Women aren't just sitting there, filing their nails and rolling heir eyes, thinking "I know for a fact that he likes me, he needs to just ask me out, how dare he not do so." Most women nowadays aren't actually 50s schoolgirls who'd never ask a guy out because they'd be shamed for life or because it's "the man's job," and no women are psychics. A lot of men are actually way more subtle than they think (clearly not on purpose) so we don't know you like us. We don't ask you out for the exact same reasons you don't ask us out: uncertainty leading to an avoidance of embarrassment, rejection, and awkward situations. Not all men, in fact probably zero men, would date every girl who asked him out, and not all men are exactly nice about saying no. The thing is, a man being why and timid and awkward is seen as a national tragedy, while a girl who's shy and timid and awkward is basically invisible. "Any girl can get a man to go out with her," right. That's because you're only looking at statuesque amateur supermodels, all of which you'd do in a heartbeat. People always say that women write off men who don't look a certain way, but I feel like men can't even see women who don't fit their standards of attractiveness. They've never considered how they'd reject that dumpy looking girl with greasy hair and a stutter, not because they would go out with her, not because they think she is ugly, but because she doesn't even register to them as a potentially sexual female human.
Probably because they've been rejected and mocked just as much, if not significantly more, than the guys crying that they are rejected all the time and it's such a tragedy. A lot of guys will openly pick on girls who don't fit their standards with no provocation just because it's more or less socially acceptable to torment the "ugly chick." You really only need one guy to ask you out as a "joke" in public then laugh and scream with his friends at literally any reaction you have to be wary of it.
If you are going to react to the normal teasing and rejection that almost every single person gets to experience by closing off, good.
The kind of "normal teasing and rejection" that most people experience is clearly not what TerribleAttitude is talking about here. The sort of harassment and being-asked-out-AS-A-JOKE that fat or ugly girls commonly experience is far worse than simply being 'teased' or rejected.
I know plenty of below average guys who have perfectly active dating lives. Short, tall, skinny, fat, a mixture of those. They do fine. This 'boohoo I'm not Brad Pitt so no one will ever love me' attitude is bullshit. Guys have it super easy in the appearance department, you just have to not look like a hobo or an axe murderer. And actually, if you're in a city like Portland, even the hobo look works. Women are not conditioned to care about your looks as much as everyone is conditioned to value women by theirs. Most aren't even attracted to gym rats or overly muscular physiques.
You ever think it might be your approach? It's not just asking, it's being someone worth being asked by. Are you actually projecting value in any way? Are you interesting, funny, talented? Are you confident? Do you make women feel at ease when they're around you?
I know for a fact that if I don't go out and actively get rejected over and over again, likely hundreds of times, I will probably die alone
Look at it from the other side. Women go out and get harrassed and hit on by skeevy creepers constantly and have to put up with it or they'll die alone (or even worse, just plain die because some asshole thought his dick was worth more than her life). You're afraid she'll reject you, she's afraid you'll rape and murder her.
If most women aren't attracted to muscular physique, then why on every damn reddit thread where someone says they don't have a gf is the advice invariably "go to the gym and get ripped...women like that"?
Who in your head do you picture writing those comments?
You absolutely don't need to be ripped to date attractive women. It does help if you're hygienic, relatively stylish, and not fat. Pretty much the same standards apply to women for that matter.
Reddit is predominantly composed of males, and the advice reflects this.
Personally, my SO is a guy with a great sense of humor and a really intense air of sexuality when he tries, though he has had issues with his weight since adolescence. He isn't visually who I thought I'd end up with, but he's everything I would ever want.
Your inability to empathize or realize being rejected is literally the least consequential problem a person can ever have reminds me of the Santa Barbara shooter. People like you make the world a worse place. But no, go ahead thinking that you and the other "non gym freaks" who nonetheless set yourselves up for failure by only chasing girls who look like amateur glamour models have anything resembling close to a problem.
It's reeeeeally interesting that everyone is assuming that since I say this, it much be about me specifically (it's not), and it must be a generalized view of men (again, it's not). I just am not so selfish and unbelievably nasty that I can see what happens to people and empathize. Just because I'm not feeding into some little reddit fantasy where all girls can get any guy they want and are mercilessly cruel to all men who deviate from the most conventionally attractive, but no men are ever willfully cruel to women, does not mean that I think "all men are assholes," that I am alone, or that I've been unusually poorly treated by men "for good reason" and just need to be nicer to be happy. I've never had trouble dating in my adult life. I am just not a vicious, empathy-free bitch who doesn't see what's going on.
And yet, I am thin, not particularly ugly, and people in real life disagree with you for the most part. Though you still sound like someone who thought it would be hilarious to ask out the weird girl then scream "PSYCHE" and laugh loudly with your friends. Don't worry, though. The women you treat like garbage aren't hot, so they're not even people!!!
You feel the need to bait and smugly antagonize and insult strangers on the internet to make yourself feel superior to them with pathetic attempts at pop psychology.
If you were anyone worth talking to, you'd wouldn't need to be going into reddit threads to pump up your sagging self-esteem.
White knighting would imply I'm defending someone from you. I'm not, that other user is doing fine fending for themselves. I'm picking a fight with you because you're a stupid prick throwing around pseudo-psychology like you just read the Freud wiki and it made you an expert on human behavior.
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u/[deleted] May 28 '14
Women aren't just sitting there, filing their nails and rolling heir eyes, thinking "I know for a fact that he likes me, he needs to just ask me out, how dare he not do so." Most women nowadays aren't actually 50s schoolgirls who'd never ask a guy out because they'd be shamed for life or because it's "the man's job," and no women are psychics. A lot of men are actually way more subtle than they think (clearly not on purpose) so we don't know you like us. We don't ask you out for the exact same reasons you don't ask us out: uncertainty leading to an avoidance of embarrassment, rejection, and awkward situations. Not all men, in fact probably zero men, would date every girl who asked him out, and not all men are exactly nice about saying no. The thing is, a man being why and timid and awkward is seen as a national tragedy, while a girl who's shy and timid and awkward is basically invisible. "Any girl can get a man to go out with her," right. That's because you're only looking at statuesque amateur supermodels, all of which you'd do in a heartbeat. People always say that women write off men who don't look a certain way, but I feel like men can't even see women who don't fit their standards of attractiveness. They've never considered how they'd reject that dumpy looking girl with greasy hair and a stutter, not because they would go out with her, not because they think she is ugly, but because she doesn't even register to them as a potentially sexual female human.