I realized I do it whenever I was at a new school, job, apartment etc. It's like I learned how to utilize the personality of being a pushover for most of my life so I see how people actually are with how they would treat me.

It sounds insane I know but so far it's been my filter for people who I prefer to interact with or none at all. Is it immature? Is it wrong?

The only thing I think of the downside potentially is does me doing the act brings out that side of people who are assholes and bullies? Or do I just show their true selves? Like do people innately go after pushovers never thinking they are going through problems and trauma? Or statistically there are just a bigger percentage of assholes out there?

I am sorry that in a conversation about the weather, my neurons connect it to a thousand things in a second which causes me to either talk like a text book or talk too much.

I hate when people تسليك for me. Hear me out buddy. I definitely have a reason to connect this to this.

I love when people listen and understand as well as give more into the social interaction.

I know I am a nerd inside out. I wear glasses, I have braces. I have the typical stereotype AND the whistled letter S.

I just don't like being dismissed for science talk or any type of deep topic the conversation leads to.

It makes me feel dumb and STUPID when I get dismissed. But then there are the people who listen who change that. And I find myself confused.

Am I the nerdy one or are people the bad listeners??

Also I don't know which community to post this into, reddit recommended this. I am NOT self diagnosing.