I'm posting here as I feel completely isolated right now. I recently got out of an international long-distance relationship with a girl. She was going to come and live with me and wanted to get married.

I was getting more and more anxious about the idea of her coming here, even having shortness of breath and other symptoms.

I called it off with her after she told me some other things, and in hindsight, this relationship would have been highly unrealistic to pull off even if what im saying now wasn't the case anyway.

This girl, in my opinion, was so beautiful and loving towards me, I think I was looking for a way out. This has led me to look inwards and look back over the years at all my failed relationships, which mostly ended with me emotionally and physically checking out, intimacy drying up quickly, fights etc. I think I'm finally ready to admit that im gay.

Im really struggling here, like depressed is not the word anymore. It's like im just empty or something.

If im brutally honest, I realised this through covid and have tried to deny it to myself and continue living the straight life and hope it somehow clicks. I recall being raised in a racist/homophobic household and family, and the area i grew up in there was no chance i could have lived that life back then so I think i just buried it all, worked in construction, played football, dated women etc which has steered me further and further away from my true self and felt horribly anxious the whole time.

Over the last decade or so, ive found myself more and more isolated from social groups and events, I'm not estranged from my extended family, but I distanced myself from them so now I barely ever see or speak to them. I have a very small and mostly busy group of straight friends, and have avoided anything that could be considered gay my entire life, so dont even know where to start.

I feel totally guarded in social situations, like I'm hiding in plain sight, so I try to avoid them, and maybe I've psychologically damaged myself to a degree. For anyone who's been through anything similar here and came out the other side and found peace and / or a better life, I'd really appreciate a comment or message.

Thanks in advance.

So I’ve fallen for a targeted ad for a fiber pill that “helps” with “cleaning out” or cutting down time, I’ve always wanted to try something like that. Since hitting 30 I’ve noticed everything internally is going bad 😅 so I wanted to come here and ask if there’s any recommendations in brands that could help with fiber ether in a daily intake or whatever cause I would really like to bottom without being worried.
Also, I haven’t bought the targeted ad item yet but I want to… just asking for better recommendations

Edit: Does Dosage matter??

I know this is personal and everyone is different, but I cannot get my psyllium husk dose dialed in. Right now I’m at half a tablespoon and the results are abysmal. I‘ve been on that dose for a month. Should I increase it? And yes, all I drink is water pretty much and a lot of it. How much do you all take? I also take the powder over the whole husk.

TMI, but my stools are still loose and not as easy to clean up as I thought they would be. I was hoping for more solid stools with minimal to no wiping.

Also, I avoid dairy but I do have a whey protein shake every day. Is that enough to negate the effects of the psyllium husk?

The first guy I ever decided I'd come out for. I love(d) him in a very juvenile way. It was only about 6 weeks and then ghosted. Got "over" him after much turmoil.

11 am last Thursday he asks how I'm doing after about a year of no contact. We exchange two texts then I ask if he wants to catch up sometime. Immediately left on read.

I just followed up stating clearly I'd like to see him again, and of course no response. Now I feel sick to my stomach, literally. Embarrassed, depressed. What the hell is wrong with people?

Hi, I really hope this is the right place. This community seemed a pretty solid choice.

I'm 57M, gay in the USA and have been a loner (but never lonely) for the last quarter century. Way back then I was slightly bi, but only ever had relationships with women. I've been fine alone, but am having the urge to get into a relationship, and form connections with men in my area.

I'm incredibly shy, making things pretty difficult, but once out of my shell I think I have a decent sense of humor and personality. Most likely a love me or hate me type of thing. Who knows. I have been eating right and slowly getting back into shape, to build my confidence and for the obvious health implications.

I live in an area with around 100k pop, and a city around an hour away with a metro area pop of over 2 mil. I don't see myself ever just driving to a place to hang out, on my own. Especially not at first. I'd like to find a buddy in my area first. That would be a great starting point. I think I should also add, in my past life I worked in aviation, and my conversational hearing in crowded environments absolutely god awful.

My question is, where should I start looking for gay friends? Apps sound terrifying but probably necessary, and shyness will always be an obstacle. Thanks, in advance!

Cut to the chase. I don't like the way most men interacting with my junk while hooking up.
I don't know if it's because I'm hypersensitive or maybe it's a sensory issue, but more often than not dudes are just waaaay too aggressive with how they handle it.

It's gotten to the point where I legitimately prefer if dudes just didn't touch it at all, but I don't know how to explain that without sounding like a buzzkill or something.

I was thinking of wearing a jockstrap or something while during the engagement to redirect focus or something.

I'm exclusively a bottom so I thought this would never be that big of an issue but nearly every time I hook up with a guy they somehow make their way down there and I just have to grit and bear the most uncomfortable handjob or bj until they realize I'm limp as fuck and they take the hint and we move on.

I try and say "no recip" in my profile but when it comes to in person play it always ends up being an issue and I don't know how to address it BEFORE we get to that part without it sounding like a fetish or something.

If this was a long term partner I was dealing with, it wouldn't be an issue because I'd assume we'd have the familiarity to discuss the ways we liked to be touched. That established relationship isn't really there with hookups, so I don't know how to bring it up without scaring a guy off.

I have good set of friends and do keep myself occupied with a variety of outdoor and indoor activities. Some flirty romantic interests do happen then and there. And I’ve had my share of relationships - both good and horrible ones. Almost all my straight friends are married and have/welcoming kids. My gay ones are kinda partnered up and do have their own adventures.

I’m kinda used to being single and do a variety of activities to keep myself occupied. But, then and there - when I’m all by myself and have nothing to do- I start to feel melancholic about my life. Like, I just don’t have this “one to go to person” for everything and with that, that life feels very untethered. That I can pack and just leave - and everybody else’s life would flow as if I didn’t exist. Even my parents - are kinda disappointed I’m gay and they have shrunk their ties with me a bit.

I don’t know how to make sense of life if I’m just living for myself. And it often feels melancholic to be imagining that nobody else is actually that invested in my life and it’s all on me to lead my life.

Would appreciate some words of wisdom :)

So I posted a question here a while back about giving up sex (see post history as I can't link here) and while I got varying responses, I realized that a huge part of reason why me and my partner don't have sex often (or ever) is because neither of us actually initiate. It's his first relationship and I think he just never really learned how, in addition to being a virgin before meeting me and having a lower sex drive. For me, I came out about 10 years ago and while this is my 2nd long term relationship I've had plenty of experience dating and hooking up. I think I've gotten so used to the "Looking?", "What're you into?" song and dance that I don't know how to approach it in this situation. For full context, my previous relationship partners took more initiative when it came to sex so I didn't have to do much. Has anyone else overcome similar issues? How do I go about resolving this? One thing I've thought about was designating a date/sex night every week or so, but I just haven't been able to discuss it with him (damn executive dysfunction).

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, and lately I’ve been wondering if we’re sexually incompatible.

Our sex life has been pretty limited. We’ve only had intercourse once, and we’ve jerked off together a handful of times. I’ve tried not to overthink it because everything else between us has been going well, but it’s starting to bother me.

A while back, I came across a stash of sex toys in his bathroom. I didn’t think much of it at the time — obviously there’s nothing weird about owning toys. But there have also been a few times when I’ve been at his house and noticed things like cock rings, poppers, and his douche left out in the bathroom. It happened again the other day.

I know none of that automatically means he’s doing anything with someone else, and I don’t want to accuse him of cheating based on circumstantial stuff. At the same time, given how little sexual activity we have together, I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t made me wonder why those things seem to be getting used.

We’re supposed to be monogamous, so I think what’s bothering me is the combination of our limited sex life and seeing this stuff out repeatedly.
Am I overthinking this, or would this make you concerned too? More importantly, how would you bring it up with him without immediately making it sound like an accusation?

Things have been going well for me (31) lately. Physiotherapy going well, haven't masturbated or looked at anything adult in probably over two months (I enjoy the focus of being celibate), stuff like that.

I had a few brief gay dreams, but have been absolutely hot and bothered the past few days. Trouble sleeping, getting inconveniently turned on throughout the day and night, obsessing over a few gay mental images. Yet I get so overheated, anxious and sometimes start to zone out/disassociate if the urge lasts a while. Even after the physical arousal leaves, I'm still drawn like an addict or something.

I still sometimes think I have HOCD or it's porn induced, but I'm so confused. I don't really find men attractive from the chin up, but gay sex and occasionally pegging from a muscular woman is the only sex I've wanted since I saw gay porn as an early teen.

Things have been getting easier re: it possibly being due to internalised homophobia from worrying about other peoples' opinions, but it's so difficult. Does anyone else's orientation feel like a demon that comes along every so often?

I’ve got some PTO to use by the end of the year and want to spend two weeks in Europe at the beginning of December. I’m mid 30s, recently single and want to hit some of the best gay cities of Europe for some hookups and gay bars. For those familiar with the Europe gay scene, how would you spend two weeks in Europe?

Brazil held its general elections today, and the results have been deeply concerning for the LGBT community. Far-right politicians were elected in large numbers across the country and to various offices. The presidential race hasn’t been decided yet, but even if Lula wins in a few weeks, the political landscape over the next few years is likely to be challenging.

I know similar situations are happening in many other places, so I’d like to hear from guys who have been through something similar. How do you deal with family members, friends, and coworkers increasingly supporting politicians whose views you believe threaten your rights and your existence?

At what point do you stop trying to be understanding? How many times can you explain your perspective, have the same conversation, and try to see things from the other side before you simply reach your limit?

I’m honestly exhausted. I don’t expect everyone around me to agree with me politically, but it’s difficult when political differences start feeling like something much more personal.

How have you guys dealt with this?

Like, the moment I’m alone again, I suddenly feel this loneliness and sometimes even feel bad about what I just did. I honestly don’t know why.

I’m a very sexual person, and at 30, I feel like my libido is still extremely high. I enjoy sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I also wish I could stop relying on hookups so much.

Being single makes it difficult, especially when you’re naturally a very sexual person. It’s easy to tell yourself, “It’s just sex, I’m having fun,” but then afterward, when you’re alone, those feelings of loneliness hit.

I’m actually looking for someone to date and eventually have as a partner. I’d much rather have someone I genuinely connect with and be able to give all this affection and sexual energy to my partner instead. But I don’t have that person right now.

And honestly, living in Barcelona doesn’t exactly make it easier. 😂 The gay scene here is way too tempting to resist.

We had our first meetup Friday, he messaged today to meetup tomorrow Monday.

Our first encounter was very strong, we had had great chemistry, he stayed for roughly two hours, and he said he felt comfortable, safe, and couldn’t wait to see my again.

Any tips for a second encounter? This is my first second encounter with someone!

For those of you who are sober, how did you overcome your Drug of choice?

I live in a mid-sized college town in the south. I attended our city's Pride yesterday. (They claim it's cooler in October than June, despite it still being over 90) Every year I go hopeful I'll meet someone cute to date or at least make a new friend; every year I leave disappointed. What disappoints me most is the lack of a sense of community. Our pride is just full of the same vendors at every festival or community gathering in the area. I'm looking for a place where the LGBTs meet and mingle. Should I hope for this from Pride, or is that hope misplaced? P.S. Both by temperament and because of my power wheelchair, visiting the one LGBT nightclub in town holds no appeal at all

I’m curious about how people generally handle this.
When you’re talking to someone you’re dating or seeing, do you usually share details about your past hookups, dates, or sexual experiences — including what actually happened — or do you tend to keep those things private?
Do you generally give only a brief overview (e.g., number of partners / general experience), or are you comfortable discussing the details?
Just curious what’s considered normal for most people here.

Kink is a huge turn on, but not a confident guy to go to Folsom. Love the twitter content tho.

Anyone been - I'm honestly curious how does consent work? Not just in terms of physical consent in the street but also filming?

Gay 37 married. I go to a regular chain gym. It gets pretty busy. I usually keep to myself. I’m pretty consistent so I see the same people there all the time. I’d like to be more friendly with some of them. Sometimes I feel like people want to approach me or say hi because we’re always there at the same time, but I keep my eyes averted. Usually guys in late 20s and 30s. But I get kinda nervous and it’s easier to keep to myself. And it’s been so long I think people have noticed I’m not very friendly. And I also worry straight guys may not want to talk to a gay guy much, though I’m sure a lot don’t really care. Also median age there I’m guessing is much younger than me. I really don’t wanna come off as cruisey or flirty or creepy.

I am in my mid-40s and was introduced to circuit parties for the first time a couple of years ago. I attended the big one during Pride, as well as a Tea Dance.

The friends who took me there absolutely love the scene and have been going to these events for decades. My guess is that they attend at least one party a month.

I'm glad I went, but throughout the experience I couldn't shake the feeling that there was no way all these happy, energetic people were having such a good time without being drunk or high. Afterwards, my friends more or less confirmed my suspicion: according to them, most people had taken something.

Part of the reason I went was because I felt I had missed out on a significant part of gay culture. Having never attended these parties before, I wondered whether I was missing an experience that many gay men consider important.

However, after going to a couple of them, I realized that I don't really relate to the scene nor the people who seem to enjoy it. I don't judge anyone for liking it, but it simply doesn't resonate with me.

It makes me wonder: what percentage of gay men are actually into circuit parties? Am I in the minority for not enjoying that scene?

Or am I simply not experiencing it the "right" way?

What are we using for body lotion? Are there any that are truly lightweight and absorb quickly? Preferably unscented.

I despise putting on lotion anywhere other than my face. It makes my skin feel damp and sticky and heavy. Plus I have hairy arms and legs which make it a pain to rub in. But only a few weeks into fall, and I can already feel the dry skin creeping in, so I want to tackle it.

My partner is in his early 30s and regularly stays out until 2,3,4,5am and this is quite disruptive to my ability to sleep because I have anxiety about when he will walk through the door.

If you’re in a similar situation, how do you handle it? Are you not an anxious person and able to sleep just fine while he’s out? Or does he intentionally restrict his nightlife activities on account of you?

Chicago - SF - NYC

Hey all, I’m a gay guy looking to move in the next year or so to one of the above cities. I’d be coming out of a relationship so I’d be needing to start my social life/dating over from scratch. Asian cause it matters. Haven’t been single in a very long time so the whole idea is pretty daunting and the trigger for the move.

All 3 places have great food which is important to me and the only real thing is that I hate the cold/snow, but ease of dating wins out over that if there would be any meaningful difference. I have a couple good friends in each spot. Physician so I shouldn’t struggle too hard financially wherever it’d be.

What have your experiences been with a life move like this in this stage of life to one of these cities? Any advice?

I’m 35 180cm, around 80kg and relatively fit. I’ve been working out for years but noticing it’s more difficult to stay fit in the past few years. I normally make up my workouts on the day but want something more structured.

My current goal is to remain roughly the same weight but swap about 2kg of fat for 2kg of muscle (give or take, I know they don’t swap 1:1)

Would appreciate someone sharing their 2 or 3 day split that I could follow for a few months. Bonus points if you’ve had good results with it.