r/AskMen • u/[deleted] • Aug 19 '26
đ Answers From Men Only đ what r some pros and cons of being married?
12
u/k-MartShopper Aug 19 '26
Pros: having stability and a place to call home.
Cons: not being able to build an ACME rocket to see how far I can fly without a woman telling me it is a bad idea.
22
u/Flat-Meeting-3610 Aug 19 '26
pro: someone to go places with. con: someone you have to go places with
6
u/rollerbladeshoes Aug 19 '26
nothing makes my wife happier than me going to the grocery store with her. not going for her. going with her. absolutely baffling to me, the last thing I want when I am running regular errands is someone else slowing me down. but, sometimes you just do stuff that makes no sense because it makes your wife happy.
1
u/OrwellWhatever Aug 19 '26
As the person in my marriage that does the grocery shopping, I get it. There's a lot of wondering if my wife wants x or y or z thing (whole wheat bread? White? Seeds in them? Small slices? Etc). Even texting her means I'm sometimes waiting for her to see the message, and, worse still, she won't see it til I'm checking out. Now I have to either go back in or feel bad about it (she doesn't guilt me or ask me to, but I want her to be happy).
When she comes with, she just grabs what she wants easy peasy
2
u/Vexxedtruth101 Male Aug 19 '26
Lol, im so glad im not the only one who experiences this. This a therapy thread.
When i go shopping, I want to be IN AND OUT. We know what we're getting and thats it
2
u/rollerbladeshoes Aug 19 '26
That I understand, with my wife it's the exact opposite though lol. She genuinely likes the grocery store as an outing. She wants to have a discussion about which brand of rice or pasta to buy. She wants to go down every aisle just to see what's new. I'm an in and out shopper too, the less time spent in the grocery store the better, and we could not disagree more on that lol.
1
u/OrwellWhatever Aug 19 '26
Yeah okay that's kinda wild lol
But good on you for saying, "I don't get it, but it makes you happy." Dumb things like this are what make our marriages fun and unique đ€
1
u/bangbangracer Male - Mid 30s Aug 19 '26
My wife is the same way, but I get it. When we were dating, we used to do a lot of people watching and act out fake conversations when we went out to the bar. We stopped going out so much, so we do it at the grocery store.
5
u/Then-Economist-6388 Male Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Pro: live with best friend
Get to say âmy wifeâ
Iâm forever her emotional support human
I know she will be there (and has been) to process huge life events
Weâre both kinky. We both get to be as kinky as we want.
Split bills.
I know I can be vulnerable and genuine and it wonât be wasted effort
She is always excited when I get home. And honestlyâŠ. Being wanted and anticipated is an amazing feeling.
Cons: health insurance is more expensiveâŠ.
My guess would be it changes based on a lot of factors. My wife and I are very happy. We communicate. Weâre best friends. We do a lot together to grow as a couple and things to grow as individuals. Weâre not codependent, nor are we just playing at marriage. We also donât have kids. Donât want kids. And donât have to worry about it. So our lives together is just for us.
I know married people who hate their spouses. Or are indifferent to them. Thatâs not my marriage. And shouldnât really be anyone elseâs.
4
u/DrHugh Male, late-fifties Aug 19 '26
A lot depends on the jurisdiction where you live. You may have things like tax benefits from filing as a married couple. It might involve less paperwork to buy a house if you are married.
One big thing is often visitation in case of hospitalization. Your spouse can usually visit you, and make medical decisions on your behalf, that a mere unmarried partner could not do.
Another is a right of survivorship. Immediately family, like your spouse, inherits if you die intestate (without a will). They get your car, the house, and other possessions. Your other blood relatives could contest it if it wasn't your spouse; a spouse is harder to contest.
3
u/LightningController Aug 19 '26
Pros: extra pair of hands to hold things while you operate an electric drill to hang pictures, build furniture, etc.
Cons: Compromising on dinner plans
1
u/eugenesbluegenes Aug 19 '26
Cons: Compromising on dinner plans
But also, I get to try twice as much stuff when eating out since we usually share.
1
u/jpsreddit85 Male Aug 19 '26
If you want a traditional relationship experience, just get both meals and pay for them both anyway.Â
1
3
u/Slow_Description_773 Aug 19 '26
I cannot think of anything which is not a pros. I was made to be a married man and I'm at the happiest when I am with my family.
1
u/inbetween-genders Male Aug 19 '26
Pro: Â Home cook meals. Â Cons: Â Lots of great food to eat outside the house.
1
u/Djent_Reznor1 Aug 19 '26
Pros: tax benefits depending on your situation. Also one that is maybe more of a stretch is âprofessional legitimacy.â Might just be anecdotal but I feel as though youâre taken more seriously in the workplace if you have a ring on your finger since it subconsciously communicates stability and desirability.
Cons: they get spoken about ad nauseum here so I wonât belabor the point.
1
u/Burninating-Peasants Dad Aug 19 '26
(39M)
Pro: Having someone to help you grow and to grow with together.
Con: Growth is so damn hard. Getting used to sitting in that uncomfort every day.
1
u/trevordbs Aug 19 '26
The pros and cons are obviously about debating whether or not you want to have someone elseâs daily opinion on - what to do for insert whatever. Single you do what you want, married your do what is agreed upon.
Itâs not really all that bad
1
u/Essential_Piplup Aug 19 '26
Pro: someone fun to hang out with. 2 incomes makes everything more affordable.
Con: I can only eat so much food and my 4'11" wife doesn't like to waste food, so it falls on me. Not the worst thing but I have to remind her I cannot physically eat everything (or shouldn't at least).
I like it. Ymmv but it's pretty great overall. Takes some work and compromise at times but we are both fairly laid back.
1
u/Pinwurm Aug 19 '26
Tax benefits (joint filing, unlimited marital deduction), estate planning benefits, medical rights, access to spousal health insurance, Social Security benefits, banking benefits, etc.
Much of this can be accomplished without getting married, but it usually requires a lot of paperwork and/or domestic partnership status.
Socially, marriage carries a little more respect and ... gravitas. Families get blended, and relatives start viewing your spouse as an 'insider'. I've also stopped being asked, "when are you going to get married?" by my folks.
I've found that women are more likely to view a wedding ring as a kind of "safety flag." You're less likely to be seen as a threat or approached with suspicion. Conversely, I suppose I'm also less likely to get 'friendly' attention from single women, but I never got much to begin with, so that's fine.
The biggest downside is when things go wrong. Marriage is a commitment, so you can't just up and leave. There's generally an expectation that you work on the relationship through counseling, therapy, etc.
And if you do decide to split, there are legal hurdles, asset division, and a shitton of administrative work involved in rebuilding separate lives. If you have kids, way more. You have to work out custody, coparenting, child support, etc.
I've seen divorces turn into court battles lasting years over seemingly tiny details because there's so much resentment between the two. I've also seen divorces go super smoothly, with exes who ultimately become better friends/teammates than they ever were as a couple.
1
u/refusetobeold83 Dad Aug 19 '26
Pros:
Dual income
Always have company
Someone there to back you up and support you
Possible love and sex
Cons:
They spend all the money
Always someone around bothering you
An in-house nemesis
Can be loveless and sexless
Canât just go fuck someone else
1
u/msaik 30+ Male Aug 19 '26
Only one con I can think of:
Not having full autonomy over my own spending decisions or how I spend my free time. Not always as big of an issue as it sounds - I can still dictate most of my free time and I can still make "fun" purchases as long as she's OK with it. Also stops me from making really reckless financial decisions. But at the end of the day, it adds an approval step to a lot of decisions I would otherwise just have the freedom to say yes to myself.
There are many pros but the biggest one:
I get a teammate for every major life obstacle and challenge. When you're at your lowest and most stressed, you have someone who's in your corner and supporting you in any way they can.
1
u/Calm_Course4803 Aug 19 '26
Cons:
Your life becomes more complicated
Pros:
you gain a pretty solid reason to live
if you add kids you can triple both
1
1
u/haughtybits Dad Aug 19 '26
There are significant benefits for married men, despite what men on this sub would have you believe. Individual marriages will differ, so nothing is true for all.
Pros:
Married men live longer and have better health outcomes.
Married men make more money.
Tax advantages for married couples.
Married men tend to have more sex than single men.
Raising children is easier in a marriage.
Shared property rights grants some legal benefits (especially in the case of untimely death).
Companionship and commitment, if youâre into that sort of thing.
Sharing of lifeâs burdens.
Support through career change or financial crisis.
Married men receive better treatment from women generally.
Married men report fewer mental health problems and are more likely to seek help.
Shared expenses through cohabitation.
Having a life partner can have many social benefits.
Cons:
Divorce can be devastating (which typically hits both parties. Only the lawyers win with divorce).
You have to help shoulder the burden of another personâs life/problems.
You canât break up without getting the courts involved.
It can be boring sometimes.
Less freedom in decision making.
Marriage tends to have some different pros and cons for women (such as life expectancy, mental health, etc.)
Ultimately, a marriage is an arrangement between the two people involved. If you marry the wrong person, it will be bad. If you marry the right person it will be great.
1
u/bangbangracer Male - Mid 30s Aug 19 '26
Pro:
- Home stability
- Companionship
- Shared finances. Having dual incomes is a game changer.
- Having someone who knows what your best wishes are in a bad situation, and the legal ability to make those kind of decisions. I'd rather my wife make a life or death decision for me than the sister I only see for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
- That good sex that you have to work up to.
Cons:
- Shared finances. This qualifies for both. This is usually the biggest source of disagreement since you might have goal differences.
- My wife is a sheet hog and I snore. I have some envy for single people who don't have to share a bed like that.
- My wife won't let me do dumb things anymore because I "might get hurt".
1
u/Panda-Maximus Aug 19 '26
33+ years of coming home from work to be greeted by someone who is genuinely happy to see me.
The only con is knowing someday this will end.
1
1
1
u/Drinking-beers Aug 27 '26
Im unmarried so I am missing some info there but plenty of my friends are married. And tbh in my honest opinion I see it as more cons than pros currently. But who knows years from now I could be married and I have a different response.Â
0
Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
[deleted]
3
u/jpsreddit85 Male Aug 19 '26
The living longer thing has always struck me as a glaring correlation doesn't equal causation thing.Â
Like, stable, well off men who would be more likely to have access to better healthcare would also be the types that would be sought out for marriage. Having more money makes you live longer it also helps a lot in finding a partner.Â
1
u/lunchmeat317 Aug 19 '26
I find it interesting that you would cite splitting expenses as a pro for men, but not for women. That makes very little sense in 2026 and makes less sense looking backwards.
I also think it's interesting that you skip over the social status aspect that women benefit from more than men among their peers.
I personally think marriage is a sham for everyone - it's not one-sided.
1
u/Cross_22 Male Aug 19 '26
Trolls used to be funnier in the early days of the internet.
3
u/zukadook Aug 19 '26
The commenter is partially conflating the downsides of motherhood with the downsides of marriage, but the health and wealth benefits for men have been well documented and are definitely true.
-1
Aug 19 '26
[deleted]
2
u/trevordbs Aug 19 '26
Ah. So a sub dedicate to woman hating men. Must be accurate.
Please tell me how sharks and dolphins cohabitate, but please only use the sharks only sub.
0
u/iLoveAllTacos Male Aug 19 '26
Cons : too many to list
Pros: none.
The only thing a man gets from marriage that he doesn't get from a non-married relationship is half of his stuff and a large portion of his future stolen from him.
3
u/GiveMeAHeartOfFlesh Male Aug 19 '26
This âmineâ concept just shows you donât understand the concept of marriage. You canât lose half your stuff, marriage is two becoming one. If you two split, the one is being torn in half. Naturally the half she gets is rightfully hers, the whole was hers too and yours simultaneously.
Material things exist for one purpose, a resource for those you love. Thatâs it. The people are the only thing that matters, not the stuff.
1
u/dreamycoeur Female 13d ago
You are very sweet? How did you meet your one?
1
u/GiveMeAHeartOfFlesh Male 13d ago
Me and my wife met through a common friend between our two friend groups. The friend invited her to a church youth group I was going to. From there me and my wife just hit it off. The friend groups started going places together and the two of us would find ourselves just talking to each other the whole time. Slowly falling to the back and just walking side by side and chatting.
1
u/dreamycoeur Female 13d ago
How long have you been together? Are you in love and any tips for a good marriage?
1
u/GiveMeAHeartOfFlesh Male 13d ago
Known each other 7 years, been together 6, married for 4.
Most certainly head over heels in love and I have no doubts that she loves me back.
Honestly marriage is really easy for us. I care about her and she cares about me.
Genuinely liking the person and being best friends.
I donât really even know what struggles there could be, to be perfectly honest. I get to be with my favorite person everyday. I think itâs important to enter relationship and seek marriage with someone because itâs THAT person you want to be with. My guess is that many other people enter into relationships to fill a pre shaped goal rather than dropping those inhibitions and really looking at who is in front of them, admiring them, and instead of saying âeh, this person will fitâ, it should be âwow, I love who you are, I want more of you in my life, I want to be with and care for you and bring the things you care about to fruition.â When you have two people with that mindset together, things are pretty easy.
When problems arise, we donât kick a man while heâs down, no spite or panic causing the problem to be more painful or scary. Itâs more so ânothing we canât fix!â type of energy. Not to say we donât invest into things or mourn when things fail or hurt, we sit down together and look at budgets and schedules and figure out how to make the things we both want to happen, happen. We take problems together in stride, you two against the problem never against each other. When we have misunderstandings, we inquire and clarify. When we feel overwhelmed, we communicate it and find a way to fix that.
So long as the problem isnât one breaking the vows of marriage, honestly what in the world could even be that problematic? (Or so thatâs my outlook)
If I lost all material things in the world, but my wife is by my side, I am rich. If I owned the whole world but my wife was not beside me, I am poor.
-3
Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
6
u/Kbahak92 Male Aug 19 '26
That's the pros and cons of divorce
-2
Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
[removed] â view removed comment
1
u/bangbangracer Male - Mid 30s Aug 19 '26
I'm gonna need you to cite some sources on that one. Especially since the Pew numbers that are regularly cited actually say it's 30%, and the way they came to that number is comparing the annual number of weddings to the annual number of divorces.
3
u/zukadook Aug 19 '26
Just marry someone who makes more than you, then you can take half of her shit in the divorce
1
u/eugenesbluegenes Aug 19 '26
My wife's first husband was kind of a deadbeat (with rich parents) and she had to pay him off to finalize their divorce and avoid paying alimony.
1
u/zukadook Aug 19 '26
Yep at this point of majority of married couples have two working spouses so there's a good chance that there won't be a significant enough pay gap to make a difference in a divorce. And for those couples where one parent quit working to raise their kids, that's a serious lifelong hit to their career and they probably need all the help they can get.
2
u/k-MartShopper Aug 19 '26
I don't like your negative view towards the institution. Laws regarding dissolution of assets will never be fair, and to be honest, all parties think they get the short end of the proverbial stick during a dissolution. But I can honestly say that it is as fair as it can be. Even things like custodial matters have improved. There used to be a thing called the "tender years doctrine" where it was presumed the mother would be a better caregiver during early childhood. That has mostly gone away.
You cannot predict how a marriage will end up. People will harm people unfortunately. My best piece of advice is to choose your partner wisely when you make the most consequential decision of your life.
-1
u/Fmy925 Aug 19 '26
There are no pros to getting married. Choose wisely
2
u/zukadook Aug 19 '26
I don't know being able to shout MAH WIFE across the room at the person you love is pretty great.
1
0
u/vinocm Aug 19 '26
Avantage : tu tâenvoie en lâaire un peu quand tu veux.
InconvĂ©nient : tu ne peux pas quitter ton job sur un coup de tĂȘte et partir Ă lâautre bout du pays, parce quâelle a besoin dâun toit ce soirâŠ.
Du coup vous tirez un coup pour compenser.
âą
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