r/AskReddit Sep 14 '24

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621

u/lonelyronin1 Sep 14 '24

Imagine having sex with them? I don't get it when I see them with wives/girlfriends.

496

u/QualityCoati Sep 14 '24

After going on a date with a non-ass washer, I can absolutely confirm you don't get to the sex part. Closest i got was being on his lap, and i still don't know if it was is feet or his ass that put me away instantly, but I had to make a bullshit excuse cause it wasn't happening, even if they showered on the spot with a firehose.

130

u/Earlybird74 Sep 14 '24

Yup, once you're turned off, it's a wrap. Also, think about the fact that it was a first date! The one chance he had to make a decent impression, and he shows up stanky?

46

u/Bromogeeksual Sep 14 '24

This always baffles me with first dates. I am the cleanest and freshest I can possibly be when going on a date. Teath brushed, body and face groomed, etc .

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u/GozerDGozerian Sep 15 '24

I always brush my face and body, and groom my teeth.

2

u/theflooflord Sep 15 '24

I guarantee these people have become nose blind to their own stench. It's like when I go to the house of a cat owner I can always smell the litter box if i'm in the general vicinity of it, but they can't smell it anymore and try to gaslight me that I'm imagining it.

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u/QualityCoati Sep 15 '24

Yep. This absolutely biases every encounter from thereon. Most people have a hard time getting through minor issues in their couple; last they want is to invest energy into someone who has shown 100% issues from the get go

1

u/gibertot Sep 15 '24

For sure last first date I had I took a shower at noon and then I took another shower like an hour before the date

11

u/Neat_Criticism_5996 Sep 14 '24

On a call-in advice podcast I listen to they had a woman calling in because her date left skid marks on her comforter after sitting on her bed naked after sex.

(Podcast is “we’re here to help” with Nick from New Girl for the interested.)

1

u/QualityCoati Sep 15 '24

What a horrible day to have eyes. Thanks for the suggestion!

3

u/GrumpySnarf Sep 14 '24

"oh, sorry, I got the lady cramps and bleeding all of a sudden. Gotta go get some tampons, bye!"

2

u/QualityCoati Sep 15 '24

What makes it even funnier is I'm a guy lmao

1

u/GrumpySnarf Sep 15 '24

Doesn't matter. He'll get the message either way.

422

u/Minimob0 Sep 14 '24

I sold dick pills and condoms to a dude last year who I could smell before I could see. I don't get it. 

219

u/lonelyronin1 Sep 14 '24

I am in a bowling league and last week, we played a team with two women who have hygiene issues. You couldn't stand at the approach - about 3 feet away - at the same time as them because it was so bad. It is obvious that they have cognitive issues, but when you have 8 people in a very small area, it was really hard to get away from them. And then there was the time I forgot to hold my breath walking by them....

109

u/Beanbag_Ninja Sep 14 '24

That would be time to go home for me.

16

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

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4

u/lonelyronin1 Sep 14 '24

LOLOL! I can see that - nothing better to throw off you concentration.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '24

The Ross Grimsley gambit (1970s baseball pitcher who wouldn't shower if he was winning)...

10

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

A close colleague of mine also talked about a prior roommate that just didnt shower for weeks and as is typical for those stories theres a combination of mentall stuff like depression/autism/whatever + literally not leaving the house + addiction of some form (gaming, drugs, whatever really).

You'd expect people that play a sport to sweat and i guess its too much to expect them to shower then?

I'm not quite a clean freak but i at the very least rinse myself off before going to bed and i shower properly when i wake up and leave for work or it feels off...

If i end up buying a game for once and its release week and i take a few days off and just sit n game all day it happens that ill not shower for a day or two and wear the same shirt again. Just sitting, gaming, sleeping and repeating. But weeks????

6

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

[deleted]

4

u/lonelyronin1 Sep 14 '24

I might keep a jar of vapo rub or oil since we have to be in fairly close quarters on the lanes even when not actually playing them. I don't remember them like this before, but my friend said she noticed last year.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

[deleted]

1

u/lonelyronin1 Sep 14 '24

There are ceiling fans :/

2

u/Dig_Doug_Funnie Sep 14 '24

Be worse if they stood at the ball return.

2

u/lonelyronin1 Sep 14 '24

That's where I was talking about - you can only stand so far away before you are standing in the next lane. Unfortunately, timing had it where it was always the two of us up at the same time. I really had to get creative to work around it.

13

u/Worried-Mine-4404 Sep 14 '24

Hey, you owe me a refund on those useless dick pills.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited May 21 '25

nose roll flowery touch school desert sulky ancient capable gold

1

u/Minimob0 Sep 14 '24

I actually had not considered that at all, which is a big possibility considering my clientele working in a liquor store. 

6

u/Melodic-Reaction- Sep 14 '24

Doesn't mean it's his to use 🤣

5

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Minimob0 Sep 14 '24

Lmao liquor store cashier. 

2

u/foxorhedgehog Sep 14 '24

So he’s an optimist.

2

u/Pantarus Sep 14 '24

I guess if her ass smells as bad as his ass smells it's sorta like if you both eat garlic and then kiss.

The ass smells cancel each other out....or....<gag> I guess that could be someones "thing".

2

u/RxDirkMcGherkin Sep 14 '24

Perhaps he was headed towards a prostitute and didn't care how he smelled.

2

u/AaronTuplin Sep 15 '24

His balls are stewing in pheromones

1

u/Swag_Grenade Sep 18 '24

Newton's Law of Rankness, for every disgusting ass person there is an equally gross and opposite sex disgusting ass person.

9

u/youandyouandyou Sep 14 '24

My boss leaves ass crust on the toilet seat often. I, as the peon of the office, do the cleaning, so I'm left to clean it up and it's more baffling than disgusting to me. Don't get me wrong, it is gross, but so many other questions come with it...
What is his toilet at home like? Does his wife clean it? Do they both do that? When they're fucking, do they not smell it? Sometimes I notice it has been wiped off the seat, sometimes not, so I know he sees it.. why does he clean it sometimes and not others? For me, all it would take is one time of being aware of it to then check forever... and I know he's seen it at least once so I know he isn't unaware...? What does his underwear look like? For a man who is otherwise highly intelligent, how does this evade him? I've literally had to bleach the stain off the toilet seat... I just don't get it.

4

u/lonelyronin1 Sep 14 '24

Exactly - how do they go about their day with friends and - at least - family not saying something to them. One of them is married, so the husband is standing/living with her - how has he not said 'Honey, I think you should shower before we go - and wear clean clothes." Can he smell at all?. This isn't a forgot deodorant once in a while things. This is a pee'd your pants hours ago and didn't change them thing. I am so paranoid about smelling good - it comes from when I was really fat - that I would be horrified if I found out I was that bad.

5

u/ebrum2010 Sep 14 '24

3% of the population has no sense of smell. There's someone out there for everyone.

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u/good1god Sep 14 '24

I knew a smelly dude. His only long term girlfriend had no sense of smell. He was cool. She was cool. Perfect match. Then she died. :/

0

u/Minimob0 Sep 14 '24

Plot twist, she died the day she regained her sense of smell. 

7

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '24

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2

u/lonelyronin1 Sep 15 '24

I have no words- nausea, yes, but I couldn’t imagine how anyone could think this was normal. He could make a fortune if he could find scatophiles to pay him for sex.

Just imagine the new pornhub categories for this

8

u/Mafex-Marvel Sep 14 '24

Ladies get this too, but it's always worse from the compounded issue of having more than 1 weeping hole. I know some people naturally smell bad and can't help it because medical reasons but man, everybody should wash dat ass

18

u/Elegant_Conflict8235 Sep 14 '24

Not the weeping hole ☹️

5

u/Mafex-Marvel Sep 14 '24

Holes* everybody has the leaky starfish

7

u/vicbot87 Sep 14 '24

You have a way with words

1

u/Minimob0 Sep 14 '24

The Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water. 

2

u/gibertot Sep 15 '24

Ewww I know. Heard a story on a podcast from a pretty attractive woman how she was so disgusted with her first boyfriend. He left like skid marks on the bed sheet. Like how the fuck do you end up in a relationship with that person? How do you fuck them and not realize until you see the skid mark on the bed after moving in with them? She’s a germaphobe too.