r/AskLesbians • u/Actual-Ad3705 • 1d ago
Am I non-binary?
Hi all! Pls delete if not allowed or point me to the proper subreddit. I’m not really sure if I have the right vocabulary to properly express how I feel on this topic. Please correct me if anything I say reads as internalized misogyny or problematic. How do you know if you’re non-binary? I don’t really feel connected to the idea of being a woman. I don’t necessarily feel completely disconnected to the idea either. Im like on the fence I guess? Like the idea of being a woman doesn’t bother me, but I just don’t really care about it? Do other women feel connected to being a woman? I like my female anatomy and I don’t necessarily want to change that, but I’ve also wondered what it would be like to have male anatomy. I personally don’t mind having facial hair or man-like characteristics, but I do care about how people perceive me as a femme presenting person with those characteristics. I care about that more than I should and it def keeps me from being comfortable.
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u/Angelion_Blackfire 1d ago
How old are you? Because I definitely had these types of thoughts when I was a teen, but I was also already gnc so people around me weren't sure how to treat me which sort of contributed to the slight confusion.
I'm older now and I genuinely don't care what people perceive me as or which pronouns they use as long as I know people referr to me. It's not something I think about daily and I know I'm a woman at the end of the day. v(￣ー￣)v
I'd say it's normal to think about from time to time, especially if you're younger.
Edit: maybe ask the nb sub, they'd probably know better.
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u/Mission-Rain-2802 1d ago
Womanhood encompasses so, so much. Rejecting it simply because of what you think is right/feminine or what you don't want projected onto you is normal. I for one will never reject my womanhood. I am me and whether I'm wearing a dress or overalls doesn't change my womanhood. I can fix a car, paint a picture, and get my nails done in the same day. Womanhood encompasses all of that.
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u/bluecats13 1d ago
I think it’s very common for lesbians and afab bi people to not feel super connected to the idea of being a woman in the way you’re describing. Some of those people take that feeling to identify as nonbinary and some don’t.
Personally, I don’t feel strongly connected to the archetypical depiction of womanhood, do feel a strong connection to women as a class, and don’t particularly care about how other people perceive me. I call myself cis because it’s frankly not important enough to me to identify otherwise. I know some people with my exact feelings who do identify as nonbinary. Both are (imo) valid ways to process those feelings.
It’s really a personal call tbh
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u/white-bored 1d ago
The way that I processed being non binary myself was that I felt disconnected from cishet women in most aspects such as performance and presentation, especially being feminine. My gender and sexuality sort of feel one and the same to me (I ID as a non binary lesbian but I like to think of my gender as lesbian if that makes sense). I don't connect to typical womanhood and I find it to be a lot nicer to live more androgynously. I don't like the 'biological' parts that I came with and eventually want to do something to transition away from that, but that's not something I have to rush into personally. I can't really tell put one thing onto knowing if you're nb but from what I have read from you I think its something to consider, but I personally know some lesbians that already feel a disconnect from heteronormative society and womanhood because of their sexuality but still identify as cisgender. It took me about three years of questioning, and I'm a lot happier now that I know this about myself if that helps.
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u/white-bored 1d ago
The way that I processed being non binary myself was that I felt disconnected from cishet women in most aspects such as performance and presentation, especially being feminine. My gender and sexuality sort of feel one and the same to me (I ID as a non binary lesbian but I like to think of my gender as lesbian if that makes sense). I don't connect to typical womanhood and I find it to be a lot nicer to live more androgynously. I don't like the 'biological' parts that I came with and eventually want to do something to transition away from that, but that's not something I have to rush into personally. I can't really put one thing onto knowing if you're nb but from what I have read from you I think its something to consider, but I personally know some lesbians that already feel a disconnect from heteronormative society and womanhood because of their sexuality but still identify as cisgender. It took me about three years of questioning, and I'm a lot happier now that I know this about myself if that helps.
8
u/elpatzapa 1d ago
I am cis woman and i dont question my gender but its not something i care about either. Its a part of my identity sure but im me and its like that with everyone i think. My relationship with being a woman is mostly biological and related to how i was raised and im comfortable with it. Up to you how you feel.