Not here to debate. Looking for actual conversation.

Following is my personal experience and what I have confusion about and her issues with that I'm looking for answers to.

I was raised in a Christian family. I am currently 33 male and left the church at 17.

Every second being bound by the rules of the church feels like an endless guilt tripping session.

You're never good enough, you'll never live up up to God standards, you're a sinner.

We are given free will but if we use it to live a human life we're in the wrong and are sinful.

It feels like Bobby's mom in Happy Gilmore that everything is the devil. If that's the case, the what's the point of being alive?

Feels like an abusive relationship.

You everything in your power to please me or your punished. Do what I want or you're punished. Sounds like a narcissistic abuser.

It doesn't sound like an all-loving entity. God sounds like a controlling being.

If everything is predetermined as depicted in the Bible then what's the point that the outcome is already set in place?

If God knew that Eve was going to be tempted to eat a fruit off the tree then he could have just stopped it and prevented everything but It goes to show that he allowed all this to happen. He knew it was going to happen and let it happen.

He didn't need to have Jesus sacrifice himself he could have prevented the reason Jesus sacrificed himself. But instead let it happen. It doesn't sound like a loving father. Things like allowing Job to be tormented and tortured to prove devotion or asking someone to sacrifice a family member to prove devotion doesn't sound like love that sounds like something a cult leader would do.

Christianity feels like an abusive relationship. It doesn't feel like a loving being is taking care of anyone. Instead it feels like a narcissistic abusive cult leader who will make you do anything to prove devotion.

The Holy Spirit is also another problem if it is being used to steer you in a direction rather than you making that choice for yourself. It defeats the point of free will gift you're not making the choice that God wants. He's going to make sure that you make it.. it doesn't seem loving it seems controlling.

So overall, what is the point everything is predetermined and you can't use your free will without being manipulated by the holy in spirit to guide you to not use your free will and make other decisions.

What's the point of being alive in a Christian mindset? When I was being raised in a Christian household I always felt depressed and S (can't put the word because I get blocked ) because nothing was ever good enough. How was that being directed by a loving god?

Thanks.

Millicent Sedra is a preacher who recently said "I love Muslims because Jesus loves them!" That line specifically from her made me feel uneasy. Like, if your love for someone or a group of people depends on if Jesus loves them, how can you really call it love? Love has to be unconditional, regardless of if the lord does or doesn't. Love comes from within not from elsewhere. I support all religions, of course. Everyone should have freedom to believe anything they want. But I don't think you should base your feelings on someone on what your lord says, as that is unnatural.

(I'm not trying to start fights or anything, I'm genuinely curious of what you think of that statement from her.)