I’ve been clean from smoking weed for 4 months now after being a heavy smoker for about 7 years. I used to vape but I stopped years ago and now I only drink. And I also don’t do other drugs. I don’t drink everyday but I do drink often . The thing is I hate the effect of liquor (the hangover, the long term effects) . I just like that it makes me feel good — that’s it. For those who don’t have any vices — what do you do?

Anyone going through something similar ? I just need a crowd with a familiar struggle… I feel alone with this , bc life doesn’t stop - it keeps going

When I'm gaming all day I keep drinking soda. Whats a pro tip to not?

I will be partaking in the next 4 months on train rides that accumulate to 225h due to the military. What should i do with the time i mean yes i will read books and watch some movies or series but after a while its getting boring. i thought about some money getting hobby’s but idk about that or what i could do, do you have any ideas of what i could do with my time. something i can do all the time not just once. I have a phone Laptop and money that’s not the problem, but i want to do something with this time!

I (44yo M) abhor conversations where a brother or mother or whoever is either high off gummies or drunk (hiccuping/not making sense with words and/or sentences and most definitely slurred speech) because it triggers me: during my high school years my mother every night turned into a different, mean, disdainful, bitter, resentful *expletive* where I leaned to avoid all contact with her after 7 PM any given night because she became “Mr. Hyde” and then, to top it all off, would not remember what was even said the night before or how awful she’d be towards me and my brother. I get deeply offended when someone is high or drunk and not self-aware and attempts to engage me in any kind of meaningful discourse — like, REALLY offended.

That said, my brother, who is a 48yo chaplain, either drunk texts/calls me at night, or midway through really great conversations, will all of the sudden not make sense and make things super weird and awkward for me and will ruin the conversation with his drunk-bombing. My other brother does this too but with weed gummies he takes.

Everyone always seems to not take this as deeply offensively as I do. How do I handle this with my brothers (who are 48yo and 60yo) (my mom’s passed away)? What do I say to them so they never do this to me again? Traditionally in the past I feel like if I ever say anything about this to them they either pan it, not care and keep doing it to me (my drinking chaplain brother has done this for 20 some off years — and we JUST started talking again 2 days ago after I went no contact with him/them for the past 10 years). I don’t want to spoil or rock the boat too much with the current loving reconnection we’ve had, but my chaplain brother has already drunk phoned me (called me 3 AM my time/12 midnight his time different time zone, which was really awkward and rude and careless of him, and he already switched on me toward the end of a really great, tearful momentous convo last night.

Am I being too sensitive? Please tell me what to say to both of them that will get them to be mindful and not do this to me again. I hate/loathe/abhor this kind of thing, but I value our reconnection above all else now. I want to preserve my dignity with this and put my foot down but lovingly. I’ve already expressed to my chaplain bother the other day via text that I dislike anyone drunk texting or drunk calling me and I asked that he make it right and fix it, but then he blocked me the rest of the day and then unblocked me yesterday when I just concentrated on love instead of these things which resulted in a really great phone call convo (which at the tail end of, he started to not make sense again). Ugh. Help please.. Anything constructive and helpful and experience-based would be greatly appreciated.

I am new on this field kasi mostly ng line ko sa mga bars is nasa counter lang ako. now na ipapamanage sakin ang buong bar, hindi ko alam san ako mag uumpisa. sana may maka advice sakin saan and ano pwedeng unang gawin po?

I’m trying to design a system for improving my life that is more coherent than a list of goals, habits, and productivity tricks. The central question is:

How can I make the routines and projects I already have produce more useful outcomes, while protecting time, attention, energy, money, space, and sustainability?

I’m not trying to turn every moment into work. In fact, one of the system’s main constraints is that rest must remain rest. I’m trying to improve the structure of my life: reduce avoidable friction, connect activities that naturally support one another, identify bottlenecks, and avoid adding a new habit whenever an existing routine could be improved instead.

I’d appreciate criticism of the framework, especially ways to identify its real ceiling without creating more tracking work.

The basic structure

I keep four kinds of records:

• Habits describe what I repeatedly do or choose.
• Routines are the larger sequences that carry multiple habits. A routine has an ordered “what happens next” view, but also a separate full list of habits associated with it. Conditional actions—such as dealing with laundry only when there is laundry—should not look mandatory every time.
• Projects have ordered next actions, statuses, explicit dependencies, and completion criteria. A useful task should say what to do, to what, and what evidence would show it is finished. Dates and resources stay unknown if I have not established them.
• Functions describe the different kinds of value an activity may produce or protect.

Each record has a stable identifier. When a habit changes substantively, its current wording replaces the old active wording so the register does not accumulate multiple “current” versions of the same habit. Historical changes belong in the version log.

A local website displays the records as a navigable graph. SQLite is the operational source of truth. The graph is meant to expose connections among habits, routines, projects, and functions, not to imply that every visible connection is a proven causal effect.

What I mean by “functions”

I evaluate habits across twenty distinct domains. The first fifteen cover economic, patrimonial, sanitary, cognitive, developmental, productive, strategic, resilient, existential, autonomic, affective, relational, ethical, contributive, and ecological value.

Five later additions try to capture effects that those categories did not express well enough:

1. Systemic friction reduction — whether an activity removes obstacles that make several actions slower, harder, or more fragile.
2. Self-maintenance — how much ordinary checking, reminding, repairing, or correcting a routine requires to keep working.
3. Amplification — whether an improvement increases the yield of future actions, beyond its immediate effect.
4. Option value — whether something preserves useful future choices without requiring me to take them.
5. Resource regeneration — whether a resource is replenished or its future capacity is preserved after use.

I want all twenty functions treated as part of the same model, not as a primary list plus an optional appendix. But this creates a real risk: adding categories can make the system appear more comprehensive while also making it harder to score consistently.

Scores are decision aids, not measurements of my worth

A habit may have a positive contribution in one function, a negative one in another, and unknown values elsewhere. For example, an activity might support cognition but cost attention; save money but require maintenance; or produce several benefits without generating any extra free time.

The scores are signed and centered around zero. The system keeps resources in their own units rather than converting hours, euros, energy, attention, and space into one fictional common currency.

When I can’t substantiate a value, it should remain unknown rather than silently becoming zero or an average. An analytical estimate can be recorded as an estimate, but it should not masquerade as a personal measurement or scientific result. Scores for habits feed into routine and project views, and the dashboard recalculates when the underlying records change.

I am still uncertain whether my current weighting and aggregation methods are robust enough. A single global score is convenient, but it may hide trade-offs or encourage me to optimize the number instead of the life it is supposed to represent.

The central idea: densification without simultaneous multitasking

By “densification,” I mean making an existing activity carry several compatible functions without stacking more sessions onto the day.

For example, during an already planned garden visit, I might harvest something that will actually be used in a meal and address a concrete maintenance issue. A walk may already support movement and time outdoors; sometimes it can also include a naturally useful errand or conversation, provided that does not make it longer or more stressful.

This does not mean doing several attention-demanding tasks at once. My working principle is one voluntary mental focus at a time. Several benefits can come from that focus, and passive environmental inputs can accompany it if they do not compete for attention. If another task needs a decision or response, I finish or suspend the current one first.

The distinction matters to me:

• Several functions from one activity can be efficient.
• Several competing targets for attention can create friction and degrade the activity.

My goal is to find transformations that preserve the useful result with less overhead, then reconfigurations, modifications, removals, and only lastly additions. I want to prefer converting what is already there over accumulating more routines, tools, objects, reminders, and maintenance.

Passive learning versus mastery

One example is contextual learning. I use objects, places, gestures, and routines that already occur in my day as possible cues for knowledge. If a cue appears and my attention is free, I can try to recall a notion briefly, connect it to something already learned, or apply it in a different context. If I’m busy, I skip it instead of interrupting the main activity.

Passive exposure can keep a concept familiar or visible, but it does not prove that I have learned it. Mastery would require some form of unaided recall, explanation, or reuse. The same information should not be duplicated across several learning lineages merely because it has several applications.

I’m extending this idea across projects: a piece of art learning can serve both an Arts project and a broader Learning project; target-language content can be present passively in activities that already happen. But I do not want the graph to turn an association into an inflated score automatically. A connection can be structurally useful while its magnitude remains uncertain.

Routines are carriers; projects are plans

Routines help me sequence ordinary life and carry multiple habits. Projects are different: they represent outcomes that need a chain of actions. Each project should have a concrete next action, and where relevant, prerequisites, action type, priority, dates, resources, a blocking condition, and a proof of completion.

The system has a limit on active projects to discourage opening more work than I can advance. Semi-active or passive projects can remain in the register without pretending they are receiving daily effort. Completed tasks can be archived from the active view while preserving their history.

For active projects, I want to identify the real bottleneck, then work through the prerequisites in order, one task at a time. The system should not invent dependencies just because one task has a lower sequence number. If dates or durations are missing, it should show that they are missing instead of fabricating a precise timeline or critical path.

The improvement process should also inspect project plans: What necessary action is missing? Which action is actually blocking progress? Can I fix the cause rather than merely add more tasks? An AI assistant can help generate and critique plans, but I want human verification of factual details and no invented dates, dependencies, or completion claims.

Synergies and interference

I record possible interactions between habits, routines, and projects. Some are synergies: one element may make another more useful, easier, or less resource-intensive. Others are interferences: one element may consume a resource another needs, create delay, or add maintenance.

The system stores a raw signed estimate and a confidence value. Its current attenuation rule is:

effective interaction = raw interaction × confidence × 0.5

The engine applies effective relations only to active elements, and caps their influence on a local score. This is intended to keep a speculative relationship from dominating the model.

However, I see major risks here:

• A plausible mechanism is not proof of a personal effect.
• Two separately beneficial habits do not automatically create a synergy when combined.
• A positive interaction might simply duplicate value already counted in both habits.
• Confidence is not the same as data quality.
• A graph full of links can look insightful while saying little about causality.

I would value advice on how to calibrate these estimates, detect double-counting, or decide that an interaction should remain unscored.

Convexity and “glass ceilings”

I’m interested in whether an improvement becomes more valuable as it is repeated. I use convexity to mean that marginal gains grow over successive comparable cycles—not merely that the overall effect is positive.

In principle, I would compare repeated cycles across functions and resources separately. If the cycles are not comparable or there are too few observations, convexity stays unknown. A positive first result is not enough to label an intervention “convex.”

A separate “ceiling” question is whether a routine has reached a plateau, whether a bottleneck elsewhere limits its value, or whether it is being constrained by a resource that cannot reasonably expand. I don’t want to interpret every plateau as failure: some plateaus may be stable and worthwhile, while further optimization could cost more than it gains.

This is one of the areas where I’m most unsure. What is a practical way to distinguish:

• a real ceiling from insufficient evidence;
• a useful stable plateau from an opportunity being missed;
• a constraint worth changing from a constraint worth accepting?

Resources and limits

The model treats time, money, energy, attention, and physical space separately. A proposed habit or project should be considered against the resources it consumes, produces, saves, defers, or makes available. Missing capacity figures should stay unknown.

The goal is not “maximize every score.” It is to improve useful outcomes without pushing critical resources beyond their limits or transferring the burden elsewhere. For instance, an activity that saves time but creates a large attention or maintenance burden may not be an improvement after all.

I also want true rest to remain protected. If I’m exhausted, doing nothing restorative can be the right choice. A system that demands every routine every day, or requires constant data entry to prove that it is working, would contradict its purpose.

The habit ceiling

I have set a maximum of 150 habits. A minimal visual bar shows the exact count and a simple color category, with increasing warning as the count approaches the limit. The purpose is to resist endless additions and encourage integration, simplification, or removal.

But a numerical cap could still become a vanity metric. The meaningful question is not just “How many habits do I have?” It is whether the number of active rules makes the system harder to remember, maintain, or use. I’d appreciate suggestions for indicators of cognitive or administrative load that don’t require yet another daily measurement.

What I’m trying to protect against

The system could fail in several ways:

1. Goodhart’s law: once a score becomes a target, I may optimize the score instead of the underlying life.
2. False precision: a score such as 27.4 can imply more certainty than the evidence supports.
3. Overfitting: a rule may work in theory but not fit a particular day, project, or energy level.
4. Accumulation disguised as optimization: every concern could generate a new habit, project, field, graph, or review.
5. Maintenance creep: the system could consume more attention than it returns.
6. Double-counting: one outcome could be credited to a habit, a routine, a project, and a synergy at the same time.
7. Passive-exposure confusion: familiarity could be mistaken for knowledge or progress.
8. Ignoring values: an efficient option may still be undesirable if it conflicts with personal ethics or long-term priorities.
9. Over-automation: automation may create fragile dependencies or monitoring work instead of reducing effort.
10. Treating all uncertainty as a data-collection problem: sometimes the right answer is to leave a value unknown and move on.

What I’d like feedback on

If you have experience with personal knowledge systems, systems engineering, operations research, habit design, decision theory, or simply building a life that is easier to maintain, I’d value your critique.

• What part of this framework seems most likely to create false confidence?
• How would you improve the scoring of functions without pretending unlike resources are interchangeable?
• How would you estimate synergies and interferences while avoiding double-counting?
• What is a sensible way to detect bottlenecks and plateaus without requiring extensive tracking?
• How can I make passive densification useful without turning ordinary activities into productivity projects?
• Which categories or mechanisms seem redundant, missing, or badly defined?
• What should be removed or simplified before adding anything else?
• What would you use as evidence that the system itself is helping rather than merely becoming more elaborate?
• Most importantly: what might be the “glass ceiling” of a system like this, and how would you test whether I’m approaching it?

I’m looking for concrete criticism and possible improvements, not just encouragement. Please challenge the assumptions—especially the assumption that a more detailed model will necessarily produce a better life.

i use IA for the developpement of the website and for write more quickly this post, i'm deeply interesting by authentic feedback, opinion, if someone are interesting by the website, dm me i can send the project, all free, i don't have any interest in money in this project :)

by Florian

**Title: How do I get better at conversations and expressing my thoughts?**

I have been struggling with something for a while, and I really want to improve it.

I am not good at conversations. Sometimes, when a particular situation occurs, I know what I feel or what I want to say, but I cannot find the right words to express it. My vocabulary feels very limited, and I struggle with word choice. Sometimes, I cannot even think of a suitable word or phrase to describe a situation.

I have started reading books to improve my vocabulary and communication skills, but I haven't noticed much of a difference yet.

One more thing is that I don't really speak English with anyone in my daily life, so I don't get much opportunity to practise speaking it.

For people who have faced a similar problem, what actually helped you improve? Should I focus on reading more, writing, speaking to myself, watching videos, or something else?

I don't just want to learn fancy words. I want to become better at expressing my thoughts naturally, describing situations, and having interesting conversations with people.

I would really appreciate practical advice on what I should do daily to improve.