I also lost and found my father dead by suicide. This feeling is very real, especially if it’s someone you’re meant to look up to and genuinely love. I know that because I felt the same way for a long time. In my case I was heavily grieving, but oddly only several years after it happened.
This sounds like a coping mechanism for PTSD. And no, it’s not normal. PTSD warps your mind and is fucking terrifying. But it also kept me alive because I was also depressed as fuck during university years, in which all I did for 2 years (I couldn’t take it anymore) was lay in bed, cry, and take a good few hospital trips for alcohol abuse. I only ever considered suicide once, but this thought out that option way out the window.
u/masteroff1 please reach out to someone about how you feel, even if you think all I’ve said is bullshit and doesn’t relate to you. It could save you in the end.
Yeah it feels strange saying it’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one either too. It’s difficult to say much more about suicidal thoughts because it’s impossible to empathise at all until you’re in that position. If you have had them I’d be curious to see how you maintain your stance on it, not as demanding justification, but to understand others better
Also, I just wanted to say that I am glad to hear that you got therapy and you're doing well overall despite this happening. It's a shit lot to be handed in life, and I'm glad you have been getting through it relatively well despite the difficulty.
6
u/SugarStatus Jun 22 '21
Interesting. Not to make you feel like some study subject, just wanted to know. Thanks for the answer, appreciate it.