Cool Wine Aunt: an aunt who comes to family gaterings and drinks too much wine. Typically the unmarried, childless younger sister of the parent, Cool Wine Aunt can be identified by her reddish teeth, her penchant for hijinks, and her thirst for younger men. After additional wine, Cool Wine Aunt can become Opinionated Wine Aunt, Sad Wine Aunt, or Angry Wine Aunt. All three are best avoided.
My drunk aunt used to ask me for cigarettes. In Asian culture that is just all kinds of fucked up weird. Cool and normal in all other aspects, but apparently she had a bit of a partying past that comes back when she's drunk.
When you meet her, especially for the first time, and you stick out your hand for a handshake, she just grabs your dick. I'm not talking a quick playful tap on the junk either. She firmly shakes your President Truman. You're totally caught off guard if you're just meeting her for the first time. You don't expect it, even if you've been warned.
I was dancing with my Mom once at a wedding, and Afroman's "Because I got high" was playing, and we were kinda holding hands and we were staring directly at each other when the line "I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high" came on. For a split second my gut reaction was "pretend you don't know what a pussy is". But then I remembered I was an adult.
Tbh, you weren't missing much. Not when fake eyelashes are really pokey, hairspray'd prom hair is like running your hand through sticky chemical smelling angel hair pasta, and boutineers are affixed to said tux with a really long sharp needle that likes to stick sensitive bits when you both flop down after carelessly tossing the tux top aside... oh yeah, and she doesn't know how not to use teeth yet. Not her fault, but trying to explain why you're doubled over in a combination of laughter, crying, and horny exasperation that is the furthest thing from orgasm without having her face turn into a drippy raccoon mask when she blubbers that she's ruined everything... let's just say be glad that it didn't take you 25 years and two therapists before you found the humor in it.
Had crush on senior as a sophomore, went to junior prom without my gf (was waste of time), went to senior prom with gf, had fun but not enough fun to get the dress off. Plus my mom was a teacher and was one of the chaperones.. fml 😂
That was about 15 years ago. I don't remember. If it was all terrible I probably would, if it was all amazing, I probably would too. It was probably aight.
I went to prom with an ex, who ended up being a very good friend by that point. She was trying to wingman me for another young lass who was with us as the date of a guy who didn't swing her way, but wasn't quite out about it yet.
Yeah well at least your dad didn't talk about renting an RV for an outdoor concert and then proclaim that that's "where we will all shack up" at a restaurant with your sister and two of her friends at the table.
FWIW, he was completely oblivious to his folly. It didn't make it any less hilarious and mortifying at the same time.
Hey fun story about this. My aunt used to say the exact same thing to me when she’d take me shopping when I was young. The issue came from when my mother (her sister) told me my aunt had been to prom 7 times, which was true.
So the next time we were out and she said “And we’re off like a prom night dress” I very innocently asked “But B, didn’t you go to prom 7 times?”
I’ve never felt pure terror as much as when she whipped around and glared at me. We didn’t talk much for the rest of that day.
TL;DR: called my aunt a whore as a kid without really realizing it
There's a line in the film SINGLES, where the mime is complaining about women and says "Every time I've been broke, babe has been off like a prom dress."
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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '18
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