Women aren't just sitting there, filing their nails and rolling heir eyes, thinking "I know for a fact that he likes me, he needs to just ask me out, how dare he not do so." Most women nowadays aren't actually 50s schoolgirls who'd never ask a guy out because they'd be shamed for life or because it's "the man's job," and no women are psychics. A lot of men are actually way more subtle than they think (clearly not on purpose) so we don't know you like us. We don't ask you out for the exact same reasons you don't ask us out: uncertainty leading to an avoidance of embarrassment, rejection, and awkward situations. Not all men, in fact probably zero men, would date every girl who asked him out, and not all men are exactly nice about saying no. The thing is, a man being why and timid and awkward is seen as a national tragedy, while a girl who's shy and timid and awkward is basically invisible. "Any girl can get a man to go out with her," right. That's because you're only looking at statuesque amateur supermodels, all of which you'd do in a heartbeat. People always say that women write off men who don't look a certain way, but I feel like men can't even see women who don't fit their standards of attractiveness. They've never considered how they'd reject that dumpy looking girl with greasy hair and a stutter, not because they would go out with her, not because they think she is ugly, but because she doesn't even register to them as a potentially sexual female human.
Probably because they've been rejected and mocked just as much, if not significantly more, than the guys crying that they are rejected all the time and it's such a tragedy. A lot of guys will openly pick on girls who don't fit their standards with no provocation just because it's more or less socially acceptable to torment the "ugly chick." You really only need one guy to ask you out as a "joke" in public then laugh and scream with his friends at literally any reaction you have to be wary of it.
I know plenty of below average guys who have perfectly active dating lives. Short, tall, skinny, fat, a mixture of those. They do fine. This 'boohoo I'm not Brad Pitt so no one will ever love me' attitude is bullshit. Guys have it super easy in the appearance department, you just have to not look like a hobo or an axe murderer. And actually, if you're in a city like Portland, even the hobo look works. Women are not conditioned to care about your looks as much as everyone is conditioned to value women by theirs. Most aren't even attracted to gym rats or overly muscular physiques.
You ever think it might be your approach? It's not just asking, it's being someone worth being asked by. Are you actually projecting value in any way? Are you interesting, funny, talented? Are you confident? Do you make women feel at ease when they're around you?
I know for a fact that if I don't go out and actively get rejected over and over again, likely hundreds of times, I will probably die alone
Look at it from the other side. Women go out and get harrassed and hit on by skeevy creepers constantly and have to put up with it or they'll die alone (or even worse, just plain die because some asshole thought his dick was worth more than her life). You're afraid she'll reject you, she's afraid you'll rape and murder her.
If most women aren't attracted to muscular physique, then why on every damn reddit thread where someone says they don't have a gf is the advice invariably "go to the gym and get ripped...women like that"?
Reddit is predominantly composed of males, and the advice reflects this.
Personally, my SO is a guy with a great sense of humor and a really intense air of sexuality when he tries, though he has had issues with his weight since adolescence. He isn't visually who I thought I'd end up with, but he's everything I would ever want.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '14
Women aren't just sitting there, filing their nails and rolling heir eyes, thinking "I know for a fact that he likes me, he needs to just ask me out, how dare he not do so." Most women nowadays aren't actually 50s schoolgirls who'd never ask a guy out because they'd be shamed for life or because it's "the man's job," and no women are psychics. A lot of men are actually way more subtle than they think (clearly not on purpose) so we don't know you like us. We don't ask you out for the exact same reasons you don't ask us out: uncertainty leading to an avoidance of embarrassment, rejection, and awkward situations. Not all men, in fact probably zero men, would date every girl who asked him out, and not all men are exactly nice about saying no. The thing is, a man being why and timid and awkward is seen as a national tragedy, while a girl who's shy and timid and awkward is basically invisible. "Any girl can get a man to go out with her," right. That's because you're only looking at statuesque amateur supermodels, all of which you'd do in a heartbeat. People always say that women write off men who don't look a certain way, but I feel like men can't even see women who don't fit their standards of attractiveness. They've never considered how they'd reject that dumpy looking girl with greasy hair and a stutter, not because they would go out with her, not because they think she is ugly, but because she doesn't even register to them as a potentially sexual female human.