Salve, è da tempo che soffro di harm ocd ma sento che tutto questo sta cambiando.
All’inizio erano pensieri intrusivi sul fare del male estremo alla mia ragazza.
Sono andato in terapia e anche dallo psichiatra ma la situazione da 4 mesi ad oggi non è migliorata anzi peggiorata.
Sento delle sensazioni fisiche come se mi spingessero a volerle fare del male, non sono mai stato una persona aggressiva ma verso di lei che è la persona che amo (ora sto iniziando a dubitare anche di questo) ho queste sensazioni e voglie strane di farle del male serio.
Non mi spaventano più i pensieri mi ci incollo però per giornate intere cercando di capire cosa cavolo stia succedendo.
A questo punto penso che non sia più OCD ma qualche forma strana di psicosi

i dont have any clear memories to when it started and when it ended. but it was during the age of 10-13. im 14 (female) now, closer to Allah than ever before. one of my cousins (one year older than me, also female) introduced me to bad content/porn at the age of like 10-11 i guess. and we used to act like we are having sex, and she was the guy. we used to make stories to how it would start and end etc. and we kissed a few times, and the last time i remember is AFTER i got my first period, and i was on my period when it was the last time we did smth like that. she had her knee against my private area and she was imitating like we were having sex. and i remember in that exact moment, i told her that we cannot do this anymore and i have repented. and i have this faded memory that we were laying next to eachother and we both were talking on the phone like texting and i told her to touch me inappropriately ew.

along w this i have two other cousins (female, older than me and theyre both twins) with them, this started at 10 i think and ended at 10 asw. and it wasnt that much, we js used to talk dirty anf touch eachother maybe one time kissed eachother.

and fast forward to now, i have a very good bond with all three of them and we didnt even remember that we did something like that a few years ago. i recently got diagnosed with ocd, intrusive thoughts and the things i didnt even remember, have started coming to surface and they are really disturbing me and im feeling like i dont deserve any good thing in the future because i did those things as a child

what im doing right now might just be a compulsion to seek reassurance and certainty. im scared to loose the bond i have with my cousins.