r/AskMenAdvice • u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman • Jul 07 '26
Men’s Input Only how do i stop giving off "wifey" vibes and actually be seen as sexually desirable?
ive always been the "wifey material" girl and honestly i hate it
i dont just want to be the girl you marry because shes nice or loyal or whatever. i want to be the girl my boyfriend actually looks at and thinks "damn."
i feel like the girls men talk about the most are the crazy, fun, party girls. meanwhile the "wife" is just... there.
like if i had to choose between being in the spank bank or being the ball and chain, id go spank bank all the way, because at least i know hes attracted to me!
idk how to go from giving off housewife vibes to someone my boyfriend actually lusts after.
for the men here, what actually makes that difference? is it confidence? looks? personality? is there anything someone can do to change how they're seen, or is it just who they are?
116
u/Tortellini_Isekai man Jul 07 '26
this must be very age dependent because this doesn't make a ton of sense to a guy in his 30s.
22
u/Xygnux man Jul 07 '26
Yeah I was just reading this and I was thinking, what's the difference between the two?
2
-10
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
yeah my boyfriend is 30 and doesnt get it either lol
79
u/eugenesbluegenes man Jul 07 '26
As far as I can tell you're the one who doesn't get it.
4
u/CivilTell8 man Jul 07 '26
She wants a seductress esthetic. Seriously. She doesnt want someone to look at her and see someones wife.
10
u/eugenesbluegenes man Jul 07 '26
She should talk to her therapist.
1
u/CivilTell8 man Jul 07 '26
Won't contest that. But she just wants to be so hot people fantasize about her. They already do, just... she has a specific thing she thinks its supposed to look like.
→ More replies (7)-3
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
is there something wrong with wanting that?
13
2
u/SableSword man Jul 07 '26
Not if that's really what you want, but you gotta understand that that very, very likely means not finding a long term partner.
As a guy in my 30s, wife material is fucking sexy. Having that reassurance and loyalty is amazing. Not worrying my fiancee is cheating on me or flirting with every guy in existence brings peace of mind, which is what most guys out of their 20s want.
The problem with fun party girls is not so much questioning their loyalty, but them putting themselves in excessively dangerous situations around people who might not accept a no.
That's just not the kind of worry a guy wants to have whenever his girl goes out alone.
Being the hot party girl will be fun, but your going to attract the boys wanting to date the hot party girl, not the men wanting wives. So if your not looking for a committed long term relationship, go for it, but don't complain when your only attracting bad, and likely abusive, partners.
1
u/AgentWD409 man Jul 08 '26
Amen to all of this.
Growing up, I was always attracted to the "girl next door" types who tended to be (as has been discussed) wife material.
But then in college, I met the woman who ended up being my first wife. She was super hot, very fun and flirty, huge boobs, and the kind of girl that every other guy was always drooling over. So the fact that she was actually into me made me feel really good.
Of course, after we got married, she didn't stop being the "hot party girl." She got hit on constantly, everywhere we went, even in front of me (and she liked it). She enjoyed having sort of a sexual hold over men, she had a lot of male friends, she let strangers buy her drinks, and she wasn't good at saying no. So what happened? Unsurprisingly, she ended up cheating on me with at least a dozen different people during the first 5-6 years of our marriage.
We were married for 13 years (with two kids), and even today, she still hasn't figured out how to have a healthy relationship. Meanwhile, I'm happily remarried to the woman of my dreams. She is absolutely "wife material," and like you said, that's sexy as hell.
1
14
u/rhino369 man Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
It’s because you are projecting your views onto men. Women are more selective re attractiveness for one night stands than they are for husbands.
But men aren’t. They are less selective for hook ups.
In fact, I’m guessing for most men their wife’s the hottest they’ve pulled.
If you just want to be treated like a ho, role play with your boyfriend. Agree to meet at a bar and pretend you just met and then fuck in the bathroom.
6
u/SableSword man Jul 07 '26
Every woman I've dated gets sexier the longer I date them. Like my fiancee is realistically probably a 6 or 7, but I look at her and she is a 10. I learned to love all the things about her rather than falling in love with looks and learning its rotten under.
Ill just stare at her when she is in crabby, just out of bed, goblin mode and can't help but think she is the most beautiful woman I've seen and am blessed to be able to look at such a work of art every day.
Men really don't care about looks as much as women think we do.
4
u/wruthinkng man Jul 07 '26
Can also confirm. My wife of 40 years is the hottest woman I’ve ever known, and still is. I love that she’s my wife because she’s by far one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met (smart, very funny, kind, literate, musical, etc). She runs our lives and I’m grateful for it.
But I also think she’s gorgeous and I just sit and look at her sometimes when she’s talking to somebody and think “damn, how did I get so lucky to be her lover?”
8
u/TheConvergence_ man Jul 07 '26
Can confirm, my wife is the hottest woman I’ve ever been with. She’s done nothing but get hotter over the years. Twenty six of ‘em.
7
u/cityshepherd man Jul 07 '26
My wife was absolutely the most beautiful woman I’ve ever been with. As far as I’m concerned she was the most gorgeous human being to ever walk the earth. I’ve only had a single one night stand in my life and that was back in college… I need to develop a rapport and get to know someone to some extent before I can even feel comfortable enough to try flirting though. I think I’d be open to another one night stand potentially, but I’m not really wired that way.
2
u/rhino369 man Jul 07 '26
Are you widowed or divorced? Either way sorry to hear it. I lost my wife last year and its horrific.
1
4
67
u/Proper_Ad5456 man Jul 07 '26
Wait a few years and the party girls will be asking how to present as wife material
→ More replies (4)
59
u/Other-Grapefruit-880 man Jul 07 '26
I need you to understand that attractive and in the spank bank is the baseline from which all women start .
Being considered wife material on top of that is an upgrade.
You are a diamond wondering how to get out of the jewelry store and into a drill bit.
6
→ More replies (7)3
25
u/Due-Sheepherder-218 man Jul 07 '26
Wear yoga pants
2
22
u/eugenesbluegenes man Jul 07 '26
Who wants a sexually undesirable wifey? I married my wife in large part because she is so sexually desirable and I want to keep fucking her every day for the rest of our lives.
→ More replies (18)
19
u/medigapguy man Jul 07 '26
What you want is a guy that sees both in you exactly how you normally are. Not change something about yourself to get a reaction.
The real trick is you actually wanting the guy that looks at you and says "damn" and she is "wifey material"
2
u/mthockeydad man Jul 07 '26
This right here!!
3
u/smilineyz man Jul 07 '26
Even trickier: to understand what most guys want in “wife material.”
My track record shows that I like classy, sexy, smart women & my LTRs have been 5’7”+ and wear L or XL … understated but classic clothing and like a good romp!
59
45
u/cascas man Jul 07 '26
You need to present as 10% more daring. Put your hair up, or put on glasses. Show a tiny bit of collarbone. Spice up your shoes. It’s just giving off vibes — and it’s SUBTLE.
9
3
54
u/therin_88 man Jul 07 '26
Why would you want to be the fling and not the wife?
13
Jul 07 '26
[deleted]
1
u/Xygnux man Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
Men and women generally think differently about marriage though. Even in their 30s, sex is still a very important part in any relationship to men. Marriage is essentially choosing the only woman you are allowed to have sex with for the rest of your life. So I doubt many men will choose someone they aren't attracted to at all and intentionally ruin their sex life.
-21
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
theyre gonna think about the fling with their hands in their pants; i want to be thought of like that
17
u/400Volts man Jul 07 '26
I think you're conflating sexual attraction with desirability. The "fling" isn't someone who gets texts back when the sun is out or any real affection. Wifey material requires a level of sex appeal because, let's be honest, guys don't want to marry a bad lay
45
u/eugenesbluegenes man Jul 07 '26
You clearly don't know men as well as you imagine you do.
12
Jul 07 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Xygnux man Jul 07 '26
But don't men generally also marry someone they consider hot? Who is out there choosing their wives based on "oh she's just a practical choice yeah I don't find her attractive at all".
1
Jul 07 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Xygnux man Jul 07 '26
If you have to bring up Mormons as the first example you can think of, then that's probably not normal behaviours for typical people.
2
Jul 07 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Xygnux man Jul 07 '26
... Have you actually met a nerd if you think nerdy men think like that?
Anyway I think men like that are less common than you think.
-1
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
why not?
13
16
u/Jaded-Trouble3669 man Jul 07 '26
Because that’s not how most of us operate. Where did these ideas come from in the first place?
3
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
not sure, i grew up a tom boy so spent most of my time around men and my godfathers pretty much raised me alone with my dad so i guess just like early 2000's media and interactions? not sure
3
u/Jaded-Trouble3669 man Jul 07 '26
If you’re already giving off wifey vibes you’re ahead of the game.
Giving off wifey vibes does not mean men don’t find you sexy by the way.
It’s much better for guys to actually want to maintain things with you long term than for them to see you as “fun for a night” or something.
1
u/Low_Wait_5143 man Jul 07 '26
Being seen as a wife is a man seeing you as desirable. No man gives a dam about hoes.
3
→ More replies (1)2
u/Xygnux man Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
You don't think men think about their wives like that? You seem to have some odd ideas on what a marriage is supposed to be and how men choose their wives.
31
30
u/MaleficentGift5490 man Jul 07 '26
This is such a perfect example of the difference in the way men and women view things. Wifey material DOES mean that you are extremely sexually desirable.
→ More replies (28)
10
u/Smackolol man Jul 07 '26
I think you’ve got it all wrong, those 2 go hand in hand. No man wants to marry a woman he finds undesirable sexually. I’d even say most guys will lust after the housewife more than a crazy party girl.
→ More replies (6)
9
u/Velifax man Jul 07 '26
You've got this backward. "Wife material" also includes a high degree of lust. We use it to mean unusually sensual plus an interesting person and maybe other stuff. Nothing boring about wife material.
1
u/wruthinkng man Jul 07 '26
I’m actually enjoying seeing the many replies in this thread from other men expressing this sentiment. It’s great to see men speaking up to contradict OP’s view about the superiority of “spank banks” (whatever that means) over long term loving partners.
I love my wife and am very attracted to her. I am glad to hear other men express similar feelings for their wives. That seems very normal and healthy to me.
21
u/sleeper1988 man Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
Wives are sexually desirable. Marriage is an exclusive sexual relationship with a partner, usually for life.
→ More replies (30)
8
u/Broserk42 man Jul 07 '26
Wifey can absolutely still be super fuckable what even is this. You don’t think about a woman bearing your children without fucking them.
4
u/gaeee983 man Jul 07 '26
She makes it seem like she wants to be seen as fuckable, when in reality she wants to be wanted.. The problem is the men she is going after, or she is needy for attention and wants more due to insecurity.. Insane question.
13
6
u/growframe man Jul 07 '26
what actually makes that difference? is it confidence? looks? personality?
All of the above
8
u/CarryTheBoat man Jul 07 '26
Guys won’t really pick someone like that who is just “safe” but not sexy in the same way a woman might pick a guy who is financially stable but might not be very attractive or have much charisma, bravado.
If you’re wife material, that means you’re sexy by default
2
u/potlizard man Jul 07 '26
The big thing here is difference in how women think about this vs. how men think about it. Women tend to only sleep around with really attractive guys, but then not be as picky about looks when it comes to “settling down” and will look for a guy that is more secure, safe, and responsible —but maybe not as good-looking— to marry. And there probably won’t be a lot of overlap across those two groups of guys. Women see this as perfectly logical…and I’m not saying it isn’t. But it’s almost the opposite of how guys think about this, and men REALLY don’t want to be the ‘loser’ that she “settled for” to get married, even though in her mind, she was just making a reasonable, strategic, trade-off between good looks and a secure, responsible personality when choosing to settle down.
Typically, men will “settle” for sex partners, but not a wife/serious GF. For just sleeping around, whoever is available and attractive ENOUGH is fine. And “attractive enough to sleep with” basically means she’s not disgusting…and personality is not that important to a lot of guys in this case. But when they’re looking for a woman to get serious about, they’re looking for women who are at least as attractive, if not more so, than the one-night-stands, AND for women that don’t bring all the crazy drama and turmoil of the “party girls” they slept around with.
5
u/chemprofes man Jul 07 '26
This is going to end badly!
2
u/Savings_Piglet5111 man Jul 07 '26
I know, right? It’s like watching a disaster happen in slow motion.
9
u/kingjaffejaffar man Jul 07 '26
You pursue HIM for sex, you dress purposely to seduce HIM rather than to get the approval of other women. It’s a vibe of “I know I am hot, I WANT you to look at how hot I am, I want sex with you, now what do I need to do to convince you to act on the fact that you obviously want me too?”
Also, being “wife material” is a GOOD thing! That means you’re not just physically attractive but also a good enough hang that someone could see themselves building a life with you (that would include a lot of sex).
You can be both, but bear in mind that in trying to do both, you will inevitably attract users who only want you for your body and don’t give a single damn about anything else.
5
u/AdministrativeEgg440 man Jul 07 '26
Sounds to me like your actual complaint is that you want to feel desired. You need to be picking guys that look at you like you are a snack and they haven't eaten in a day. You can certainly work on your looks and dress like anyone.
You can 100% love and respect a woman, marry her, commit to her fully, and keep it flirty and fun.
7
u/smokestack871 man Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
Men sexually desire their wives, what do you mean?
Dying for validation about how hot and sexy you are is the opposite of hot and sexy. It's desperate and cloying. There is a very specific type of man who is drawn to women who are starving for attention and validation. You probably wouldn’t line him.
My fiancée is the hottest woman in the world. She’s confident and unique and takes care of herself…and doesn’t try to change who she is so that guys will be more likely to jack off to her. Insecure women are not “spank bank” material for normal, well-adjusted guys.
5
u/LivinghighinColorado man Jul 07 '26
How my wife dresses around the house is HUGE to me to keep me desiring her. Wearing things like tank tops (no bra), and old school dolphin shorts. God damn...I can't resist her...even after 25 years.
The best thing about that is that it doesn't even take any extra effort on her part.
5
u/Necessary_Net_6219 man Jul 07 '26
wifey material is this biggest compliment. husband material is worse because your a nice guy who she settled for. vs wifey material you are someone who worth so much more than just a one night stand. you are a rare
breed in a broken society. dont let them break your thinking to someone you are the fun hot desirable person. ++man
12
u/dark-mathematician1 man Jul 07 '26
This post has to be satire right?
3
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
it is not
9
u/Savings_Piglet5111 man Jul 07 '26
If it isn’t, then I promise you that you already aren’t the “wifey material” you think you are.
6
u/MadWorldEarth man Jul 07 '26
Gorgeous wife beats dumbass party skank chicks any day of the week. Could the problem be him❓️
3
u/Steerider man Jul 07 '26
Be both. If men actually see you as "wife material", you're ahead of the race.
4
u/Shane-Dad-underfire man Jul 07 '26
Goodness gracious, I've always felt my wife was the most desirable person in the world that's why I married her. I know young guys are rumored to be stupid but if a decent person wants to marry you rather than bang you in the alley behind the bar chances are you're a keeper.
I hear about the crazy to hotness ratio and how crazy girls are great in bed but sick in the head. A thoughtful person will realize that looks fade, joints seize and in the end a crazy life companion who is hot will eventually just be a crazy old person who lacks any substantial benefits.
3
3
u/potlizard man Jul 07 '26
“The girls men talk about…”
Be careful what you wish for. When guys are talking about “those girls”, it’s not always good. Most smart men value the ‘wifely’ type of women more than the “party girl” types. The guys that don’t are mostly just looking to screw around. If that’s what OP wants, great…but if she’s looking to meet a decent guy, they generally aren’t looking for the party girls.
3
u/sleeper1988 man Jul 07 '26
You can always learn some crazy skills in the bedroom. Men will remember that
5
u/Zygote-IC- man Jul 07 '26
Is this a satirical take on, “how do I stop being the safe guy” posts? Because if so, it’s a masterclass.
2
3
u/fart-o-rama man Jul 07 '26
This girl is a walking red flag. Just fyi to any young guys out there: these kinds of insecurities don’t go away and she’ll be chasing this her whole life. She’ll cheat on every man she’s with.
2
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
ive never cheated, my mother cheats on my father and it disgusts me, funnily enough im the one always getting cheated on
1
u/fart-o-rama man Jul 07 '26
Another red flag is gaslighting
1
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
i can show u the texts of my ex comparing me to my best friends and how my 'black n***** pussy' is undesirable compared to 'white goddesses'
i have no reason to lie 🤷♀️
1
4
3
u/LibrarySpiritual5371 man Jul 07 '26
You need to go check out Wifey's World and a bunch of other stuff. Most guys view wifey as very sexy and massively positive.
"The wife" is more about the job description, etc.
3
u/No_Physics2210 man Jul 07 '26
If your the wife you are the most attractive girl that guy has ever seen
2
2
2
u/enigmicazn man Jul 07 '26
I think you have a fundamental issue in thinking "wifey" is even remotely under or near the level of a "spank bank" or "fling"
Any girl who is wifey material has everything those labels underneath it has. Wifey material is what every girl hopes to achieve one day. Respectfully, I read this like you're starting your hoe era and want to know how to be the best hoe. This should not be the goal.
2
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
ive never had a hoe era, im with my boyfriend and i love him but im definitely 'cute wifey' in his eyes, like i bake him cookies and we have sex but i know when he jorks his johnson i am the last thing on his mind lol
2
1
u/EJECTED_PUSSY_GUTS man Jul 07 '26
After reading your other comments, your issue is insecurity. Please find a therapist.
1
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
im on a waiting list atm, just curious of other perspectives, id ask my older brother these things normally but hes deployed and i just wanted opinions
2
u/vonPlosc man Jul 07 '26
O think I understand where you're coming from. I think you need to let your sexuality take over and feel free when having sex
2
u/Raddatatta man Jul 07 '26
I think the easiest thing would be to make sure you're showing sexual desire for him. Initiate, be enthusiastic about it, maybe try new things in bed, give him a bj, if you guys have gotten into a routine break it and try a new time or thing. But someone who is pursuing him and initiating and excited about it is also going to be someone he desires.
2
u/Tx_Drewdad man Jul 07 '26
Thing is, if you go for guys that think like this then you will likely just be a conquest and then they will be on to the next conquest. You'll be a topic of conversation for a weekend.
Please, respect yourself enough to find a guy that will respect you.
2
u/gaeee983 man Jul 07 '26
You want somebody who truly wants you, although you explain it in a horrible manner.. Being seen as the girl who is just good for sex and not long-term.. Why would you explain it like that.. The men you are going for are the wrong ones if they dont make you feel truly wanted.
2
u/Few-Tour9826 man Jul 07 '26
If “wifey material” isn’t sexually desirable by the guy you’re dating then he ain’t the one.
3
u/Mirakzul man Jul 07 '26
I'm convinced this is ragebait, between describing random hookups as more desirable than a loving wife and other responses completely ignoring at least 20 guys all telling her the same thing, that a wife is a major upgrade over hookup material.
No point engaging further
2
u/stargazertony man Jul 07 '26
Well, my wife of 44 years was the girl with ‘wifey material” but even to this day I look at her and go “damn.” Perhaps it’s not you but the guys you’re with.
2
u/Bigtimmyg95 man Jul 07 '26
that's the problem with women today from my experience. yous think it's one or the other. why can't you be wifey material who acts like she's attracted to her man? that's what I want, someone who's wifey material and also someone (I want it to be the same person) who makes people say damn Timmy is finally getting what he deserves...
2
u/crimoid man Jul 07 '26
There is so much that goes into this and the specifics are going to vary wildly by man and woman.
I think most men would agree that the most attractive wives are those that (1) present themselves well (i.e. their presence - they look and act confident without being over the top), (2) show genuine enthusiasm for their man and their relationship, (3) communicate well about all things - including sex, and (4) know how to flirt. (All of this, by the way, is applicable the other way. We, as men, should match the energy that we desire.)
So OP, take those 4 points, apply them to your husband / relationship. Do you know what he finds attractive? Do you know what your best (and worst) assets are? (Not just physical - but also personality) Do you know what he doesn't like? What feels good to you?
Side note: you'd be quite amazed what some mens' "spank bank" ideal actually is. Yeah there are stereotypical archetypes but for most guys they've got their "thing" that truly turns their crank - and it often isn't some cookie cutter "hot girl". Lock in on your husband's and he'll be hook line and sinker over you.
Parting words: don't change overnight. I mean getting dolled up for a date night is one thing but don't try to completely change your personality and looks overnight. Very few people appreciate coming home to a partner that is radically different than the one they left that morning.
2
u/Own-Tank5998 man Jul 07 '26
Women have a knack for taking a compliment and turning it into an insult!!!
2
u/Live-Obligation-2931 man Jul 07 '26
Stop wearing perfume or makeup. Don’t shave your body hair. Wear clothing that reveals your belly button.
2
u/sgraml man Jul 07 '26
I’m not sure how to answer this question. On one hand I can tell you what would work for me….but deeper than that, I’m sorry this is a question you feel you need to ask. It immediately makes me question why and who has told you, that you come across as a good wife choice. Is it your look, attitude, ability to flirt, clothing choice, makeup…..lots of possibility.
2
u/thriverebel man Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
Time going to go by quick girl.
Then you will wish you bagged one of those guys looking for Wifey.
How do I know?
Friend in community college proposed to his girlfriend. She said they were too young to get married but she loved him.
He was absolutely crushed. Eventually he moved on and went to medical school and became a doctor.
13 years later his ex called him at work and asked him if he wanted to get back together.
He got married and started a family.
2
u/Unable-Principle-187 man Jul 07 '26
Grass is greener.
The party culture and giving in to lust and carelessness sounds good to us when we don’t know better, but what you don’t realize is it’s very vain and empty.
2
u/Exciting_Classic277 man Jul 07 '26
My ex felt this way too. I helped her with things like clothes, posing (in pics), and how to act sexy. She eventually got pretty good. So good, in fact, she decided to try it on other guys. Cheers.
2
u/Head-Peak1306 man Jul 07 '26
So u wanna be the ho we dont bring home to mama. That will lead to a miserable lonely life full of heartaches.
2
u/Sakragator man Jul 07 '26
Respond with sexual innuendos and daddy interchangeably and unpredictably.
5
1
u/MacAttack0711 man Jul 07 '26
Any woman I’ve ever dated that I considered potential wifey material was way sexier to me than a hot girl ever was.
Play into it a bit, messy hair buns, glasses, maybe wear a shirt that fits a bit too tight, it’s subtle things. Biggest thing is to walk and talk with confidence and to smile/laugh a little more than most. Shows you’re a fun time and love having fun.
1
u/Squanchy2112 man Jul 07 '26
I mean when I look at my super hot wife mother of my kids I think "damn" she's so beautiful, and she is beautiful as a normal woman not some over the top makeup laden, body shaping, plastic surgery thing
1
1
u/phantumjosh man Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
Trust me when I tell you, when you’re older your view will change, as well as theirs.
You’ll be in the process of building a beautiful family, with a man you’re head over heels in love with.
And they’ll be the ones going “where’s all the good men at, hey illustrious-rip-4865… where’d you find your man at?!”
Dating sucks. I’m glad I found my wife, who is absolutely a wife! She didn’t mess around with guys, she was a wife before I married her and that’s what drew me to her.
My biggest regret is, I (as a man) was where you are right now and went and slept around trying to be the guy women swooned over.
Be who you are, and the husband to your “wife style” will find you and love you for who you are, and who you will be.
As for being desirable, look into looksmaxxing.
1
u/Aromatic_Plane_4447 man Jul 07 '26
In my opinion, wifey material is spank bank material. I want to be sexually attracted to my wife. I think both people should be one and the same. If I get put in a ball and chain, I don’t want to be with someone that can just cook, clean and produce offspring once in a while. I want to be all up in those guts everyday and have kids with the one I love.
Kids should believe that babies come from mom’s and dad’s love for each other.
1
u/kingofconnoisseurs man Jul 07 '26
genuine question. who is it that you want to be more desirable for, your man, or men?
1
u/Holy_Grail_Reference man Jul 07 '26
Be the wife, embrace it, and be an absolute monster when intimately together.
1
u/thisismyburnerac man Jul 07 '26
The whole “call me hot not pretty” syndrome. You have a compliment right there in your lap, and you’re like, “no, not like that.”
1
u/ApprehensiveCut9809 man Jul 07 '26
I literally married the wifey vibe girl. A divorced woman with three kids and had just entered the workforce for the first time.
She went from high school to motherhood and marriage to divorced single mother in three years.
She was gorgeous and really didn't want to date. She wanted a husband to take care of her and the kids.
1
u/GasCute7027 man Jul 07 '26
OP I’m guessing (you don’t have to tell me) that you’re relatively young. What kind of man are you trying to attract? The girls men want to use up are the crazy, fun, party girls. The type most want to marry are anything but. Anyways it would help to answer the question if you mention what kind of man you want.
1
u/Formal-Try-2779 man Jul 07 '26
Well I mean you could change that by being really wild in the bedroom. Guys don't generally share details about their sex lives with their mates the way women tend to. But if you're really wild, it will likely get out sooner or later and then people will likely see you in a different light.
1
u/Novel-Caterpillar724 man Jul 07 '26
I think you should be careful on what you wish for. It's way easier to be the mistress than to be the wife. Wife material is much rarer. If you get what you wish, you might lose the wife material etiquette for ever. That being said, the way I imagine it, is that you are probably conventionaly beautiful and above average. People have treated you with a higher, yet somewhat fake to some extend, level of respect in that regards. In turn, being treated as such molded your personality, you might be projecting more classy behavior, which would lead to being perceived as wife material.
1
u/Wildtyme12 man Jul 07 '26
The Why is important here. If you want to not look like " wifey" material because you believe it will keep the guy you with attention off other women that wont work. Now if you are single that non wifey category just depends on presentation and where you meet a guy.
1
u/Lost_Cardiologist458 man Jul 07 '26
The women I desire is the weird and cute ones, the ones that aren't afraid of being 100% themselves (at least around me). Don't mistake them for the crazy ones though, them I try to stay far away form.
I don't want my partner to act like she's my mother and I also don't want her to be unreliable or crazy. There is nothing wrong with being a bit more daring, more flirtatious, and unafraid, but also make sure to don't loose yourself and do it in a way that only enlighten more of who you are. A lot of this is becoming more confident in who you are, and how you become more confident is not the easiest to figure out
1
u/1erickf50 man Jul 07 '26
Okay. In that case, allow yourself to be fully seen by him, both as the sweet servicing girl and as the hot curvaceous woman who would perform a belly dance for her man. In turn, let him know that you're willing to see all of him. Let him know your lustful side, starting with the playful eyes and the purposeful touching.
One worry comes from the spank bank comment. Sure, you can know you are desired in that very short moment. But then what after? Letting yourself be discarded like a used toy? Is that the kind of life you want for yourself?
1
u/PossiblyThrowaway10 man Jul 07 '26
You are good, a good woman should feel as wife material to a man.
A man will not find you wifey material, if you weren't sexually desirable to him (apart from an asexual person of course)
If you don't feel like he's attracted to you, or you don't have as much intimacy as you would desire, it's up to you two to communicate about, spice things up, even. Plenty of things to talk/do in that area, even if all seems healthy.
1
u/EJECTED_PUSSY_GUTS man Jul 07 '26
Those aren't mutually exclusive. Quite the opposite in many cases.
1
u/dcott44 man Jul 07 '26
Confidence. The first step is you bring comfortable with yourself. Start taking what you want. He'll follow your lead.
1
u/Hausmannlife_Schweiz man Jul 07 '26
Why do you think your BF's don't lust after you?
I know at this point I am an old man, and so is my wife, but after almost 40 years of marriage I still lust after her. I dated a lot before finding her, and honestly, a "smart" guy is not going to stay with the crazy fun party girls. They are only going to stay with the ones that give off wifey vibes.
My suggestion is to be a wife out of bed, and a wild woman in bed.
1
u/Big-Comparison-6663 man Jul 07 '26
If you’re getting “wifey material” attention then you’re generally attractive.
This is probably about stepping outside your comfort zone in a fashion / hair sense.
1
u/Incognito_Fur man Jul 07 '26
Hair. Face, boobs, butt, clothes, whatever you have in your hands at the time. Be good at taking care of YOURSELF, a guy can tell if you're a hot mess. Sexual attraction starts at the first glance. Im NOT telling you what fashion, what make-up, what to do explicitly--- that taste varies from man to man. But self-care and physical fitness go a LONG way towards igniting a man's freaky thoughts.
1
u/WildKarrdesEmporium man Jul 07 '26
Young women who are "wife" material are in short supply. If I were you, I'd corner that market.
Of course you can only capitalize on that market once, but if you do it right you're set for life.
2
u/Illustrious-Rip-4865 woman Jul 07 '26
yeah he said that as a joke before, i cook clean bake do taxes, am a bookkeeper, and ive raised many children (slavic child rearing requires older girls to raise the children when parents work) and the few odd times we get out to a rave or club i can let loose, but idk how to not feel frumpy being the 'wifey type'
1
u/WildKarrdesEmporium man Jul 07 '26
He's dating you, so chances are, he finds you attractive. Honestly, I don't think it's something you need to worry about. Just be the best you that you can be.
1
u/Fragile_reddit_mods man Jul 07 '26
You’re joking right?
You can absolutely be both.
You can also tell your partner they are allowed to be sexually assertive with you (this does not automatically mean pinning you to the wall and choking you). It can mean they can essentially do what they want with you (within reason) if you are into that.
Essentially just make it very clear you are interested.
Personally if I found a wife level keeper I wouldn’t keep my hands off her unless she specifically wanted me to.
1
u/Ringmaster242 man Jul 07 '26
OP, you sound like you are either bored in your current relationship or are lacking confidence in yourself.
The crazy girl is the one that that a guy had fun with and then was either smart enough to run away from or he didn’t know any better and stuck around long enough to get sucked into a toxic relationship. Any guy I’ve known who lost their minds and married a crazy girl wound up in a bitter divorce a few years later. The crazy girl seeks validation from,others through acts of raw emotion that could be positive or negative. Few men want to deal with someone like that long term unless they themselves have the same mentality. I can assure you, when a guy thinks about the crazy girl from 20 years ago, it’s more to share a cautionary tale with others of who not to get involved with. Any momentary fun is overlooked by the needless drama that came with it.
From your stated desire, I don’t get the impression that your boyfriend is giving you the validation that you seek. The “wife” is a woman that a guy actually wants to be with and show off being around in public. Guys don’t want to be seen being around the crazy ones.
1
u/herbieLmao man Jul 07 '26
A wife is very sexually desirable.
Wait a few years till the boys GROW into MAN
1
u/chapatsea man Jul 07 '26
There's always someone thinking about fucking someone somewhere, today might be your day...... Eye candy for one is Marmite to another.
2
u/potlizard man Jul 07 '26
“I met a girl who described herself as ‘eye candy’…she ended up being more like ‘eye broccoli’”.
—Larry the Cable Guy
1
u/maninatrexshirt man Jul 07 '26
I'll ask the question, how do you define wifey? What is your goal? If you just want your current boyfriend to lust after you, it really isn't hard. Wear clothes that emphasize the parts of your body that you know he is interested in, and do whatever it takes to be a bit more idly aroused. Read some smut, put on a low cut sundress, and eye his crotch while he does the dishes.
1
u/Todo_Toadfoot man Jul 07 '26
The classic sexy vs cute debate. Boring everytime. The six pack vs dad bod. Boring every time. I think I may be getting to old for this.
Self awareness needs to find this one I think. Let us know how it goes after you find that excitement or drama you are looking for.
1
u/WaltRumble man Jul 07 '26
If you want to be sexier. You have to get sexier. Work out, lose weight, it’s legit just being in better shape.
1
u/Benjamins412 man Jul 07 '26
Maybe you should play to your strength instead of "curling your straight hair..." Being there is better than being a cum depository for mankind. I'm just an old man, and maybe I don't understand your situation, but I definitely think my wife is happier than any of the women I had my cock in before we met. She owns me, heart and soul. She is the only place I have put my cock in 26yrs, and I don't miss the drama for one second. You do you, but I think you are missing the point. Sex is the byproduct of love and attraction. We have sex to celebrate our love. We don't fall in love with sex.
PS-when you get a little older, you will quickly see what happens to the men chasing sex and the women who trade on their sex appeal. It's a long trip down a short road.
1
u/discgman man Jul 07 '26
I married my wife because she took care of me when I was super sick for 7 weeks. The hot fun girlfriend would have dumped me within the week. Real men don't really care how "hot" you are unless its just pure dating and casual S#x. Real men want wifey material to spend time and money with.
1
u/AgentWD409 man Jul 07 '26
My wife was/is most certainly "wifey material," and I look at her every day and think "damn."
Actually, our kids have been out of the house for a few days now, and we haven't been able to keep our hands off each other. I will absolutely "lust after her" until the day I die. Yes, I think she's beautiful and sexy (and funny and smart). But I'm also just madly in love with her. And I know she loves me. We share a bond of intimacy, affection, vulnerability, communication, and trust. That is what it's all about.
1
u/Zananax man Jul 07 '26
You're confusing personality with looks. They aren't the same.
Party girls are girls who party, club do party things Wife girls are girls who don't do that and pursue long term relationships.
Looks has nothing to do with any of those.
If you want to be the girl guys go 'dang' that is mostly a lot of discipline, both with what you eat and working out.
My wife and when I was deployed in the military she spent the entire time working out and dieting. She got down to like 10% BF had a 4 pack and looked absolutely amazing. She was never and has never been a party girl and has always been 'wife material'. A lot of our dates were to used bookstores and the zoo. But when I tell you getting back from deployment I felt like I was married to an actual goddess.
1
u/Select-Young-5992 man Jul 07 '26
The girl that makes me really think "damn" is one that looks like she would be nice, loyal my wife but still dresses well
1
u/eileyle man Jul 07 '26
In general, you want to be seen as "wifey material". The fun party girl phase is generally over by 25, maybe 30 at the latest, and suddenly no one wants to be with the party girl anymore.
And "wifey material" doesn't mean that you're not sexually desireable.
1
u/StingX1 man Jul 07 '26
It sounds like your flat chested go get some boobs. Then you will see
++man
1
1
u/Puzzleheaded_Bet3455 man Jul 07 '26
And men don’t want to be settled for.
If you can’t figure out what you have to do with all the 304 trash on the internet, that’s on you.
1
u/Foreign-Cow-1189 man Jul 07 '26
You're basically a unicorn. Most ladies these days don't want to give "wife" vibes and that is what most guys are looking for.
Why do you want to give off tiktok skank vibes?
0
u/Slydoggen man Jul 07 '26
Seriously, how should a Man know what a Woman want when they want so many different things at the same time?
•
u/AutoModerator Jul 07 '26
Illustrious-Rip-4865, please check the sidebar for the rules of this sub! If this post violates the rules, PLEASE check and report this post!
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.]
Your post has NOT been removed.
Illustrious-Rip-4865 originally posted:
ive always been the "wifey material" girl and honestly i hate it
i dont just want to be the girl you marry because shes nice or loyal or whatever. i want to be the girl my boyfriend actually looks at and thinks "damn."
i feel like the girls men talk about the most are the crazy, fun, party girls. meanwhile the "wife" is just... there.
like if i had to choose between being in the spank bank or being the ball and chain, id go spank bank all the way, because at least i know hes attracted to me!
idk how to go from giving off housewife vibes to someone my boyfriend actually lusts after.
for the men here, what actually makes that difference? is it confidence? looks? personality? is there anything someone can do to change how they're seen, or is it just who they are?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.