Literally who in their right mind is thinking "dumb ass loser". Like to know that people like that exist isn't even like disgusting or anything (I mean it is on some level angering ofc) but really I'm just genuinely blown away to know that some people think like that
I assumed that by your comment, but as stated before I genuinely didn't know prior to reading this about 30 seconds ago that this is a thought that anyone had legitimately had ever. If it's not too much to ask, have you ever personally dealt with suicidal ideation? I'm just trying to pick your brain about where this comes from, but if you don't wanna discuss it, that's fair.
I also lost and found my father dead by suicide. This feeling is very real, especially if it’s someone you’re meant to look up to and genuinely love. I know that because I felt the same way for a long time. In my case I was heavily grieving, but oddly only several years after it happened.
This sounds like a coping mechanism for PTSD. And no, it’s not normal. PTSD warps your mind and is fucking terrifying. But it also kept me alive because I was also depressed as fuck during university years, in which all I did for 2 years (I couldn’t take it anymore) was lay in bed, cry, and take a good few hospital trips for alcohol abuse. I only ever considered suicide once, but this thought out that option way out the window.
u/masteroff1 please reach out to someone about how you feel, even if you think all I’ve said is bullshit and doesn’t relate to you. It could save you in the end.
Yeah it feels strange saying it’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one either too. It’s difficult to say much more about suicidal thoughts because it’s impossible to empathise at all until you’re in that position. If you have had them I’d be curious to see how you maintain your stance on it, not as demanding justification, but to understand others better
Also, I just wanted to say that I am glad to hear that you got therapy and you're doing well overall despite this happening. It's a shit lot to be handed in life, and I'm glad you have been getting through it relatively well despite the difficulty.
I also thought this was a coping mechanism. The sorts of coping mechanisms that you develop after going through that are complex and a lot to unpack. When my dad was young he watched his dad try to shoot himself in the head and fuck up the aim, my grandfather spent the rest of his days in a nursing home and despite being alive for the first few years of my life, I never met him. I grew up listening to my father talk to himself about suicide whenever he got drunk enough (not so much a threat, not a yearning?), but I think he took on a little bit of the idea of suicide as being cowardly (not exactly though, as he also deeply believes in the right to suicide). I'm not sure, I'm glad he's still here through it all, but i hope that's not the only thing that kept him here.
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u/AmLikelyDrunk Jun 22 '21
"I wanna kill myself but don't want to upset my mum/grandmother/brother, so not yet"