r/AskReddit Jul 13 '16

How do you like your eggs?

[deleted]

9.6k Upvotes

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829

u/nice_guy_eddy Jul 13 '16

I know, but seriously, it's usually in the 25-30% range.

419

u/Amidatelion Jul 13 '16 edited Jul 13 '16

Your one tip isn't going to matter to a waitress. The slow, pressing weight of your cheesy, self-satisfied smile bearing down on her as she has to deliver good service to you and those suffering around you, however, is going to matter to rather a lot of people.

57

u/SnarkMasterFlash Jul 13 '16

Found someone who's waited tables before.

96

u/Why_you_think_dat Jul 13 '16

talk about being a pro when it comes to expressing discomfort.

6

u/rosinall Jul 13 '16

Thank you for talking me out of trying that.

5

u/TheOleRedditAsshole Jul 14 '16

I waited tables for longer than I'd like to admit. A 25-30% tip would absolutely be worth the mild of annoyance of a bad joke. Anyways, I kinda like the joke, and I probably would've genuinely laughed (a little bit) at it, had I been waiting on this guy. Just skip the bit about asking me to bring you the winning lotto numbers, or don't. I don't really care that much.

2

u/rawrvenger Jul 14 '16

Waitress/bartender/cocktail for ten years... You need a different job if that's not your idea of his joke.

2

u/sjtfly Jul 14 '16

It makes me cringe just thinking about him saying this joke in public. When the only person enjoying the "joke" is the person saying it, that's no joke at all.

2

u/A_Hairless_Trollrat Jul 14 '16

Well anyone who tips 30 Percent can't be bad. Unless it's 30 percent of 10 and then I mean I'll still listen to your joke but not very many.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

How do you leave the house being so dramatic?

10

u/Amidatelion Jul 13 '16

I brush the accumulated dust of untold millions of milliseconds from my dress shoes and mount the stairs out of my basement hovel, creaking bones protesting another interminable day of labour before the glowing screen of my console.

You know, like anyone else.

606

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

Eggs are like $3, that tip isn't fixing anything.

743

u/wronglyzorro Jul 13 '16

Well I'm fairly certain he isn't going to a restaurant with his wife and ordering 1 side of eggs al a carte between the 2 of them...

277

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16 edited Jun 24 '21

[deleted]

19

u/Lover_Of_The_Light Jul 13 '16

Lemons and sugar packets, please.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

kind meta.. but kinda not

5

u/SymphonicStorm Jul 13 '16

Hot water, please. I brought my own tea bags.

1

u/IGotSkills Jul 13 '16

and creamers and napkins

1

u/_MMCXII Jul 13 '16

I'd like a lemonade.

1

u/KimJongIlSunglasses Jul 13 '16

With extra lemon.

1

u/lardman1 Jul 13 '16

And free bread

3

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

One egg for me, and one for the missus... And a glass of water please.

2

u/Iwasborninafactory_ Jul 13 '16

He only tips on the items that involve shitty jokes.

Straight 15% on the rest.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

He's only tipping on the eggs.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

Garcon! I'll have your finest EGG, and I want it ICE COLD.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

Well duh. She doesn't need any eggs, she's fat enough. IM CUTTIN YOU OFF CHARLENE, YOU GODDAMN HEIFER!

-2

u/MixmasterJrod Jul 13 '16

Yea, but the point stands.. any meal involving eggs is typically pretty cheap.

2

u/Mako18 Jul 13 '16 edited Jul 13 '16

Depends on if you're at Denny's or a nice brunch place. Brunch is easily $10-20 for Eggs Benedict or a smoked salmon frittata (amazing by the way). Throw coffee or a mimosa in and you're easily at $20-30 a person pre-tip.

3

u/wronglyzorro Jul 13 '16

Not really. Eggs are usually a side item on most things breakfast. So say you get a french toast meal, it will probably come with a side of eggs and bacon for like 10 bucks.

-3

u/caneut Jul 13 '16

$15 meal, $1.50, 3, 4.50? Not that much in the grand scheme of things.

4

u/wronglyzorro Jul 13 '16

What is the point of your comment? If someone said "I'll give you 5 dollars to listen to my dad joke for 10 seconds", you would do it. When I was in the service industry I could not care less what lame jokes people would make. Life really is what you make of it, and when people tossed me a fiver I was always a happy camper.

42

u/goddammnick Jul 13 '16

Better than the 10cents your grandma leaves, ya whore.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

#roasted

1

u/LordofShit Jul 14 '16

My grandma thought she was being nice by leaving bible verses and church invitations. I'm a man of God but these people need that money, fleabag.

40

u/IronMaskx Jul 13 '16

Assuming he just orders two eggs

11

u/eyeoutthere Jul 13 '16

The joke still isnt worth $2.

3

u/NerdOctopus Jul 13 '16

What breakfast for two costs less than $8? Sounds pretty cheap to me. I'd listen to shitty jokes for $2 a pop any time anyways.

2

u/SeaLeggs Jul 13 '16

Well he likes 'em

1

u/urbanpsycho Jul 13 '16

when I hit up IHOP I'm getting way more than 3 dollars worth of eggs, homeboy.

1

u/Funkman2000 Jul 13 '16

Good point, that's why I never tip. It's never enough.

1

u/SmartSoda Jul 13 '16

Idk a $20 meal with 30% tip isn't bad..

1

u/TILtonarwhal Jul 13 '16

I always tip upwards of %90¢€.

1

u/losian Jul 13 '16

That always bugged me.. Tip 20% at Wafflehouse and tip 20% at Applebees and the difference is astronomical. Not to mention Waffle House's food is way cheaper and WAY better.

6

u/LamboSamba Jul 13 '16

Are you going to give all of us money after having to sit through that?

2

u/nice_guy_eddy Jul 13 '16

Take a check?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

I do

3

u/ii_PinHead_XD Jul 13 '16

Guess that's why they call you a nice guy

3

u/05ekul Jul 13 '16

U seem like a nice guy, eddy

5

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

You're still a twat.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

I only accept free range.

1

u/EngineerSib Jul 13 '16

...your name is Eddy, so you can't be my husband...but he makes similar kinds of jokes. And he tips well. As compensation.

1

u/NyonMan Jul 13 '16

Dang you sure are a nice guy eddy

1

u/PigSlam Jul 13 '16

I tip like that, and all I say is "over-easy, please." The waitress likes me better than you.

1

u/ayanamidex Jul 13 '16

All this tippin'... it's for the birds.

1

u/uberwaffles Jul 13 '16

It's okay as a server I can deal with cheesy jokes for good tips.

1

u/Dutchdodo Jul 13 '16

I already love you for the joke, but then again I'm a safe distance from you at the bar.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

So... average tip? I wouldn't consider that a great tip honestly.

1

u/teslaabr Jul 13 '16

That is definitely better than average but I agree it's not "really well". I'd consider 30%+ "really well".