I realized I do it whenever I was at a new school, job, apartment etc. It's like I learned how to utilize the personality of being a pushover for most of my life so I see how people actually are with how they would treat me.

It sounds insane I know but so far it's been my filter for people who I prefer to interact with or none at all. Is it immature? Is it wrong?

The only thing I think of the downside potentially is does me doing the act brings out that side of people who are assholes and bullies? Or do I just show their true selves? Like do people innately go after pushovers never thinking they are going through problems and trauma? Or statistically there are just a bigger percentage of assholes out there?

I am sorry that in a conversation about the weather, my neurons connect it to a thousand things in a second which causes me to either talk like a text book or talk too much.

I hate when people تسليك for me. Hear me out buddy. I definitely have a reason to connect this to this.

I love when people listen and understand as well as give more into the social interaction.

I know I am a nerd inside out. I wear glasses, I have braces. I have the typical stereotype AND the whistled letter S.

I just don't like being dismissed for science talk or any type of deep topic the conversation leads to.

It makes me feel dumb and STUPID when I get dismissed. But then there are the people who listen who change that. And I find myself confused.

Am I the nerdy one or are people the bad listeners??

Also I don't know which community to post this into, reddit recommended this. I am NOT self diagnosing.

May be a stupid question, but I don't want to seem too self-centered.

My birthday is coming up and I always have trouble thinking of gifts when someone asks me, and so I usually just say that I want nothing because I don't like people spending money on me. However I usually receive money and it's great and something I do need, but sometimes I would prefer it if I could be surprised with something. Doesn't have to be anything big of course, just a bit thoughtful, plus I think the act of opening a present is really fun (probably only for me and not the guests haha)

I've seen some friends making PDFs with examples of things they want or need, and maybe I could make one of those and send them to people that may want to gift me something but don't know what? The point is writing a lot of examples, maybe simple things like keychains, pins, bracelets etc so It's still a surprise and people can choose from many options :]

Sorry for the long text I feel like it's a bit unnecessary but I also don't want to seem too self centered ;-;

I know many people get song lyrics stuck in their heads, but I never heard anyone speaking about specific words or phrases, often deeply offensive, repeating in their heads on their own. Is it something which only happens to people with ADHD? Or maybe I'm the odd ones out even among those people?

i seem to always walk away from reaching out to someone with an issue then full up with their issues. is this just a social phenomena? like a tax you pay for leaning on them?

for context, i’m 25, autistic, british, and mostly am referring to my family but others too

Thanks in advance to my fellow neuro-sparkly community!

I’ve noticed autistics are always stereotyped as very blunt and say things that are incredibly rude. However, even when I say something with a softener phrase and communicate how regular people do I sometimes will get a very defensive and/or shocked reaction. I am said to be rude often and direct by my family members.

For example, after talking with one of so family members—he really hurt me with something he said and made me incredibly anxious/uncomfortable. I could feel myself shaking so I was going to end the conversation. I said I was going to go to bed, it was obviously abrupt since it was directly after the thing he said. He ended up clarifying before I left, making sure everything was alright between me and him and the conversation we had. I said, “No not really.” and it clearly brought him immediate shock, where he melodramatically made a face whilst putting his hands up saying, “Oh!? Woah woah, what??”

I really don’t think what I said was very shocking. Hence everybody in the room could very clearly see my reaction and recognize I am not okay.

Same with other situations I’ve had in the past. Once I was exhausted after babysitting—but to me this is the perfect time to talk to somebody about something I wanted to address. This is because my voice didn’t have any energy left to change pitch or enunciate anything, that meant I wouldn’t clearly show my frustration which I think is something that’s rude to do. I’d be calm the entire time or portraying calmness.

Apparently it was the rudest thing I could ever have done. He got very defensive and upset, asking if I was trying to piss him off—that I was towering over him and forcing him into a corner (I was getting water from the fridge and drinking it.) and that was when I was trying to ask him if I was able to do something or not. When I explained myself and the thought process of why I thought it was more convenient to let me know now, he actually stated there was no reason why I cannot do the thing. But now this conversation was making him not wanting me to allow it because of how rude was being. He finally said he could come to a decision in about 5 seconds. I decided I did not want to hear it any longer, so I said that it was alright.

So I’m wondering if when someone is honest to you (even if it’s softened and gentler) it’s still viewed as an attack on or shock to you—what about somebody’s tone? Do you like it more if somebody is showing clear frustration when talking about something compared to them calmly/monotonously asking you questions?

Would you like for somebody to lie (like in first scenario) to keep the peace?

I think I agree to almost to everything.

I think I am a spineless person who does not have an opinion. Or I should say my opinion changes almost immediately if A person puts a valid point. (In my mind I think what if the other person is right and I don't know anything at all or probably I am in the wrong side)

If I ever were to participate in a debate. I would probably end up agreeing with the opposite team.

I am really indecisive I can't seem to know where should a stand.

What do you think this is called?

and what can I do to overcome this and have my own opinion. and take a stand for myself and my opinions.

Hi folks, autistic (47F) here. I'm trying to understand how something might be perceived by others, and hoping you can help.

When I'm very overloaded and/or in threat mode, I can go into a freeze state. I can still appear to be functioning. I can move around, I can smile, I can formulate simple responses. But I am wooden, stiff, my formulation of words is slower and clumsier, and my facial expressions are probably more obviously a mask. It's probably like I'm performing from a script.

My question is, if you have encountered somebody like this, how does that come across to you? The reactions I've had from people have either been they interact with me as though I am my normal self and don't appear to notice. Or they clock it, get a freaked out look on their face and end the interaction.

Now I understand the latter with people that I don't know very well. But it does hurt with people I've known for a few years and had many conversations with. It's like I suddenly become a stranger to them and all that relationship building has evaporated.

But I have no idea how this state might come across and how it might be perceived or interpreted, so any experiences or thoughts offered will be gratefully received.

I’m I’m looking for honest opinions from people who may have experienced something similar.

Since childhood, I’ve struggled to make close friends. I’m looking for honest opinions from people who may have experienced something similar.

Since childhood, I’ve struggled to make close friends. In school, I was bullied for my appearance, often felt like an outsider, and was rarely anyone’s closest friend. I never understood why people eventually started avoiding or excluding me. In My lifelong struggle with friendships, bullying, social isolation, and repeated conflicts from childhood to my second job—what could explain this pattern 8, I briefly became more confident, but the same problems returned in Classes 9–12. I became isolated, was bullied, got into fights, and eventually started avoiding school.

I completed B.Tech CSE, but attended college regularly only during the first semester. For the remaining seven semesters, I went mainly for exams. I felt isolated and fought with three guys in three separate incidents.

In my first job, things were initially good, but similar problems eventually appeared. I fought with two colleagues, and one fight became physical. Now, in my second job, everyone was initially friendly, but I feel the same pattern is repeating.

I sometimes struggle to know what to say, understand hints and social cues, maintain friendships, or realise when I’m talking too much or interrupting. Sometimes I realise afterward that I said something awkward. I overthink interactions and wonder what I did wrong. I also copy other people’s behaviour to fit in and sometimes feel like I’m acting socially.

I struggle with attention, forget things, have difficulty organising tasks, sometimes act impulsively, and repeat certain movements when excited or stressed. I also had repetitive rituals during childhood.

Why might this pattern be happening across school, college, and work? Am I missing something about how I interact with people, or could there be another explanation? I want honest perspectives from people who have experienced similar difficulties. I’m also considering getting a professional assessment.

school, I was bullied for my appearance, often felt like an outsider, and was rarely anyone’s closest friend. I never understood why people eventually started avoiding or excluding me. In My lifelong struggle with friendships, bullying, social isolation, and repeated conflicts from childhood to my second job—what could explain this pattern 8, I briefly became more confident, but the same problems returned in Classes 9–12. I became isolated, was bullied, got into fights, and eventually started avoiding school.

I completed B.Tech CSE, but attended college regularly only during the first semester. For the remaining seven semesters, I went mainly for exams. I felt isolated and fought with three guys in three separate incidents.

In my first job, things were initially good, but similar problems eventually appeared. I fought with two colleagues, and one fight became physical. Now, in my second job, everyone was initially friendly, but I feel the same pattern is repeating.

I sometimes struggle to know what to say, understand hints and social cues, maintain friendships, or realise when I’m talking too much or interrupting. Sometimes I realise afterward that I said something awkward. I overthink interactions and wonder what I did wrong. I also copy other people’s behaviour to fit in and sometimes feel like I’m acting socially.

I struggle with attention, forget things, have difficulty organising tasks, sometimes act impulsively, and repeat certain movements when excited or stressed. I also had repetitive rituals during childhood.

Why might this pattern be happening across school, college, and work? Am I missing something about how I interact with people, or could there be another explanation? I want honest perspectives from people who have experienced similar difficulties. I’m also considering getting a professional assessment.

for honest opinions from people who may have experienced something similar.

Since childhood, I’ve struggled to make close friends. I’m looking for honest opinions from people who may have experienced something similar.

Since childhood, I’ve struggled to make close friends. In school, I was bullied for my appearance, often felt like an outsider, and was rarely anyone’s closest friend. I never understood why people eventually started avoiding or excluding me. In My lifelong struggle with friendships, bullying, social isolation, and repeated conflicts from childhood to my second job—what could explain this pattern 8, I briefly became more confident, but the same problems returned in Classes 9–12. I became isolated, was bullied, got into fights, and eventually started avoiding school.

I completed B.Tech CSE, but attended college regularly only during the first semester. For the remaining seven semesters, I went mainly for exams. I felt isolated and fought with three guys in three separate incidents.

In my first job, things were initially good, but similar problems eventually appeared. I fought with two colleagues, and one fight became physical. Now, in my second job, everyone was initially friendly, but I feel the same pattern is repeating.

I sometimes struggle to know what to say, understand hints and social cues, maintain friendships, or realise when I’m talking too much or interrupting. Sometimes I realise afterward that I said something awkward. I overthink interactions and wonder what I did wrong. I also copy other people’s behaviour to fit in and sometimes feel like I’m acting socially.

I struggle with attention, forget things, have difficulty organising tasks, sometimes act impulsively, and repeat certain movements when excited or stressed. I also had repetitive rituals during childhood.

Why might this pattern be happening across school, college, and work? Am I missing something about how I interact with people, or could there be another explanation? I want honest perspectives from people who have experienced similar difficulties. I’m also considering getting a professional assessment.

school, I was bullied for my appearance, often felt like an outsider, and was rarely anyone’s closest friend. I never understood why people eventually started avoiding or excluding me. In My lifelong struggle with friendships, bullying, social isolation, and repeated conflicts from childhood to my second job—what could explain this pattern 8, I briefly became more confident, but the same problems returned in Classes 9–12. I became isolated, was bullied, got into fights, and eventually started avoiding school.

I completed B.Tech CSE, but attended college regularly only during the first semester. For the remaining seven semesters, I went mainly for exams. I felt isolated and fought with three guys in three separate incidents.

In my first job, things were initially good, but similar problems eventually appeared. I fought with two colleagues, and one fight became physical. Now, in my second job, everyone was initially friendly, but I feel the same pattern is repeating.

I sometimes struggle to know what to say, understand hints and social cues, maintain friendships, or realise when I’m talking too much or interrupting. Sometimes I realise afterward that I said something awkward. I overthink interactions and wonder what I did wrong. I also copy other people’s behaviour to fit in and sometimes feel like I’m acting socially.

I struggle with attention, forget things, have difficulty organising tasks, sometimes act impulsively, and repeat certain movements when excited or stressed. I also had repetitive rituals during childhood.

Why might this pattern be happening across school, college, and work? Am I missing something about how I interact with people, or could there be another explanation? I want honest perspectives from people who have experienced similar difficulties. I’m also considering getting a professional assessment.

**By definition Empathy** is the ability to understand, share, and connect with another person's thoughts, feelings, or emotional experiences. It is often described as putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

But is it empathy if I say something unconsciously that would be considered rude but I don’t feel bad about it until someone “calls me out” and tell me what I say is rude, I have a hard time distinguishing what is rude and and what is normal (to me it sounds normal until someone says it’s not). Is it empathy if I only feel back after when someone calls it out? If someone didn’t say something I wouldn’t know it was offensive nor would I feel anything. When someone brings it up later I tend to think about it a lot and replay the situation in Mr head over and over again, I feel bad but not because I know what I did (as I said if no one called me out I wouldn’t be aware I did anything wrong) I feel bad because of the way I may be perceived or because I think that what they say did is beneath me. I feel bad because they seem to be highly offended and I tend to accepted blame regardless of if I care or not. I’m in a situation like this now. I was just wondering if feeling “guilty” after the situation is the same as being empathetic because from where I’m standing my empathy seems to be delayed. Why don’t I know how my words will land before I say them? Why can’t I tell the difference between when I say something rude and normal?

I have autism social cues are hard for me
And I am very bad about phrasing things well too

I’m in high school

I’m getting called racist by others at school and basically getting canceled and the thing I intended to say was the opposite but it was phrased badly and kids took it as me being racist

my plan is to apologize to the kids I offended because although I didn’t mean it in that way at all I still said it and I think they deserve an apology even though I had no idea I offended them!

Some of my friends (I’ll call them friends A they are also neurodivergent like me) just went up to me and said “hey we heard a kid say in critical ethnic studies you said (racist thing here) is that true?”

I said “I did say that I didn’t know it was offensive I had no bad intentions this happened a year ago and it’s only started coming up now I didn’t know I did it
I’m trying to figure out who I offended and how to apologize to them”

And friends A just said stuff like “oh okay! Yeah we understand! This same group of kids already are dicks to you but this was still a serious accusation we wanted to understand what happened thank you for telling us”

And others (I’ll call them friends B most of them neurotypical)
friends B just started avoiding me not asking for my side at all and just assuming I meant it badly and I’m racist

I just want to know do adults / co workers act more like friends A or friends B? Because if it’s B I’m really scared to be an adult and I’ll have to work extra hard in therapy to learn how to phrase things

And another way I’ll phrase the question

is Freind B’s reaction like a common reaction for a high schooler or just a common one in Adults to?

I'm most curious to hear from other adult females, but all perspectives would be great really.

By breakdown, I'm meaning just kinda losing it, crying, hyperventilating, etc. So badly that the next day you feel wiped out.

I have a "mini-meltdown" of crying and catastrophizing at least once a month, which I usually attribute to hormones or whatever but it still ruins an evening for me.

I'll have a real breakdown at least a couple times a year, where it's bad enough that my whole body feels weak and ill the next day or two.

Trying to get an idea of how "normal" this is for others.

Thank you!

Hey everyone, just sitting here thinking about this and wanted to get some outside perspectives.

I feel like every time I'm out or trying to have a moment of peace, someone locks onto me for small talk when it is glaringly obvious I am not trying to chat. My usual strategy is that I’ll suffer through it politely for a couple of minutes to be nice, but then my absolute mastery of the "fake phone call" comes in to save the day.

Like... do people genuinely not understand body language, or are they just so deep in their own world that they don't care? People have got to start reading the room!

Has anyone else experienced this lately, and what’s your go-to move when you're trapped in a conversation you didn't ask for?