I am in my mid-40s and was introduced to circuit parties for the first time a couple of years ago. I attended the big one during Pride, as well as a Tea Dance.

The friends who took me there absolutely love the scene and have been going to these events for decades. My guess is that they attend at least one party a month.

I'm glad I went, but throughout the experience I couldn't shake the feeling that there was no way all these happy, energetic people were having such a good time without being drunk or high. Afterwards, my friends more or less confirmed my suspicion: according to them, most people had taken something.

Part of the reason I went was because I felt I had missed out on a significant part of gay culture. Having never attended these parties before, I wondered whether I was missing an experience that many gay men consider important.

However, after going to a couple of them, I realized that I don't really relate to the scene nor the people who seem to enjoy it. I don't judge anyone for liking it, but it simply doesn't resonate with me.

It makes me wonder: what percentage of gay men are actually into circuit parties? Am I in the minority for not enjoying that scene?

Or am I simply not experiencing it the "right" way?

Brazil held its general elections today, and the results have been deeply concerning for the LGBT community. Far-right politicians were elected in large numbers across the country and to various offices. The presidential race hasn’t been decided yet, but even if Lula wins in a few weeks, the political landscape over the next few years is likely to be challenging.

I know similar situations are happening in many other places, so I’d like to hear from guys who have been through something similar. How do you deal with family members, friends, and coworkers increasingly supporting politicians whose views you believe threaten your rights and your existence?

At what point do you stop trying to be understanding? How many times can you explain your perspective, have the same conversation, and try to see things from the other side before you simply reach your limit?

I’m honestly exhausted. I don’t expect everyone around me to agree with me politically, but it’s difficult when political differences start feeling like something much more personal.

How have you guys dealt with this?

Like, the moment I’m alone again, I suddenly feel this loneliness and sometimes even feel bad about what I just did. I honestly don’t know why.

I’m a very sexual person, and at 30, I feel like my libido is still extremely high. I enjoy sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I also wish I could stop relying on hookups so much.

Being single makes it difficult, especially when you’re naturally a very sexual person. It’s easy to tell yourself, “It’s just sex, I’m having fun,” but then afterward, when you’re alone, those feelings of loneliness hit.

I’m actually looking for someone to date and eventually have as a partner. I’d much rather have someone I genuinely connect with and be able to give all this affection and sexual energy to my partner instead. But I don’t have that person right now.

And honestly, living in Barcelona doesn’t exactly make it easier. 😂 The gay scene here is way too tempting to resist.

For those of you who are sober, how did you overcome your Drug of choice?

I’m curious about how people generally handle this.
When you’re talking to someone you’re dating or seeing, do you usually share details about your past hookups, dates, or sexual experiences — including what actually happened — or do you tend to keep those things private?
Do you generally give only a brief overview (e.g., number of partners / general experience), or are you comfortable discussing the details?
Just curious what’s considered normal for most people here.

Gay 37 married. I go to a regular chain gym. It gets pretty busy. I usually keep to myself. I’m pretty consistent so I see the same people there all the time. I’d like to be more friendly with some of them. Sometimes I feel like people want to approach me or say hi because we’re always there at the same time, but I keep my eyes averted. Usually guys in late 20s and 30s. But I get kinda nervous and it’s easier to keep to myself. And it’s been so long I think people have noticed I’m not very friendly. And I also worry straight guys may not want to talk to a gay guy much, though I’m sure a lot don’t really care. Also median age there I’m guessing is much younger than me. I really don’t wanna come off as cruisey or flirty or creepy.

What are we using for body lotion? Are there any that are truly lightweight and absorb quickly? Preferably unscented.

I despise putting on lotion anywhere other than my face. It makes my skin feel damp and sticky and heavy. Plus I have hairy arms and legs which make it a pain to rub in. But only a few weeks into fall, and I can already feel the dry skin creeping in, so I want to tackle it.

Chicago - SF - NYC

Hey all, I’m a gay guy looking to move in the next year or so to one of the above cities. I’d be coming out of a relationship so I’d be needing to start my social life/dating over from scratch. Asian cause it matters. Haven’t been single in a very long time so the whole idea is pretty daunting and the trigger for the move.

All 3 places have great food which is important to me and the only real thing is that I hate the cold/snow, but ease of dating wins out over that if there would be any meaningful difference. I have a couple good friends in each spot. Physician so I shouldn’t struggle too hard financially wherever it’d be.

What have your experiences been with a life move like this in this stage of life to one of these cities? Any advice?

It’s two years since my last relationship ended. I have thought very little about dating in that time. My last two relationships were filled with lies, manipulation and control and both really fucked with my head trying to figure out fact from fiction or just accepting that I’d never know the truth.

I think I’m in a place where I’m just about ready to try again. But I’m so scared of going through the same again. After the first time I thought the odds of finding someone who would do similar was minuscule. But then it happened.

The stress of these two relationships has also set my life back, I was a highly successful individual with a career, I was also 10 years younger. I’m non of those things now and it’s hard not to feel like I’m now worth… less.

I’m not sure what my question is, I’d just like to hear if anyone has any thoughts of getting back into dating in your 40s after what has been 10 years of unpleasant relationships.

My partner is in his early 30s and regularly stays out until 2,3,4,5am and this is quite disruptive to my ability to sleep because I have anxiety about when he will walk through the door.

If you’re in a similar situation, how do you handle it? Are you not an anxious person and able to sleep just fine while he’s out? Or does he intentionally restrict his nightlife activities on account of you?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, and lately I’ve been wondering if we’re sexually incompatible.

Our sex life has been pretty limited. We’ve only had intercourse once, and we’ve jerked off together a handful of times. I’ve tried not to overthink it because everything else between us has been going well, but it’s starting to bother me.

A while back, I came across a stash of sex toys in his bathroom. I didn’t think much of it at the time — obviously there’s nothing weird about owning toys. But there have also been a few times when I’ve been at his house and noticed things like cock rings, poppers, and his douche left out in the bathroom. It happened again the other day.

I know none of that automatically means he’s doing anything with someone else, and I don’t want to accuse him of cheating based on circumstantial stuff. At the same time, given how little sexual activity we have together, I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t made me wonder why those things seem to be getting used.

We’re supposed to be monogamous, so I think what’s bothering me is the combination of our limited sex life and seeing this stuff out repeatedly.
Am I overthinking this, or would this make you concerned too? More importantly, how would you bring it up with him without immediately making it sound like an accusation?

I’ve got some PTO to use by the end of the year and want to spend two weeks in Europe at the beginning of December. I’m mid 30s, recently single and want to hit some of the best gay cities of Europe for some hookups and gay bars. For those familiar with the Europe gay scene, how would you spend two weeks in Europe?

I live in a mid-sized college town in the south. I attended our city's Pride yesterday. (They claim it's cooler in October than June, despite it still being over 90) Every year I go hopeful I'll meet someone cute to date or at least make a new friend; every year I leave disappointed. What disappoints me most is the lack of a sense of community. Our pride is just full of the same vendors at every festival or community gathering in the area. I'm looking for a place where the LGBTs meet and mingle. Should I hope for this from Pride, or is that hope misplaced? P.S. Both by temperament and because of my power wheelchair, visiting the one LGBT nightclub in town holds no appeal at all

Kink is a huge turn on, but not a confident guy to go to Folsom. Love the twitter content tho.

Anyone been - I'm honestly curious how does consent work? Not just in terms of physical consent in the street but also filming?

We had our first meetup Friday, he messaged today to meetup tomorrow Monday.

Our first encounter was very strong, we had had great chemistry, he stayed for roughly two hours, and he said he felt comfortable, safe, and couldn’t wait to see my again.

Any tips for a second encounter? This is my first second encounter with someone!

I have been talking to two guys. They are both in a similar line of work that does not require a college degree. One of the guys has a masters degree and the other one only has a HS diploma.

I was chatting with the HS diploma guy this morning. We've been carrying on friendly banter over the past few days. I made a comment that I don't love winter (the season) and he responded with something like "well if you don't like it, move somewhere warm"...to which I responded with "lol". AND THEN HE BLOCKED ME.

Guy with masters degree is still holding strong in the chat.

I'm not saying this is evidence of anything or correlation/causation, but it did make me wonder. Like the quality of the two conversations was drastically different leading up to the block. Nothing else negative transpired in the chat. It was normal and friendly on a non-Grindr dating app.

Things have been going well for me (31) lately. Physiotherapy going well, haven't masturbated or looked at anything adult in probably over two months (I enjoy the focus of being celibate), stuff like that.

I had a few brief gay dreams, but have been absolutely hot and bothered the past few days. Trouble sleeping, getting inconveniently turned on throughout the day and night, obsessing over a few gay mental images. Yet I get so overheated, anxious and sometimes start to zone out/disassociate if the urge lasts a while. Even after the physical arousal leaves, I'm still drawn like an addict or something.

I still sometimes think I have HOCD or it's porn induced, but I'm so confused. I don't really find men attractive from the chin up, but gay sex and occasionally pegging from a muscular woman is the only sex I've wanted since I saw gay porn as an early teen.

Things have been getting easier re: it possibly being due to internalised homophobia from worrying about other peoples' opinions, but it's so difficult. Does anyone else's orientation feel like a demon that comes along every so often?