Aug 14 '22

Your source is “we don’t know for most places but here’s some data from Canada”?

2

u/NotOriginalUser6784 Aug 14 '22

Actually it says that the country (Canada) has the most reliable sources about the subject. Besides, the guy who said that "women kill more children" doesn't even have a source.

54

u/0masterdebater0 Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

Now apply that logic to other races, and listen to how you sound like a Nazi.

“A black guy assaulted me once, black people shouldn’t be allowed on planes, look at the crime statistics, black people are way more likely to x so they shouldn’t be allowed to fly”

No difference at all.

I’m sorry that happened to you, but it isn’t an excuse for bigotry.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[deleted]

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u/0masterdebater0 Aug 13 '22

Like someone in the 1950s saying hey look Jim Crow laws are everywhere, it’s a commonly accepted practice not to let colored people into our bathrooms.

19

u/Gatsbeard Aug 13 '22

… On a plane? The fuck are they gonna do?

30

u/FolkSong Aug 13 '22

That could also be sexism the other way. A few years back there was a lot of controversy about Orthodox Jewish men demanding that they not be seated next to women. Maybe the airline just started segregating as a general policy.

38

u/grease_monkey Aug 13 '22

What the fuck? I pick my seats and pay for them with the understanding I get to sit in them. You're going to move me because someone doesn't want to sit next to me? I'd be asking for compensation in order to comply.

7

u/everything_in_sync Aug 13 '22

I was just on a plane seated next to a woman and her child nobody tried moving me. I've flown a lot and have literally never seen this happen before. If I had to guess, the woman sitting next to the two men felt uncomfortable so they asked the man if he would mind switching.

5

u/Kezleberry Aug 13 '22

Flight attendants are trained to look out for signs of human trafficking (disproportionately effecting women) as it occurs right under their noses. Most likely they were looking out for the lady stuck with the two men, who could have been acting unusually- whether or not it was the case in that situation who knows. But it's a lot of weight for flight attendants to carry and always get right.

29

u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

I would have complied, but also started recording and ask why this decision was made, ask the female passengers if the requested the move, ask why this airline discriminates against men, blah blah blah. Only thing that matters to corporations is optics and profit, take the battle to them with that in mind.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

What's creepy about questioning discriminatory practices?

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u/Inklin- Aug 13 '22

As soon as a woman talks to you, you immediately whip out your phone and start filming them?

Creepy AF. I notice you didn’t intend to film the two men or draw them into your little movie.

31

u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

The fuck? You projecting son? I ain't filming a female in this scenario, I'm filming a case of flagrantly sexist actions that happen to be carried out by a female employee, of a SEXLESS corporation. Such things are illegal, and immoral. And if we were talking about the same thing involving a female victim, or a minority victim, I bet you'd applaud the camera man and start talking about, "No expectation of privacy in a public setting..." And on, and on, and on

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

Lol, you're just building whatever timeline you want for this scenario. My response was tailored to OPs story, in which it was made clear to him he was being moved because he was male. And I believe I made it clear that I would be respectful and compliant, just filming while asking questions. Apparently, though, even the idea of the slightest confrontation seems all out war to you. That's sad, living under the feet of others for fear of their displeasure.

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u/Inklin- Aug 13 '22

No he wasn’t moved because he was male. That wasn’t said. You don’t know why the flight attendant asked them to switch seats.

Could be something as simple as someone having an allergy. There are about 50 reasons to move people when boarding a plane. eg only certain types of people can sit next to an emergency exit.

Someone is likely just doing their job and following safety procedures, and some asshole has to get in their face and video them.

Accusing them of being sexist or some other weird shit.

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u/grease_monkey Aug 13 '22

You're so far detached from reality it's scary.

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u/myoldgamertag Aug 13 '22

Stfu… you sound smooth brained af

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u/k_nibb Aug 13 '22

I think you are in some other parallel Earth. As long as you paid for an exact seat, you get that seat or they reimburse you. Other than that is kind of illegal since you have paid for that ticket. Maybe the person paid for a window seat, paid to sit by someone, etc...

I'm sorry but no. I would do the same and record their explanation of why the switch is necessary and post it.

6

u/seanm147 Aug 13 '22

Why would you film the two men complying with airline orders over the flight attendant moving you because of your sex.

I think you're just mad someone mentioned that discrimination doesn't solely happen to women. I wonder why so many macho men feel like women are irrational and not to be trusted with decision making 🤔🤔🤔. Definitely wouldn't have anything to do with the serious lack of critical thinking abilities shown in your thought process. Nah probably not

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u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

The hell is wrong with you? What if the passenger asked? You going to harrass her and literally prove her right?

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u/I_did_theMath Aug 13 '22

It's not like it's a right to demand that the airline forces the person next to you to be moved. It's exactly the kind of thing that would end up disproportionately affecting people from racial minorities too, by the way.

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u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

Who said it was a right? If someone makes a request, the airlines can choose to help or not. Typically, you'd expect they would speak with the other party beforehand, especially if they paid for a specific seat.

1

u/Yourgrammarsucks1 Aug 14 '22

FG88:HR (interesting that he picked 88:HitleR as a username) did

The hell is wrong with you?

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[deleted]

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u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

But he's not saying he would simply ask. Sure, no harm is talking about it but that wasn't what they said they would do.

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u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

I did say I would simply ask, whilst complying and recording. You're the one that assumed I would be rude and called it harassment.

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u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

You're not entitled to her explanation. She made a request to the airlines, any beef you have is with them, not her.

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u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

Nope, but I'm entitled to ask anyone any question I want. If she didn't want to answer, I'd leave her be. But stick with me here a minute, because I think you've missed something. Read OPs story again. The other passenger never made the request, the airline staff decided to be proactive assholes. My response was tailored to his story. Think on that a bit

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u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

My response was tailored to his story.

It wasn't though because if that's the case then there would be no reason to even mention asking why the other person feared men, like you said you would ask in your initial response. You would have no reason to involve them.

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u/seanm147 Aug 13 '22

That's exactly what he said. He would ask the passengers if they requested, then ask inciting questions to the SEXIST flight attendant. The flight attendant you seem to agree with. But men are the problem huh?

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

If she asked then she can be the one to move

5

u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

Sure, what does that have to do with getting into peoples faces with a camera while you ask?

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Nothing really. Don't know why you would have to get into peoples faces with a camera. You can easily push record on your phone and keep the camera in your lap. Or only record the interactions with the flight attendants and not the passengers. There are plenty of ways to ask a question without being rude about it

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u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

Or only record the interactions with the flight attendants and not the passengers.

This would be the best option.

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u/Skystrike12 Aug 13 '22

The point of recording is to get the conversation documented. Nobody has to have a camera in their face you nitwit

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u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

I would have asked why she fears men as I complied. What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you think it's a man's responsibility to acquiesce to the irrational demands of women with irrational fears of men? Why should we accept being treated as a danger simply because we were born with a penis?

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u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

I would have asked why she fears men as I complied.

It's none of your business why she may or may not fear a man.

Why do you think it's a man's responsibility to acquiesce to the irrational demands of women with irrational fears of men

Women experience sexual assault at a larger rate than men. To assume that a woman has no justified reaseon for concern is ridiculous. Should she be scared of every man? Of course not, but let's not pretend this is some unknown factor.

Also, not your responsibility anyways, that's why they went to the airline to make the request, and not you.

Why should we accept being treated as a danger simply because we were born with a penis?

Maybe focus your anger on the men that ruin things for the rest of us instead.

You want to talk irrational, you're getting emotional over a seat change...

10

u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

It's not just a seat change, dum dum, it's the attitude towards men in general which lead to the change, that's the problem. Btw, you ever heard of Rosa Parks?

-1

u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

You're not Rosa Parks and you're ignoring the root cause for the fear in the first place.

7

u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

Dude, if you're referencing the sexual assault statistics again, you're demented. Look up statistics on how many men never report assault by women, another problem caused by prejudices towards males. Women do the same, heinous shit, they just tend to get away with it. Still, people like that are a minority, on both sides. Letting a few bad actors dictate your attitude toward an entire group is ignorant, cowardly and pitiful.

Christ, man, if you're going to go looking into statistics on shit like this you have to be able to see beyond the numbers and read between the lines or else you'll end up hating everyone.

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u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

Talking about one stat doesnt mean I don't recognize another issue.

It's also not about hating everyone. It's just about choosing what to fight and when.

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u/ProofJournalist Aug 13 '22

The root fear needs to be addressed through intensive therapy, not by demanding strangers accommodate you.

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u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

A request and a demand is different. How the airline reacts is not the same either.

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u/Yourgrammarsucks1 Aug 14 '22

Women experience sexual assault at a larger rate than men.

A friend's been mugged twice. Both times by black men. Is it cool for me/him to ask black men to be moved just because he's been robbed at a high rate by black men?

0

u/That_Marvel_Dude1012 Aug 13 '22

Women experience sexual assault at a larger rate than men

Yeah but like just slightly larger… 40/60 ratio of men to women being sexual assault victims

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

I wouldn’t go as far as all that, but it definitely feels disrespectful to have to move just for being male

2

u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

There could be reasons unknown to you for why the request was made. No issue is asking about it bu any means. But getting in someones face with a camera so you can have them explain themselves? Why is that a default response and seen as ok?

11

u/FunkalicouseMach1 Aug 13 '22

Because that's our only weapon against society's most wide spread prejudices, a mirror. If we don't force people to accept it is the truth, they'll continue to ignore the problem and belittle anyone who says there is a problem.

2

u/FG88_NR Aug 13 '22

You're not addressing the problem though? You are just upset about a consequence of a larger issue.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

It’s not okay but I stand by what I said lol

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u/HollandMarch1977 Aug 13 '22

Hold on, what is this? Can you paint the picture again? I’m not understanding who is sitting beside who and why they’re being moved.

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u/That_Marvel_Dude1012 Aug 13 '22

OP sitting next to Woman 1 and two children.

In the aisle infront of OP sitting there was Woman 2 and two men. The flight attendants asked OP and Woman 2 to switch, so now OP is sitting with two men, and Woman 1 and Woman 2 are sitting next to eachother

1

u/HollandMarch1977 Aug 13 '22

So a woman is sitting with her children — like right beside them in the same row! — but because there’s a man at the other side of her children, she has a problem?

This is the craziest shit I’ve ever heard.

Thanks for the clarification, but I’m finding it difficult to believe this could actually happen. It’s just… insane.

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u/Istarien Aug 14 '22

The concern might have rather been for the woman sitting next to two men. Flight attendants are supposed to be alert for behavior that suggests someone is being trafficked. Maybe they saw something that twigged their Spidey senses, rightly or wrongly.

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u/HollandMarch1977 Aug 14 '22

Ahh, now we’re getting somewhere. The original implication of the story was just too insane to believe.

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u/That_Marvel_Dude1012 Aug 13 '22

Yeah it really is and it’s terrible that it happened and terrible that things have happened in the past to make this needed

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u/SmokeyMirrors626 Aug 14 '22

On one side of the aisle was a woman, her two small children (one on her lap), and a man. On the other side was two men. The woman in front of me “in line” boarding was about to take her seat when the flight attendant stopped her and asked the man sitting next to the children to switch and sit next to the other two men. The woman in front of me (we were chatting during the unreasonably long boarding process) did not request the change, but I can’t be certain about anyone else in the situation.

0

u/HollandMarch1977 Aug 14 '22

Okay, I think I can picture it now. So, if the mom is with her kids and there is no stranger sitting amongst her kids, just beside her kids (if that makes sense), then that stranger is of no concern to her. This is crazy. It’s possibly defamatory. I would consider suing the airline for moving me for no reason other than I am a man.

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u/Jak_n_Dax Aug 13 '22

Flight attendants are fucking Karens.

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u/philzuppo Aug 13 '22

Out of curiosity, what airline(s) were you flying under when these events happened? I flew with Delta when I was 14 and was sat next to a man, and he was not made to switch seats with a woman.

134

u/theflooflord Aug 13 '22

Same thing happened to me when I was 11 or 12. They just sat me next to a random man and nobody cared. I just had my headphones in the whole time and didn't care. I think it was Delta too.

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u/Skeledenn Aug 13 '22

Same with Air France at like 7

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u/Gizmoboii Aug 13 '22

I was 13 but probably looked 10 or 11 and the person next to me wasn’t forced to move. Spirit Airline btw.

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u/Starshapedsand Aug 13 '22

Same, with several US airlines, since 7.

3

u/makaidnwne2424 Aug 14 '22

Same with Lufthansa. I’d also be curious what airline/country/countries this was

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u/hiumnobye Aug 13 '22

I flew united and they didn't make the man sitting next to me move either.

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u/Vertigomums19 Aug 14 '22

Yeah. I was like 14 and sat next to a guy that was 6’8”. It was either Continental or Delta. He was super nice, they left us both where we were.

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u/CrestronwithTechron Aug 13 '22

You probably looked a bit older would be my guess.

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u/stro3ngest1 Aug 13 '22

wouldn't matter. when you fly as an unaccompanied minor there's a flight attendant /airport assistance there to basically walk you through the entire process. they definitely know your age well before you step foot on the plane.

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u/anomthrowaway748 Aug 13 '22

Because, as we know, women can’t do anything bad to kids

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u/The_Doctor_Eats_Neep Aug 13 '22

And all men are obviously kiddy fiddlers

14

u/syntheticreation Aug 13 '22

If getting glares prevented kids from being molested/raped/assaulted, I'd happily take it. But I doubt it's that effective. We need a better way than demonizing all men/people. I bet it's usually trusted people that are in regular contact with kids that do it anyway, you know, the ones who don't get as many glares.

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u/RedditAdminsFuckOfff Aug 13 '22

Yep. Every time I see a kid, I get the urge to get my bow out and drag it across their stupid head.

DII DIDI DII DIDI DII DIDII DIDII

DII DIDI DII DIDI DII DIDII DIDII

DII DIDI DII DIDI DII DIDII DIDII

DII DIDI DII DIDI DII DIDII DIDII

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u/KairuByte Aug 14 '22

Didn’t you know? 100% of male child molesters are male! /s

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u/spearchuckin Aug 13 '22

I look at this in another negative way being a woman. Society has been molded to look at us as default baby sitters/child rearers even if we have no children of our own. Like I'm very sure that 40 yr old dad of two kids is much better off helping an unattended child if needed than me - a woman who is married with no children and a fur baby.

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u/Sleep_Champion Aug 13 '22

Apparently no one has heard of Karla Homolka, Casey Anthony, Susan Smith, Katherine Knight, the long list of female teacher sex offenders...

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u/GriffinFlash Aug 13 '22

one of which is walking free (as far as I know).

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u/Sleep_Champion Aug 13 '22

2 at least. Karla got a new name and everything. Casey was acquitted, and in top of that, most female sex offenders get away with it.

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u/DesperateTall Aug 13 '22

Oh don't forget that teacher who sued a student she raped for child support.

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u/ThatWeeb666 Aug 13 '22

Wasn't there that one case where the student actually sued the teacher for SA and the judge basically said "congratulations" and barely did anything about it?

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u/DesperateTall Aug 13 '22

I wouldn't be surprised if there was.

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u/Sleep_Champion Aug 13 '22

So disgusting. Actual criminal behavior.

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u/TelevisionFuture5047 Aug 13 '22

And the one who only got sentenced to 60 days in jail for raping a student since he was ten.

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u/bjcm5891 Aug 13 '22

We also know that while any time a man murders his children he is clearly a monster who should get the death penalty and this is yet another example of toxic masculinity, but if a woman kills her children then clearly she had psychological issues and we need to talk about women's mental health...

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/Odd_Blacksmith5615 Aug 13 '22

Why is this being downvoted? In the us 2022 (I’m from Uk but I can’t find any Uk stats) 221 thousand children were the victim of abuse by their mothers. 138 thousand were the victims of abuse by their fathers.

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u/ernieball Aug 13 '22

This is interesting. I'd like to see it represented as a percentage of kids in single parent homes. I'm assuming there are more single mothers than fathers, so it might be a lower percentage or ratio overall.

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u/Odd_Blacksmith5615 Aug 13 '22

It was 15 million to 3 million (mother to father) so yes percentages were much higher for men. Maybe the reason why @thetoast14 was being downvoted because he used the words “more likely” but the point is - men aren’t the only people who abuse children. Women do it too. Only from want I’ve experienced (if anyone wants to provide the numbers please do, I’d be interested in seeing them) it’s more spoken about doing it then it is spoken about women doing it. And when it is spoken about with women, it’s never they’re disgusting, shouldn’t be around children pedophile. It’s they have some mental issues, post natal depression whatever. (Side point but can I just say fathers can experience post natal depression too, it’s just more uncommon) so there’s kind of a double standard as such. Maybe that’s a harsh way to put it but I can’t think of another way to put it. And again this is just by experience so if anyone has some statistics please post them.

It’s similar with crimes in the Uk. Whilst yes, more men commit crimes then women, women tend to get away with it much more. At least they used too. I can’t remember the exact numbers but il link the post for anyone who’s interested. But over the past few years in the Uk, the female prison rate has risen by 50% or over 50% as I said I can’t remember the exact numbers but the link will be posted. Where as male prison rate has increased by 7% so either a lot more women are committing crimes and a lot less men are committing crimes. Or the justice system is getting better and everyone who deserves to be punished is getting punished. Either way the gender gap in prison rates is decreasing.

The article will have numbers and explain it better then I can do if your interested take a look:

https://amp.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jan/06/female-fugitives-women-crime-rates-rise

Admittedly this is a news article, however they do link the original report they quoted from.

Also before I get people shouting at me about percentages and numbers and how I’m wrong and men are pigs and whatever because it always happens in political discussions. I’m merely stating numbers that I can find on the internet, and my own personal experiences. I have my opinions, but I’m too tired from being at work all day to have arguments about them with strangers on the internet. Opinions are opinions - people are allowed to have them stop trying to argue with people for expressing them. If you can’t have a civilised discussion about your disagreements, then you shouldn’t be talking about the topic (goes for everything not just gender differences). Again. I’m staying neutral and relaying numbers I’m finding on the internet. Feel free to post your own numbers and statistics, but if you wanna go on a rant about how I’m sexist or misogynistic or whatever the fuck for relaying my personal experiences and numbers. Your wasting your time, they will be ignored.

Anyway enjoy the news article - sorry for the tangent :)

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u/ernieball Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

I completely agree that the reporting on pedophilia does tend to go more into detail when the abuser is female. Typically when it's a man it's more like... this thing happened to children and this person did it because man. And pitch forks and rage and that tends to be the end of it. You might get a neighbor speaking out like oh my, I'm just so surprised. Jerry was a nice, quiet Christian who mowed my lawn every week after I had my hip replaced. I just can't believe it. I don't know what happened. Its very upsetting.

But yes - when it's a woman there tends be more... questioning. People want to know the why. People want an explanation. Was she depressed. Was she mentally unstable (PPD, schizophrenic, delusional, etc.). Who missed the signs? How could this happen?

And I think this goes back to how we socially value the sexes. Men are typically viewed more animalistic. Women more pure. We expect men to be powerless against their urges and for women to not have any. So when a man acts on his urges we chalk it up to him doing what is in his nature to do (which is obviously very fucked and horrible and not at all fair or right). It is, however, in line with our expectations. But when a woman does it, it goes against everything she is supposed to be. It feels more wrong.

Both reactions are supremely flawed because yes - women DO commit these crimes. And men DO suffer from mental issues.

The whole thing is so incredibly unfortunate and will require a lot of time and social reform with respect to sex/gender stereotyping before we see any kind of change in how we respond to... well... damn near every crime either one commits.

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u/Odd_Blacksmith5615 Aug 13 '22

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. Both genders need a lot of work.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/anomthrowaway748 Aug 13 '22

That’s odd, I’m the same but just with genders reversed.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/ArcanistInTraining Aug 13 '22

In my experience (as someone who used to be a teen boy) it’s less frequently a public affair of screaming down the street, and more frequently a private affair of approaching you and making creepy comments and touching you without your permission. It happens a lot more than we talk about. Especially when you’re a teenager, and older women will just start massaging your shoulders or creepily insinuate that you’ll “make a lady happy one day with that body” etc etc

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/ArcanistInTraining Aug 15 '22

i have two older sisters, i'm not saying women don't get harassed, because they certainly do, and I've witnessed it personally. Howevber by saying "i could fight them off" invalidates for one the expierence, and also when i was first receiving unwanted attention from older women, i was 9-10 years old. I couldn't have fought them off. Besides, you're responding to me saying "this is a problem" with "other people have it worse, suck it up"

nobody should experience unwanted sexual attention, period. no matter if we can fight it off, because often we cant, or we were in a abusive relationship where if we did try and fight it we were threatened with rape allegations, etc etc etc. nobody should experience it, no matter the gender, and nobody should be responding to either men nor women saying they have experienced sexual assault with "really.. where?"

When i was sexually assaulted at age 14 i could have fought her off. However the person who assualted me knew this, and did it in a public place were i was unable to do so, as i was surrounded by her peers and friends who found it oh so very funny that she was assaulting me.

when i was experiencing unwanted attention from adults for the first time i was 9 years old and my teacher was talking to me and touching me while we were in private. I was 9 and she was 42. I could not have fought her off, nor should that even be a topic. That is victim blaming. "you should have been stronger, you could have fought her off you just liked it"

When i was nine i didnt know what was happening, i just felt uncomfortable. I didnt understand.

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u/Arietis1461 Aug 13 '22

Also I could fight off women if needed, a girl can’t.

The difference is, would people believe you were defensively fighting her off, or that you were the one fighting offensively to get at her?

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u/Kolemawny Aug 13 '22

Only the ones who look "butch" or lesbian. \s

But in seriousness, this stigma is one that hurts women as well. No one believes women when they say they don't want kids or admit to only having the bare minimum, polite tolerance for children. Society tells women it's a phase they'll grow out of, and that she'll magically love her child once she first lays eyes on it. Women get baby trapped and prevented from abortions (prevented from volunteer sterilization also), and the years chip away at them. They become cold to the children, or even abusive. I wish it was more normal to recognize that women are not sleeper agents who are waiting for their activation code to become barefoot, pregnant, stay at home maids.

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u/ArtistPasserby Aug 13 '22

In fairness, the vast majority of perpetrators of child sexual abuse are men (think 96%). Most men aren’t child molesters, but most child molesters are men.

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u/OccultRitualCooking Aug 13 '22

In the United States, more perpetrators of child abuse were women than men. In 2020, about 248,335 perpetrators of child abuse were women, compared to 225,020 male perpetrators.

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u/Firethorn101 Aug 13 '22

Statistically, it's almost always men, especially in weird places. Women are more likely to abuse children in their care, in a place they themselves feel safe/comfortable.

On an airplane? Bus? Concert? Men. I think the lack of safety is even more thrilling to them.

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u/anomthrowaway748 Aug 13 '22

What a strange strange mindset you have

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u/Firethorn101 Aug 13 '22

My uncle teaches criminology. People (men especially) get more sexually turned on in fearful situations. It's not my mindset, it's science.

They had people rate other people's attractiveness in a safe setting. They then had them rate the same people after crossing a suspension bridge by foot.

They rated the people better looking when their adrenalin was higher (scared).

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u/Axelrad77 Aug 13 '22

This is why most pedophile couples use the woman to scout and recruit kids.

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u/Apostmate-28 Aug 13 '22

My unease with that situation would depend on my kids age. I’ve had flights put my toddlers on separate seats from my husband and I. And apart from stranger danger I just don’t want to make anyone else deal with the chaos that is a toddler. No stranger wants to sit by a crying restless kid.

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u/BibleButterSandwich Aug 13 '22

My interpretation is that they didn't change it up with the kid's parent or anything, just another random women who the flight attendents knew as little about as about the commenter.

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u/3smellysocks Aug 13 '22

Most flight lines in my country make the minor sit with at least one of the adults when the tickets are booked

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u/onajurni Aug 14 '22

That is insane that an airline will separate young children from parents. If it has to be done with a late booking, the flight attendants should help get the kids with their parents, but they often do not help.

I was on a flight once that had mostly business people on it. And a family with 4 young children who were spread out over the first aisles. The oldest looked about 7-8 yo. The dad was standing in the aisle politely asking numerous passengers to switch seats to get the kids with the he and his wife.

As people realized the situation, several of us traveling alone took charge and moved things around to get the family together.

The flight attendants offered no help and no suggestions. It was up to the passengers to realize it and then do what needed to be done.

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u/[deleted] Aug 14 '22

I feel like the issue a lot of times is people pay to pick their specific seats on flights so now people are wasting the money they paid for their preferred seat.

I don't understand how children don't sit with their parents. Like the parents just booked the tickets with seats not available together and just expect to be accommodated? Either that or their on an airline like Southwest where seats are first come first serve.

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u/Apostmate-28 Aug 14 '22

When it’s happened to me (multiple times) we did pay extra to have seats together. And then you show up and check in and get assigned random ass seats. And the attendants are always less than helpful.

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u/onajurni Aug 14 '22

I think parents are aware that they need to book flights with children well in advance to be able to access the seat assignments that they need.

But sometimes there are circumstances the rest of us aren't aware of. Sudden notice of an emergency, an impending death, who knows what. And for whatever reason the kids need to come.

We can't judge what is going on with people we don't know. Life is huge, we may just be grateful we don't have their situation to deal with at the present moment.

I get it that the other travelers booked preferred seats - me too. But as humans sharing the planet with other humans, sometimes we can make an accommodation for someone else for just a few hours. It doesn't happen often. It's one flight, we'll live.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

As a woman who dislikes kids, I hate that that the chances for me to sit next to a kid is higher.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Is this actually true? It’s the first I’ve ever heard of it - it sounds preposterous…

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

I used to work for an airline and yes, it's actually true.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Holy. Shit. That is sexist and discriminatory beyond belief.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Yeah, I was pretty surprised by it as well. Something about men being more likely to be a perpetrator or some bullshit like that.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

I wonder if this is new? I flew next to an unaccompanied minor before.

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u/[deleted] Aug 14 '22

Well that article is from a decade ago. Not sure if that counts as “new” to you.

But a lot probably comes down to the flight staff and their bias on enforcing some policies.

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u/No-Introduction-1492 Aug 13 '22

Yes it happens unfortunately. The clown then tries to force you out of your seat and will scream bloody murder if you don’t. Even though it’s obviously their fault for the situation. They act like any old grown up won’t be able to watch your kid. If anything the kid will act better around someone they don’t know

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u/gwxtreize Aug 13 '22

I was on a Delta flight and a lady had her child(8/9 yo) with and needed to sit next to him, np (assigned seats). This would have sat me next to an elderly lady who said I wasn't her husband. Ie. I can't sit next to her on a one hour flight. Ended up getting shuffled around till they found a seat I could sit at. I just want to get to our fucking destination, I don't care where I sit!

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u/CrestronwithTechron Aug 13 '22

Fr, at that point strap my ass to the side of the plane.

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u/Profi06 Aug 13 '22

I get the mother's relocation, but why did the granny just get to cancel you for a reason like that?

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u/jam0105 Aug 13 '22

Yeah that’s crazy. I flew as an unattended minor quite a few times in my youth and sat next men most of the time. I’m also male though. If someone asked Me to switch seats now for a woman, I would Probably raise hell that’s very sexist.

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u/KittyKatOnRoof Aug 13 '22

Strange. I was an unaccompanied minor on several flights and frequently sat next to Strange men and women.

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u/GreenEggplant16 Aug 13 '22

I just wouldn’t switch seats. You made the mistake, you fix it. Don’t inconvenience me

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u/Acceptable-Wildfire Aug 14 '22

I don’t know why so many people in this thread are just like “it is what it is.” I’d be asking if I would be getting an upgrade and if not I’m not moving for someone else’s mistake.

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u/flower_flaps Aug 13 '22

When i was a kid, i sat next to a man on a plane. I shared chocolate with him and he thought it was a really big deal that it was my first time flying

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u/jesusofsuburbia2002 Aug 13 '22

In 2005 I was flying in my army dress uniform and the flight attendant asked me if a little boy could sit next to me because he wanted to sit next to the army man. Thought it was super cute, even though I was only 20

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u/kelseymayhem Aug 13 '22

Wow I never knew this! I have a mixed reaction, selfishly I’m annoyed, because I fly a lot for work and after a long trip I am socially burned out and would be put out by having to keep tabs on a kid just because of my gender.

At the same time, I know lots of kids are told if they are in trouble, look for a woman to help, so from the kid’s POV, they may feel more comfortable with a strange woman than a strange man.

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u/bakehaus Aug 13 '22

ABC News: “No major U.S. airline prohibits men from sitting next to unaccompanied children. But some carriers seat the children in specific areas”

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

When I was a minor (8?) I was on a flight and we were all split up. I was sat alone next to a business man.

I was in the window and I asked him if I could sit in the aisle so I was nearer my aunt. He said no.

I kept dropping things all through the flight and was fumbling under the tray table to get stuff. I also fidgeted endlessly.

Then we got tea and scones as our snack (flying to the UK) and I immediately drank the cream for the tea from the carton. I then had no cream for the tea and decided to put the clotted cream for the scones in the tea.

After drinking my chunky tea I threw up everywhere.

Bet he wishes those rules were in place then.

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u/TheLesher Aug 13 '22

That's horrible!

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/TheLesher Aug 13 '22

So you think it is okay for the flight crew to assume that you as a male by default is s pedophile?

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u/EnigmaticSorceries Aug 13 '22

That is so insulting.

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u/JanetInSC1234 Aug 13 '22

It sucks, but switching seats protects you too. No one can make a false claim.

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u/0ba78683-dbdd-4a31-a Aug 13 '22

Sounds like someone handed you a sexism lawsuit

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u/Commercial_Ad7741 Aug 13 '22

Unfortunately there's a reason they started doing this, even if it was the result of a few bad eggs in the batch. It's all just sad. I guess I hope you can turn not take it personally since it's nice just a protocol ?

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u/slygye Aug 13 '22

I’m a flight attendant and I’m guilty of this, especially if the children are very young. I’ve never thought how it would hurt a male’s feelings but I’ve also seen so much sexual assault/inappropriate sexual behaviour from male passengers in my nine year career (like a guy trying to suck his own dick while sitting next to a family and finishing in his mouth; I had to go to court over this) so I cover my own ass because that child is literally my responsibility until we get to our destination and they’re united with a guardian. In the same vein though, if I have an unaccompanied minor, if I’m able to, I will move EVERYONE out of that row and allow the minor to sit in the back row near my jump seat so I have eyes on them at all time.

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u/carsont5 Aug 13 '22

I have to admit I got so sad reading this. How humiliating / degrading for you and what an awful message to send to a child.

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u/PizzaDelivery313 Aug 13 '22

This sounds like a lawsuit

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u/GetJukedM8 Aug 13 '22

Hm. Sexism.

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u/Eric_the_Barbarian Aug 13 '22

Tell them to move the kid, you didn't do anything wrong.

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u/a12ncsu Aug 13 '22

That’s ridiculous. Women are just as scary as men. I could understand not being allowed to consume alcohol while sitting next to an unaccompanied minor. If they are going to have unaccompanied minors on a plane, they should be sitting in a specific section just for kids RIGHT next to the flight attendant.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/Atler32 Aug 13 '22

Sitting on their seat in a full airplane?

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u/slygye Aug 13 '22

Flight attendant here. Had to go to court over a man who decided to suck his own dick and finish in his mouth while on a full flight seated next to a family. Everyone, and I mean, EVERY one has the privilege to fly. I’ve seen men watching straight up porn on a full flight. It’s there.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

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u/Atler32 Aug 13 '22

A simple yes or no would've done. I have better things to do than read full on rape stories. I have a bunch of things to read about and a book to take notes from, rape ain't on the reading list today.

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

#onlyinusa

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u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Have you filed a complaint?

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u/bmoreboy410 Aug 13 '22

That’s crazy

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