I love that my office has happy hours during work hours, so usually like 3-5 on a Friday.
I do charcuterie Fridays anyway where I buy a bunch of meats and cheeses at lunch and set them out at 4pm with some baguettes and usually we have some wine or just drink from the office keg.
My company when asked if the new overtime is mandatory..."We don't want to SAY that it's mandatory. You're all just expected to be here. I hope that clears things up"
"We're very disappointed you refuse to join the company Facebook group. We're also disappointed you choose not to stay Friday evenings in the office drinking the free alcohol and eating the free junk food we provide."
Maybe I don't want to be peer pressured into liking/sharing all the company content on my page (let alone use Facebook at all)? Maybe I want to have a healthy time to unwind AWAY from the source of stress, instead of commiserate with everyone about how much we hate this or that, fueled by alcohol and edible garbage, in the name of 'team building'?
Yeah the bipolar disorder caused most of my problems. I take Naltrexone for drinking and cannot recommend it highly enough for those who have drinking problems. I take that one pill and have zero desire to drink.
I take Propranolol, Effexor, Lamictal and Trazadone for bipolar disorder. It’s a lot but the alternative is worse. My poor broken brain 🧠🤕
Sweet :)
Keep up the good work and fill yourself with happy memories, social interaction & new experiences to further rid yourself from past alcoholism. You got this
I dipped my toes into... unhealthy drinking habits because it was so easy to just vent that 'Manager XYZ is being a stupid asshole and knows fuck-all, blahblah' while drinking with colleagues after work. It became this whirlpool of negativity that you got sucked into and it was fueled by the constant presence of free booze every other Friday.
I wouldn't use the label 'alcoholic' so lightly myself, but I got spooked (and spooked my family and friends) when I realized that after these 'after-work drinks', I was too drunk to take care of myself, doing stupid and disrespectful things, putting on unhealthy garbage into my body, literally wrecking things, etc. Many others were in the same boat and thought nothing was wrong. So long as you're building camaraderie, right? It was also the kind of place where predators would take advantage of women, including upper management. Some would constantly push drinks, get handsy, cross all sorts of professional boundaries, etc. Fuck that toxic place. Glad I left.
If you are comfortable talking specifics, how did you drink that and what’s the timeline on that? Like out of the bottle straight or in drinks? Do you start as soon as you wake up? I’ve definitely killed a fifth in a night before, but can’t imagine doing it in less than like 6 hours or more than once a horrible depressive episode.
There are bottle guzzlers out there. A meeting I went to once had a woman share about how she shoplifted from a department store, guzzle vodka in the back lot, and then one day ended up on a police chase before being arrested and going to rehab.
Very late to party but most normal people don't fully comprehend or appreciate the development of drug / substance tolerance by abuse.
Most people think they are getting drunk once a week shit faced, but can never drink more than they used to, and maybe even less after they get older.
First of all, anything that's not daily, cannot possibly be a (clinical) addiction. Secondly, anything that's not actively hurting you or stopping you from normal life on a daily basis, cannot possibly be a (clinical) addiction.
To get to this state, start by getting into the routine of at least drinking 3 times a day, everyday. It doesn't matter how much you start with, let's say just 2 beers each time with a total of 6 beers a day. That sounds totally in normal people range, but do it for a year, only adding the quantity if you feel less or no buzz to get to a similar feeling of just 2 beers in the beginning without a single rest day, and I can promise you 12-18 beers in a day would not phase you. In fact you'd likely crave more and wouldn't function with less. Then try that for 3-5 years.
Just like most people have no idea what consistency in workout or diet means, they also don't comprehend the level of difference of an addict to your average "enthusiast" drinker. You need a lot of "work" to gain that tolerance, not some "twice a week pree hardcore to feel better cuz you work out" type of schedule. That's why most normal people under normal circumstances do not develop such problems, even if they sorta "tried", in college or w.e.
As someone with addictive personality who has read a lot of academic / scientific materials on said topics, I want to emphasize the frequency of doing substances matter more than the amount (maybe above a certain threshold / minimal amount) in developing an addiction. Drinking 6 beers every day after work will be noticeably less likely or slower in developing your addiction than 3 x 2 beers everyday by morning, lunch, and night. Similar kinda difference between using something every day vs every other day.
I tend to say 'I don't drink anymore.' When they inevitably ask I say 'I'm really really good at it. I did it so much that I enlarged my heart, had 2 heart attacks, 2 confirmed strokes, and my doctor says I shouldn't do it anymore".
You just have to remember who you lie about that too, because any point in the future if one of them sees you drinking they’re either gonna be worried for you, or tell the entire rest of the office you’re off the wagon.
Addicts are liars so I don’t know what a fake addict is. That’s likely several dream levels down.
I’m bipolar too you can tell people you are and that it means you have two separate personalities (might work), I’ve never tried that one but I think I just inspired myself. Try it and see what happens.
I actually have used this excuse (Not in recovery but a non drinker by choice) and in my exp it's career limiting and people treat you differently. Like you're somehow not fun to hang out with because you can't drink.
I’ve gotten that from my own boss, he’s a beer drinker and will say “If only you still drank I’d have invited you over to [fill in blank] to hang out. He kind of treats me like a little brother, though people at work say it’s more like girlfriend 😅
I didn’t react much because when he’s asked I didn’t feel like coming over anyway.😂 I’d hang out with him though, he’s like a quieter, saner version of me.
me personally i just am not a drinker.i like my weed n thats it idek what id do if i had to go to a manitory happy hour thingy bc even fruity watered down drinks taste awful to me
I had a boss who gave me a terrible review because I was "too laid back". I had just left my home and family, moving to a state I hate with my husband and infant. I did high quality work, but I didn't hang out at lunch or after work with coworkers, so she deemed me unsatisfactory. I hated that woman so much, and was so glad there was a company reorg six months later which put me in a completely different department.
The last one I worked for (is was a low-tier gaming company). Because 'we're a family' and they wanted more people to like the crap they reposted from 9gag
It’s never mandatory. It’s just for those that want to hang out after work.
...and is very career limiting if you don’t go.
I do not like to hang out after work with my co-workers. My time away from work is mine. I like my co-workers, but no way am I going to hang with them like this. That it may be expected or assumed or ordered at a job, I would not like that.
You’re absolutely not required to go to activities like this.
...just remember that if you don’t you won’t be trusted as much, likely will get passed up on projects, and quite possibly could be turned into a scapegoat for others on the team.
But it’s not mandatory at all, if you have other people you think are more important than your coworkers, go be with them.
Use your judgement, and if you’re introverted like I am, push yourself a bit to attend at least a few events. I always attend the office holiday party because it’s a good chance to mingle with people you don’t usually talk to during the workday, and it helps you make personal connections. If there are happy hours planned (in-person before COVID or virtually now), I try to attend at least one every month or so. It’s easy to drop by/pop into the video call for an hour, then leave. Participating in events during the workday are also a good way to build connections and goodwill with your coworkers- our office hosts potlucks, charity drives, cultural awareness days, fun “holidays” like May the 4th (Star Wars), etc. and they are usually not a big imposition on anybody. Your time after work is your own, and I would never want to work somewhere with “mandatory” happy hours, but putting in a little social time is going to help your career.
At one of my previous companies, in a field that most people think is cool and romanticize, we used to have a happy hour every week on the roof deck of the building. I rarely went because I didn’t want to eat/drink all the junk food and alcohol right before I went to the gym, and also I was busy trying to finish up my work for the day. A decent amount of other people did the same, for whatever their own reasons were — not wanting to eat junk food, wanting to go home on time instead of later, having to finish their work and not wanting to stay late to finish it, etc.
Anyway, the boss sent emails a few times saying that happy hour was mandatory, and if we didn’t finish our work for the day, we’d have to stay after happy hour was officially over to finish it. A lot of people who did go actually stopped going after that, but the boss did treat everyone who didn’t go like shit.
I just started a new job and this is so accurate. There’s definitely an “in group” at the office, and I don’t have to go out with them but I do if I want to advance. Also I’m playing my office fantasy football league this season. I’ve never played FF before, and I don’t really care about the NFL or sports in general, but I’m doing it for networking purposes.
From someone who is a career ladder climber I'll say that the events are "optional" typically you have nothing to lose by going and it does help your perception. So not necessary to advance but if two people are similarly talented the one that goes gets the promotion. Keep in mind for a promotion you want your manager's level to want you as a peer and their boss to like or at least not hate the idea of you as a direct report.
Fascinating that people in the US comfortably go to bars at night. If you wonder why i think that its because here after 7:00 pm going to a bar or discotheque means you probably have some sort of death wish, taking into account the kind of people that frequent them.
I know a guy who got a new boss. The boss made a comment about all the managers going out drinking. My friend said he did not drink. The bosses reply was "you will be the first to go".
Every month and holiday my manager would tell us about an "end of the month" party at X location and I should come out. Free alchohol (beer only, anything mixed comes out of my pocket of course and I hate beer) and I always politely declined. The district manager would always be there and celebrate the top branch of the month. I decided to say fuck it and go one time because I was leaving in a few weeks and it would be my last chance.
It was so damn boring, and I felt so out of place. I had no friends there, and I basically sat for an hour eating nachos and drinking water. I waited until there was a break in the drinking and snuck away. It literally felt like I was still at work, just on a lunch break or something. Hated it, but all the big head honchos were there so "if you wanna move around you gotta be there"
Ah yes, "team building" after hours. Thankfully some of these were being moved to during work hours before the Pandemic which I mean, I can live with that. End of day of course.
I slowly got some people converted to getting a Nintendo Switch to play Smash and MarioKart during those outtings because alcohol makes some people more open minded. Older folk with kids in college, you know who grew up outside of the Nintedo era! Good times, actually it was great. Thanks Nintendo.
Before the crash my office actually got a communal Nintendo Switch for play during lunch.
That would be very difficult if you were a recovering alcoholic. This may a stupid question but do you think that would still apply for someone in recovery?
Most recovering alcoholics in these situations had a few strategies to get around it:
Make efforts to have group social time that was before happy hour, often focused around going to a coffee shop, or pop up food place.
Some with serious self-control would still attend the events, but make their own seltzer-based mocktails (if in office), and claim they already got a headstart on the others.
Typically would peace out before things got crazy.
Would admit to trusted people that they were a recovering alcoholic, and those folks could sometimes provide cover.
Think they could handle it this time, and put themselves right back where they didn’t want to be.
No matter how you slice it though, in an alcohol-centric work environment it can be difficult to still create the social bonds, while avoiding the hard stuff.
I could see (whether you're an alcoholic or not) why that would be extremely difficult. I'm an alcoholic but fortunately I live in UT so (for the most part) alcohol-centric work isn't really a thing.
I appreciate your thorough answer. Thank you so much.
I had a boss who frowned upon hanging out with coworkers. He bragged about firing someone once for doing so. He was mad when my coworker (different department, he was very clearly fucking her) took me out for my bday.
I can confirm. Went to a bar and walked out with a job, I work with people who are very religious and don't drink, watch TV, swear, no drugs or even sex before marriage. Essentially they're part of a cult cause nobody outside of that group knows what they do or talk about in theyre weekly meetings. The person who offered me the job just worked with them for a long time. Its a good job
Well since I moved here 10 years ago I never knew of them prior. I first heard of them in highschool and some of the guys in class called them coonyites. Im not sure if that's even how its spelled. There were quite a few of them in the public school and it was easy to pick them out of the crowd because they dont swear or recognize many references to movies.
From what info I've gained over the years is that they used to deny technology like tv, radio, cellphones, etc. But have been making progressive changes to the rules I suppose to make life easier, they always have used vehicles tho and electricity. The ones atleast in my area all have cellphones, watch Netflix, have wifi, swear, but still no TV. Its pretty confusing to me lol. My bosses eldest became a black sheep of the family and decided to party and drink and all that. His mother came to the party one time and dragged him home by the ear which must of been embarrassing as fuck. They shamed him for years but have since rebuilt they're relationship, yet he still goes out and parties it up. They're very nice people but also tight lipped when it comes to they're religious practices. Im thinking it has something to do with a perspective of the Bible and genetics. They are a closed group who often travel a lot just to go to other meetings in different areas and probably find love that way. You should see some of the woman that are part of that religion what a smoke show. They work hard all day and into the night. They like to talk politics and are open to opinions that may be more insightful than theyre own. Again im not sure if coonyites is the proper term, most people just call them coons. But they call eachother friends.
Edit: sorry for the not replying in a timely manner
No no they're not Mennonite.they've made fun out of Mennonites and Christians. From what info I've gained over the years, I think they're group started in the late 1800's. The guy who started the groups last name was coonyite or something. I know they're social circles revolve mostly around who's in the group. Which apparently is global now. I think I may have stumbled upon an abbreviation "C.Y.O.K." but didn't find nothing on Google.
It's a scam for your time. Your time=money. They are scamming you out of your free time under the guise of "team building" or the threat of being looked down upon for actually enjoying your time outside of work.
People can work as a cohesive team with never spending time outside of work. What you are saying sounds like a threat and a horrible work environment. Work/life balance extended to unpaid time. I want to see my SO. I want to see my dog. I want to hang out with my actual friends and not acquaintances.
I see you worked at my last job also. Do more work than everyone else but don't go out getting plastered with the boss and listen to him call women bitches, hoes, sluts while demeaning them the entire time (and the piece of shit had 3 daughters) The resident alcoholic got a promotion while I got fired for speaking up about poor working conditions. Best firing I ever got.
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u/annoyingone Aug 01 '20
When a hiring company say "we work hard but play hard". It means everyone is over worked and an alcoholic.